


Starting Over (For Real?)

by IsolaVirtuosa



Series: Starting Over [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Gray-Asexuality, Infinite Tsukuyomi, Infinite Tsukuyomi Inception, M/M, Revolution, Unhealthy Boys in Love, and its aftermath, or is it really aftermath?, the usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 106,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsolaVirtuosa/pseuds/IsolaVirtuosa
Summary: Whose dream is it now?
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Starting Over [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790059
Comments: 114
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

When I woke up this time, I was still inside of the tree’s roots. I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the memories of yet another fake world that I’d been imprisoned in for who knows how long. This was reality. I was trapped inside of a tree, having all of my chakra sapped away. The first thing I needed to do was get out of here before I didn’t have enough chakra to power my rinnegan.

And yet, how had I been able to get enough chakra to activate my rinnegan in the first place?

The warmth in my chest was growing, like my chakra was increasing rather than decreasing, yet I still felt the gentle drain of it as it left my body and went into the tree.

The more I came back into reality, the more I started to realize that what I thought was part of the roots was actually a human hand, a human torso, a human leg.

“Naruto,” I tried to say, but I don’t think any sound came out. I tried to move, but I felt like I was bound in place. I focused on the chakra that Naruto was feeding into me, gathering it into a chidori and blowing a hole through the roots that were trapping us.

I gasped as real air hit my lungs, but Naruto didn’t so much as stir. I tried to tear out of the pod, but my arm felt like lead. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and concentrating my chakra again. Then we were falling. It must not have been very high, but after landing feet first, I immediately fell backwards and hit my head. All I saw was white.

Naruto groaned, still attached to my torso.

I managed to get my voice to crack, but nothing more.

“Saaaa,” Naruto croaked, and I felt him trying to move.

My vision started to clear slowly. It was still too bright out for my eyes to adjust. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the chakra pouring into my body. I gasped, trying to tell Naruto to stop.

“Rin…” he whispered. “Rinnegaa…”

He was right. The most important thing right now was my rinnegan.

“My… legs,” he rasped.

This was hopeless. Neither of us could walk with our muscles so severely atrophied. What was the point of waking up if we were just going to get sucked back in, starting over again and again and again in this endless cycle?

“Sasuke,” Naruto said, dissolving into a coughing fit. “Sas…” he started coughing again. “Sasuke, don’t… give up…”

“…s… the poin…t?” I forced through my ragged throat.

Naruto’s hand slammed into mine. He flopped it around some more until he could curl his fingers around mine. “Seal.”

“It…” I tried to get the words to come out. “Won’t. Work.”

“Hafta try.”

I wanted to scream. I had tried. Twice already. Third time was not the charm. We were going to die here. Even if we released the jutsu, we couldn’t move and there was no one coming to save us. We would die from exposure.

“Want… to… go… back?” Naruto asked, croaking each word out slowly.

Live in a world that gave you what you thought you wanted, or die.

I tried to remember the Sage’s words and slowly guided Naruto’s hand into the rat seal with mine.

It felt like it couldn’t be this easy.

“How do we even know if this is real?” I tried to shout, my voice barely coming out above a whisper.

“We have to believe,” Naruto said into my chest, his head so heavy he couldn’t lift it.

Of course the real Naruto would say something stupid like that.

So I believed.


	2. Chapter 2

“So this is how I’m going to die,” I muttered through cracked lips. After we had released the seal, the God Tree had started to wither away. We were no longer under constant peril of being swallowed up by a carnivorous tree. Now we were starving, dehydrated, and incapable of so much as sitting up. The sun had set and risen again, the both of us fading in and out of consciousness.

“I bet I can live longer than you,” Naruto said, laughing and coughing.

“I’d like to see you try,” I rasped.

“I am gonna live so hard,” he replied.

I squeezed his hand, our fingers still curled together from when we had performed the seal, though Naruto had somehow managed to finally roll himself off of my chest and onto his back.

Help wasn’t coming. Everyone else had been trapped in the tree same as we had, with the same atrophying effects. We were miles from anyone, with no chance of someone stumbling upon us in a rescue effort. I only hoped that the scavengers would pick our bones clean so no one would realize how embarrassingly I had indulged myself in my last moments.

“I wish it would rain,” Naruto murmured, licking his lips again.

“You’re just making it worse,” I scolded him.

“Whaddya mean?!”

“The moisture from your lips… evaporates…” I started to trail off, feeling myself being drawn into sleep again.

“Please stay with me,” Naruto said quietly, snapping me back awake.

I felt too tired to even answer him. I put all my effort into squeezing his hand.

“At least we saved the world,” he said, squeezing back.

“Whatever’s left of it…” I managed to get out.

“Why do you have to be so damn pessimistic?!”

I smiled and it hurt.

Naruto sighed, then went quiet.

“…Naruto?”

He didn’t answer.

I felt myself drifting.

Someone was standing over us.

I was appalled that I hadn’t sensed their approach even in my near-death state. Then I realized that I couldn’t feel her chakra.

“They’re still alive!” she called over her shoulder.

There were others.

Just like that, we were being taken back to Konoha.

I woke up in someone’s living room, an IV in my arm.

“Easy,” Naruto said, squeezing my hand.

I let the chakra I’d been building up disperse, trusting in him completely that we were safe.

Then I remembered that he wasn’t my Naruto. This man sitting next to me with a ridiculous beard was practically a stranger, someone I hadn’t really and truly spoken with in almost four years. Or was it five, even six now? More?

“How long?” I rasped at him.

“Almost two years,” he said. He was still holding my hand.

It wasn’t quite as bad as I’d imagined, since I’d lived through several years in the Infinite Tsukuyomi. “You look ridiculous.”

Naruto grinned. “Look who’s talking. I’m not surprised that Uchihas are terrible at growing beards, though. That’s what you get for being pretty like a lady.”

I stared at him.

His grin faltered and he retracted his hand. “S-sorry, I’m just… I’m used to you being… different.”

“I get it,” I said, turning away from him and finally taking in our surroundings in more detail. We were in a living room with futons laid out across the floor, though ours were the only ones currently occupied. We both had IVs feeding into us, but I was surprised by how easily I could move. My muscles weren’t as deteriorated as I’d expected from being in a coma for over a year.

“There was a whatsit uh paralytic in the tree,” Naruto said, and I could feel his eyes following my every movement. “That’s why we couldn’t really move. That’s uh what you were wondering, right?”

 _Stop reading my mind_ , I thought. _Stop acting like you know everything about me_.

“So uh it seems like some people were immune to the Infinite Tsukuyomi and uh ya know they were all just like chillin’ and watchin’ over the tree while the world went to hell and then we released the seal and they saw all the bodies bein’ freed and started rescuin’ everyone and they found Kakashi-sensei and he told ’em where ta look for us and uh yeah so uh yeah.”

I sat up. It took more effort than I would have liked, but I did it, letting the blanket pool in my lap as I turned to stare at Naruto. “Do I make you nervous?”

He let out a very high-pitched laugh.

I didn’t even know where to start.

“I don’t know how to act around you,” he said quietly. “I was playing with my kids and now I’m in the ruins of Konoha with… nothing…” He choked on the last word, his entire face crumbling.

I looked away and waited.

“You were out for a while, but I was able to get a lot of information from Ms. Miharu,” he said, calm again. His tone was starting to sound more like an adult and less like a tongue-tied child. “This is her house. There were about twenty people in Konoha who were immune to the Infinite Tsukuyomi, all non-ninjas, and they’ve just been trying to survive for the last couple of years. They’ve done some trading with survivors from other towns and villages, but food and skilled professionals like doctors have been scarce, so it seems like it’s been pretty tough.”

I wondered if they hadn’t been better off without us. “I want to leave.”

“Where the hell did that come from?!”

“I don’t know these people who are supposedly taking care of us, first of all,” I said, already feeling my blood pressure rising from Naruto’s flailing and whining. “Second of all, I’m a missing nin and there is no possible way that I can stay here anyway.”

“Uh, where are you gonna go?” Naruto asked, scratching his nose. “There’s nothing out there.”

“There’s nothing here, either.”

“There’s me.”

“Just what I always wanted.”

“Are you being _sarcastic_?!”

I looked at him.

“Your chakra is depleted and you’re missing an arm, you’re in no condition to be going anywhere,” he said with a frown.

“I’ve been missing an arm for years,” I said.

“So the reality of missing an arm is exactly the same as the dream world?” Naruto asked. His tone was getting a little too sassy for my taste. “Because it’s completely different for me. The balance isn’t what I expected, and my brain keeps telling me that I feel pain where my arm used to be.”

He wasn’t wrong. “I’m still leaving.”

“Dressed like that?” he said, and it was true that my clothes had been torn, my belt had been lost, and I looked like- “A stripper who had a fight with a tailed-beast and lost?”

“Who the hell is a stripper?”

“You! You are a stripper! I can literally see your titties!”

“I feel like I’ve walked in at an awkward moment,” the woman standing in the doorway said.

“It’s always awkward with us,” Naruto said with a grin.

“Oh, dear…” she said, looking between us. “Mr. Uchiha, it’s nice to see you awake. I’m sorry about the hack job I did with the IVs, I’m not actually a nurse… And I’ve got some clothes for you to change into if you’d like, I just didn’t want to be undressing and redressing you without your permission. I’m Miharu, by the way. Pleasure to meet you.”

“What’s in the IV?” I asked abruptly.

“Ah, it’s some nutrients and such, but before there was also the anti-paralytic to get your body moving again,” she explained, bustling around the room. She came back over to me with a set of pajamas.

I eyed them disdainfully before accepting them. “And how did a non-nurse go about developing an anti-paralytic for the God Tree?”

“You’re so rude,” Naruto muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, that wasn’t me,” Miharu explained. “There was a scientist who came from Suna. You see, we tried to cut y’all down from that tree, but even if we pulled you out of those pods, you just wouldn’t wake up and you eventually got sucked back in. But that scientist and some others tried studying you these last few months, and came up with the anti-paralytic for the day that y’all might wake up.”

“I see,” I said. I still didn’t trust her, though my gut said she was harmless.

“Gosh, you must really just want to wash up and finally be rid of those rags,” she said, going to dig through a drawer and coming up with a couple of towels. “We don’t have running water, but we’ve got a well and some buckets if you want to go wait in the bathroom. It’s probably gonna be tough to walk right now, but the others that we rescued way before you are starting to get on their feet again. And then there’s Mr. Uzumaki here, who just defies reality, doesn’t he?”

“Demon fox,” Naruto said, patting his stomach. “Kurama’s actually a really helpful guy when it comes to getting injured. Anyway, I’ll help you go up the stairs, Sas’.”

I glared at him.

Miharu started removing our IVs.

“Do you like sleeping in your own blood and filth?” Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I don’t need _your_ help,” I said. I pushed myself up onto my knees, wobbling a little but keeping it together. I tried to bring one leg up, but it didn’t want to move.

“Why don’t I start hauling those buckets for you?” Naruto offered.

“I would be much obliged,” Miharu said, and the two left.

Fuck, I hated him. Being respectful and not playing on my embarrassment. What other horrible traits had he developed in the dream world?

I couldn’t stand. I crawled to the couch awkwardly and pulled myself up.

“Sasuke.”

I kept my back to him as he loomed in the doorway.

“Let’s go upstairs?”

It was humiliating as he settled my arm over his shoulder and hoisted me up. My legs did not want to work properly, taking staggering steps even when Naruto was taking most of the weight.

He sat me on a stool in the shower and moved to undress me.

“No.”

He looked at me.

“You can go,” I said dismissively.

“Good, ’cause you smell awful,” he said, his shoulders sagging with rejection. “I’ll be outside the door if you need anything.”

I waited until the door had shut fully before I moved my arm painfully in the motions of undressing. Clearly our muscles had been kept active somehow, but they were still stiff and hard to move.

I tossed the clothes on the side of the tub and started washing up with the bar of soap that I’d been given.

It quickly became apparent that I could not lift the bucket to rinse myself.

I thought about calling Naruto.

Like I would ever ask that idiot for a favor. It was bad enough he’d half-carried me up the stairs.

I moved the water out of the bucket with my chakra, which was a waste and would probably set my recovery back, but Uchihas had their pride.

I banged on the door when I was done dressing, and Naruto opened it almost immediately.

“How long was I asleep?” I finally asked as he helped me down the stairs.

“Four days.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. I’d started to suspect, but that was a long time to be unconscious and vulnerable in an enemy village.

“I stayed with you,” he offered quietly. “I wouldn’t let anything… and anyway, most of the ninjas are still laid up.”

“I need to get out of here,” I asserted.

“Sasuke…”

“Nice and clean?” Miharu asked from the bottom of the stairs. “I can put in another IV, or are you up to tryin’ some solid food?”

I didn’t want to pump unknown liquids into my body, but I also didn’t want to eat food from an unknown source. Not that I was excessively paranoid.

I was just the right amount of paranoid.

“Ms. Miharu’s a great cook,” Naruto said, a grin stretching across his face. I tried not to be blinded by it.

“Well, I don’t know about all that, but I could make you some broth to ease your stomach,” she offered.

“Fine,” I said gruffly.

“Thank you,” Naruto said, giving her a sweet smile.

She disappeared into the next room.

I frowned at him.

“What? Just because you have no manners doesn’t mean the rest of us shouldn’t.”

“I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?!”

I sat heavily on the couch, shoving him away.

He sat on the arm, as close to me as possible. He opened his mouth to speak, and then our eyes met.

We both looked away.

I needed to get out of here.


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi came to visit on the third day.

“You look awful,” I informed him.

“As do you,” he said, grinning away under his mask.

I’d finally shaved my farce of a beard, but I couldn’t really disagree with him. We all looked like ghosts of our former selves.

Kakashi continued to grin, not saying anything.

“Did you want something?” I asked irritably. He was the first person I’d seen besides Naruto and Miharu, and I realized I was fine with not seeing anyone ever.

“Just checking in on your recovery,” he hummed. “Naruto said you were still having trouble walking.”

I looked at him.

“Oh, I’ve been appointed to act in the hokage’s stead while she recovers,” he said, like I’d asked him a question.

“Making sure I’m not getting into trouble?” I scowled.

“No, that’s why Naruto’s here,” he answered.

It suddenly seemed very obvious.

“And if I try to leave?”

“He’ll stop you,” he said cheerfully.

“Because those are his orders.”

Kakashi actually laughed at that. “Well, yes, they’re his orders, but I don’t think Naruto needs _orders_ to chase you halfway around the world.”

I felt… betrayed.

Some of the mirth left his eyes. “Don’t start doubting him now.”

I was fool to think that the village in ruins meant that the conspiracy was dead.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said sharply. “He is on your side. He won’t even leave your damn side to help with the village when he’s the only fully-functioning ninja in all of Konoha. He chose you.”

I didn’t care what he had to say. It had been worrying at the back of my mind, why Naruto and I were the only two patients staying in this house that had clearly been prepared for so many more. I told myself that it was because this place was so far on the outskirts of town, so far away from the hospital staff and the necessary supplies. My mind loved to rationalize when it came to Naruto.

He was my weakness, and I was tired of it.

“What’s that look for?” Naruto asked, his grin faltering as he strolled into the room.

I turned away from him.

“Mm, well, he knows,” Kakashi explained.

“Knows what?” he asked, stooping in front of me and leaning in so his face was right in front of mine.

“That you’re spying on him.”

“I’m not spying on him!” Naruto cried, eyes darting to Kakashi, then frantically back to me. “I’m not spying on you!”

I would have gotten up and left if I could walk.

“Senseeeei,” Naruto whined, still looking between us.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Kakashi asked, taking out a book.

“I was working my way up to it! Our relationship’s all weird and awkward ’cause of the stupid Tsukuyomi.”

“ _That’s_ why your relationship is weird and awkward?” Kakashi snorted. He licked his thumb to turn the page.

“Are you gonna tell us what happened in _your_ dream world?” Naruto asked, trying to cross his arms over his chest, realizing he only had one, and losing his balance. He stumbled back into a standing position, trying to play it off like it hadn’t happened.

“I’m sure you can figure it out,” Kakashi said with a shrug.

“Uh… how?”

“Use that brain of yours.”

“What brain?” I muttered.

“Don’t you start,” Naruto said, frowning at me.

I blinked. First of all, I was angry with _him_. Second of all, the normal Naruto response would be, ‘what the hell was that, bastard?!’, accompanied by yelling and flailing.

I tried to stand up, my legs shaking.

“Hey, take it easy,” he said, catching my arm. My weight caused him to stumble, but he held us both up.

“This isn’t real,” I said, trying to push him away. I ended up falling.

“Uh…”

I crawled towards the door. It was a struggle to open it, but then I was outside. I looked into the sky, searching desperately.

“No one else has shown signs of psychosis,” Kakashi was reasoning behind me.

“Yeah, but he’s _lost it_ ,” Naruto said, and suddenly he was there hauling me to my feet. “What’s gotten into you, are you gonna crawl all the way across the border?”

“The moon,” I said. “Where’s the goddamn moon?”

“Uh, I dunno, wherever it goes during the daytime?”

“It has to be here somewhere!” I snapped, leaning my neck backwards and searching the sky.

Naruto was struggling to keep us both up and finally just sat us on the ground. “What are you doing? What’s going on? Talk to me…”

I finally looked at him when I felt his hand touch my cheek. “This isn’t real,” I said flatly.

“You keep saying that, and I keep thinking you’re nuts, so…”

“Don’t you get it, we’re still in the Tsukuyomi!” I said, pinching his cheek until he let go of me.

“Uh, no,” Naruto said. “You got us out, remember?”

“Why am I even bothering?” I muttered. “You’re just a stupid figment of my imagination.”

“I think I take offense to that,” he said, scratching the back of his neck.

I started moving away from him. Did I have to see the moon to wake up, or was it just enough to realize? I put all of my chakra into my rinnegan.

“Are you gearing up for a battle?” Naruto asked, chuckling nervously.

He looked so damn real.

“Hey,” he said. His eyes probed mine, and then he reached out his hand again, this time catching me by the back of the neck and pulling me close until our foreheads touched. “I’m pretty sure I’m real.”

Of course he was touching me, of course he was staring into my eyes with that overwhelming sincerity of his. Because that’s what I wanted, so that’s what the world gave me.

“I mean, I’d know if I wasn’t real,” he continued, his brow scrunching up. He laughed nervously. “Of course I’d know.”

“You’re not,” I said, closing my eyes. I couldn’t take any more blue.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you’re not _you_ ,” I whispered. “You’re who I want you to be.”

“This is who you want me to be?” Naruto asked, sounding confused. “I mean, I’m just the same as always, just… I dunno… I’m me, Sas’. Come on. Look at me.”

I didn’t open my eyes.

His sigh brushed across my lips.

I closed my eyes more tightly, goosebumps ghosting up my arm.

“Sorry,” Naruto said, abruptly moving away.

I was an idiot. I needed to find the moon. I needed to get out of here. I needed to do these things immediately, but I felt rooted to the spot, my eyes still closed.

“You’re freaking me out,” Naruto finally said.

I slid my eyes open.

“This isn’t the Infinite Tsukuyomi,” he stated.

“How would you know?” I asked dismissively.

“’Cause,” he said.

I looked at him.

“I mean, we escaped, right? We woke up outside of the tree.”

“It wasn’t real the first time, why would it be this time?”

“Whaddya mean, the first time?” he asked, scratching his nose. Then he frowned. “Oh, that dream.”

I stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

He took a breath and let it out sharply. “You pulled me down once before, right? We weren’t together. In the tree. Before. The first time or whatever. You woke up and pulled me down, yeah?”

“You remember?”

“Yeah.”

There was so much pain and loss in his face that I looked away.

“Your arm was… it looked really bad, and you just passed out,” he said. “I couldn’t wake you up and then everything went black and I woke up back in my bed like nothing had happened.”

“You went back into the same dream world?” I asked.

“Yeah, didn’t you?”

“I woke up because I knew it wasn’t real,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Why are you so stupid?”

“Why are you so rude?” Naruto shot back, nudging me with his foot.

I turned to look at him. “This is my third dream world.”

“It’s not a dream,” he said, kicking at me again, but this time I caught his leg.

“How do you know that?” I snarled at him.

“I don’t!”

“Oh,” I said, dropping his leg.

“But arguing about it in the middle of Ms. Miharu’s garden isn’t going to do anything about it!”

I wanted to break down, to throw myself into his arm, to scream and shout and cry, but I was an Uchiha. “The moon isn’t visible, now, anyway.”

Naruto looked at me.

I waited for him to figure it out and come help me to my feet.

We struggled back inside without a word. We were never good at the words part.

“Why are you still here?” Naruto groaned as he sat me on the couch next to Kakashi.

I had been about to say the same thing.

“Just making sure you’re not off killing each other,” he replied, but even with a smile it sounded serious.

“That was a million years ago,” Naruto said, waving it off.

“Only two, actually,” Kakashi pointed out. “But I remember it like it was only yesterday.”

Naruto sat on the arm of the couch next to me, his arm draped along the back of it. “We’ve all lived completely different lives since then. Sasuke apparently had two of them.”

“And did one of those two lives change how he felt?”

“Duh,” Naruto said, then shot a glance towards me. “Right?”

I looked at him.

“You don’t want to kill me anymore,” he said, trying to sound confident.

“I don’t.”

“See,” Naruto said, beaming at Kakashi.

“When will I be exiled?” I asked.

Kakashi’s smile seemed to widen. “How can I exile you from a place that doesn’t even exist?”

Naruto looked dumbfounded, and for once we were in agreement. This wasn’t part of the Tsukuyomi script, and even I had no idea about what was going on.

“I’m here as the acting hokage, but to be honest the title no longer has any meaning.”

“What are you going on about, Sensei?!” Naruto cried, jumping to his feet. “Of course it has meaning, it’s...” he hesitated. “Well, it has meaning anyway!”

“Konoha no longer exists,” Kakashi said. “The village is in ruins, most of the ninja are incapacitated, and there isn’t enough food to feed all of us.”

“So I’m not exiled… because there’s no place to exile me from…?”

“You were always the smart one,” Kakashi said, standing up and patting me on the head.

I scowled at him to cover up my confusion.

“This was a nice visit,” Kakashi hummed sauntering to the door.

“S-sensei!” Naruto stuttered, chasing after him. “You can’t mean… but how can… I don’t…”

Kakashi grinned before disappearing in a puff of smoke.


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto was quiet.

I thought of his turned back, his silent brooding when he missed home. A slow touch to his arm, the way blue eyes met mine, suddenly peaceful. Brushed fingertips, leaning closer-

I looked away from him and went back to my book. It was hard to read when it was so quiet, though.

“Is he all right?” Miharu murmured to me after dinner. We both watched his forlorn back as he washed the dishes.

“He’ll be fine,” I said, because it wasn’t really her business.

She worried at her lower lip, then went over to help him.

I stayed in my chair at the kitchen table because I was a helpless invalid.

Sakura appeared the next day, giving me a hard look as Naruto led her into the living room. She had a limp and her face was gaunt, but there was something actually intimidating behind the look.

“It’s good to see you,” Naruto was saying warmly, and her expression softened briefly for him before going hard again.

“I’m just here to do my job,” she said brusquely.

Naruto’s brow scrunched up as he looked between us.

I had to go back in time. It wasn’t hard to remember the last interaction I’d had with this Sakura, my imaginary fist going through her chest.

We looked at each other for a long while.

She finally gave me a strange smile. “I don’t even know if it’s you that I’m mad at.”

“Huh?” Naruto said.

I studied her face. “I was wrong in the way I treated you.”

“Is that supposed to be an apology?” she asked with a laugh.

“Yes,” I said.

Now they were both staring at me.

I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t seem very sincere,” Naruto said, scratching his chin.

I glared at him.

He shrugged.

“Do you want me to say it straightly? I treated Sakura like she was less than me because I thought she was. She was like a fly, and instead of crushing her I swatted her away and let her continue buzzing around.”

Naruto looked like his jaw had come unhinged.

Sakura looked mildly annoyed but not surprised.

“You were barely present in my dream world, because I didn’t want to face you,” I admitted. “I didn’t want to face how I treated you. I didn’t want to acknowledge that perhaps the reason I let you continue buzzing around is because I considered you a… friend…” The word was so distasteful.

Sakura shook her head. “You are so _you_ , Sasuke.”

“Hey, if Sakura’s your friend, then I’m your friend, too, right?” Naruto asked, giving me puppy eyes.

I ignored him and stayed focused on Sakura instead. “Do you understand me?”

She gave me a long look. “No one understands you, Uchiha...”

“I don’t understand any of this,” Naruto complained.

“…but we’ve all gotten a second chance and I’d like it if we could be… friends,” she said, the word sounding just as foreign on her tongue as it did on mine.

“Good,” I said.

“Good,” she agreed.

“Great!” Naruto exclaimed, slinging an arm around Sakura’s shoulder and dragging her over to the couch. “Team Seven, reunited and better than ever!”

I was going to protest being a part of some Konoha genin team, but Sakura shook her head at me, and we let Naruto continue smiling.

She proceeded to examine my legs, frowning and mumbling to herself.

“Is he ever gonna walk again?” Naruto asked with big, dewy eyes.

“Probably,” Sakura murmured distractedly.

Naruto gasped.

“You shouldn’t be using your chakra like that,” I said, feeling how drained she was.

“I’m fine,” she grumbled. She shook her head and continued the examination.

“Whaddya mean, ‘probably’?” Naruto whined. “How can I have a rival who can’t even walk?”

“Did you notice that both of you are missing arms?” Sakura muttered.

“Huh?” Naruto said. “Well, yeah, but I guess I’m just used to it? I got a new arm in my world, but Sas’ didn’t, so I mean, he was still just as strong and it didn’t really affect him.”

“I never could have imagined that you two would do this to each other,” Sakura said quietly.

“So we were both just walking around with two arms the whole time in your world?!” Naruto asked incredulously.

“Why did you have an arm and I didn’t?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Whaddya mean why, I didn’t make the rules!” he protested.

“Our dream worlds were an amalgamation of our own desires,” I said. “You made all of the rules.”

“Then why did I make a world where I was so damn unhappy?” Naruto asked with a snort, like he had gotten one up on me.

“You’re a masochist?” I suggested.

“I wasn’t happy, either,” Sakura said quietly. “I thought I was for a while. But…”

“Wait, so you’re saying that you, Uchiha Sasuke, king of misery, were happy in your dream world?!” Naruto demanded.

I glared at him. We were not going to talk about my dream world ever.

“Do you still think this is another dream?” he asked, leaning in closer. “Does that mean you’re happy ’cause you get to spend all your time with your best friend and favoritest person in the whole world?”

“You are a special kind of stupid,” I said, flicking his forehead for good measure.

“You’re happy being with me!” Naruto declared, unperturbed.

“You’re both ignoring me just like you did in my dream,” Sakura muttered. “Can I finish up already?”

“Can you? You’ve drained your chakra,” I said.

“Yeah, Sakura, what are you doin’ exhaustin’ yourself like that?” Naruto put in. “Meanwhile I have more chakra than I can use and Kakashi won’t let me do anything but babysit Sasuke.”

“Maybe if you had some medical expertise you would be more valuable,” Sakura said, running a last check over my legs. Then she abruptly sat on the floor, taking a deep breath.

“I told you not to,” I muttered.

Naruto started fussing over Sakura, then ran to the kitchen to get her some water.

“Do you really think this all might be a dream, too?” Sakura asked, staring at the carpet.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“Hm,” she hummed. “I don’t know which option I want.”

“Then I guess we finally have something in common.”

She glanced up at me with a small smile. “Finally.”

“Here,” Naruto said, shoving a glass of water at her. “Are you okay? Do you wanna rest here?”

“I’m fine, I just got dizzy for a moment,” Sakura said, shrugging him off. She took a sip of water. “Thank you, though.”

Naruto still looked worried, settling himself on the floor next to her. “All the medical nin are using too much chakra,” he said. “You guys can’t keep going on like this.”

“Would you like to know the results of the exam?” she asked.

“Yeah, but don’t think that’s gonna distract me,” he said, waggling a finger at her. “So when is Sas’ gonna walk again?”

Sakura gave him a smile. “Annnnnd you’re distracted.”

“I’m very worried about the both of you, and meanwhile I can’t do anything to help you or the village,” he said, shaking his head. “I feel so useless.”

She patted him on the head. “Sasuke’s going to be okay. He needs someone to do chakra therapy on his legs.”

“Why are you telling him all of my business? Isn’t this a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality?” I muttered.

“I thought you two were married,” Sakura said dismissively.

“W-what?” I choked.

“Well, yeah, but he still hasn’t put a ring on it,” Naruto said, holding up his ring finger and grinning.

Sakura gave me a strange look before continuing. “From what I can surmise, sharing a God Tree pod lessened the muscle stimulation that you should have received because you weren’t positioned correctly. It seems like you also received a higher dose of the paralytic than anyone else I’ve examined, and it blocked some of your chakra pathways in your legs.”

“So it’s my fault,” Naruto observed quietly.

“Moron, I’m the one who got us both out of the tree,” I said irritably.

“It’s not anyone’s fault so much as it just is what is,” Sakura said. “People are suffering from varying degrees of chakra depletion and loss of motor functions. It happened. Now we fix it.”

“Take care of yourself first, though, yeah?”

Sakura patted Naruto on the head. “I get it, yeah. I’ll try and take a break. There’s just so much to do and…”

“You’re trying to fill your head with other stuff so you don’t have to think about the life you lost?” he supplied.

“You have gotten creepily mature,” she said.

They looked at each other with knowing eyes, and it was irritating. Why was everyone so damn attached to their fake little fantasy worlds? Especially after just admitting that said worlds had made them miserable.

Then they started talking about me, and Sakura suggested that Naruto massage my legs to help with my recovery.

“No,” I said flatly.

“I’m a good masseuse,” Naruto protested.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Okay, but how are you going to move around the house if I don’t?”

“I’ll crawl.”

“So you’d rather crawl around on the floor than have me help you walk?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so immature,” Naruto said with a laugh, and Sakura seemed to share in his mirth.

It was infuriating, and yet I was trapped on the couch between them because I really wasn’t about to crawl away.

“I’ll leave you two to figure things out,” Sakura said cheerfully.

“Do you want me to walk you back to the village?” Naruto offered.

“Don’t worry about me,” she said, rising to her feet smoothly. “I’m okay, really.”

Naruto walked her to the door, still worrying.

“I’ll send someone to help with your legs when we can spare a body,” she told me. “Until then, you should take Naruto up on whatever he has to offer.”

“…thanks…” I said.

“I’ll be right back, Sas’, I’m gonna walk Sakura out,” Naruto said, slinging an arm over Sakura’s shoulder. Knowing him, he’d probably get her halfway back to the village before she noticed he wasn’t supposed to still be walking with her. “Hey, so can you tell me about chakra ther-” he said as he shut the door behind them.

The house was quiet again.

My thoughts immediately got too loud, so I tried reading a book. I kept reading the same words over and over, my mind going in circles.

The door opened and my head snapped up, only to realize that it was Miharu.

“Good morning,” she said cheerfully, holding up a basket. “I’ve got us some fresh tomatoes and cucumbers for our lunch today.”

I studied her cheeriness, which didn’t seem forced despite our dire situation. “How much longer can your garden keep feeding three people?”

“Not much longer,” she said, not missing a beat as she moved to the kitchen.

Every time I tried to press her on why she was taking care of us, she would go on about how lonely it had been when everyone had been trapped in the tree, and how happy she was to have us all back. I couldn’t figure out if she was up to something or if she was just an idiot.

“Could you help me slice up the vegetables with that one arm of yours?” she asked, coming back into the living room and holding up a cutting board with a grin.

At least she didn’t treat me like an invalid. I didn’t answer her, just holding out my hand instead.

Her smile brightened as she handed me the cutting board and went back to the kitchen.

I set the cutting board on the coffee table and waited for her to bring me the vegetables and the knife.

Naruto breezed through the door when I was almost finished. “I see Ms. Miharu put you to work,” he said, putting a hand on my shoulder and leaning over the back of the couch to study my handiwork. “…how do you cut those nicer than I could with two hands…?” he complained.

I turned my head to look at him, only to realize our faces were inches apart.

Naruto pulled away nervously, putting his arm behind his head as he sauntered around to the front of the couch. “I’ll bring these to the kitchen,” he said, picking up the vegetable-loaded cutting board.

“Hey, welcome back,” Miharu called from the kitchen. “Where’d you get off to?”

“I walked Sakura back to the hospital,” Naruto explained, moving towards the kitchen.

I didn’t watch him go, keeping my eyes fixed on the floor.


	5. Chapter 5

Naruto tried to help me down the stairs after I took a bath that night, but my legs refused to support me at all.

I felt completely helpless, and it boiled out of me in a rage.

“Hey, hey, don’t take it out on me!” Naruto protested, sitting me at the top of the stairs and taking a big step away.

“Fuck you and your legs,” I spat out.

“Oh, you mean these legs?” Naruto asked, doing a little dance and grinning.

“I will remove your head from your body and piss in your skull.”

Rather than be intimidated, he cracked up.

I felt my chakra crackling along my skin.

“Come on,” he said, crouching down beside me. “Sakura told me a little bit about how to do a chakra massage, so we’ll do it a couple of times a day, and she said maybe she could sneak us into the hospital after hours and do some real therapy.”

I wasn’t calming down.

“You’re gonna get better, okay? It just takes time.”

“What would you know about it?” I growled at him. “Your stupid fox just heals everything.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky,” he said with a shrug. “But even if I can walk around, I still feel like a complete waste of space right now, ya know? I can’t help you walk, I can’t help the village find enough food, I can’t do anything useful.”

“This isn’t about you.”

“Yeah, sorry,” he said, giving me a sheepish look.

It felt like a punch in the gut. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” he asked, looking confused.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“…I said I was sorry, I didn’t mean to make it about me when you’re the one going through all this.”

I let out a frustrated noise.

“What?” he asked. He started to look worried.

“Why are you acting like a goddamn adult when I’m still a child?”

He paused at that.

I refused to look at him.

“Maybe it’s more that I finally caught up to you,” he said, sitting next to me on the stairs. “You’ve always been so much more mature than me, ya know?”

I held back all the things I wanted to say.

“Sasuke.”

I shut down as much as I could.

“Talk to me, please,” he requested, touching my arm.

I pulled away.

“Screw you, then,” he said, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

“Put me down,” I threatened, my voice like ice.

“How are you going to get down the stairs?” he asked, not putting me down and continuing on his way.

“I’m not an invalid!”

“Yes, you kind of are,” he said. He dropped me onto the couch none-too-kindly. “And you’re right, you are acting like a child, so I guess I’ll treat you like one.”

I started gathering chakra.

“You gonna fight me?” he asked, not even so much as moving into a defensive position. Like he wasn’t threatened.

I threw a chidori at him petulantly.

Naruto moved his arm as if to make a seal to block it.

Only he didn’t have another hand to complete the seal.

I didn’t even think, just threw up Susanoo around him.

He dropped to the floor on his butt, gasping.

“Naruto…”

“You almost killed me!” he cried incredulously.

I couldn’t think of anything to say.

His expression softened. “Hey, come on.”

I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. “Like you would have died,” I mumbled.

“I think I would have had some pretty permanent injuries,” he said, shuffling closer and resting his chin on my knee, staring up at me with big blue eyes.

“I didn’t think… I’m used to making one-armed seals,” I said, wiping my cheek again and then wiping the back of my hand on the couch.

“Yeah, well, I just assumed that I would be able to do them, so lesson learned…”

“I’ll show you how,” I said. My hand seemed to raise of its own accord, heading towards that unruly blond head before I realized what it was doing and quickly pulled it back.

Naruto looked… disappointed?

“It just takes a little adjustment,” I rushed on. I did a quick seal that formed a small flame at my fingertip.

“You make it look easy,” Naruto complained, sitting up and trying to repeat the movement with no success.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” I blurted out. I felt my cheeks heat up.

“I know,” he said, dropping his chin on my leg again. “I can’t believe I couldn’t block such a weak attack.”

“…weak…?”

“If you were trying to hurt me, I’d be hurt,” he said, holding up his stump.

The lump came back up my throat and I swallowed it down quickly.

“Anyway, show me your legs,” he said, sitting up again.

I looked at him.

“Sakura said to do it every day!”

“You’re not a medic nin,” I pointed out, rolling up my sleep pants to my knees.

“But I have a lotta chakra,” he said. “And I’m great at massages,” he added with a wink.

I looked at him in disdain.

His grin widened. He ran a hand up my leg and the expression faltered. “The muscle’s so deteriorated…”

I waited.

He made a fist and his hand started to glow. “Are your feet ticklish?” he asked, his grin coming back.

“Of course not.”

“Reaaaally?” he asked, taking my left foot in his hand and digging his thumb in.

I stared back at him expressionlessly.

“Boo,” he complained.

Naruto had very ticklish feet.

He worked his fingers into my foot while using his chakra to ease my blocked passages. He wasn’t very good at the medical part, which was obvious, but I could feel the tension easing in my foot.

“Is it okay?” he asked, glancing up at me.

“Not bad,” I said.

His cheeks reddened and he turned his eyes back to my leg as he worked his fingers into my calf.

“What’s that look for?” I asked against my better judgement.

“What look?” he asked with a nervous laugh. “There’s no look. I’m not looking.”

I stared at him but he didn’t meet my gaze. I scowled and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the back of the couch. He was every bit as good at massages as promised.

“Okay, other leg,” he said.

I kept my eyes closed, unmoving.

He started on my right foot, chuckling.

“What…?”

“Nothing,” he said. “I forget how spoiled you are sometimes.”

My eyes slipped open. “Who the hell is spoiled?”

Naruto grinned at me. “You always say horrible things to me and yet end up getting massaged, getting drinks poured…” His expression faltered.

“Disappointed that I’m not him?” I muttered.

“You are him, though, aren’t you?” he mused.

“I’m fairly certain that whatever your head concocted wasn’t anything resembling me.”

“You were still a jerk, so there was that.”

“Well in my world you were still an idiot, so I guess some things didn’t stray too far from reality.”

“So you admit you’re a jerk,” Naruto said, his grin like the sun.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he’d just admitted to being an idiot.

“What’s that look, bastard?”

I didn’t answer.

“Sasuke?” he said, letting my foot slide to the ground. He braced himself on my knee, pushing until his face was right in front of mine. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

His eyes were burning into me.

“Get off,” I said, shoving at his chest.

He backed off immediately, his cheeks going red again. “Why do things have to be so weird between us?”

“Because we don’t even know each other?” I suggested.

Naruto scowled at that. It was strangely cute. “I know you, asshole. I probably know you better than you know yourself. Just because we’ve been living separate lives doesn’t mean that I don’t _know_ you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Wow, what an unpredictable response,” he said, grasping my ankle and pulling it to his lap. He started massaging my calf. “You’re the other half of my soul, Sasuke, so stop pretending like you’re not.”

I froze, staring at him like a deer in headlights.

That dead-last idiot dared to smirk at me.

“I need to go outside,” I whispered.

His head tilted to the side.

“Now,” I said more urgently, trying to kick my leg away from him without much success.

“Okay,” he said, standing up.

Even in my panic, I still managed to glare him down from even thinking that he was going to pick me up again.

“No more bridal-style, got it,” he said, offering his arm to me.

“That wasn’t bridal-style, dumbass, it was a fireman’s carry,” I growled, letting him slide his arm under mine and lift me to my feet.

“Whatever, you looked silly either way.”

I seethed silently, letting him drag me along to the door.

“There, is that what you wanted?” he asked as he sat us on the porch and pointed to the silvery crescent in the sky. “See, no Infinite Tsukuyomi.”

“Maybe I’m only seeing what my eyes want to see.”

“Why would you want this to be the real world?” Naruto said, shaking his head.

“The village destroyed and the ninja world in ruins?” I said, smiling slowly.

“You being completely helpless without me?” he shot back.

“Almost killed you less than hour ago, so not so helpless.”

“Like I woulda died…” he muttered. “Wait, did we have this exact same conversation before except the opposite way…?”

I didn’t mean to laugh, but it slipped out.

“Shit,” Naruto said, looking away from me. The tip of his ear that I could see in profile was completely red.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said, laughing nervously. “Hey, so uh, it’s kinda late. Why don’t we go to bed?”

“Do you need me to go to bed with you?”

“W-w-what, no!” Naruto said, flailing around. Then he took a breath and calmed himself. “You can’t go to bed without me, though,” he said, trying to sound smooth after the fool he’d just made of himself.

“Watch me,” I said, turning towards the door.

“Yeah, yeah, I know you can complete some kind of feat of superhuman athleticism and get yourself back into the house and into the bed,” Naruto said with a sigh. “But could you just let me help you? Because I feel like your legs are my fault, and if you don’t let me help, I’m gonna keep falling deeper and deeper into despair.”

“Why are you so weird?” I asked tiredly.

“I’m not weird!” he protested, slipping his arm around me.

Our faces were too close.

“Why do you blush every time you look at me?” I complained, trying to hide the fact that I was blushing, too.

“I… don’t…?” he tried to protest. “Well. Uh. I mean.”

I stared at him.

“There’s something I haven’t told you!” he blurted out.

I waited.

“Uh… heh heh, just… kidding..?”

“Spit it out.”

“No, but if I say it… like… I don’t want you to get mad, okay?”

What the hell had this idiot not told me?

“You look really scary right now, can we talk about this later?” he asked hopefully.

“No.”

“Sasuke…” he whined.

I liked when he whined and acted childish. It made me feel like the balance had been restored. “Tell me.”

He bit his lip. “You can’t be weird about this.”

“You’re the one being weird.”

“Yeah, but, okay, so listen,” he said. “I almost cheated on Hinata.”

“Okay,” I said. “Should I care?”

“-with you,” he added hastily.

I felt all the air go out of my lungs. “…what…?”

“I mean nothing happened, but it kept _almost_ happening, and I don’t know, I don’t know what I wanted, but I just _wanted_ it, ya know? There was all this longing and-”

I pushed him away from me.

“Shit, Sas’, come on, don’t be weird, I knew I shouldn’t tell you…”

“What the hell, Naruto.”

“I’m sorry, but like when we’re close sometimes it’s like all I can think about, and that’s why I keep getting so embarrassed, ’cause I just keep flashing back to almost kissing not-you all those times-”

“But nothing happened.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course nothing happened!”

“What do you mean _of course_?” I asked. I was about to lose my mind.

“I mean, uh, ’cause you didn’t want it.”

“It was your dream world.”

“Are you saying that I made dream-you not want it because real-me didn’t want it?”

“Clearly.”

“Okay, but then why do I still want it now?”

I swallowed. “Because you were a very lonely child with confused ideas about friendship.”

“…did I make things more awkward?”

“Of course you made things more awkward. Why couldn’t you just lie like a normal person?”

“You know I’m not normal,” he said. His smile looked like it could shatter with a word.

“No, you’re not,” I said, reaching over to bridge the gap. I rested my hand hesitantly on his shoulder.

His relief was palpable. “I’m sorry. That I put dream-you in that kind of position.”

I was never going to tell him the kind of positions dream-him had put me into. “Let’s go inside.”

Naruto helped me up.

I took one last glance at the moon.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Naruto seemed like a burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. He stopped panicking and blushing every time our eyes accidentally met or our bodies somehow made contact.

I felt it even more.

Especially as he settled in for the second massage of the day.

“I don’t feel any different,” I informed him as he worked the atrophied muscles.

“It’s gonna take time,” he said.

“And actual medical skill and knowledge?”

“Sakura said something is better than nothing!”

“I would rate you pretty close to nothing.”

“That is mean and hurtful.”

“It was meant to be.”

“Said the petty brat.”

I glowered at him.

He worked his chakra into the muscle.

I tried to maintain a mask of indifference.

Naruto’s face broke into a grin. “I love you.”

I started choking.

“Sorry,” he said, his face still bright and sunny. “I’m just really glad that the you I made up in my head is the same as the real you.”

“What are you saying, moron?” I said, giving a last cough and looking anywhere but at him.

“I had you down pat,” he said happily.

“You married me off to _Sakura_.”

“Well, okay, that part was a bit of a miss.”

“A bit?”

“If it makes you feel better, you avoided being around her at all costs.”

“Why would that make me feel better?”

Naruto sighed. “It all made sense in my head. Until it was actually happening. Us being married with kids, me being the hokage with you as the shadow hokage. It seemed right, only everything was completely wrong.” He looked so far away and sad.

“You still miss it, though,” I observed.

“Well, yeah,” he said with a self-deprecating grin. “I love Boruto and Himawari, ya know? They’re my kids. They’re-” He immediately stopped talking and shut down.

“Naruto…”

He didn’t answer, his grip too tight on my leg.

I eased my leg away from him and slid to the floor. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave him a shake.

Blue eyes slowly met mine. “They’re gone, aren’t they? They were never even real.” He tried to smile.

“Stop doing that,” I demanded.

The expression faltered. “I don’t know how else to deal with it.”

“Hiding your pain doesn’t make it go away.”

“Listen to you,” he said, his mouth widening into a smile.

“Stop.”

His face lost all expression.

I didn’t like that either, but it was better than that fake smile.

We were both quiet.

“Sorry,” he finally said, putting his hand over mine on his shoulder. “It’s just hard sometimes. I feel like I’ve lost so much, but I haven’t actually lost anything…”

I wanted to tell him that he had lost his dreams, but it seemed like kicking a man when he was down.

His hand was still holding mine.

“I’m here,” I said instead.

His grip tightened. “I really, really love you,” he whispered.

I pulled my hand away.

He looked startled.

“Stop saying nonsense,” I muttered, wanting to pull further away from him, but he was already pushing closer, invading my personal space.

“It’s not nonsense,” he complained. He pushed his bottom lip out in a pout.

I leaned in and kissed him.

Naruto froze.

I leaned back, finally free to make my escape.

“What was that for?!” he cried.

“I told you to stop saying nonsense,” I said, pulling myself backwards along the floor.

“What does that have to do with _putting your lips on mine_?!” he cried, mortified.

I just kept inching along, unsure of where it was I was going.

“Hey!” he said, grabbing my leg and impeding my progress.

“Hey what?” I asked. I was being casual. I was completely at ease. This was fine.

Naruto opened and closed his mouth several times without any words coming out.

I had rendered Uzumaki Naruto speechless.

He suddenly yanked me back to him, my butt sliding along the floor with no resistance because I hadn’t expected it.

I found myself almost chest-to-chest with him.

“You don’t get to just do that,” he said irritably.

“I do whatever I want,” I said with a shrug.

“You know how confused I am right now!” he cried.

“…what exactly are you confused about?”

“You!” he shouted, throwing his arm up in the air.

“What about me?”

“Everything!”

“Well that narrows it down…”

“I literally just told you yesterday that I wanted to have an affair with you in my dream world, and now you’re over here making a joke of it!”

My breath caught before I quickly let it out. “I’m not…” I started to say, but I didn’t want to finish. I didn’t want to admit it.

“What, gay?” Naruto asked, face flushed with anger.

“Of course I’m gay, moron!” I snapped back.

That gave him pause. “…oh… you are?” His brow crinkled. “Then what are you doing making fun of me for having gay thoughts about you?”

“I. Wasn’t. Making. Fun. Of. You.”

“Okay, but that would mean that you just kissed me to… kiss me.”

I stared at him, keeping my expression as blank as possible.

“So you… wanted to kiss me? Because you… have gay thoughts about me, too?”

“I hate you,” I said, pushing away from him.

“Wait, wait, come on,” he said, catching me around my waist and throwing his legs over mine like a cage. “This is a lot of information to process, so me saying stupid things can’t be helped.”

I tried not to smile through my abject horror.

“I feel like I’m trying to get on the same page as you and you’re in a completely different book,” he said, settling his hand on my knee and looking into my eyes earnestly. He seemed young again, like he didn’t have all the answers. “Do you wanna like… be gay together?”

“I really, really hate you.”

“I’m serious.”

“God help me, I know you are.”

“You know, you’re the one who kissed me!”

“A temporary lapse in sanity.”

“Were we together in your world?”

“No.”

“Were we together in your world and you’re gonna sit there and lie to me about it?”

“We weren’t together!” I snapped. ‘In the second world,’ I added in my head.

“Well I might want to be together.”

I stared at him.

“In this world,” he added for good measure.

I stared some more.

He faltered.

I touched his face. I was shit at talking. And I was never going to admit my feelings out loud. I’d come as close as I dared at the Valley of the End.

His cheek lifted in a small smile under my hand. “I feel like I can’t understand you at all, and yet I understand you perfectly,” he said, covering my hand with his.

“Well, then,” I said.

“Well, then,” he agreed, kissing my forehead. “I love you,” he murmured into my skin.

“…what does that mean?” I finally asked.

Naruto was quiet.

I waited.

“It means you’re more important to me than anything,” he said, kissing my temple, kissing my cheek, pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth.

That felt like a lot to live up to. My hand was shaking.

Naruto gazed into my eyes, centimeters away. “Sorry, I… we’re not there yet, are we?” He ducked his head into my shoulder and slid his arm around my back.

I let my own arm drop uselessly to my side. I couldn’t even find us on a map.

“Why is everything so complicated?” he complained.

“Because you make it that way,” I muttered into his hair. It smelled like sweat. I wanted to see the moon.

“Me…?” he groused. “You’re the one who can’t just say what you’re thinking.”

“You’re the one who has to say every damn confusing thing that you’re thinking out loud.”

“How else is the conversation gonna progress?”

“Maybe it shouldn’t.”

“You want me to point out the whole _you_ kissing _me_ thing again?”

“ _No_.”

“I really wanna know why you did it, though.”

“You know why.”

“Sasuke, you need to say things. You need to actually use your words and express things instead of expecting me to understand that your no means yes,” he said, lifting his head.

“My no means _no_.”

“It really doesn’t,” he said, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. “And that scares me.”

“Not really sure what there is to be afraid of.”

He sighed, his hand lingering near my face. “Losing you.”

I heaved my own sigh.

Naruto frowned.

I frowned back.

“Let’s go sneak into the hospital.”

“…huh…?”

Naruto’s grin lit up his face. “You said I suck at therapy, so let’s go see a real therapist with medical expertise and all that other crap you complain about.”

“Why do we have to sneak in?”

“Oh, right, that…” Naruto trailed off, looking towards the staircase. “Well, you see, some people don’t know that you’re alive, and Kakashi thought it would be better that way until things settle down…”

That was… interesting. “Who knows that I’m alive?”

“Me, Kakashi, and Sakura,” he said. “And Ms. Miharu.”

“The hokage doesn’t know?” I asked.

“Baa-chan’s not really doin’ so good…” he said, finally looking at me again.

“Oh.”

“And we’re the only ones who know what happened… after…” Naruto rushed on.

“What, me trying to kill all of the kages and you?”

“Mm, yeah, that.”

“And how do you explain your arm?”

“Fighting Kaguya.”

“It won’t be suspicious at all when I show up like a mirror image.”

“Well, why do you think we’ve been hiding you?” he said, touching my stub.

I flicked it at him. “But we’re going to sneak into the hospital and ruin your whole charade?”

“Uh, we’re ninjas, Sas’,” he said. “No one will even know that we’re there.”

I don’t know why I listened to him.

Obviously the first problem was that I couldn’t walk.

“Why don’t you just ride Susanoo?” my idiot suggested.

“You just said that we were going to _sneak_ in.”

“Oh, I guess that wouldn’t be very sneaky, huh?”

“Moron.”

“See, you need to stop doing that,” he said with a frown.

“Pointing out the obvious?” I asked.

“No,” he said, sticking his tongue out at me.

I tried not to smile.

“Calling me horrible names when you actually want to be whispering sweet nothings to me.”

I pushed him away by the face.

“You really need to deal with your repression,” he complained rubbing his cheek. “Okay, get on,” he said, turning his back to me.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, asshole, I’m serious.”

“What was that about name-calling...?”

“Sasuke.”

I wondered if he knew how much I liked the sound of my name on his tongue. “I’m not going to be carried around like-”

‘-a child,’ Naruto mouthed along with me, his head bobbing from side to side.

I was infuriated.

“This is for your legs, Sas’,” he said. “So you don’t have to be dependent on me.”

“Aren’t you afraid that I’ll just leave if I can walk?”

“Terrified,” he said, giving me a sad grin over his shoulder. “But I’m not gonna keep you here against your will.”

“And what about your orders?”

“There’s no village to take orders from now, is there?” There was something dark in his expression as he spoke.

I put my arm over his shoulder, pulling myself flush to his back.

He hooked his arm around my left leg and stood up. He didn’t make any jokes or try to tease me at all, so I didn’t say anything defensive.

We leapt out into the night air and started bouncing from tree to tree.

The moon was still a crescent, glowing white and soft.

Naruto was like a ghost as we moved in closer to the hospital. We landed on the roof, a locked door the only thing between us and our goal.

“I’ll do it,” I said, dropping my legs from his waist.

He had his arm hooked under mine, supporting me before I’d even touched the ground.

I pushed my chakra into the lock, easing the door open, and we started down the stairs, not dwelling on the last time we’d met on that roof together.

It had been rebuilt since then, anyway.

“Hey, remember the last time we were on-”

“No,” I growled.

“Of course you do.”

“I don’t want to talk about the past.”

“Why, ’cause you hate remembering what an asshole you were?”

“I was the perfect amount of asshole.”

Naruto burst out laughing and immediately turned his face into his shoulder, trying to muffle the sound. “I missed this,” he said, sounding happy.

I felt like we were finally sinking into the familiarity that we shared between our actual selves rather than some imagined version of each other. “I missed it, too,” I said by accident.

He looked at me and I was lost. A blush creeped along his cheeks, but instead of looking away he just continued to gaze into my eyes.

“You’re a creep,” I informed him, training my eyes forward. “Let’s get this done with already.”

He infused his arm with chakra, using it to support me the rest of the way down the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

We finally reached the hospital proper, linking our fingers in a henge jutsu before stepping into it. It was full of people and noise, even this late in the evening. The building was damaged from the receding roots of the God Tree, with sudden pitfalls and smashed out windows.

Naruto weaved us through the crowded hallway to another staircase, then along yet another crowded hallway.

There were so many patients, and so many doctors and nurses who looked like patients themselves. Not enough room to fit all the beds. There was some deep, dark part of me that enjoyed seeing how far Konoha had fallen.

And yet some other part felt… heavy.

Naruto pulled us to a stop in front of a door clearly labeled ‘Personnel Only’ and went straight in.

Sakura was sitting at one of the many occupied desks in the room, fast asleep.

Naruto hesitated, then went up to her desk, dragging me along. “Sakura.”

She was out.

“Waft your pheromones or somethin’,” he urged me.

I stared at him like the idiot he was.

Sakura startled awake.

“Nice job, jerkwad,” he said with a grin. “Hey, Sakura.”

“Who the hell are you?” she groaned, rubbing her temple.

“Who else would I be?” Naruto asked with a shrug, his appearance still masked by the henge.

And yet recognition immediately flooded Sakura’s eyes, followed by horror as she glanced between us. “What the hell were you thinking?” she hissed, grabbing Naruto by the lapel and yanking him towards her. “You can’t just bring him here!”

I caught myself on her desk and struggled to hold myself up with my one arm.

“You said you could help us out with some m-a-s-a-g-e,” Naruto said with a confident grin.

“Everyone in this room knows how to spell except for you, so what the hell are you spelling for?!”

“You seem really fixated on hell right now…”

“Because it’s where I’m going to send you for being so stupid!”

I suddenly understood why Naruto had misguidedly thought that I might marry Sakura. If I were heterosexual, and if this was how she acted around me instead of like a simpering fangirl, I actually would have found her attractive.

“Well, we did a h-e-n-g-e, so no one knows who we are,” Naruto said, straightening up and hooking his arm around me again.

I leaned into him gratefully. I really couldn’t stand on my own and I didn’t feel like falling over and making a fool of myself.

There was a little tingle of chakra where Naruto’s hand rested on my side.

I glanced at him and he blushed, grinning in a happy way.

Sakura looked between us suspiciously. “I know I told you that the physical therapist could squeeze you in if you came by, but I thought you might actually… tell me you were coming first.”

“I’m spontaneous,” he said with a shrug. “Can you fit us in?”

Sakura sighed, long and loud.

The person asleep at the next desk over shifted and snuffled.

“I will see if he’s available.”

“Thank you!” Naruto gushed.

She walked around the desk.

Naruto moved to follow her.

“Stay here!” she hissed.

He pouted and hopped onto her desk, swinging his legs impatiently.

The more he acted childish, the more comfortable I felt leaning into him.

“Sas’?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay that I get kinda turned on when you press up against me?”

I started coughing.

A couple of the doctors woke up, grumbling complaints before settling back into sleep.

“So that’s a ‘no’…?” Naruto murmured dejectedly.

I didn’t move away.

He looked at me curiously.

I kept my face turned away from him.

“I wish you would just tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, shifting my weight to the desk and taking his arm away.

So did I, but… “Maybe you should stop with your mixed signals.”

“My signals are mixed?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

I turned to him and stared him down.

“How so?” he asked, unperturbed.

“By saying all these ridiculous things.”

“Such as…?”

I looked away again.

Sakura opened the door and surreptitiously motioned us to follow her.

Naruto looked at me.

I put my arm around his waist.

“You’re the one with the mixed signals,” he muttered, hooking his arm around me and leading us after Sakura.

She weaved her way through the crowded hallways skillfully, leading us down to the lowest basement.

“Why have you taken us to the morgue?” I asked as we stood surrounded by dead bodies in storage.

“Because no one will come down here unless someone dies,” Sakura said, patting one of the empty slabs. “Sit.”

Naruto looked mortified.

“Are you just going to stand there?” I growled, nudging him towards the slab.

“This is like my worst nightmare,” he said, trying to smile as he helped me sit. He quickly looked away.

I wondered how many times he’d pictured finding me in a morgue.

A sharp intake of breath had us both turning to Sakura, who had fallen asleep on her feet.

“Shit,” Naruto muttered, going to her side. “Sakura, you need to go home and get some real sleep.”

She startled slightly. “I’m on call…”

“What are we going to do when the entire medical staff exhausts themselves to the point that we have no more doctors?” he said, nudging her towards the door.

“The world’s already gone to hell,” she said, letting herself be led out.

I waited alone. It wasn’t any stranger than sitting in one of Orochimaru’s labs.

The door finally opened and a broad-shouldered man came in. “Are you the atrophy patient?” he asked, like it was normal to find a patient sitting on a morgue slab.

“Do you see any other live bodies in here?” I asked irritably.

He snapped on a pair of gloves as he approached me. “Ms. Haruno did say that the patient would be a bit ornery.”

I was not ornery. Fucking Sakura.

“Well?” he said, looming over me.

I stared at him.

“…can I see your legs?” he requested.

I stared even harder before rolling up my pant legs one at a time.

He ran his hand up my leg and I flinched.

It was one thing for Naruto to touch me. It was another for Sakura to do it. And it was a completely other thing for this nameless medic to do it.

“Your chakra is completely blocked,” he said brusquely. He worked his glowing thumbs into my chakra pathways.

It burned like hell.

“Is this too much?” he asked, not even looking up at me as he continued to work. “You seem like the kind of guy who’ll just say that it’s fine.”

I didn’t answer.

“Where is it?” he murmured to himself, moving his hands along my right calf. “Damn. There’s one. But how can I…?”

“I don’t really need the running commentary,” I offered through clenched teeth.

He ignored me completely and continued his running commentary. “Okay, so if I just… yeah, okay, but then hm…”

“Can you believe Sakura, she won’t go home and take care of herself at all!” Naruto declared, bursting back into the morgue. “Oh, uh. There’s a strange man touching you.”

The medic didn’t so much as look up at Naruto and continued to do his excruciatingly painful work.

Naruto came to my side and rested his hand on my head.

I looked at him.

One look in his eyes and I knew the pain was evident in my face.

“Why are you touching me?” I grumbled.

“’Cause I want to,” he said cheerfully. He ruffled my hair for added effect.

My scowl increased about tenfold. “I don’t need two strange men touching me.”

“Or do you?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“I do have a name, you know,” the nameless medic nin informed us before I could kill Naruto.

“Oh, sorry, I haven’t even introduced myself,” the idiot said. “I’m Na-”

I gave him a friendly elbow to the kidney.

Naruto looked at me in shock and betrayal before realizing that he probably shouldn’t be going around announcing his name.

“Na…na… uhh…”

“Mr. Nananauhh, is it?” the medic nin said pleasantly as he continued to send horrible pain shooting through my chakra pathways. I only trusted that he was good at his job and wasn’t trying to kill me because he’d come on Sakura’s recommendation, but now I was starting to wonder.

“…y…es…?” Naruto said. He ran his fingers through my hair nervously, like he was petting a dog.

I stupidly leaned into the touch, wanting the comfort of it.

“I’ve just about got it,” the medic nin hummed. “I’m Shigeo, since you’ve been dying to know.”

“Oh, nice to meet you!” Naruto said, flopping his stub towards the man. “Oh, uh, heh, sorry. Sometimes I forget I’ve only got one.” He didn’t move his only hand from cradling my head to try and rectify the missed handshake, though. In fact he seemed to dig his fingers more insistently into my hair.

“It’s okay, both of my hands are currently occupied,” Shigeo said.

“Oh, uh, of course.”

I closed my eyes and held in a scream.

“There we go,” Shigeo said. “That was a tough one. Damn, I’m good.”

Naruto stroked my hair, waiting for me to open my eyes.

“What did that even do?” I complained when I got my breath back. I explored the minimal movements that my legs were capable of. I definitely wouldn’t be able to walk yet.

“Well, I opened up the chakra flow in your legs,” he explained. “You should slowly start to get more movement, but you’ll need to continue therapy and deal with the muscle atrophy.”

“How do I do that?”

“Range of motion exercises are a good start. If you could come into the hospital again for physical therapy and chakra therapy, that would be ideal.”

I sighed, pushing Naruto’s hand away from my hair. His touch was starting to feel like something that shouldn’t be seen in public. “Can you show me some range of motion exercises?”

“Sure, but I gotta get upstairs soon,” he said. “I’m on call. Anyway, lie back.”

Shigeo quickly showed me some exercises that sounded laughably pointless but were somehow incredibly difficult to perform. He started to show Naruto a resistance exercise to do with me when a device clipped to his belt lit up.

“Shit, I’ve got to go,” he said, setting my leg back on the table.

It was a relief.

“Thanks so much for this,” Naruto said, and this time they properly shook hands.

“Anything for the hero of Konoha,” Shigeo answered. “I mean, Mr. Nananauhh.”

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, turning to me sheepishly after Shigeo was gone. “I wonder if he figured out who you are.”

“I’m surprise you didn’t introduce me as Sasu-er-I-mean-ummm.”

“Hey now,” he said, knocking me on the shoulder. “You okay, though? All of that looked pretty rough.”

“Lifting my legs off of the table looked rough?”

“Yeah. It did. Can you make it back up to the roof?”

“Of course I can.”

He didn’t look very convinced.

I scowled and slid my legs over the side of the slab.

“Farewell, morgue,” he said cheerfully, slipping his arm around me and helping me drop to the ground.

My muscles were shaking from a pathetic five minutes of use.

Naruto didn’t say anything, infusing his arm with chakra and lifting me so my feet were just brushing uselessly along the floor.

We wove our way back up to the roof, pushing our way through cramped, questionably smelling hallways until we were back in the open air.

“Okay, here we go,” Naruto said, trying to maneuver me onto his back.

My legs gave out and I fell.

“Shit, sorry!” he said, kneeling next to me.

I hit the roof, expelling a frustrated shout.

He waited.

I took a breath. “Let’s go.”

He nodded, offering his back to me.

I put my arm over his shoulder.

He stood up, and we both faced towards Konoha.

I felt his back go rigid. I started to ask what was wrong, but then I knew.

Naruto leapt off the roof, still tense.

I didn’t know what to say, staring at the complete destruction of the fourth hokage’s face on the mountain.


	8. Chapter 8

“Like this, idiot,” I said irritably, forming the sign as slowly as humanly possible with my hand.

“Okay, but how many times do I have to tell you that we’re using different hands!” Naruto snapped.

“Oh my god, moron, just mirror image what I’m doing.”

“Just mirror image it! Just mirror image it! I’m not a mirror, Sasuke!”

“Maybe y’all should take a break,” Miharu commented as she walked by us to go into the house. Her basket of vegetables wasn’t looking very full.

“This is just how we communicate,” Naruto said, flashing her a sunny smile.

“Doesn’t seem very healthy,” she said with a shrug.

“We’re healthy as horses,” he assured her.

She gave us both a look before closing the door.

“I was completely fronting for Miss Miharu, you are the shittiest teacher in the history of the world,” Naruto informed me.

“I think it’s more like you’re the shittiest student in the history of the world.”

“‘In the history of the world’ was it? How original.”

“Oh, you want original? How about I make some one-handed signs and blow your head off with a jutsu that even children can defend themselves from but you can’t because you are in fact the most pathetic ninja to ever live? How about that?”

“Harsh.”

I wanted to strangle him, but I only had one hand.

His eyes flashed. “And after you brutally murder me, what exactly is your plan? Are you going to crawl the thousands of miles that you’ll need to cover to get to safety from Sakura and every other ninja that’s gonna be out to avenge my death? Oh, of course you are, with your stupid Uchiha pride and all, but do you know how ridiculous you’re gonna look? A one-armed ninja crawling at like 5-miles-per-hour? They’ll be so embarrassed for you that they won’t even want to fight you, so they’ll just put like a big rock or something in front of you and wait for you to die from exposure.”

I threw a katon at him just to be pissy.

Naruto shrieked, his hair getting a little singed in his ridiculous attempt to dodge.

“Just because you can’t do something so pathetically simple is no reason to assume that I am equally as helpless and pathetic,” I informed him.

“That’s funny,” Naruto said, disappearing.

I waited. For a long time. “Naruto.”

He didn’t come back.

Fuck him, then. I slid off the rock I was sitting on and flopped forward so I could pull myself towards the house by my arm.

Naruto immediately appeared in front of me.

“Oh, are you the big rock that’s going to stop me from moving forward and cause me to die from exposure? Because rocks and Uzumakis have about the same amount of brain function.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, crouching down in front of me. “I was being a baby. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“So you just waited until I was in the most vulnerable position possible to make your grand reappearance?”

“More like I saw you start to crawl and it made me feel like crap because I keep telling you to lean on me and trust me and yet…” he lay on the ground in front of me, mirroring my posture. “I’m just really frustrated that I can’t do this. And it’s so damn easy for you.”

I reached out and forced his fingers into a seal position. Then I completed the seal by linking my fingers with his.

A little burst of electricity shot out from our fingers.

“You’ll get it eventually,” I said.

“I like when you’re nice to me,” Naruto said quietly.

“I don’t.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“I’m a horrible person in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Nah,” he said, staring into my eyes. “I love you. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m acting so childish around you lately.”

“Where do I even start with that?” I muttered, looking away from those eyes before I drowned. “Maybe you’re acting childishly because you are a child. We’re sev-eighteen years old, Naruto.”

“It’s hard to think of myself as a kid when I have the memories of an entire lifetime in my head that are just as real and vivid as the memories of the first seventeen years of my life.”

“Well you are.”

“I guess so,” he said, brushing my bangs away from my rinnegan and trying to catch my eye. His hand lingered.

“And for the last time, stop making your ridiculous declarations.”

“Uh, which declarations would those be?”

I glared at him, which I realized was exactly what he wanted as our eyes locked again. “You know the ones,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I love you,” he said quietly, cupping my cheek.

“Are the words coming out of my mouth just air to you?” I asked incredulously.

“You know that once I figure something out I have to keep saying it over and over,” he said, not even considering moving his hand.

“And what exactly have you figured out?”

“That you’re my one and only, too.”

“You have lots of friends, Naruto,” I said sharply.

“You didn’t mean friend.”

“Yes, I did.”

“You didn’t mean friend,” he repeated, pressing his forehead to mine. “We’re more than that. This thing between us… it’s more than that.”

“Then what is it?” I asked, trying to roll my eyes and make it seem like everything he was saying was so stupid and wrong.

“I don’t know,” he said, giving me a sheepish grin.

“I thought the whole point was that you knew.”

“I know that I need you by my side,” he said. “I know that you complete me.” He kissed the corner of my mouth.

“Naruto, stop,” I said firmly. I didn’t move.

He pulled back, searching my face.

“I’m not him,” I hissed.

He sighed. “I know that. How many times do we have to have this conversation?”

“As many times as it takes to get it through your thick skull. Whatever you had with Your Sasuke wasn’t real.”

“I’m talking about what we have.”

“And what do we have?!” I snapped. I pushed myself up, getting into a sitting position as gracefully as I could.

He frowned as he sat up as well. “Was everything you said to me at the Valley of the End just bullshit?”

“I don’t know, do we even have the same memories of the Valley of the End? Were we even really there?”

He smacked my stub with his, unsmiling. “Stop running away from me.”

“Who’s running?” I asked, smacking him back. “You’re the one saying ‘we aren’t there yet’ or whatever bullshit.”

His look got more studious.

I shouldn’t have said that. Why did I say that?

He was looking right through me. “Am I not… do you need more from me?”

“If anything, I need less,” I spat out.

It was too late.

“I’m kind of still… adjusting to this world, Sas’. You’re the most important person to me, you know? But you’re not the only person. And I’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with. I’m not over losing my family, okay? So I still feel like I’m cheating on a wife I never even had every time I look at you. And sometimes…” he froze.

“What?” I growled at him.

“Never mind, god,” he sighed, catching the back of my head and pulling me close. His lips were chapped, irritating my lips with every brush.

I was drowning.

Naruto pulled away slowly, coming out of his own daze. “Woah,” he breathed.

Why did he always have to say something pointless and stupid? I stared at the ground.

“I feel like I shoulda seen that coming.”

Both our heads shot up towards the door where Miharu was peering out at us.

“I could use a hand with supper,” she said. “But that can wait until you’ve… finished.” She closed the door.

Naruto let out a laugh.

I glared at him. The look was undercut by the way I was tenderly holding his face.

He leaned into the touch, kissing my palm. “Is this what you need?”

“No,” I said sharply, not even sure what he was asking about.

Naruto just kept talking like I hadn’t said anything. “If you need physical reassurance, I want to give that to you, okay? But I’m not… ready for all this, you know? I’m going to fuck it all up like I did my fake life, and I can’t do that with you.” He stopped, swallowing the rest of his words down his throat.

“Mixed signals,” I muttered. I reclaimed my hand and flicked his forehead.

“That coming from you is just insulting,” he said. There was still some kind of pain lurking in his eyes. “Stop rejecting me verbally while begging for me with your body.”

I had never been so insulted in my life. I felt my eye starting to twitch.

Naruto kissed my eyelid.

Then all I could be was embarrassed.

“We’ll figure it all out eventually, yeah?” he said. His smile was slow, but easy. “You wanna figure things out with me, right? You can at least tell me that.”

I looked at him and I swallowed my pride. “I guess.”

“Good,” he said. “Really good. Really, really good.”

I had no idea what all of this meant or where we stood.

“Let’s go help Ms. Miharu,” he said, helping me stand.

Of course this strange woman that we’d been living with for a few weeks wasn’t about to let our garden make out go uncommented on.

“So…” she said with a very strange smile fixed on her face.

“Can I peel those potatoes for you?” Naruto offered.

“Thanks,” she said, handing them to him. “How long have you two been a couple?”

“We’re not a couple,” we both said, me mortified and Naruto cheerful.

“Oh, I uh… I just assumed because… you know, the very tender kissing just now,” she said, stirring the pot on the stove with her back to us.

“Sasuke just can’t resist all this,” Naruto said, gesturing to himself.

I stabbed him with the potato peeler that he’d just handed me.

“Hey! That is for potatoes, not Narutos!”

I started aggressively peeling a potato while maintaining steady eye contact.

Naruto swallowed.

“Now I don’t understand if this is you two actually fightin’ or if it’s foreplay,” Miharu said with a sigh.

“We’re just helping you with dinner,” I stated flatly.

“I wish a man would look at me like that,” she scoffed.

“With murder in his eyes?!” Naruto asked, at the same time I said, “like a kicked puppy?”

She looked between us and shook her head.

We ate. We washed up. We went to bed.

My eyes were closed and my breathing was evening out.

“Sasuke.”

I sighed, cracking an eye open. “What.”

“We can’t… stay here much longer…” Naruto said.

“I know that.”

“Okay, but you can’t walk, and Kakashi’s still keeping you a secret form the Council, so…”

“So what?” I asked tiredly.

“So… what do you want?”

“…that’s a vague question.”

Naruto shifted onto his side, fixing his gaze on me in the dark. “Look, you know everything about my dream world. You know what I want out of life. But I need you tell me what you want.”

“Your dream world made you miserable,” I said. “Are you saying you still want those things?”

“For the ninja world to be peaceful, yeah,” he said. “I mean, whether I can help bring that about by being the hokage… or some other way…”

“In what universe are you not going to be the next hokage?” I grumbled at him.

“In the one where there’s no longer a Konohagakure,” he said solemnly.

“Don’t be stupid,” I sighed. “You are the village.”

“…you hate the village…”

“Naruto.”

“What? Why are you making an angry face? Isn’t your goal in life to destroy Konoha and everything it holds dear?” he asked.

When had his futon gotten so close to mine?

“No.”

“…oh. Uh. Well, what do want, then?” he asked.

I was silent.

“Do you not trust me, or what?” he murmured, reaching across the small space between our futons to touch my arm.

I pulled away from the touch.

“Sasuke…” he said, sounding pained. “I thought we were figuring stuff out. Together. In a soulmatey kinda way. But I really don’t know what to do with your constant rejection.”

“You’re too damn sensitive,” I muttered. “Why do you have to take everything as a rejection? I’m just being me.”

“You literally just repelled from my touch like five seconds ago. I don’t think the rejection could be any clearer.”

I didn’t want to tell him that he was wrong, but I certainly didn’t want to tell him that he was right.

So I didn’t say anything at all.

Naruto sighed and rolled onto his other side, facing away from me.

I looked at his back, so familiar yet so foreign. I used to be able to just…

He turned back to look at me, surprised.

I hadn’t meant to touch him like that.

He put his hand over mine on his shoulder. His palm was sweaty, and it was too dark to see his eyes clearly.

“I’m going to leave the village,” he said, interlocking his fingers with mine.

I laughed at that. “Yeah, sure.”

“I don’t know for how long, but I don’t see what choice I have.”

“You’re serious?”

“We need to go out and find food and stuff. And do all that political crap like making sure our alliances are still intact. And I thought that you… I thought there was something you wanted to do.”

“What does that have to do with you?”

“Do you need me to tell you how much I love you and how I never want to leave your side again?”

I did.

“I do,” he whispered, squeezing my hand.

“And what exactly is it that you think I want to do?” I asked, interrupting the moment before he started crying or something equally embarrassing.

“Expose the conspiracy, right?”

He said it so easily, like he wasn’t seeing right through me.

Of course I didn’t have to tell him about my dream world. Either of them. He knew the only two things that mattered to me.

I took my hand away.

He took that as permission to invade my personal space, his face right in front of mine. “Talk to me,” he said quietly, pressing his forehead to mine. “Tell me what you want. Help me figure out what we should do next.”

“We’re not a ‘we’.”

“Yes we are,” he said, unperturbed.

“And I’m a cripple so how are we supposed to do anything?”

“You’re getting better. I’ll rig up a cart or something if we need to go a long distance.”

“Do you have an answer for everything?”

“If I don’t, I’ll think of something eventually.”

“Where would we go?”

“I think the most important thing is figuring out a sustainable food source,” he said. “Then we can kind of travel around, see what’s going on outside of Konoha. Take stock of any dangerous situations and take care of them ourselves if necessary. And then I was thinking we could… you know, learn more about clan massacres and stuff. Find evidence. Make it so people can’t just look the other way when that kind of crap happens.”

I kissed him out of habit, a habit that should have left me in my second dream world, if not by the time that I got to this third one. Fuck if I wasn’t more attracted to the idiot than ever before, though.

He kissed me back gently, slowly, lovingly, before pulling away. “I love you,” he whispered against my lips.

I almost said it back.

“So… uh…” he trailed off, still seeming a little dazed. “Um, is that what you want to do? Is my plan okay?”

“It needs some work,” I said, settling on my back and pulling the covers up. “But it’ll do for now.”

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” I agreed, closing my eyes and waiting for my heart to stop racing before I could fade into sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

“Come on,” Naruto urged me, keeping his hand hooked under my knee as he pressed it towards my chest.

I stared at him.

“What…?”

I decided he didn’t need to know that I found anything even remotely sexual about our physical therapy. “You suck at this,” I said instead.

“You’re just weak,” he said, putting on more pressure.

I tried to push back with all of my strength, but it was like pushing against a mountain.

“Good,” he said, easing up.

“What was good about it?” I grumbled.

“I could feel your strength,” he said, moving to the other side of me and picking up my left leg. “Okay, ready?”

I glared at him because clearly, no, I was not.

He pushed gently, easing my leg to my chest.

I pushed back, my whole leg shaking with the effort.

“A little more,” he urged, exerting more force.

“Fffuck,” I breathed out. My body just wanted to give up.

“See, you did it,” he said. He guided my leg back straight to the floor.

The sweat dripped off my face as I tried to catch my breath.

“You look like I put you through a real workout,” he said with a grin.

“Shut up and die.”

“No,” he said, pinching my side.

I scowled, flopping my arm around at him to get him to stop.

“Then take it back and say something nice,” Naruto said stubbornly.

“I’m not taking it back,” I growled, finally locking my grip on his wrist and putting chakra into my fingers.

He felt the heat, felt the threat, and decided to pinch me harder.

I pinched him back, flames dancing on my fingertips.

“Holy shit, bastard, that hurts!” Naruto snapped.

“It’s supposed to.”

We glared at and continued to hurt each other. Then it was like a switch turned off and Naruto immediately let go.

I pinched him harder.

“That hurts,” he said in a calm voice.

Had I imagined this mature Naruto to torture myself? “Clearly it doesn’t hurt enough,” I said, burning into his skin.

He twisted his wrist suddenly, breaking my hold and locking his fingers around my wrist. “You have my complete, undivided attention, Sasuke.”

I felt like he was scolding me, like I was some kind of child acting out to get him to notice me... which I… wasn’t… “Who’d want that?” I muttered, looking away.

“Do we have to keep playing this game?”

“Stop talking like that.”

“Like what? Like someone who isn’t an idiot?”

“…yes.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint, but I’m not actually a complete and total moron all of the time,” he said, letting go of my wrist. “You know, you want to keep ragging on me about how I’m confusing my feelings for Dream Sasuke with my feelings for you. But aren’t you the one who keeps comparing me to Your Naruto and finding me lacking?”

His demeanor, his vocabulary, his everything was just not _My_ Naruto, and it filled me with a sudden feeling of complete loss. It was stupid, though. I’d lost that Naruto when I’d woken up in my second world. There was no reason to regret his absence now.

“Hey,” Naruto said quietly.

“Fuck off,” I responded, not looking at him.

“Yeah,” he said, getting up and leaving.

I always felt so stupid and pathetic when we fought now.

“Coward!” I yelled into the empty room. Then I put a hole through the floor, because that surely wouldn’t show how stupid and pathetic I was.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to find a way to be able to live on my own. If only I could speed up the physical therapy process.

“Are you done?”

I glanced towards the stairway, where Miharu was watching me warily from above. “I will fix it and I will leave.”

“Honey, where ya gonna go?” she asked, shaking her head.

“That’s not your concern.”

“Kakashi put you in my care,” she said. “I’m not gonna betray that trust.”

“…you can’t stop me.”

“Maybe not, but I certainly have a set of pipes on me, and I’m not above calling Mr. Uzumaki back here,” she said, her expression flat.

I wondered what her connection to Kakashi was, why she said his name so casually. Maybe I could exploit that. Anything to keep her from calling the idiot in.

“Can we talk about this in the morning?” she said, cutting off anything I might have said. “I feel like you owe me that much.”

I didn’t usually respond well to people acting like I owed them something, but Miharu was simply stating a fact. She didn’t have to take me into her home and feed me with her dwindling food supplies. She didn’t have to take part in a conspiracy to hide my existence from the Konoha Council. “All right,” I said.

She nodded at me. “Good night then. Get some sleep.”

“Good night,” I said, looking at the hole in the floor, shaped perfectly like my fist.

Naruto came back in the middle of the night.

I knew this because I was wide awake.

Naruto knew that I was awake, but he didn’t say anything, unfolding his futon and lying down.

“I’m leaving,” I finally said into the darkness.

“That was the plan, wasn’t it?” he said. His voice sounded flat.

“By myself.”

“You’re an idiot.”

I blanched at being called an idiot by the idiot.

“We’ll leave in two days,” he continued, like his manner of addressing me was completely normal.

“You seem pretty used to giving me orders, _Hokage-sama_ ,” I said, letting the word drip with as much sarcasm as possible.

“I’m going to sleep,” he said, not rising to the bait.

It pissed me off.

He slept like a baby while I seethed.

The next morning I got to work fixing the hole in the floor.

Miharu didn’t comment and went about fixing breakfast.

Naruto came back in from wherever he’d disappeared to first thing in the morning, and he had plenty of comments. “What the hell’d you do to Ms. Miharu’s floor?!”

I ignored him.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go runnin’ off every time you two have a quarrel,” Miharu commented from the kitchen.

Naruto squawked in protest.

I hid my grin and continued working.

We ate a quick breakfast, then Naruto started nagging me about doing my exercises.

“What’s the point?” I grumbled. “Aren’t you just going to leave in the middle?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I never thought I was going to have to take crap from _you_ about leaving. Can you roll up your pants?”

“I don’t know, can I?” I muttered, yanking each leg up to my knees.

“Why do you have to be so pissy?” Naruto complained, sitting next to me on the floor and running his hand up my leg.

I glared at him.

He looked away and started massaging my leg. I could feel his apology in the pressure of his fingertips.

We did better with actions than words.

“I talked to Sakura,” he finally said as he moved on to my other leg.

I had let my eyes slide closed, but now they were open and focused.

“She said she can’t leave the village,” he said.

“Why would she?”

“Uh, for our mission,” Naruto said like it should be obvious.

“I wasn’t aware that we had one.”

“Uh, we talked about it. Find food, investigate clan massacres.”

I had thought it would just be the two of us.

“I’m gonna try harder to convince her, but she seems to think that her soul belongs to Konoha Hospital,” he said with a sigh. “I get it, though. She’s not gonna leave before Baa-chan’s stable.”

I could see the sadness in his eyes, but he’d never talk about it. Naruto talked about everything except for what was important.

“Lay back?” he requested.

I did so with a frown.

He picked up my left leg and started to get it moving. “I talked to Sai, too.”

“I don’t know Sai,” I said flatly.

“Yeah, but I think you’d like him,” he said. “He’s really mean to me, and you’re really mean to me, so you’ve got that in common.”

I could say any horrible thing to Naruto that I wanted, but if someone else said something… “No.”

“Whaddya mean, no? He’s a really good ninja!” he cried.

“If we’re taking a team, we’ll take my team,” I said, wincing as pain shot through my leg.

Naruto paused, rubbing my leg soothingly before continuing. “Nobody knows where your team is.” He didn’t seem happy about the suggestion, but was less venomous that I expected. I knew he hated thinking of any team as my team that wasn’t Team Seven.

“I can find them.”

“Okay, but would they even care about the mission?”

“Karin’s an Uzumaki, you know.”

He paused in exercising my leg. “…what?”

“Karin’s from the Uzumaki clan, so, Uzumaki Naruto, you two might have something to talk about.”

He put my leg down. “You’re serious.”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” he said, rubbing at his eyes. “Oh. You know she… she has red hair like my mom…”

Of course I knew that, and I was going to tell him what an idiot he sounded like except he looked so sad that all I could do was reach out and rest my hand on top of his knee.

Blue eyes met mine, and then he was throwing himself at me in a hug.

I grunted as I took his weight. “We are not huggers,” I informed him.

“We are now,” he said, hiding his face in my shoulder and keeping his arm locked around my neck.

“I didn’t agree to this,” I said. I let him stay where he was.

We were both quiet.

“I’m getting overwhelmed,” he said quietly.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my hand subconsciously going to rest at the back of his neck.

“I…” he trailed off, his hand gripping tightly at the back of my shirt. “Everything’s just… messed up…”

“We’ll go,” I said, massaging my fingers into his scalp. “Just you and me. Right now. Let’s just go.”

He peered up at me. “And what’s that going to solve?” he asked, smiling.

“You need to move forward,” I said. “You need to take action.”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re looking inside of me,” he murmured.

I didn’t know why that made my face go red. “It’s not like there’s much going on in there.”

“Jerk,” he said, laughing a puff of air into my neck.

I held off a shiver.

“I like when you’re nice to me,” he whispered, looking weirdly vulnerable. “Can’t you be nice to me?”

“No,” I said, pushing him back an arm’s length.

“Yes, you can,” he said, pulling me back in. “Try.”

I wanted to hurt him.

“Sasuke,” he pleaded. He saw it flickering in my eyes.

“Finish the damn therapy,” I muttered. “Before you get mad at me and run away again.”

He sighed, ducking his face back into my neck. He started rubbing his nose against my skin, shifting until he was rubbing right under my jaw.

I breathed out heavily, keeping any other kind of noises buried deep inside. “What are you doing?” I complained.

“I dunno, I think it’s a Kurama thing,” he mumbled, continuing to nose at me.

“…did you just… _smell_ me…?”

“Mm.”

“…and you think that’s a normal thing to do…?”

“You smell good,” he said, his voice lower than usual.

I didn’t know how to react to all of this, so I just sat there letting Naruto snuffle at my neck.

He finally seemed to get a hold of himself, pulling away and having the decency to look embarrassed. “I uh…”

“You uh what?” I scowled at him.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t… appropriate,” he said, his eyes not meeting mine.

“Then why the hell did you do it?”

“Animal… instincts…?”

“Everything you do pisses me off,” I said. I wanted to walk out on him, but I still didn’t have functioning legs.

“I know,” he said, looking pathetic and still thoroughly shamed. “I’m gonna… go…”

It pissed me off even more when _he_ walked out on _me_.

I finished my physical therapy spitefully, then just lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.

This was never going to work. I needed to get out of here.


	10. Chapter 10

All Naruto ever had to do was give me one of his self-deprecating grins while he rubbed nervously at the back of his neck and I somehow forgot all the stupid things he had said and done previously. Well, not so much forgot as made allowances for his nonsense.

“This whole you and me traveling thing is not going to work,” I tried to say.

“It’s the only possible thing that could ever work,” he responded, then went off on some strange tangent about how we had been chosen by destiny to protect the world, and that we needed to right the wrongs of the past.

“Stop talking,” I finally said.

He looked at me pathetically.

“We’ll leave tomorrow as planned.”

His grin lit up his face.

“I’m not going to be carried,” I added.

“Sakura said I can have a wheelchair from the hospital,” he offered.

“You’re not pushing me around in a goddamn wheelchair.”

“…I feel like you’re not actually ready to go out into the world if I can neither carry you nor push you in a wheelchair.”

I glared at him.

He touched my face and it took me a second to flinch away. “You are the most frustrating person in the world,” he informed me, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“Don’t be so modest,” I muttered.

“What, are you implying that _I_ am the most frustrating person in the world?” he asked, touching his nose to mine.

I wondered if we were going to have another ‘Kurama’ incident. “You’re a creep.”

“How am I creep?!” he demanded pulling away.

“Do I need to go into detail about the way you touch and or smell me without my permission?”

His face went completely red. “I…”

I had rendered him speechless. I couldn’t help but smile.

“You like when I touch you!” he finally snipped, staring at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. “…don’t you?”

“I don’t like to be touched.”

He breathed in sharply. “Oh…”

I could see him mentally adding up the number of times he had touched me in just the last hour, stewing and regretting. “Naruto.”

He looked at me, eyes full of self-doubt.

I hated that look on his face.

“Get the wheelchair.”

He forced a smile and nodded.

“Now,” I said, extending my arm to him.

He blinked.

I waited.

He finally got a clue and offered me his back. “This is okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Idiot,” I said with a sigh, locking my arm over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I touch you all the time,” he said glumly as he bounced along the trees.

“It’s fine.” _Because it’s you_.

“It doesn’t seem fine now that I think about it.”

“Is that what that burning smell is?”

He stopped, dropping to the ground, and turned to stare at me.

Our faces were very close, not that I noticed or cared.

“I think we need to talk again,” he said, setting me down.

“Us talking never accomplishes anything,” I pointed out.

“I made you cry tears of penance at the Valley of the End,” Naruto declared.

“…is that how you remember things?”

“Sasuke,” he whined.

“This is your conversation, I don’t know what you’re looking at me for.”

“Fine,” he said. “If we’re really going to travel together, I need you to stop belittling me at every possible opportunity.”

“…then what would I have left to say to you?”

“Oh, hey, I don’t know, why don’t you tell me about your dream world where Dream Me and Dream You were getting it on?” he suggested, his eyes narrowed.

“We weren’t-” I tried to spit out, stuttering to a stop.

He knew. _He knew_.

I couldn’t speak.

“Just be honest,” he said, his expression still hard. “You don’t have to put up all these walls and pretenses with me. I thought you trusted me.”

I looked at him.

His expression wavered, uncertainty creeping into his eyes.

“I want to trust you,” I finally offered.

“…but you don’t…?”

I didn’t answer him.

Naruto looked away, staring off into the forest. “Is it ’cause of all the unwanted touching? Or ’cause you think I’m spying on you for Kakashi-sensei, _which I’m not?_ Is it because I was gonna cheat on my wife with you? Do you think I’m an adulterer?!”

“I want to trust you,” I repeated.

Naruto huffed out a frustrated-sounding noise. “Talk to me, you bastard.”

“No,” I said.

“Sasuke!” he shrieked, sounding like he was 12-years-old again. “How can y-”

“I don’t even know if this is real,” I cut him off before he could really get going.

He sighed, his head drooping. “How do we move forward then?”

“The same way we always do?”

“By ignoring our problems and picking stupid fights with one another?”

“Or just running away and hiding from said fights?”

“Hey, you,” he said, cuffing me on the arm. “Do you not get that I have to walk away?”

“No, actually, I don’t get it.”

“Oh,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I just turn into a little kid in front of you and act so dumb. It’s embarrassing.”

“You run away because it’s _embarrassing_?”

He gave me a pathetic look.

“Stop running,” I said firmly.

“Even if I call you names and sucker punch you?”

“Like you could sucker punch me.”

“Sasuke, I’m serious, I completely regress into my 12-year-old self,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not a good look.”

“I want all of you.”

Naruto went red and I looked away, trying to play it cool like I hadn’t just said something so ridiculous.

“I want all of you, too,” he finally said, reaching out to touch me and then suddenly pulling back.

“You can touch me,” I said. “Within reason,” I added quickly.

“I have no rhyme or reason,” he said, giving me a rueful smile. His hand continued to float between us, awkward and undecided.

“Touch me,” I ground out irritably.

“I never know…” he started, then dropped his hand on my shoulder. “I never know… where to draw the line.”

“The shoulder is fine, Naruto.”

He slid his hand down my arm, cupping my elbow as his eyes met mine expectantly.

“Fine.”

He let his hand continue its travel, ending up with his fingers curled around mine.

“Gay,” I informed him.

“Okay, but we’re being gay together, so that’s a good thing, right?” he asked, genuinely looking for an answer.

“As long as you don’t make a habit of it.”

“Fine, I won’t make a habit of being gay with you and will only do it at prearranged times and dates.”

“You’re dumb,” I informed him.

“Stop hiding behind your insults,” he said, pinching my cheek and stretching the skin as far as it would go. “Say what you want to say.”

I smacked his hand away. “I think I’ve already said enough.”

He looked at me.

“Let’s go,” I said.

He shook his head and offered his back to me. As we started moving through the trees again, he raised his voice and asked, “Could you tell me about your second dream world?”

“Why?” I growled at him.

“Because I want us to be closer,” he answered easily.

I didn’t answer for a while, and we got closer to the hospital.

“We dispelled the Tsukuyomi, we were hospitalized, I left,” I explained succinctly.

“Why’d you leave?” he asked.

“Exiled.”

“Is that why you thought Kakashi-sensei was gonna exile you here, too?”

“Do you have any notion at all of the crimes I’ve committed?” I asked, feeling annoyed. I didn’t understand how he could just live in such complete obliviousness.

“You were a child,” he said sharply.

I laughed.

He stopped and we plummeted towards the ground. He landed on his feet hard, dirt exploding around us.

“What the fuck are you crying for?” I asked incredulously.

He put me down, keeping his back to me as his shoulder shook. “You don’t even realize…” he managed to get out before getting lost in his sniffling again.

I was mystified. “What am I supposed to be realizing?”

He took some deep breaths before turning around and sitting in front of me. “The village abused you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Perfectly aware of that, Mr. Obvious.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, shaking his head. “From when you were a kid.”

“Naruto, did you miss my entire pre-pubescent avenger phase? I know what the village did.”

“And what did the village do?” he asked. He’d calmed down, but there was something off in his eyes.

“They decided on the genocide of my clan and manipulated my teenage brother into doing the dirty work for them.”

“And then they kept you.”

I looked at him.

“They kept you,” he repeated, looking like he was about to get weepy again. “They kept you, and they used you, and they discarded you when you weren’t useful anymore…”

“Again, I know all this…”

“You don’t think that you’re a victim.”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course not.”

He continued to look at me like I was breaking his heart.

“Can we go already?” I asked, looking away.

Naruto reached towards me, his hand wavering before finally settling on my shoulder. “I think you’re a jerk, you know. Stubborn, selfish.”

I could feel a returning insult bubbling up.

“But I don’t blame you. I don’t… think of you as a criminal. Because you’re not a criminal. You’re not all those things that you think you are.”

“Don’t carry on like you know me better than I know myself,” I protested.

“I’m not saying that,” he complained. “There’s just this part of you, when it comes to your family and stuff, that you can’t see clearly.”

“And you’re going to enlighten me on the subject?”

“Yeah, doofus, I am,” he said, flicking me in the forehead.

“And what about what the village did to _you_?” I challenged him.

“I haven’t forgotten,” he said quietly. “Nice deflection,” he added.

I felt my face go red.

His hand moved from my shoulder to my cheek.

Why did he always have to touch my face?

His thumb stroked along my skin as he tried to get me to look him in the eye.

I wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. “Enough,” I said, looking into his eyes evenly.

He took his hand away slowly, like he didn’t really want to. “I… I just… I wish you didn’t think of yourself that way.”

I stared at him.

He sighed. “Can we hug?”

“Why?”

“I need a hug.”

I breathed out of my nose heavily, then held my arm away from my body.

He took the gesture as an invitation, attaching himself to my waist and burying his face in my neck.

I didn’t return the hug. “Let’s go,” I repeated, avoiding burying my own face in his hair.

“Hug me.”

“Is that an order?” I scoffed.

“Yeah, it’s a best friend order.”

“So it’s not a gay friends order?”

“No, it’s a platonic order.”

“So you’re not going to start snuffling at me sexually again?”

I felt him bite his lip, the briefest brush of his teeth against my skin before he quickly sat up, looking rightfully embarrassed. “Sorry, I uh… sometimes I don’t control myself so well. But see, I’m very in control now, giving you a very nice hug.” His hand was still looped around my waist and he was basically straddling my lap.

I patted his back. “This is awkward,” I informed him.

“How is a best friends hug awkward?!” he demanded, glaring at me.

“Well, first of all a hug usually requires two arms to complete it-”

“Oh my god, are you discriminating against me for only having one arm?!” he cried.

“Yes.”

“Oh my god! You one-armed bitch!”

“…you did not just call me a one-armed _bitch_.”

“I did! And I’ll do it again!”

“My second point was going to be about how you can’t really call something a ‘best friends hug’ when you keep telling said ‘best friend’ how much you want to be gay with him, but I feel like nothing I say gets through your ridiculously thick skull anyway, so why bother trying?”

He pouted, and fuck me if it wasn’t the cutest thing I’d ever seen in my life. “Just ’cause we’re gonna be gay together doesn’t mean we can’t still be best friends. Aren’t you supposed to be best friends with your spouse?”

“When the fuck are we getting married?!” I cried incredulously.

“I dunno, after a couple years of dating?”

“We’re not getting married, you idiot!”

“We’re not?”

“ _No_.”

“Why not, I mean we’re best friends and soulmates, and we’re both totally gay for each other-”

“Stop talking, Uzumaki,” I growled, covering his mouth.

There was that pout again.

“Don’t throw your life away on me,” I muttered, taking my hand away.

“Do you not get that this self-loathing thing of yours is exactly the point I’ve been trying to make?”

I stared at him.

He stared back.

I opened my mouth.

He covered it with his hand.

I bit him.

He shrieked.

I smiled.

“Sadist,” he complained, cradling his arm to his chest. I’d barely drawn any blood.

“Then maybe we shouldn’t-” I started to say, and the look in his eyes stopped me. It was inescapable. We were going to leave the village the next day, no matter how impractical it was. “Let’s go.”

He nodded, adjusting his crouch so I could get on his back.

I didn’t feel warm at the closeness. It was demeaning and I just wanted to walk again.

Naruto stopped a little ways from the hospital, both of us frowning at the rooftops. “They must be there to guard Baa-chan,” he said, linking his fingers with mine as we performed the henge.

“I didn’t think that enough ninjas had recovered to be acting as an ANBU squad,” I said, my feet dropping heavily to the ground. It was definitely time to get the fuck out of Konoha, crippled governing body or not.

We went through the front door of the hospital this time, eyes following us in.

Naruto made a beeline for the morgue. “I’ll take care of everything,” he said, helping me onto an empty slab. The one next to me wasn’t so empty. “Be right back.” He flashed me a grin before taking off.

My skin was crawling. The sight of those ANBU lurking on the roofs had set something off inside of me, some instinct that was screaming at me to get away.

Naruto was taking a long time.

I didn’t almost put a kunai through his neck when he came back with Shigeo, throwing the door open carelessly without any regard for his own safety.

“Hey, bastard, I brought the cavalry,” he said, his eyes catching the glint of the kunai as I slid it back into hiding. “Uh… yeah…”

“Hello, Mysterious Man in the Morgue,” Shigeo said, approaching me with his clinical detachment that I admired to a degree. “Have you seen any improvement?”

“He can kinda stand on his own,” Naruto put in. “But-”

I silenced him with a look.

His lower lip came out.

“I feel like your partner here would give me more information than your stony silence,” Shigeo said, running his chakra over my leg before digging his fingers into the muscles.

It wasn’t quite as painful as the last time, but I still started to sweat.

“So Sakura actually went home and is sleeping like I told her to do a million times,” Naruto said, brushing my sticky bangs from my forehead. “We should go see her in the morning.”

“…why?”

“To tell her our plan?”

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

Shigeo did something incredibly painful.

Naruto cradled my face, looking pained.

“Fuck off,” I muttered, pushing him away. He really needed to stop acting like that in front of other people.

He sighed pulling his hand away.

I flexed my leg. I could move it better than I expected. The muscles weren’t strong enough to support my weight, but I might be able to use chakra to move short distances. I gave Shigeo an approving look.

“Say ‘thank you’ like a normal person,” Naruto complained.

I ignored him, but I shook Shigeo’s hand when he offered it to me.

As we left the hospital, we were both on guard, feeling the distant signatures of the ANBU lurking around Konoha.


	11. Chapter 11

Sakura looked about as well-rested as she could under current circumstances. “Whaddyu want?” she grumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she closed her front door behind us.

“We’re leaving!” Naruto informed her cheerfully.

“You just got here,” Sakura said, squinting at him.

“We’re leaving Konoha!”

Sakura looked to me.

I shrugged.

“Hey, do you think we could get that wheelchair?” Naruto asked. “I know this guy looks effeminate, but he’s actually really heavy.”

“What the hell does looking effeminate have to do with weight?” Sakura muttered, opening a door and disappearing behind it.

I gave Naruto a shock with a small jutsu.

He yelped, his support under my arm weakening.

I caught myself by infusing my legs with chakra.

Naruto paused mid-rage to beam at me. “Hey, your legs are getting stronger.”

I glared at him.

He read my mind, slipping his arm back under mine and taking my weight again.

Sakura came back, holding a scroll out to us.

“Uh…” Naruto said.

I held my hand open and she placed it into it.

“Where’s the-” he started to ask, so I smacked him in the face with the scroll.

“The wheelchair is sealed in the scroll,” Sakura supplied.

“Dumbass,” I muttered.

Sakura grabbed me by the ear.

I was so startled by the pain that I actually let out a sharp, “Ow!”

“How in the world are you two going to leave Konoha, arguing like you do, only two arms between you, one of you in a wheelchair, and the other incapable of doing academy-level jutsu?!”

“Uh…” Naruto said. “Well, anyway, that’s why you should come with us.”

“Who’s going to cover my shifts? Someone who’s already working a double and is sleeping on their feet?”

“Sure, why not?”

Sakura sighed. “Don’t die, idiots.”

“We won’t,” Naruto assured her. “But you really won’t come?”

She shook her head. “This is where I’m needed.”

Naruto gave her a hug and she returned it, wrapping both arms around him tightly.

I leaned on a table and watched them.

Sakura caught my eyes and pulled away, looking almost… apologetic? “You should try out your wheelchair. It’s the same model as Guy-sensei’s, so it’s quite maneuverable but you might have to make some adjustments,” she concluded with a glance at my empty sleeve.

“I’m sure it will be suitable,” I said.

We stood in an awkward silence.

“Okay, we’re off to the next stop!” Naruto said, sliding his arm around me.

“Do you know about the ANBU?” I asked suddenly.

Sakura’s eyes sharpened. “What about them?”

I looked at her. “Who’s commanding them?”

She shook her head. “Two just arrived at the hospital yesterday and said they’d be guarding the Godaime.”

“And you didn’t think it was important to find out who was giving them orders?”

“They’re ANBU, Sasuke. They work for the village,” she said flatly.

“A village which no longer exists.”

I expected Naruto to chime in about how I was being paranoid, but he was silent beside me, his grip tight around my waist.

“I’ll talk to Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura said, running her fingers through her bangs. “So get going already.”

Naruto didn’t say anything as we trekked through the village, eyes darting around warily when he sensed an ANBU nearby.

We reached one of the few apartment buildings that hadn’t been damaged by the war or the God Tree.

Sai was staying on the fifth floor.

“Hello, friend and acquaintance,” he greeted us, stepping back from the door to let us in.

He looked nothing like me and I had no idea what everyone was on about.

“Mind if we sit?” Naruto said, nodding his head towards the floor. The apartment was spartan with no furniture beyond a table in the middle of the room.

“Ah, is that how these kind of social interactions go?” Sai asked, smiling the same smile he had greeted us at the door with.

“I’ll take that as a ‘go ahead’,” Naruto said, easing me to the floor and rolling his shoulder as soon as it was free of my weight.

“Getting tired?” I asked, eyeing him.

“I’m fantastic,” he responded, sitting next to me.

Sai stood over us, still smiling that smile.

“Was he always this weird?” I asked Naruto, trying to think about the very few times I’d met my ‘replacement’.

“Yes,” Naruto said, and Sai nodded his agreement. “So, Sai, you wanna come with us?”

“Where exactly are you going?”

“No clue,” Naruto replied. “We’ll travel around, try and find some sustainable food sources and figure out what’s going on with the other hidden villages. When things are more stable we’re gonna be looking into all the clan massacres and stuff, see if some of the darker practices of the villages can be brought to light, bad guys brought to justice, that kind of thing.”

“So you’re not going to be the Hokage?”

Naruto’s expression didn’t change. “No, probably not.”

“Well, that’s good that you’ve given up on it, because the elders would never let someone digging into those kinds of matters anywhere near the seat of power. They’ll probably try and have you killed, actually,” Sai said cheerfully.

“I’d like to see them try,” Naruto replied, just as cheerfully.

“Well, they’re mostly infirm due to being trapped inside a chakra-sucking tree for a year and a half,” Sai said. “But they’ve still got some tricks up their sleeves. When are we leaving?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Naruto said with a shrug. “Oh, man, I really gotta pee. Where’s your bathroom?” He got to his feet and quickly disappeared in the direction that Sai had pointed.

The room became silent.

I’d thought Sai was a bit odd, but since he wasn’t trying to make small talk I started to look at him slightly more favorably.

“You should mask your chakra better,” he said suddenly.

“Excuse me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. I had been a missing nin for almost four years and was quite adept at masking my chakra.

“The ANBU are going to figure out that you’re here,” he said. “They know something isn’t right. You’re too powerful, especially when you’re with Naruto.”

“What does my proximity to the idiot have to do with anything?”

“Your chakras resonate,” he said. He was still standing over me, mouth smiling easily while his eyes ripped me apart. “You two glow like a beacon when you’re together. These are some of the best ninjas in the village, they’re going to put it together.”

I studied him. “Aren’t they under Kakashi’s command?”

“For now,” Sai said. “Do you trust anyone’s allegiance in this new world?”

“I don’t,” I agreed. “So why aren’t you part of the new world order?”

“Not interested,” he said simply.

“But you’re interested in coming with Naruto and I?”

“I’m interested in getting out of Konoha.”

We sized each other up.

“Great, you’re getting along!” Naruto said cheerfully as he came back into the room. “I’m gonna take Sasuke back to Ms. Miharu’s, so why don’t you meet us there?”

“All right, pal,” Sai agreed.

We left the nothing-like-me weirdo behind and headed back towards the outskirts of Konoha.

“We’re really doing this, huh?” Naruto said as we sat side-by-side on Miharu’s porch.

“Apparently,” I said. “With Sai.”

“He’s a good ninja.”

I looked at him.

“Or did you just want it to be the two of us?” he asked, his grin going teasing.

I rolled my eyes.

Miharu opened the gate to the garden, carrying a haul of vegetables. She had to venture further and further out every passing day. “So, you two are really leaving?” she called to us.

“Afraid so,” Naruto replied, getting up and going to take the basket from her.

“I guess Kakashi’ll have to send me a new set of strapping young men to help out around here,” she said with a teasing smile.

“You think I’m strapping?” Naruto asked, looking delighted.

“Do you even know what it means?” I muttered.

“Yes,” he said, glowering at me. Then he pouted. “Maybe.”

“You’re not,” I informed him. He had definitely lost muscle mass in the tree, though he’d somehow managed to grow a couple of inches.

“I’m the most strapping strapper that ever strapped!” he declared.

I raised one eyebrow, knowing that look always set him off.

He had finally reached the porch, and he took one look at my expression before putting the basket down, throwing me over his shoulder, and picking up the basket again as he headed inside.

I sputtered incoherently.

Miharu followed us in, looking torn between amusement and exasperation.

“I will incinerate you,” I hissed, reaching down and giving Naruto a wedgie.

“Oh my god, what is wrong with you!” Naruto cried, jumping from foot to foot, wiggling desperately. He put the basket down on the kitchen table and tried to reach back to remove the underwear from his behind, but I smacked his hand away.

Now that he was distracted, I dropped myself to the ground and pulled him towards me by the collar of his shirt. “You’re just fucking loving my invalidness, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he said, reaching behind him again.

I let go of his shirt and held his arm to his side. “…yes…?”

“When else am I ever going to have a physical advantage over you?” he asked with a grin. “Besides, look, you’re standing on your own right now so it’s basically already over.”

Even as he was saying it, I felt my knees buckling. I held more tightly onto his arm, struggling to keep myself upright.

“So can I please remove this underwear from my buttcrack? It hurtsssss,” he whined.

“You deserve it,” I muttered, looking away from his pouting mouth.

“Sasukeeeee,” he continued his complaining, but he didn’t even try to break out of my hold.

I think he understood the delicate dance between us better than I did.

It was irritating.

I pushed away from him, stumbling to catch myself on the kitchen table before dropping onto one of the chairs.

“It’s like watching two clueless chimpanzees tryin’ ta court each other,” Miharu said with a loud sigh, and we both startled at her voice.

“Did you just compare us to…?” I started.

“…chimpanzees?!” Naruto concluded incredulously.

“It’s uncanny,” she said, taking some vegetables to the sink to wash.

“I wasn’t aware of any observable populations of chimpanzees in Konoha,” I commented, trying to recover my cool.

“In case you couldn’t guess from the accent, I haven’t always lived in Konoha, my little chimp friend,” Miharu responded easily.

Naruto choked on something that seemed to be a mix between a gasp and a laugh.

My glare hardened, mostly because I knew nothing about chimpanzees and their mating habits, so I had no idea how I was being made fun of.

“I’m just teasin’ y’all,” she said, giving me a warm smile. “This house has been empty for so long, then I get you two weirdo alpha males all up in here, tryna’ out display each other. I’m gonna miss ya, is all.”

“You miss us so you compare us to monkeys?” I muttered.

“Apes,” she corrected me. “And yes. Kinda reminds me of home.”

“Are you Kakashi-sensei’s illegitimate daughter?” Naruto blurted out.

We both turned to stare at him.

“No…?” Miharu said slowly.

“How old do you think Kakashi-sensei is, moron?” I asked incredulously. Kakashi was barely old enough to have fathered one of us, and Miharu was clearly at least ten years older than we were.

“He has gray hair…”

“He was born with gray hair!”

“Oh…”

I looked at this stupid manchild who was not-so-subtly still picking his underwear out of his butt, and fuck me I was smitten.

“Well my next guess was long-lost sister,” he said, grinning.

I dropped my head on the table and hid my face in my arm.

“Do you think we look alike?” Miharu asked, sounding genuinely perplexed.

“You obviously have some kind of secret connection to Kakashi-sensei!” he protested. “You call him ‘Kakashi’ and you always get this weird look on your face when you- I mean, uh, forget it, uhhh, sorry, I’m just babbling… Hey, Sas’, we gotta get ready and stuff.”

I lifted my head up slightly, peering at him from over my arm.

Naruto looked nervous.

Miharu looked blasé, and I had to give it to Naruto, the expression did carry a certain level of Kakashi-ness. Of course they looked nothing alike physically, and the idea that they could possibly be related was preposterous.

“I’ll fix us up a nice lunch if you aren’t in too much of a hurry,” Miharu offered.

“Lunch would be great,” Naruto said. “Right, grumpy pants?”

I stared at him.

He grinned.

I helped Miharu cook while Naruto headed back into the village to scrounge up whatever supplies he could find.

She didn’t need to say anything.

I didn’t either.

“You sure y’all are gonna be okay travelling together?” she finally asked, interrupting the blissful silence.

“We can handle ourselves,” I said, stirring the pot the on the stove precisely.

“I meant more about the instability and the fighting.”

“ _Instability_?”

“You put a hole in my floor, honey.”

I breathed out of my nose, keeping my mouth shut.

“You’re both very young, is all,” she said. “Seems like you’re both carryin’ all this weight. And Mr… Naruto’s just grievin’ so much right now. Just… be careful and take care of each other.”

“Sure,” I said, watching as some of the stew sloshed over the edge of the pot I was stirring.

She gave me a sad look, but didn’t offer any more of her unsolicited advice.


	12. Chapter 12

Sai arrived right before sundown. It seemed he didn’t have much going on in his life and had been able to finish his preparations for leaving the village in a few short hours.

“Be safe,” Miharu said, waving us off from the porch.

I held onto Naruto’s back and kept my head up, like it wasn’t completely demeaning.

As soon as we were through the gate, Naruto and Sai bounded up in the trees, taking off. We moved at a breakneck speed as darkness slowly swallowed the landscape.

As it neared midnight we finally slowed down and set up camp.

“I’ll take first watch,” Sai said.

We hadn’t seen a single person since we’d started out.

Naruto helped me into my sleeping bag, but then we both just sat there staring at the fire. He kept rolling his shoulders and it started to irritate me.

“If it’s such a burden to carry me…” I started to say.

He shook his head. “It’s fine. We wanted to get a good distance from the village to start. From now on you can use your wheelchair.”

I looked at him.

He rolled his eyes. “Sas’, there’s no one around to even see you.”

“Whatever, get some sleep,” I said, lying down and closing my eyes.

“You’re not even gonna offer to give me a massage or nothing?” Naruto complained.

I snorted and kept my eyes closed. I heard Naruto settle in across from me, so I let myself sleep.

“Your watch,” he murmured in the early hours of the morning.

My wheelchair was already unsealed and waiting, so Naruto helped me into it before crawling back into his sleeping bag and passing out.

We were near a body of water, and a chorus of frogs echoed around us. It was almost as annoying as Naruto’s snoring and Sai’s mere presence.

I focused on our surroundings, feeling like a ninja again.

We did another sprint in the morning, me on Naruto’s back, then took a break at lunchtime.

“There’s really nothing here,” Naruto said, glancing around as we sat and ate our rations.

“There are frogs,” I pointed out.

“Frogs aren’t food,” he said, like the idea was laughable.

“Some cultures consider them a delicacy,” Sai commented, all smiles.

Naruto looked aghast.

“All the rivers and lakes have been over-fished and the woods over-hunted,” I said. “We have to eat what’s available.”

“We are ****not**** eating frogs!” he shrieked.

I felt a smile creeping into my eyes, but then I noticed Sai watching me and my frown deepened.

“Why don’t we slow down the pace for the rest of the day and check out things more closely?” Naruto suggested. “Maybe there’s some kind of food source that we’re missing.”

“I think we either start hunting frogs or we move out more quickly,” Sai said.

“We’ll go quickly then!” Naruto exclaimed.

As we were packing up to head out again, I caught Naruto by the ankle.

He crouched down beside me. “Hm?”

“If you’re too tired-”

“No, I’m fine,” he said, his smile crinkling around his eyes. “I like when you worry about me, though.”

I frowned at him.

He touched my face briefly.

“No,” I said, swatting him away.

He pouted.

For the first time I was glad that Sai was there, helping me to check all of my ridiculous impulses when it came to Naruto. Having an audience prevented scenes, especially when I had to spend the entire day with my body pressed intimately to his.

I kept my head up and aware as we travelled, refusing to relax into the inviting warmth of Naruto’s back. I could feel how his muscles were starting to strain, feel the tension rippling through his body.

They were both exhausted, yet we kept pushing forward at breakneck speeds while I was the useless deadweight dragging them down.

We’d been traveling for a couple of hours when we finally came across the first people we’d seen since we left Konoha. “Two kilometers ahead,” I murmured into Naruto’s ear.

His pace stuttered then picked back up. “Sai, up ahead.”

We approached them cautiously, me wheeling along the forest terrain in my wheelchair.

They were just normal civilians from Iwa, looking for a new source of food.

“That was anticlimactic,” Naruto complained, lacing his arms behind his head as he walked and stretching his neck.

“Let’s take a break,” I told him.

“What, is your arm already tired?” he teased.

I stared at him.

“We should push a little further,” Sai said.

I found myself back on Naruto’s back.

When we finally stopped for the night, the two idiots were too exhausted to do anything. Sai was trying to cook plates and Naruto kept rubbing his shoulder and rolling his neck like he couldn’t get rid of an ache.

“Why are we pushing so hard?” I asked.

Sai looked at Naruto.

Naruto looked blankly at Sai.

Sai looked at me.

I looked at him.

Naruto looked at both of us. “…is something… going on?” he finally ventured.

“I don’t know, is there?” I asked, studying his guileless face and knowing immediately that even with his new-found smarts and maturity that he wasn’t capable of hiding anything from me.

He shook his head and we both turned to Sai.

“Well, I didn’t want to bring it up until we were a little further from Konoha,” Sai said with a casual shrug.

“Bring what up?” Naruto asked.

“Oh, well, about ANBU,” he said, “and how they recruited me to kill Sasuke.”

Naruto was in Sage Mode in a blink of the eye, exhaustion forgotten.

Sai held his hands up, still smiling. “I mean your lover no harm.”

“My l-l-lover?” Naruto stuttered, flushing red even as his body glowed golden.

“Explain,” I said, trying to keep the conversation from going down any stupid rabbit holes.

“I thought you knew about the birds and the bees?” Sai said, cocking his head to the side.

“About the ANBU,” I answered evenly.

“Oh, that,” Sai hummed. “Well, it’s exactly as I said. The new leader of the ANBU came and asked me to join. When I accepted, he told me that my mission would be eliminating missing nin, starting with Uchiha Sasuke.” He turned to me, looking pleased. “That’s you.”

“That is me,” I agreed. “And how were you going to go about killing me?”

Sai laughed at that. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“Most people in the village think that Naruto defeated Kaguya single-handedly.”

I glanced at Naruto.

He shrugged. “I think that was part of Kakashi keeping you hidden from the Council.”

“The only people who know how powerful Uchiha is are the people who were awake for the final battle,” Sai explained. “Fortunately, I was already aware of the details of the defeat of Kaguya and the subsequent fight at the Valley of the End, because Kakashi preemptively recruited me to his special ops unit before ANBU recruited me.”

“Huh?” Naruto said.

I rested my hand on his arm. “Typical Konoha bullshit, but Sai and Kakashi are probably on our side.”

He stuck his lip out at me.

I stared at that lip.

“Don’t mind me, you can kiss if you want,” Sai said. “I was reading a book the other day about animals in nature that participate in homosexual acts.”

“Saaaai,” Naruto groaned, his golden light flickering out as he dropped his head in his hand.

I searched those empty black eyes for any hint of what was going on behind them. “So what now?”

“We get far enough away, then I go back and say that I couldn’t pull off my mission without making Naruto suspicious.”

“Why does it matter if Naruto is suspicious or not?”

“Naruto is considered the most powerful ninja alive. Konoha wants to keep that power for themselves.”

Naruto didn’t look shocked, just tired and disappointed. “So I’m still just a thing for Konoha to use as the leaders see fit,” he said quietly.

I nudged the back of his hand with mine. I was sorry to be right in that moment.

“Yes, Hyuuga expects to marry you to one of his daughters and will let you become the official sixth hokage instead of Kakashi,” Sai said.

Naruto looked like he’d been hit.

“Hyuuga Hiashi is the new head of the ANBU?” I asked, eyes narrowing.

“He is the new jounin commander, but he’s the one pulling the strings of the ANBU.”

“Then who’s the new head of the ANBU?” I demanded.

“Morino Ibiki.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t surprised that the Hyuuga wanted to wipe out the Uchiha bloodline, but I was surprised that Morino would follow such a pathetic leader so easily.

“They think they’re protecting the village,” Naruto said with a sigh.

“Oh, yes,” Sai agreed. “And if the Fifth doesn’t wake up from her coma, they’ll probably move to overthrow Kakashi.”

Naruto swallowed.

“It’s a bit earlier than I planned, but how should we proceed?” Sai asked, looking to him.

Naruto wasn’t fazed at all that someone would look to him to make the final decision. “Do you want to stay undercover?”

“I think that would be the most advantageous move.”

Naruto turned to me. “Sas’?”

“Oh, does my opinion matter in this conversation?”

“Of course it does,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder more intimately than really necessary.

I looked at him. “You understand, right? That I can’t go back to Konoha as long as Hyuuga’s in charge?”

“That _we_ can’t go back?” Naruto said, tilting his head to the side. “Yeah, I got it.”

“You can go back,” I said, avoiding his eyes.

“And become a puppet in their political bullshit? No, thanks.”

“You’re going to give up on Konoha?”

“I’m not giving up on Konoha,” he said, moving his hand to my chin so he could tilt my face towards him. “Konoha and I just need a break. And if there’s still a Konoha to go back to when all of this blows over…”

“This isn’t something that’s going to ‘blow over’,” I said. I looked into his eyes, swatting his hand away. “This is how Konoha has been since its inception. A power grab between two factions, where the loser gets subjugated or exterminated.”

“If you’re asking me to choose between you or possibly being Hokage someday, I choose you.”

His expression was so earnest I wanted to beat it off of his face. “I’m not asking you to choose. Don’t put that on me.”

“Okay,” he said. “But I love you. I’m going wherever you go. And if you’re never going back to Konoha, then I’m never going back to Konoha.”

“Stop making stupid declarations,” I said with a sigh. “You don’t have to say those kinds of things, okay? You don’t have to decide right now. I’m not forcing you, so don’t use me as an excuse to run away.”

“This reminds me of a book I read recently,” Sai mused. “The woman gallantly insisted that her man-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I said, giving him a look that usually shut people up.

Sai just smiled. “Yes, but you really remind me of that wom-”

“No, Sai, no,” Naruto said, shaking his head frantically.

Like I was so sensitive about being compared to a woman swooning for her man. I smacked Naruto upside the head.

“What was that for?!” he cried.

I ignored him.

“I think it’s a mating ritual,” Sai observed.

I ignored him, too. “I’ll take first watch,” I said, getting myself into my wheelchair and rolling away from the camp. I could hear the two of them talking in the distance, deciding what the best course of action was before succumbing to sleep.

My heart was racing. It was so irritating, that I would be affected by something I knew had to be coming. Fucking Hyuuga. Fucking Morino. Fucking Konoha. It barely even still existed and it was fucking up my life.

I wasn’t any calmer spending three hours chasing my thoughts, and Sai probably didn’t appreciate me nudging my wheelchair into him to get him up.

He just smiled at me, though, and went to take up his post.

I struggled out of my wheelchair, thudding inelegantly onto the ground before struggling into my sleeping bag.

“What’s wrong?” came Naruto’s sleep-muffled voice.

“Nothing. Go to sleep.”

“Your chakra itches.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, it’s all… itchy. On my skin.”

“That didn’t clarify things.”

“I feel you, Sas’,” he said, looking at me intensely as he shuffled his sleeping bag closer.

“And now you’ve made it creepy,” I said, turning my back to him.

I didn’t expect him to press in close and wrap his arm around me.

It felt so damn familiar.

I turned back around so I could push him away. “Go back to Konoha with Sai. Tell them that Sai tried to kill me but I got away. Tell them and just forget about me. Marry the Hyuuga girl and make your precious little Naruto Jr. and -”

“You know I’m not going to do that.”

“I can’t change you like this.”

“How am I changing?”

“This isn’t how things are supposed to be.”

“Well it’s how they are.”

“Naruto,” I said, frustrated and exasperated and angry.

“What?” he asked gently.

“You’re going to look back at this moment and you’re going to regret it.”

“You know what I regret the most in my life?” he asked. “I regret not following you when you left the village after the war.”

“That didn’t really happen.”

“It happened for me,” he said. “I’m not saying my life would have necessarily been easier or happier if I’d followed you, but…”

“But what?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

There was that awful sad look on his face again. “Becoming Hokage was a mistake. Letting the village continue how it was was a mistake. Marrying… It was all a mistake, okay? That’s not the man I want to be. The kind of man I want to be is the kind of man who travels around with his best friend, trying to make real changes to this messed up world we’re living in.”

“I’m not trying to change anything.”

“Whatever, Sas’. Stop making my skin all itchy and go to sleep.”

I felt outmaneuvered and exhausted. He was going to have the last word, and it _rankled_. “You’re dumb,” I said, which was such a childish and stupid thing to say that it made my defeat all the more obvious.

“And you’re mean,” he said, chuffing my shoulder before rolling his sleeping bag back to its original spot.

I didn’t sleep very well.


	13. Chapter 13

Outside Iwagakure was a ghost town.

“I don’t think anyone will mind if we stay the night,” Naruto said cheerfully as we walked through an empty inn. “No one will mind that we have no money, either.”

“So we can splurge on separate rooms?” I asked hopefully.

“When we know there’s a bounty on your head? Uh, we’re gonna be glued together for the rest of your life,” Naruto said, like that wasn’t a completely weird and inappropriate thing to say.

“You’re such a creepy stalker,” Sai said, patting him on the shoulder with a smile.

“That’s not a nice thing to say,” Naruto muttered.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” Sai said, looking overly happy. “I’m practicing my friendly teasing between pals.”

“It’s not really teasing when it’s the truth,” I pointed out.

“I’m not a stalker!” Naruto cried.

“It’s funny because he believes that,” Sai said, turning his smile on me.

Maybe Sai had his good points.

In fact, he’d been a valuable source of information as we’d traveled, answering all of my questions precisely and without added emotional detail. Hyuuga had made his power grab before Nara’s bones had even been recovered from the wreckage of the allied headquarters. Before Naruto and I had been found. That Kakashi had relied on covert maneuvering and favors to get the two of us back into the village. That everyone thought that Naruto had lost his arm fighting Kaguya, and that no one knew about my arm. That no one knew what I had done. No one knew about _revolution_.

Sai knew all of these things, because Kakashi and Sakura knew.

They were the only three people in the village who knew.

“I’ll take first watch,” Naruto announced as we were brushing our teeth.

I looked at him in the bathroom mirror.

He smiled at me, toothpaste dripping out of the corner of his mouth.

I frowned.

He spit into the sink and rinsed it away.

“Don’t pretend to be okay.”

His head shot back up. His eyes met mine, and his expression softened into a sad smile. “I’ll be okay eventually,” he said, like his entire world hadn’t just been turned upside down. Again.

“If you can’t sleep…” I started to say, then felt my face go red. I hated when my mouth started moving without my permission.

Naruto nodded. “Thanks,” he said, like he knew that I was going to tell him that he could wake me up to talk. He chuffed me on the shoulder and went back into the room.

I brushed my teeth slowly, waiting for my normal coloring to return. Being around Naruto all the time was making me stupider. I thought not spending the day plastered to his back and actually moving on my own in my wheelchair would have helped put some healthy distance between us.

It did not.

Sai and I set up the futons while Naruto slipped out the window to take up his watch.

“You need to do something about your arm,” he said as we both settled in to sleep, interrupting the peaceful quiet thing that we had going.

“Such as…?”

“There will be questions.”

“You’re saying I shouldn’t go up to the tsuchikage and say that Naruto blew off my arm trying to stop me from killing all the kages?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t recommend that course of action at all.”

“What’s done is done.”

“You need allies.”

“...yeah.”

I drifted off into a light sleep, waiting for the sound of Naruto jumping back through the window so I could take my shift.

My entire body heaved.

Sai was next to me, pulling out a scroll and already painting furiously.

I was riding Susanoo, charging towards where Naruto had landed. He wasn’t moving. Susanoo snatched him up, his small body in that huge hand, and then he was looking at me and grinning sheepishly.

A bird emerged from Sai’s scroll. He dove off of Susanoo’s shoulder and onto its back, swooping towards the two ninja standing in front of us.

“What the fuck is the point of you taking watch if you can’t even use fucking ninjutsu!” I screamed at Naruto.

“Heh,” he said, like this was somehow funny.

I was going to kill him, but first I was going to kill the idiots who’d dared attack him.

Unfortunately, Sai seemed to have that situation under control, the two ninjas running for cover from his onslaught of attacks.

“You’re breathing really hard,” Naruto pointed out as Susanoo dropped him next to me.

“I was just woken from sleep by a strange chakra attacking our camp,” I said irritably.

“It’s like a shot of adrenaline,” he said with a knowing nod.

We both watched Sai wrangle the two ninjas into submission with his snakes. It was obvious that they weren’t very skilled, and that the only reason they’d gotten the drop on Naruto was because the idiot couldn’t do one-handed jutsu.

“I’m okay,” he said, squeezing my hand.

I didn’t respond, glaring out ahead of me.

“We should go help Sai,” he said.

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘we’ since it’s already been established that you’re completely useless.”

“Enough.”

I was so startled by the authority in his voice that I actually looked at him.

Naruto’s face was hard, looking much older than his eighteen years. “Take us down there.”

I was lowering us to the ground before it registered what I was doing.

Naruto strode off towards Sai like he was used to me following his orders.

I cloaked myself more tightly in my chakra, knowing it was a waste to keep Susanoo activated but not caring.

It was easy enough to get the captives talking. They were some small fry thugs who had recovered quickly after being released from the God Tree and had decided to make this town their base. They were hoarding all the town’s supplies and attacking any passersby to add to their stockpile.

Sai’s smile had taken on an unpleasant edge. “There are people starving in this world, you know.”

“Hey, we’re just looking out for our own,” the dumber of the two protested.

Sai and I went on a quick excursion through the town, rooting out the other members and wrapping them up in a nice package for the tsuchikage.

“We should move on from here,” Sai told Naruto, and I nodded my agreement.

“You both exhausted your chakra,” he said with a frown. “Let’s rest a few hours.”

“We’re fine,” I said, and Sai nodded his agreement.

Naruto looked between us, a furrow in his brow.

“We should get to Iwa,” Sai said.

“What’s the rush?” Naruto complained.

Sai and I both exchanged a look.

“When the hell did you two become best friends?” Naruto whined.

“Best… friends…?” Sai said slowly.

“We don’t know what’s waiting for us, idiot,” I growled.

“Whaddya mean?”

“He means that all of the strongest ninjas from Iwa were in Lightning when everyone woke up, and they only left to return a few weeks ago,” Sai explained. “Maybe more of these kinds of factions had already entrenched themselves before the tsuchikage could return.”

Naruto nodded slowly. “Okay. But you two are going to be as useless as me if we come up against another group like this and you haven’t recovered your chakra, so…”

I glared at him.

He grinned.

“And who’s going to take watch, you?” I spat out.

“Whoever’s the least tired,” he said, unperturbed.

I looked to Sai.

He nodded.

“I’ll take first watch,” I said. I glanced towards the row of sleeping prisoners we had lined up in the hall. They were definitely throwing a wrench in things. At least we’d found one of the food stores, so we’d have enough food to feed them in the morning. I would have just let them miss a meal or two if it was up to me, but I was with the ‘good’ guys now.

“Give me two hours,” Sai said, heading into the room.

Naruto leaned against the wall next to my chair.

“You haven’t slept at all,” I pointed out.

“Well, I’m useless anyway.”

“You keep saying that.”

“ _You_ keep saying that.”

“It’s true.”

“I know,” he said quietly.

“I’m going outside,” I informed him, wheeling my chair down the hallway.

He followed.

The sun was just starting to peek out over the hills. I felt the air, breathing in my surroundings. I couldn’t sense any threats.

Besides the blond who was suddenly resting his chin on my knee and staring up at me pitifully.

“Go to bed, Naruto,” I chided him.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

I touched his cheek.

He leaned into it until I took my hand away, then got to his feet and went back inside.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke Sai up after two hours and finally sank into my own restless sleep, flooded with uneasy dreams.

“Sas’?”

I opened my eyes with a start, my heart pounding from something unfinished and unremembered.

“We’ve got some rice for breakfast instead of ration bars,” Naruto said cheerfully. He was crouched beside me, rolling up his bedding into a scroll. “You wanna get your exercises out of the way before we eat?”

I sat up, pushing my snarly bangs out of my eyes. “Yeah,” I said, rolling my shoulders. My body felt stiff from the fighting and the lack of sleep.

“Tell me when you’re ready.”

I sighed, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. “Just get it over with.”

He turned to look at me. “You didn’t sleep very well.”

“No shit.”

He frowned but didn’t say anything.

I lay back down, looking at him expectantly.

He got my left leg moving, then my right, before moving on to resistance training. He was pushing me harder than usual, and I started feeling frustrated when I couldn’t keep up.

“Enough!” I finally snapped, pushing him away.

“We’re not finished.”

“Well I can’t fucking do it so who cares.”

“You’re just tired, from yesterday, so-”

“Shut up!” I snarled.

He frowned his adult-frown at me, which pissed me off even more.

My sheer fury seemed to melt the look off his face, and suddenly he was an insecure little boy.

“Hey, um… so Sai’s gonna stay here with the prisoners while we go ahead to Iwa, but… I mean is that going to be okay?” he asked uncertainly.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” I asked, murdering him with my eyes.

“Sasuke,” he said, pained.

I stopped.

“Why can’t we just get along?” he asked glumly.

“Because I’m an asshole and you’re overly sensitive?” I suggested.

He sighed. “You’re an asshole on purpose.”

I couldn’t argue with that.

“You have a lotta stuff to sort out inside of you,” he said. “I get that, but you can’t keep talking down to me and treating me like I’m garbage.”

“...I know.”

He looked at me.

I looked back at him, feeling a small piece of me crack. “You almost got hurt. Yesterday.”

He studied my face. “Yeah, I did.”

I sat up slowly. Why was he making me say it? “I didn’t… like it.”

“Sas’,” he breathed out, catching me by the back of the neck and pressing in until our foreheads touched.

I looked into his eyes, refusing to say anything else.

He sighed, a soft brush of air against my lips.

“Don’t scare me like that,” I mumbled against his mouth before I could stop myself.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered back, his breathing getting heavier.

“I…” I started to say. I stopped myself by finally completing the circuit, my lips molding into Naruto’s. It was so easy and familiar, taking control of his mouth and making it mine.

He gasped when we pulled apart, looking dazed.

I felt myself going soft around the edges.

He tucked a piece of hair that had fallen from my hair tie behind my ear, his hand lingering. “Damn, I hate that,” he said with a sad smile.

I felt my eyes narrowing.

“I… sorry, you know I don’t think before I talk,” he rushed ahead. “I was just… it’s like you kiss me like you’ve done it a thousand times before, you know? But for me, it’s like,” he started to say, then turned to his hand to count on his fingers, his brow scrunching up. “It’s our fourth kiss, Sasuke. The fourth! It’s still new and special and kinda overwhelming, but you’re over here all cool as a cucumber while I experience all that by myself.”

“Maybe it’s just because you’re uncool,” I muttered, flustered.

“Well, that, too,” he said with an upward twitch of his lips.

We stared at each other.

“I have kissed you a thousand times before,” I admitted quietly.

“That wasn’t me.”

I studied his serious face. “Okay. Then kiss _me_.”

He tilted his head to the side.

“Kiss me,” I repeated, trying not to sound desperate. “Show me what it’s like to kiss you and not… him…”

He hesitated.

I let him take his time, meeting his gaze as evenly as I could.

“Fifth time’s the charm?” he asked. He was nervous.

“Fifth time’s the charm,” I agreed, leaving my lips parted and waiting.

Naruto thumbed along my bottom lip. He was still hesitating.

I closed my eyes. It felt like I was putting myself at a disadvantage, like I was leaving myself open. Open to an attack? Open to a rejection?

Time had slowed down, and all I could do was wait in the dark.

The first brush was hesitant. I could feel the moisture from him licking his lips first, feel the uneven roughness of his sun-blistered mouth. The pressure was light before immediately disappearing.

I swallowed.

His hand settled on my arm, his fingers digging in a little too tightly, clinging. The second brush was more confident, the pressure of his lips firm against mine.

I responded carefully, following his lead.

His fingers slid down the sleeve of my t-shirt, caressing the skin where my arm ended.

It felt _intimate_ , and I gasped into his mouth.

Naruto pulled back, breathing heavily.

I kept my eyes shut.

He pressed in more aggressively and I answered in kind. His hand had slipped up my sleeve, rubbing along the skin. Every touch said that this arm was _his_ , and I found myself agreeing.

“Sasuke,” he said between gasps and kisses. “Sasuke, look at me.”

I didn’t look at him, just continued to move my mouth with his instead.

“Sasuke,” he repeated, swiping his tongue along mine. He seemed to get distracted tangling our tongues together, but then he was pulling back again. “Sasuke, I’m Naruto.”

I actually opened my eyes at that because it was such a stupid thing to say. I stared at him.

He didn’t seem to think that what he was saying was stupid at all. “I’m Naruto,” he repeated insistently, going in for another kiss.

My mouth was immobile as I continued to stare at him.

He frowned. “I’m the real Naruto,” he said, tracing my closed lips with his tongue.

They parted without my permission.

“Forget about him,” he whispered harshly, and suddenly I could feel his chakra running along my skin.

We were moving towards some unnamed line, bodies pressed tightly, mouths moving together My hips were somehow moving, Naruto’s rising up to meet me, and then I was on my back and I didn’t know what was happening anymore, just that I _wanted_ _more_.

That familiar chakra pushed past my skin and into my pathways.

I could barely classify what we were doing as ‘kissing’ anymore, our mouths failing to meet half the time as we just gasped our way to some kind of completion. My body was flooded with chakra as he came, and all I could do was cry out and cling onto him.

It took a while to come back to my senses and realize how heavy Naruto was, his full weight pinning me down. “Hey,” I said, nudging his head with my chin.

He groaned, slowly emerging from his coma-like state.

“Off,” I said.

He grumbled something and rolled onto his side, pulling me with him.

I probably minded, but we were already mindlessly kissing again, albeit chastely.

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Naruto said when he finally regained the ability to speak human language. He kept pressing our lips together between words.

“What, dry hump me into a futon?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Mm, yeah,” he said, blushing.

“Wish we’d brushed our teeth first,” I said, mouth separating from his with a soft smack.

Naruto laughed at that, still blushing. “I didn’t know that _the_ Uchiha Sasuke got morning breath.”

“It’s nothing compared to your dog breath,” I muttered, continuing to kiss him anyway.

“Bow wow,” he deadpanned.

I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up out of me. I felt like I was drunk on Naruto’s chakra.

“What are we doing?” he asked, looking happier than I’d seen him since we’d woken up in this world.

“Making out,” I said between kisses.

He gave me a goofy smile and suddenly started kissing me all over my face.

“Ugh,” I tried to complain, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop him.

“Do you think we fight so much because of all the unresolved sexual tension?” he asked, his brows knotting together.

I breathed out a laugh, smoothing the tension between his eyes with my thumb. “I hope we weren’t experiencing sexual tension when we were six.”

“We might have been,” he said solemnly.

I slid my hand to his cheek, thumbing along the skin. “I don’t think we’re going to stop fighting.”

“Due to the unusually high quantity of sexual tension?” he asked.

I would have laughed again, but his eyes were smoldering and I could feel the weight of his experience and his desire.

Naruto didn’t like whatever he saw on my face, flopping on his back with a sigh. “Sorry,” he said.

“For what?” I muttered.

“This is okay, right?” he asked, reaching his hand out hesitantly before resting it on my side and pulling me closer.

I just looked at him, resting my head against his shoulder.

“You expect me to read your mind, and I can’t,” he said quietly. His hand moved to my back, rubbing up and down and making me want to close my eyes in bliss.

“You’re not so bad at it,” I said, trying to keep the pure contentment out of my voice.

The corner of his mouth tilted upward. “You’re like a freaking cat, Uchiha.”

“At least I’m not a dog,” I mumbled.

“I’m a fox, not a dog,” he said, sliding his hand under my t-shirt and rubbing the tension out of my muscles.

“Foxes are canids,” I said, absently tracing the seal on his stomach where his shirt had ridden up.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“It means foxes and dogs are in the same family of animals.”

“Oh… really?”

“Yes.”

“You’re smart…”

“Smarter than you? Yes.”

“Jerk.”

I pressed a kiss to his collarbone, a quiet apology.

He kissed the top of my head and continued to rub my back.

Then Sai came into the room, said, “Pardon me, I didn’t know that you were mating,” and we were back to reality.


	15. Chapter 15

It wasn’t far to Iwa. We could make it within the day if Naruto did the running, and that’s how I found myself awkwardly holding onto his back.

Naruto was probably starting to remember about how he didn’t want to rush into things. And I was starting to remember how much I hated being in a relationship with Naruto.

We stopped to eat the rice balls that Sai had made for us during his long wait.

We didn’t say anything.

We continued on until we reached Iwa.

There had been a battle here.

“Can you use Susanoo if you need it?” Naruto asked.

“Yes.”

“Okay, you’re probably going to hate this, but I need you to stay close,” he said, acting like he was going to carry me on his back into town.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“I’m defenseless without you.”

“That’s your own stupid fault.”

He sighed loudly. “Just think about it like I’m your horse that you’re riding into battle or something.”

I didn’t want to tell him that that actually did make me feel better.

Everything was silent as we entered the outskirts.

“We’re surrounded,” Naruto informed me.

I didn’t dignify that with a response.

The second the first line made a move towards us we were riding Susanoo.

“Identify yourselves,” one of the ninjas ordered.

I scoffed.

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “It’s kinda obvious, innit?”

The man seemed confused.

“Hey, Naruto, is that you?!”

Naruto squinted until his eyes fell on the speaker. “Oh, hey! Kurotsuchi! And Akatsuchi, too!”

“Long time no see!” Akatsuchi said, waving cheerfully.

“What are you doing in our neck of the woods?” Kurotsuchi asked, coming closer.

“You can release Susanoo,” Naruto said to me. “We’re just travelling around, looking for food sources and checking up on everyone,” he called.

“No way in hell,” I informed him, ignoring his yelling conversation.

“They’re my friends, it’s fine,” he protested.

“They’re not my friends.”

“Sasuke.”

I trusted Naruto’s judgement implicitly, I just didn’t want him to know that. I picked him up with Susanoo instead and set him on the ground in front of his ‘friends’.

Of course, I was just looming over everyone in full battle gear while they were laughing and having a lighthearted conversation. Not to mention the fact that I was wasting chakra keeping Susanoo active. As long as I wasn’t facing high-ranking Iwa officials attached to Naruto’s back, though.

As everyone moved to head into the village, Naruto stayed back, looking up at me expectantly.

I stared back.

He held his hand out to me.

I sighed, letting Susanoo dissipate and sinking to the ground.

He slid his arm around me, catching my weight when my legs finally gave out. “Do you want your chair?”

“Yes,” I said, not looking at him.

He unsealed it and helped me sit. “Looks like a lot of ninjas are trying to take advantage of the chaos,” he said. “Kurotsuchi said they had to reclaim the village from some group that swooped in when everyone was still recovering in Lightning.”

“I could hear, dobe.”

“Oh, well I dunno what you were doing up there, all skulking and menacing.”

“I’m your bodyguard.”

“You’re the one who’s got assassins after him.”

“You’re the idiot who can’t use jutsu.”

“Babe, enough.”

I stopped rolling my chair forward and gawked at him.

“What?” he asked, turning back to face me. Then his face went red. “I didn’t… crap, uh… It’s a term of endearment!”

“Since when are we on terms of endearment?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. It didn’t make me feel warm inside.

“Since we mutually climaxed this morning,” he said, turning around abruptly and stalking forward.

“Sex and endearment are mutually exclusive,” I informed his retreating back, trying not to cringe at his word choice.

He whirled around again. “What?! You’re such a sociopath sometimes! We are _soulmates_ and we are _in love_ and you should just deal with it already!”

“Oh, so you’re okay with all of this now?” I said, tilting my head to the side and staring into his eyes. “You’ve just moved on from your wife and kids and your whole stupid fake hokage life?”

He looked down at his feet then back at me. “Okay, no, I haven’t.”

“So don’t try and act like things are simple between us, or that you can just call me whatever ridiculous name you want.”

“Yeah, I get it. But you’re blushing, you know.”

“I am fucking not,” I snarled, pushing my chair forward and ignoring him the rest of the way to the Tsuchikage’s.

I was surprised when I was allowed into the inner sanctum. Did they not take me seriously because of my legs? I suddenly wanted to make them take me seriously.

“You need a leash for your guard dog?” Oonoki asked, eyeing me warily as we approached.

I flashed my teeth at him in the semblance of a smile.

“Sasuke is my partner,” Naruto said. “He helped me beat Kaguya.”

“Didn’t help you stop that tree though,” Oonoki commented.

“Uh, Sasuke is literally the person who stopped the tree,” Naruto said.

“A year and a half later…” Oonoki trailed off. “Now if I had the rinnegan, I would have-”

Naruto stopped him with a look.

This was definitely Hokage Naruto.

“Anyway, we dispatched a team back to Koishi to deal with those criminals and bring back your friend,” the tsuchikage continued. “You’re welcome in Iwa as long as you like, even your troublesome little missing nin friend.”

It quickly became apparent that things were as dire in Iwa as they were in Konoha. The hospital was full to capacity despite the fact that most of the able-bodied ninjas had been in Lightning during the final battle, the town had been ravaged by the God Tree roots and by raiders, and there simply wasn’t enough sustainable food.

There was still a large supply of alcohol, though, that Kurotsuchi and Naruto were working hard on dwindling down in our room that night.

“So you want me to gather all of our ninjas together to do a coordinated mass pooping in our fields to make the crops grow better?” Kurotsuchi asked, swirling the sake around in her glass.

“Yes, exactly.”

“It might be the alcohol talking, but that seems like a reasonable idea,” she hummed.

“It’s like, ya gotta take a dump? Dump it in the fields,” Naruto said with a sage nod.

“You could just have people collect their stools and bring them to a designated area for dispersal in the fields,” I cut in agitatedly. “Why would everyone just be out pooping in a field? Who would do that?”

They both shot me looks, like I was somehow interfering with their great ideas.

I took a long drink and went back to ignoring them in my corner.

“Stools,” Naruto said, suddenly snickering. “You’re such a priss, Sas’.”

“Just say shit like a normal person,” Kurotsuchi agreed.

“How about you both take a shit on your shitty selves and shut up about this?” I suggested.

Naruto burst out laughing. “Oh my god, babe, are you drunk?”

“No,” I said sourly. I’d only had two drinks, which was like having a glass of water for me… in my fake dream world… “Shit.”

Naruto kept laughing.

“You’re drunk, too,” Kurotsuchi kindly pointed out.

“What?!” Naruto cried, aghast. He then paused to think about it. “Shit.”

“It’s weird, getting used to this new world,” she said with a sigh. “Being bad at drinking, being demoted…”

“I don’t think I mind that last part,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “You still wanna be the tsuchikage?”

“Uh, yeah,” she said. “Who wants that old fart in charge?”

“You were a good tsuchikage in my world,” Naruto said with a smile.

“I was a good one in my world, too,” she agreed. “So the geezer can hurry up and retire already, I’ve been the tsuchikage for the last three years.”

“Your private fantasies and reality are two separate things, and one shouldn’t inform the other,” I helpfully pointed out.

“Uchiha, you are savage,” Kurotsuchi said, rolling her eyes. She then stage-whispered to Naruto, “Does he ever stop being a bitch?”

“Never.”

I threw a kunai at his head.

“See!” he hissed, holding up the piece of his hair that I’d managed to slice off.

“You need a haircut anyway,” I said.

“Aw, I like your matching man-buns,” Kurotsuchi protested.

“I just haven’t gotten around to cutting it,” Naruto said, touching his hair nervously.

“We could do it right now,” I suggested.

“Um, we could do it when everyone is sober,” Naruto countered.

“Lame.”

Naruto looked at me, and I could see the alcohol slowly overpowering his new-found maturity. “I know you are, but what am I?”

I held up my kunai. “Scared?”

His eyes glinted.

I wasn’t a very good barber when I was drunk. I wasn’t bad, just not very good.

Kurotsuchi laughed until she was crying.

“Why would you let me cut your hair?” I complained after she had left and we were finally alone. My hand was buried in his hair, already missing those long, awful tresses.

“Because you made me!”

“Like I could make you do anything.”

“Babe, I gave up my life for three years to dedicate myself to finding you.”

“I already told you to stop with that.”

He looked at me blankly for a moment before it clicked. “What, ‘babe’?”

“Yes, Uzumaki, ‘babe’.”

“But I don’t want to call you ‘bastard’ anymore.”

“Then call me by my name!”

“But everyone can call you by your name,” he complained, looping his arm around my waist. “It feels too… impersonal.”

“You are so damn weird.”

“You do the same thing with all your ‘dobe’s and ‘usuratonkachi’s.”

I sniffed my disdain at that.

“Sasuke,” he said, kissing me softly and carefully.

“Idiot,” I whispered, pushing him away.

“You’re really red…”

I kicked him further away. “Go to sleep.”

He pulled up his futon next to mine, and promptly started snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow.

I watched him until my own eyes drifted shut.


	16. Chapter 16

“Why am I so bad at drinking?” Naruto complained, rolling over to lay his cheek on my chest the next morning.

“Why are you invading my personal space?” I complained back, running my fingers through his newly shortened hair.

“Do you want me to move?” he asked, and it was a genuine question.

I didn’t answer, continuing to stroke his hair.

“Talk to me?” he requested.

“Why do you always have to talk about everything?” I asked. “Haven’t we lived our entire lives not talking about anything?”

“And that went so well for us, babe.”

I pushed him away.

“What?” he whined.

“Do I have to spell everything out for you?”

“Yes, Sasuke, god. You’re the one always telling me what an idiot I am. Spell. It. Out.”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, did you used to have a special pet name for your wife?” I asked.

“...yes…?”

“And what was that pet name, Naruto?”

“...babe…?”

I sighed loudly.

“It’s how I feel about you,” he said.

“That I’m a helpless infant that needs your protection?”

“It just means that I love you,” he mumbled.

“It just means that you’re trying to fill a hole from having your wife of twenty years suddenly gone from your life,” I growled. “I’m not your hole to fill.”

The look he gave me at that shut my mouth immediately and made it run dry. “That’s too bad,” he said, his voice low and sexual.

I couldn’t look away from his gaze, and I finally mustered up a very quiet, “Stop.”

Naruto turned away, embarrassed. “I…”

“Please just don’t,” I said, moving myself farther away from him.

“I don’t get you!” he cried in frustration. “Well… I do. But I don’t!”

“What is there to get?”

Naruto stood up and started pacing.

I was tired of the conversation. Not all of our problems needed to be dissected and discussed to death. I lay on my back. “Do my exercises,” I said, pointing my toe at him.

He turned to me, his mouth shaping a series of words, but he gave up on each one of them before they sounded from his lips.

I frowned at him.

He huffed angrily and stomped out of the room.

I didn’t care. I lay there and stared at the ceiling for a long while until Naruto came crawling back with his tail between his legs.

He started moving my leg carefully. “Don’t be mad,” he said quietly.

“I’m not mad.”

“You’re something,” he said, adding more resistance. “I’m mad.”

“Why are you mad?” I growled, trying to keep my breathing steady despite how hard Naruto was pushing my therapy.

“I’m mad because you throw grenades at me and then just move on like it was nothing,” he said, switching to the other leg.

“You just run away anyway, so what do you care?”

He had my leg almost to my chest now and I was shaking from the effort to try and push back. “I know I shouldn’t run away, okay? I just had to cool off, and obviously I haven’t cooled off enough,” he said, suddenly easing off of my leg.

I let it drop to the ground and panted. “I can take it.”

He rubbed my leg absently. “Can we just go back to yesterday morning?”

“I thought you wanted to talk things out, not fuck them out.”

“How do you say shit like that with a straight face?” he asked, blushing.

I didn’t answer, feeling the heat creep along my own cheeks. “Say what you need to say already.”

“I… forgot…” he trailed off, his hand sliding up my thigh.

“That was fast,” I said, kicking at his chest with my other leg.

He stumbled back a little, his eyes lighting up in a smile. “Hey, that was pretty strong.”

“You don’t have to patronize me,” I said with a scowl.

“I wasn’t,” he said, pushing my leg aside and sliding in between my suddenly very open legs. “You’re getting stronger.”

I looked at him.

His hand landed on the futon over my shoulder as he came in closer. “I was going to tell you that you were right.”

“I usually am,” I said, not minding his proximity so much as long as he understood that I was always right and he was always wrong.

“That’s what you like to hear, anyway,” he hummed into my neck, settling in there and letting his body relax into mine.

I bit my lip and Naruto gasped softly as we just fit together.

“I am trying to claim back my old life,” he said, kissing my neck very softly. “It’s not like I’m confusing you with Hinata, but… yeah, you’re right, calling you ‘babe’ and stuff is just habit.”

“So you’re going to stop doing that like you stopped running away from all of our fights?”

“Yeah, sure, if you’re going to stop evading everything and constantly insulting me.”

“Hn.”

“Hn yourself.”

I slid my arm around him. “I’m not… ready…”

“Not ready for what?” he asked gently.

I shook my head.

He kept his lips pressed to my skin, soothing and warm. “I’m sorry I told you that I love you,” he said. “But I do. I know you’re not… I’m rushing things. I’m trying to get that feeling of intimacy back. The thing is, you and I… we’ve always… You’re the person I was supposed to be intimate with in the first place.”

I sighed.

“Don’t sigh at me, jerk.”

I sighed more loudly.

“What? What now?”

“You spent an awful long time yesterday trying to make it clear that you’re not the Naruto from my Tsukuyomi world.”

“Uh, well, yeah.”

“So…”

“So…?”

“Why are you only clever when you want to be?” I complained. “So you’re doing exactly what you didn’t want me to do, right? The man you have all this… _intimacy_ with,” I said as disdainfully as possible, “is not me.”

Naruto snorted. “Now you’re the dumb one.”

“Excuse you?”

“The man I love used to be the boy picking fights with me and giving me longing looks when we were six.”

“Longing looks?” I asked incredulously.

“He’s the boy who found missing cats with me and learned how to walk on trees with me and who, who almost gave up his damn life to save me in the Land of Waves…” he paused, pressing his forehead into my neck. “He… he’s the boy who decided to take a different path from me, but somehow we still ended up on the same side, saving the world together… He’s… he’s the man who took my arm, but it’s okay, because I took his, too, and if that’s what it took for us to finally understand each other, then I would give up all of my arms, because that’s the man I love.”

“Good god, are you crying?” I complained.

“Yes!”

I ran my fingers through his hair. “I did a really shitty job of cutting this.”

“Sasuke! Focus, dammit!”

I fell quiet, stroking his hair.

“Stupid,” he grumbled.

“...who the hell is stupid?” I growled.

“I just poured out my heart to you and you’re over here being your usual cold bastard self.”

I pulled his hair.

“Yeow!”

“Can you please just give me some time?” I asked softly.

He tilted his face to look at me. “I… yeah, of course.”

“You know how I feel about you,” I said, touching his cheek before pushing him away. “Just… give me time.”

He sat up, studying my face thoughtfully.

“Let’s finish,” I said.

He nodded and resumed exercising my leg.


	17. Chapter 17

“You seem really cheerful,” Sai commented as we moved through the desert.

“Do I?” Naruto asked cheerfully.

“Well, of course, that’s the reason I said it,” Sai said. “You seem like a man who is getting laid.”

I dug my fingers into Naruto’s shoulder.

He grimaced. “Uh, well, uh. What?”

Sai just smiled.

“Be less happy,” I growled into Naruto’s ear.

He turned back to give me an incredulous look. “You are like the most horrible person I have ever met.”

My smile got nasty. “You want to see horrible?”

“No!” he said, facing forward again, not that it mattered. There was nothing in front of us for miles, just endless expanses of sand.

We’d left Iwa behind without much to show for it. Now we were almost to Suna, running low on food and motivation, and for some inexplicable reason still travelling with my would-be-assassin.

Apparently no ninjas seemed to see the value in trying to take over the desert in the middle of a famine, leaving the Land of Wind fairly intact compared to Iwa.

When we reached Suna, we were greeted by two of the three Sand siblings at the gate.

“Wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t seeing it with my own eyes,” Temari commented, looking the three of us up and down.

“What’s not to believe?” Naruto asked cheerfully.

“Well, we can start with the Uchiha attached to your back like a koala,” Kankurou said, pointing at me.

I raised my chin a little higher and exuded haughtiness.

“I’m his horse,” Naruto explained.

Temari half-smiled. “I can see that. We weren’t really expecting a diplomatic party so soon, especially not one consisting of a missing nin, a spy, and… you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Naruto asked, scratching his nose.

Temari rolled her eyes. “Gaara will be thrilled to see you.” She motioned for the guards to open the gates.

“He’s doing okay?” Naruto asked.

“He’s doing great,” Kankurou lied.

We started to enter the village, and I felt my body twitching to call up Susanoo. I hated presenting myself as so vulnerable and helpless. I wasn’t either of those things.

“Neigh,” Naruto said.

I pinched his cheek and he laughed. I thumbed over the pinched skin before letting my hand drop to his shoulder, holding on.

“You can park in the kage residence for the night,” Kankurou said, leading us there.

Suna seemed to be thriving. There was some damage from the God Tree, but teams of ninjas were working on repairing them. The shops on the main street were all open, and though I had very little interest in food beyond its necessity to keep my body functioning, the aromas wafting out of the stalls were surprisingly tantalizing.

“Sasuke, ohmigod, buy me ramen,” Naruto panted, standing in front of the stand and salivating.

“Later,” I said.

He looked at me over his shoulder, and it was so pathetic that we somehow found ourselves sitting down and eating ramen.

“Why do you have so much food?” I asked Temari as we waited for our order.

“This is the desert,” she said, like it was obvious.

I stared at her.

She stared back.

“Shouldn’t that mean you have less food than the rest of us?” Naruto asked helpfully.

“No, it means that we’re smarter and better at farming than the rest of you,” she replied, accepting her bowl from the chef.

“But who was doing the farming for the last two years?” Naruto asked, which was probably his last participation in the conversation as he broke apart his chopsticks and immediately started slurping up his noodles.

“Our smarter and better-trained villagers who weren’t taken into the tree,” she said.

“I’m sure a lot of other villages would be very interested in your smarter and better farming techniques,” Sai observed before loading his mouth with ramen.

Temari sniffed. “I’m sure they’d be more interested in stealing our surplus, which is why we have Suna on lockdown.”

“You let us in,” I commented.

“You’re with Naruto,” she said, like that was the only explanation that was needed.

Being with Naruto wasn’t enough to get an audience with the kazekage, though.

“I think the kazekage hasn’t recovered from being in the tree, yet,” Sai whispered to me as we were settling into our room.

“What do you mean?” I asked in a normal tone of voice because we were alone.

“I mean,” he said, still whispering, “that he was taken to Konoha to recover, kept under lock and key, and moved to Suna a week later in the dead of night.”

“Why wouldn’t they keep a kage separated from the rest of the rabble?” I asked with a shrug.

Sai smiled at me.

“Don’t do that,” I said.

He stopped.

“Just say it clearly.”

“The ANBU think that the kazekage started to turn into a white zetsu.”

“...what?”

Sai shrugged. “It’s only a rumor.”

“Why would the kazekage be the only ninja to be turned into a white zetsu?”

“Who says he’s the only one?”

“I don’t know, maybe you could just straightforwardly share all of your information.”

“I could.”

I looked at him.

“Oh, by the way,” he said suddenly. “All of the high-ranking officials in Iwa have seen your missing arm, and Temari and Kankurou have seen it, so people will probably start putting two and two together.”

“Now Hyuuga and his merry band of followers are going to want me even more dead?”

“Yep.”

“Great.”

“Are you being sarcastic?” Sai asked.

“Yes.”

“Ah. So it is not great.”

“Honestly, I don’t give a fuck. It’s nothing new.”

“It’s a little new, and I think you give a few fucks.”

I looked at him.

He looked back at me.

I ‘accidentally’ ran over his foot as I rolled past him.

“That’s fine,” he said. “I understand.”

My head whipped around to face him. “ _What_ do you understand?”

“You,” he said.

I was back to seeing why Sai was so irritating. “What are you still doing here, anyway? If you’re not going to kill me, then go crawling back to Konoha.”

Sai faltered at that. “Yes, that’s probably the best course of action.”

We stared at each other before I pushed my chair to the windowsill and used it to help me stand, feeling my legs wobble underneath me. I struggled through a few steps. “This is probably your only chance to kill me.”

“I wouldn’t do that to Naruto,” he said with an easy shrug.

“Even to save him from me?”

“He’s so in love he can’t see straight. If you were dead, he would be even more consumed by you.”

I almost fell on my face, forcing as much chakra into my legs as I could spare to keep me upright.

Sai noticed. “You love him, too, you know.”

I rolled my eyes.

“And that’s why the world is in the mess that it’s in.”

“...how so?”

“You know exactly how so. If Naruto had been able to kill you, we wouldn’t have lost the last year and a half to an illusion.”

“I think that’s more on Naruto than it is on me.”

“And if you had been able to kill him, I don’t think we would have lost that time, either.”

“I would have killed the kages.”

Sai shrugged.

“I’m starting to suspect that you’re not the good little Konoha ninja that you purport yourself to be,” I said, lowering myself back into my chair. My attempts at standing were making me look stupider than the chair did.

“I don’t know what I am,” he said, and it was completely straightforward and honest.

The room fell quiet and we both regarded one another seriously.

Then Naruto came bursting in. “You know, they’ve got like every kind of ramen, they’ve got miso and shouyu and shio and tonko-” he paused, looking between us. “Were you two… _talking_?”

“No,” we both said.

“Oh, uh, well, anyway, let’s stay here forever,” he said, flopping down on one of the futons that Sai had just carefully laid out.

“I tried to kill the kazekage,” I pointed out.

“More than once,” Sai added.

“More than once.”

“Gaara doesn’t care about that,” Naruto said, waving it off. Then his face went serious.

“How is the kazekage?” Sai asked.

Naruto was silent.

We both looked at him.

“I can’t talk about it,” he finally said, getting up.

Sai and I exchanged a look.

Naruto caught us and frowned.

When we were all lying in our futons, ready to sleep, he finally brought it up again. “Gaara’s still… recovering from everything.”

“I think there will be an attempted coup soon,” Sai commented.

“What?” Naruto said.

“It’s the same in Konoha and Iwa,” I agreed. “The entire ninja power structure is under attack. Suna will probably get a brief respite internally because the people are fed, but they’ll face external threats coming for their surplus.”

“That’s… dumb,” Naruto said.

“Insightful,” I murmured.

He growled and flopped his arm at me, smacking me in the chest.

I guffawed.

“Jerk,” he muttered, leaving his arm there for some reason. “Man, what are we gonna do?”

“Move on?” I suggested.

He smacked me again.

“Sasuke has a point,” Sai put in.

“What happened to the ninja alliance?” Naruto growled. “We all need to be helping each other out.”

“Oh, yeah, I should be helping out all these people who want me dead,” I said.

“The only one who wants you dead is Hyuuga,” Naruto protested.

“Ha.”

“Whaddya mean, ‘ha’?!”

“I think it was an ironic laugh,” Sai said. “To show his contempt for what you said.”

Naruto’s fingers tightened on my shirt.

I sighed, resting my hand over his briefly before removing it from my proximity. “We need to look out for ourselves, Naruto.”

“Do you even know me at all?” he muttered.

“Yes, which is why I’m telling you this.”

He wasn’t convinced, but we headed out east the next day.


	18. Chapter 18

When Naruto came back from his watch, I could feel him looming outside of my tent.

“Idiot,” I grumbled, which he took as permission to come in. “It’s Sai’s watch, isn’t it?”

He nodded, his blue eyes all wide and puppy-like.

I stared at him.

“I just…”

I stared harder.

“I wanna talk,” he said, and it wasn’t believable at all, but I beckoned him over.

“What do you want to talk about?” was about all I could say before his lips were pressed very insistently to mine.

“Hi,” he said, sliding into my sleeping bag and zipping it back up.

“Hi,” I replied, unzipping the bag. “It’s hot,” I added, nudging him away.

Naruto whined, keeping one leg intertwined with mine while the other flopped out of the sleeping bag. “I missed you.”

“We’re together almost every minute of every day.”

“Yeah, but we’re not like… _together_.”

I sighed, trying not to drown in his eyes. “If you want to make out, then just say so.”

“I want to make out,” he said sincerely. “But I was serious before, I want to talk to you.”

“About?”

He kissed me and it was an automatic reaction to kiss him back. He pulled back and I found myself pulling him back in. This went on for some time before he pulled enough away to rest his chin on my chest. “Um, so,” he started, “I’m gonna stop in Konoha before we go to Water.”

“No you’re not,” I said, frowning.

“I want to see Baa-chan,” he said, letting his finger run along my cheek. “I need to… have some closure.”

“Closure to what?” I asked. He wasn’t going to say what I thought he was going to say.

He knew I knew. “Sasuke. It’ll be the last time.”

“Don’t start with that.”

“I’m leaving the village. With you. Permanently.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Probably, but it’s what’s happening,” he said, his voice taking on a more authoritative tone that simultaneously annoyed and turned me on.

“Okay, ruin your life,” I said, trying to sound as disinterested as possible.

“Good, I will,” he agreed.

Our lips gravitated together. A few times.

“Are you leaving Sai there?” I asked, mouth still close enough to touch.

Naruto eliminated the distance for a moment. “Mm, no, he’s gonna stay with you.”

“Why would he do that? If he doesn’t assassinate me, then the ANBU will know he’s a traitor…” Then I knew. “He’s not going back to Konoha, either, is he?”

“I can’t ask him to play the spy anymore,” Naruto said seriously. “That’s not who he is now, ya know?”

“You don’t get to decide that.”

“No, I don’t, but I can tell he doesn’t want to go back to Konoha, so I’m going to talk to him after I finish arguing with you about going back by myself.”

“Oh, were we arguing?”

“Well, you’re about to go off on how I can’t travel by myself because I can’t do jutsu, blah blah blah.”

“If you already know why you can’t, then why are you bothering to bring it up?”

“Because I’m going to Konoha alone.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Sasuke.”

“Moron.”

“Rude,” he said, pinching my cheek.

“What if you’re attacked?” I growled, swatting him away.

“Who’s going to attack me in Konoha?”

“Rogue ninjas. Bandits. People who blame you for the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Ninjas who want to make a name for themselves.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever. I’m not completely defenseless.”

“You are absolutely, positively, completely defenseless.”

“I can do Sage Mode. I can… run away…”

“Idiot.”

He leaned up and kissed my forehead. “Don’t make that face. It’s adorable how much you worry about me, but it’s really not necessary.”

My eyes narrowed.

“Sasuke. Love. Come on.”

“That’s a new one,” I complained.

“Huh?” Naruto said, then smiled slowly. “Yeah, I’m testing it out. It’s how I feel about you, so it’s the perfect nickname.”

“Dumbass.”

“No,” he said firmly. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

“Then what should I call you?” I asked, genuinely perplexed.

“Just call me by my name, jeez,” he complained.

I looked him straight in his eyes. “Naruto.”

His smile was easy. “See? Was that so hard?”

“It’s a stupid name.”

“Ughhhh,” he groaned. “Enough, already. We all get it.”

I didn’t dare say ‘get what?’ because I knew he’d have an answer that would see right through me. So I tried not to hide behind the insults for a moment, settling my hand on the back of his neck and pulling him closer again. “Naruto,” I repeated.

“Sasuke,” he agreed as we gravitated together again.

It was definitely too hot in this damn sleeping bag.

Naruto laughed when I threw it off of us.

“We’re supposed to be sleeping, you know,” I informed him as his lips chased after mine.

“I know, love,” he hummed apologetically against my mouth. “I just wanted to… talk.”

“Talk.”

“Mm,” he hummed, shifting to kiss along my jaw. “You want me to let you sleep?”

“Well, you seem kind of up,” I said, dragging my hand up his thigh and brushing lightly over the bulge there.

Naruto gasped and turned red.

I liked that. “Sit up.”

He obediently scampered into a sitting position.

I liked that more. “Good boy,” I said, pushing myself up to meet him.

If he had a tail, it would have been wagging. He buried his face in my neck, nuzzling and rubbing.

It was adorable, and I momentarily lost focus. I took a breath and nudged him back into an upright position. I held him there with a hand in his hair, looking into his eyes. “I’m going to touch you,” I informed him.

“I am going to be touched,” he agreed.

I looked at him. He definitely did not get it. “I’m going to touch you,” I repeated, letting go of his hair and letting my hand drop to his lap.

Naruto’s eyes suddenly went full-bedroom.

I felt the heat creep up my neck as he covered my hand with his, rubbing it up and down. My lips parted involuntarily.

He leaned in, breathing into me more than kissing, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

I pulled out his waistband and slid my hand inside, gripping loosely.

His head dropped back and I almost thought he was going to fall over. His arm scrambled around my waist, holding me for dear life. “Sasuke,” he groaned.

I answered him by focusing on the task at hand, tightening my grip and flicking my wrist.

Naruto clearly had no shame, moaning and rocking his hips.

I tried not to get distracted. He was very responsive, and it was easy to figure out what he liked, so I focused on his reactions.

“Sas’... Sas’... Sasuke, I’m gonna…” he whimpered, seeming helpless.

“It’s okay, Naruto,” I soothed him. “I want you to.”

“Sasuke… Sasuke… I love you, Sasuke.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course Uzumaki Naruto had to try and make a handjob romantic. “Just shut up and come already.”

His dick twitched in my hand, because of course insults turned him on no matter how much he tried to tell me they didn’t.

“Naruto,” I said, soothing him with kisses until he’d made a mess of my hand.

His body leaned heavily against mine as he finally fell quiet and just tried to catch his breath.

I kissed the top of his head. “This is disgusting,” I informed him.

“Huh…?” he said, sluggish and dream-like.

I pulled my hand out of his pants and waved it in his face.

His smile got very goofy.

“That took forever,” I complained. “Get me a towel or something,” I added, shoving at his shoulder to get him to sit up.

“Can’t I bask for a minute?”

“No.”

He kissed my collarbone, humming into my skin.

I felt warm and contented, too. But the dry semen on my hand needed to be removed. “Move,” I ordered, and he did.

He came back a moment later with some water and his dick still hanging out of his pants.

I shook my head.

He looked down, confused, then let out an embarrassed laugh and put himself away.

“You need to change,” I informed him.

“Later,” he said, taking my hand like it was the most precious thing in the world and cleaning his nasty jizz off of it. He proceeded to kiss my palm, staring into my eyes adoringly.

“Go to hell,” I mumbled, shoving him away and getting back into my sleeping bag.

“If you keep pushing me away, I might disappear,” he said, laughing like it was a joke.

It wasn’t a joke, and I let him put his sleeping bag next to mine while we slept.


	19. Chapter 19

“You’re kind of emotionally constipated, aren’t you?” Sai hummed as he ambled along next to my wheelchair.

We’d been travelling without Naruto for the last two days, and it had been fine for the most part because Sai didn’t talk that much. When he decided to talk, though, it always put me in a mood to put my fist through his chest.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I growled, speeding up.

“I was just thinking about how we’re probably going to see Naruto in a few hours, and you’re going to act like it’s not what you’ve been waiting for since your half-assed goodbye,” he said.

I didn’t answer him because engaging him only gave him more to say. If I was to answer him, I would have informed him that there was nothing ‘half-assed’ about dismissing the slobbering idiot with a polite shove before he made a public spectacle of what I considered to be a private relationship that no one else needed to know about.

“Everyone already knows,” Sai said knowingly.

I glowered at him.

“And yes, I can read your mind,” he said with an annoying fake laugh.

I ignored him, because telling him that he could not read my mind would only make it all the more obvious how pathetically one-tracked my mind was and how incredibly not-secret my relationship with Naruto was.

“We should break for lunch,” he suggested.

I kept plowing forward. Let him starve.

Of course Sai just kept smiling as he moved beside me.

We kept going for another two hours on empty stomachs until I finally just stopped moving.

Sai didn't make any comments, quietly forming his seals to get our food ready.

I had a rice ball half-eaten when Naruto popped out of the Flying Thunder God seal on my back. I crushed the rice in my hand, sticky grains clinging to my fingers. I glowered at him as he stumbled around in front of me.

“Oh, hey, I'm just in time,” he said, but his eyes weren't smiling.

I hesitated, and that gave him the opening he needed to throw himself at me. “Naruto,” I growled, trying not to think too much about his sad eyes.

He clung to me as I held up my rice-covered hand, unsure of what to do with it.

“Do you think that we're in the public-displays-of-affection phase of our relationship?” I muttered.

He nodded, casting his pathetic eyes up at me. Then his lips started coming closer.

I stuck my hand in his face. “Do you think we're in the kissing-in-front-of-Sai phase of our relationship?” I asked.

He nodded again.

I stared at him.

Fuck it, we were in the kissing-in-front-of-Sai phase of our relationship. It was brief and rice-covered and I hated it, but that's where we were at.

Sai wolf-whistled at us.

I glared at him, which only made his smile wider.

“What happened?” he asked, ignoring the fact that Naruto was still straddling my wheelchair.

Naruto looked into my eyes, looping his fingers with mine and kissing my bruised knuckles. Then he let his attention drift over to Sai and his face took on a guilty countenance.

I knew that things were about to get more annoying.

“Well, none of us are ever going back to Konoha!” Naruto declared with an exaggerated laugh.

“What did you do?” I asked, nudging him away from me and towards the direction of the ground.

He bit his lip, landing on his feet and gazing down at me before flicking his eyes nervously to Sai.

“What did he not do?” Kakashi asked, slapping Naruto on the back.

All three of us recoiled.

“So, where are we off to?” he asked.

“ _We_?” I asked incredulously.

“ _Off to_?” Sai said, scratching his cheek.

“Whassit?” Naruto said, looking the most confused of all.

“I think it would be in our best interest to move quickly,” Kakashi said, suddenly pushing my wheelchair forward.

“Were you followed?!” Naruto asked.

“Most likely,” Kakashi said cheerfully.

“What the fuck is going on?!”I snapped.

“What a mouth you’ve gotten,” Kakashi hummed, still pushing me along at a manic speed while Naruto and Sai kept pace beside us.

“I think Naruto would agree with you,” Sai said with a nod.

“How did you follow me?!” Naruto demanded.

“Trade secrets,” Kakashi said. “So what’s this about Naruto thinking about Sasuke’s mouth?”

“They’ve begun a courtship,” Sai explained.

“I’m not just going to be pushed around-” I tried to object.

“We’re soulmates,” Naruto said. “But we don’t have time to talk about that right now, because who followed you?!”

“It’s just an ANBU squad, no big deal,” Kakashi said. “You know what’s a big deal, you and your one-armed frenemy deciding not to kill each other and do mouth-mating instead.”

“What are any of you even taking about?!” I raged, letting Susanoo cloak me as I rose out of my chair and took Naruto with me.

Kakashi had too much momentum to stop at first, pushing my empty chair along before finally letting go and whirling around to face the oncoming threat.

“They don’t know that I can’t do jutsu,” Naruto whispered in my ear, the glow of his chakra feeding into me.

“Talk your way out of this or I kill them,” I informed him.

His jaw tensed.

Sai floated up beside us on his bird, while Kakashi stood at our feet, looking completely relaxed in the face of the four masked ANBU who were suddenly standing before us.

“Can we help you gentlemen and gentle ladies?” he asked, exuding his usual ‘aw, shucks’ charm.

“No games,” Dog Mask said flatly.

“‘No games’?” Kakashi repeated, and suddenly his chakra was gathering in his hand. “Should we just fight to the death then?”

Dog Mask tilted his head to the side expectantly.

“That’s not why we came here,” Tiger Mask interjected. “That’s not what we want.”

“And what is it that you want?” Kakashi asked calmly.

Naruto made a move to drop to the ground and I caught his arm, yanking him back to me.

“Stay put.”

“You told me to talk to them,” he tried to protest.

“Let’s leave it to Kakashi first.”

“Um, Kakashi-sensei is terrible at talking.”

“Kakashi could talk his way out of a paper bag.”

“…what does that even mean…?”

“I feel like you’re mixing metaphors,” Sai chimed in.

“You know what I mean!”

“No, we don’t,” Naruto said, shaking his head.

I almost shoved him to the ground, and the thought scared me to the point of holding him more tightly.

Naruto’s hand slid over mine and started gently prying my fingers from their death grip.

“Idiot,” I said, because there was nothing else to say.

“I’m sorry, are we boring you up there?” Rat Mask called.

“Yes,” all three of us answered.

Rat and Dog seemed to take that as a call to a fight.

“Just come back to the village,” Tiger Mask interjected, pleading with us. “Come back quietly and let’s sort this all out. No one wants to fight.”

Silent laughter seemed to pass through the others, except for Bird who shifted seemingly uncomfortably.

“We don’t want to fight,” he reiterated, and Rat and Dog stayed put. This was the man in charge.

“Then don’t follow us,” Kakashi said with a shrug, turning around and walking away.

“You know we can’t do that,” Tiger Mask said, taking a step forward.

Kakashi walked past us.

The ANBU prepared to attack.

“Amaterasu,” Naruto said sharply.

“You need to stop with this ordering me around shit,” I informed him, throwing up a wall of flames that the ANBU couldn’t hope to cross.

“You’re the one threatening to kill people,” he shot back, but he looked chastised.

“We’re ninjas.”

“We don’t have to kill.”

I turned to Sai.

He looked back at me. “You want me to tell him how dumb he sounds?”

I nodded.

“Naruto, friend, you sound dumb.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said quietly. “I just… I don’t get what it all means anymore. Those ANBU used to be our allies, you know. But someone somewhere decided that we’re on different sides, so now we’re arbitrary enemies expected to fight to the death.”

I studied his smooth, unlined eyes built in his world-weary face.

“By the way, why exactly are we fighting to the death?” Sai interceded.

“Oh, uh…” Naruto started, chewing on his bottom lip. “Well, you see, um…”

“Are you three coming?!” Kakashi called from a significant distance away. “They’re going to figure out how to get through those things eventually.”

I scoffed at that. “My flames will burn for seven days and seven nights.”

“I think they’re going around,” Sai pointed out unhelpfully as the ANBU started racing east along the wall of flames.

“Good luck to them, it’s miles long,” I sniffed.

“Is this forest gonna be okay?” Naruto mused.

“For fuck’s sake, are you a pacifist _and_ an environmentalist now?” I growled.

“Maybe,” he said snidely.

“I’m leaving without you!” Kakashi announced.

We all shrugged at that.

“I have food that isn’t ration bars!” he added.

I found myself on Naruto’s back, following behind Kakashi as we moved through the Land of Rivers.

The ANBU were waiting for us at the ferry.

“How… inconvenient,” Kakashi hummed.

“I can take care of it,” I said.

“No!” Naruto said too quickly. “They’re just following orders,” he added.

“I chose not to follow my orders,” Sai said.

That gave Naruto pause.

I threw up Susanoo for the second time that day.

“Wait,” he growled, drawing up beside me in Kurama Mode.

“This is your last chance to come back peacefully,” Tiger Mask called to us.

“And what would you do to us if we did?” Naruto demanded.

“You would each be taken into custody and given a fair trial.”

Kakashi burst out laughing, his face covered by the novel he was holding in his hand.

Naruto looked conflicted. “I’m not going to marry a Hyuuga, I’m not exiling Kakashi-sensei, and I’m not going to declare the Fifth dead.”

“What the hell happened the two days you were gone?” I asked incredulously.

He looked at me sadly.

“The village needs you,” Tiger Mask insisted.

“Not that much,” Dog Mask said, which immediately earned him a stare down from Tiger Mask.

Bird Mask stepped forward for the first time. “We’re allies. There’s no reason to fight,” she said.

“Then stop pursuing us,” Naruto said.

“You know we can’t do that. We have our orders.”

Naruto was quiet for a long time. I could see his thought process working on overdrive. “I won’t be taking any more orders,” he finally said.

I felt something changing inside of him.

“We tried,” Rat Mask said, taking an offensive position.

Naruto turned to me and held his hand out.

I completed the seal with him, and suddenly what seemed like hundreds of Kurama-Mode Narutos were surrounding the ANBU squad.

Kakashi rolled his neck and turned the page of his book, unperturbed by the battle unfolding in front of him.

“You made too many,” I muttered, watching as clone after clone popped out of existence from the ANBU’s simple attacks.

“They’re a distraction,” Sai said, giving a final dramatic stroke of his brush. A white tiger burst from his scroll, attacking Bird Mask.

“Here we go,” Kakashi said, tossing his book behind him and suddenly launching a taijutsu attack on Tiger Mask.

“I guess that leaves you two to me,” Dog Mask said, suddenly riding a lion.

Rat Mask was right behind him, riding a giant… rat.

Naruto’s hand reached for mine, forming rapid seals as clones appeared and rasengans were formed.

“Stay close,” I growled at him as his clones all plunged into battle.

“Yeah,” he said, squeezing my hand. It tingled as his chakra infused my pathways.

“I don’t need your chakra.”

“Well, neither do I,” Naruto said with a shrug.

I felt a surge of energy from across the battlefield, strangely familiar, like the swirling of a sharingan, but I didn’t have time to think about it.

Rat Mask leapt onto Susanoo, showing that he wasn’t a complete idiot as he did his damnedest to separate me and Naruto. His constant frontal attacks, paired with Dog Mask’s long distance sniping that was aimed specifically at making Naruto dodge were starting to really piss me off. I pulled out Susanoo’s bow, rapidly firing arrows and trying to bring things to a quick finish.

Rat and Dog were more adept than I’d expected. Or maybe I’d gotten so used to the idea that Naruto and I were untouchable, that I’d forgotten that I was a cripple and that Naruto couldn’t perform seals.

Then Sai destroyed Bird Mask’s henge, and all hell broke loose.


	20. Chapter 20

“Naruto!” I yelled, reaching for his hand, but he was already gone from Susanoo, knocked down by Rat Mask. “Fuck,” I cursed, throwing up my bow as a shield from Dog Mask’s sudden attack.

I should have known better than to think Naruto helpless, but he was clearly distracted and couldn’t perform any hand seals. Somehow he kept it together, grabbing a nearby clone and sending a rasengan into Rat Mask’s face.

I had problems of my own, with Dog Mask doing a surprisingly effective Gentle Fist on my Susanoo.

“Fucking Hyuugas,” I growled, summoning Aoda and dropping onto his head as I released Susanoo.

“Sasuke-sama, your legs,” Aoda fussed.

“Get us distance from the Hyuuga,” I ordered, summoning Amaterasu.

Storm clouds started rumbling in the sky.

Dog Mask thought he had me on the run. Arrogant prick.

As soon as he was close enough, I struck, pulling lightning from the clouds and sending it directly into Dog Mask’s body.

Naruto and Rat Mask were still fighting, but Kakashi seemed to have Ibiki Morino cornered, and Sai and Sakura were just staring at each other, both unmoving.

I had Aoda check on the Hyuuga. Whichever one it was, it was dead.

“You just had to make things more complicated,” Kakashi said with a sigh.

“It was us or them,” I answered easily.

“And yet no one else killed their opponent,” he said, giving me a hard look.

I stayed on top of Aoda, looking down on him. “I’m certainly not the person here with the highest kill count.”

“No, I guess you’re not,” he agreed easily.

“SAKURA.”

We all froze, the power of Naruto’s voice echoing through the open field.

Rat Mask was dumped between Sakura and Morino.

“What were you thinking?!” Naruto raged at her.

Sakura swallowed, her previously defiant facade shattering. “I-I’m not going t-to lose you again!” she stammered, trying to recover. “Stop and think for a second, Naruto. This is crazy, you can’t betray the village like this!”

Nine shimmering tails wagged behind Naruto. “This village betrayed me,” he said icily.

I still didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but I didn’t like it, and I found myself slipping from Aoda’s head and grabbing onto Naruto’s arm, holding myself upright. “Explain.”

He looked to me, the rage and sorrow momentarily softening. “Hyuuga tried to kill Baa-chan.”

“What?” Sakura said, startled.

“You don’t even know what you’re fighting for!” Naruto snapped, angry again.

“I’m fighting for you, you idiot!” she snapped back. “I’m fighting for your dream! If you do this… if you walk away now… you’ll never be the hokage!”

“I don’t care!” Naruto shouted, his chakra crackling over my skin unpleasantly.

“You can’t mean that,” Sakura whispered.

“I tell you that they tried to kill Baa-chan, and that’s not enough for you?!” Naruto cried.

“Hyuuga Hiashi is one man!” Sakura cried. “And Tsunade-sama is fi-” she started and stopped, the pain in her face evident. “I just left her. She’s alive.”

“Because Kakashi and I stopped it!” Naruto snapped.

His chakra was hurting me, and I was starting to lose my grip.

“Naruto, what do you want from me?!” Sakura cried. “You want me to let you just throw everything away and leave the village?!”

“Yes.”

“I won’t do that!”

“You don’t have a choice.”

“Don’t make me go through this again.”

“Come with us,” I stated flatly.

She turned to me, surprised.

Naruto was staring at me in surprise, too. He suddenly seemed to realize how my whole body was shaking with the effort to stand up, and he infused me with his chakra, keeping me upright.

“I should have asked you the first time,” I said.

“I wouldn’t have-”

“I know,” I interrupted her. “But I should have asked. Both of you. So I’m asking now.”

“I can’t just…” she trailed off.

“You can,” Naruto said, the edge finally gone.

“Come with us,” I repeated.

She shook her head. “No.”

“Then this is where it ends,” I said.

Naruto looked appalled. “I’m not gonna let you kill Sakura!”

“I meant Team 7,” I said irritably.

“Oh… uh… hey, so I thought you said that ended when you left the first time.”

“It did.”

“Okay, but you just said…”

Sakura just stared at us through her tears.

“Take these two back to the village,” Naruto said, nodding to the two unconscious ANBU. “And take care of Baa-chan.”

“Naruto, don’t do this,” Sakura said, shaking her head. “You can never come back. You can never-”

“Why would I want to come back?” Naruto said, turning around and abruptly leaving, dragging me along with him.

My left leg started to give out, and I immediately found myself on Naruto’s back. I could feel the anger and the hurt and betrayal radiating through him. I slid my arm around his chest, holding onto his shoulder.

Naruto took a breath and leaned his head in to brush his lips against my hand, trying to steady himself.

Sai caught up with us on his bird.

“Who was Rat Mask?” Naruto asked, nodded his head towards the ANBU mask hanging from Sai’s belt.

“No one important,” Sai said.

Naruto and I both looked at him, but all he did was smile.

Kakashi was sauntering along behind us like he had no cares in the world, but his presence felt heavy, like he’d been cut the deepest of all.

“So what happened?” Sai finally asked, voicing my own thoughts.

Kakashi and Naruto were both silent.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I’ll follow you,” I added quietly, only for Naruto’s ears.

He breathed in sharply, swallowing back his usual waterworks as best as he could.

There was no one to captain the ferry, but Kakashi questioned how hard it could possibly be for four competent ninja to operate a boat, and we were tired enough to pretend that that seemed reasonable.

As we set sail, Sai did a release seal.

“What do you think she’ll do now?” Naruto asked quietly.

“Come after us,” Sai said cheerfully, gesturing towards the receding shoreline.

Sakura was standing there, newly freed from the jutsu that had bound her, and waving her arms frantically.

“Is she trying to stop us?” Naruto asked, confused.

“Maybe she wants to tell us something,” Sai suggested.

“I think she changed her mind,” Kakashi said.

She yelled something at us.

“Can’t hear you,” Kakashi said, pointing to his ears and shrugging exaggeratedly.

Sakura sighed and stepped onto the water.

Naruto didn’t say anything, just stared her down with a very dark look in his eyes.

“Stop the boat,” I told Kakashi quietly.

He looked at Naruto, and I knew he didn’t like what he saw, either. He stopped the boat.

Sakura walked towards us slowly, her body heaving slightly.

“What do you want?” Naruto asked coldly when she got into hearing range.

She didn’t seem surprised by the venom, but it still clearly stung. “I…” she started, looking helpless. “I don’t want it to end like this,” she finally said. “I trust you. If you... I trust you.”

“Then why did you try to stop us?”

“Why did you try to stop Sasuke from leaving the first time?”

“That… that was completely different!”

“Was it?” I asked.

“What, are you on her side?!” Naruto snapped at me.

I shrugged.

“Look, I just need to know,” Sakura said. “Did someone really try to kill Tsunade-sama? And if so, why did you leave her behind defenseless?”

“You trust me, but you don’t believe me,” Naruto growled.

“I’m sorry for being confused! I mean, if you all leave, then what’s going to stop the next assassin?”

“You.”

Sakura looked helpless again.

“Leave the village,” I said. “Take Tsunade. They’ll take you in at Suna if Naruto sends word ahead.”

“You make it sound like it’s not impossible to sneak the hokage out of a locked hospital ward into a foreign nation while leaving behind everyone I know and love,” Sakura said, the tears already pricking at her eyelids.

“Then maybe it’s not,” I said. I wanted to make a dramatic exit into the bottom of the boat because I was tired of all this, but my legs ruined everything.

“Start the boat,” Naruto said.

Kakashi looked at him.

“We’re not finished,” Sakura said.

“We are.”

“This is certainly exciting,” Sai commented.

The conversation stalled as almost everyone glared at him.

“Get on the damn boat, Sakura,” I said tiredly.

Everyone turned to me, confused, except for Kakashi who was beaming like a proud papa.

“We’re leaving,” I added, and this was absolutely the moment for me to make my dramatic exit into the bottom of the boat, but my legs really and truly ruined everything.

Sakura looked completely lost and like she was about to sink into the water she was standing on.

Sai held his hand out to her.

“Why?” Naruto asked me.

“Quit being a moron,” I said. “I’m going to the cabin.”

He looked at me expectantly.

I looked back at him.

He finally got the hint and gave me his arm, casting a wary glance at Sakura before helping me down the stairs.

I left the situation in Sai and Kakashi’s incapable hands.

“She’s not coming with us,” Naruto said, easing me onto the floor.

“What are you so angry about?” I asked, trying to stretch my aching legs. They were too cramped up to move well.

“Have you been doing your exercises?” he asked, already invading my personal space.

“Yes,” I said irritably, backing him up with my arm even as he was running his arm up my leg.

“Did Sai help you?”

“Sai cannot help anyone do anything.”

“Get on your back,” he said, tapping my knee.

“No.”

“Why not?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Because you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“What is there to know?”

I ended up getting my hand around his throat and shaking him.

“I can still,” he gasped, “breathe, you know!”

“Because I let you,” I growled.

He looked pathetic, so I let him go.

We were both quiet.

“You’re kind of a psychopath…” Naruto murmured.

“And you get turned on by it, so what does that say about you?” I said, kicking my leg in the general direction of his obvious bulge.

“I don’t fucking know,” he said, completely seriously and a little bit worried. “Fuck,” he said, and then he was crying.

This is what I got for involving myself with an emotional train wreck. I patted his back awkwardly while he snotted into my chest.

Sai crept down the stairs and I raised an eyebrow at him. “Sakura’s gone,” he informed us.

Naruto’s head shot up.

“She’s going to try and get Tsunade to Suna,” he said. “She’s on our side.”

“Then why did she try to stop us?!” Naruto demanded, getting revved up again.

“The same reason you tried to stop me, idiot,” I said, keeping my hand on the back of his neck and holding him in place.

“How many times do I have to say that this and that are completely different?!”

“No, Sasuke is right, it’s exactly the same,” Sai said.

Naruto turned his homicidal look on Sai.

I tightened my grip on his scruff.

“I just wanted to tell you that,” Sai said, taking his leave.

“You need to calm the fuck down,” I informed the angry baby.

“I know,” he said penitently.

I loosened my grip.

“I feel like something inside of me is being lost,” he said very quietly.

“I see you losing it,” I said.

He swallowed.

“We’ll figure it out,” I said, pulling him in close. It didn’t feel as awkward to hug him.

“Okay,” he agreed, putting his face back in the snot stain.


	21. Chapter 21

Land was visible in the distance.

I knew this because I could hear Naruto shrieking about it above deck, clomping around in some kind of celebratory dance. Sai the Robot decided to join in, and the creaking that proceeded made me worry about the integrity of our vessel.

Kakashi cracked an eye open. “That’s not very conducive to sleeping.”

“It is not,” I agreed.

He smiled at me, a crinkling of his eyes.

I sniffed and looked away.

He sat up, stretching his arms over his head and yawning loudly. “I guess we can sleep when we’re dead.”

I appreciated his cynicism, but I didn’t want to agree with him again so I stayed silent.

“How are your legs?” he asked.

“Fine.”

“Oh, so that’s why you ride on Naruto’s back like a monkey?”

I breathed out heavily through my nose.

His grin widened.

“Can you take off the fucking mask already?” I complained.

“Aw, do you want to see my beautiful face so badly?” he cooed.

“I take it back, keep it on.”

He pulled down the mask.

His face was so normal I didn’t know how to react.

He grinned, and it was exactly the shit-eating expression that it appeared to be when you could only see his eyes. He pulled the mask back up.

I was frozen in place.

“Our little secret,” he said cheerfully.

“I want my innocence back,” I hissed.

Kakashi cracked up.

“Why did you do that?” I asked, my voice sounding a lot more vulnerable than I intended.

“A show of good faith,” he said, sitting up. “Let me work on your legs.”

“Hell, no!” I snapped, shifting away from him.

“I have some healing techniques,” he said, tapping his scar.

I looked at him. “You don’t have a sharingan anymore. So what was that energy I felt when you were fighting Morino?”

“Oh, you noticed that?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck in a very Naruto-like ‘aw, shucks’ kind of gesture. “You really are amazing in a crisis, Sasuke. We wouldn’t have walked away from that attack if it wasn’t for you.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“One arm, no legs, one eye devoted to making sure your… _partner_ was safe… and you still had an eye to spare on me, all while fighting a Hyuuga!” he declared.

“A weak, disposable Hyuuga,” I said, trying not to glory in how amazing I was and focus on Kakashi’s constant avoidance of any and all topics I brought up.

“You’ve become a good leader,” he said softly.

“I’m not a leader,” I muttered. I wondered where my team was.

“I’m proud of you.”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

He was suddenly very close. “So as I was saying,” he said, digging his chakra into my legs.

I held in a scream. Just barely.

Kakashi just calmly continued to work.

I leaned my head back, trying to take in deep breaths, but it sounded more like I was panting.

Then something _popped_ and I did scream because the pain was excruciating.

“There you go,” Kakashi said cheerfully, giving my legs a final pat.

Naruto was already down the stairs and throwing his arm around me. “What happened?!”

I melted into Naruto’s hold, my body limp.

“What the hell did you do to him?!” he shrieked at Kakashi.

“I fixed him,” Kakashi said. “You’re welcome.”

“He doesn’t look fixed!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be operating the boat?”

“Oh, uh…”

“Well, I guess you’re entitled to a five minute break,” Kakashi said, throwing his arms behind his head and sauntering up the stairs.

Naruto grumbled angrily until he was out of sight, then kissed my forehead and started fussing over me. “Are you okay, love? What did he do? Hey, Sas’, come on, talk to me.”

“I think I can walk,” I said, flexing my legs experimentally. I was still too exhausted to even sit up on my own, though.

Naruto stroked my hair and kept mumbling reassuring nonsense at me until my senses started to come back.

I pushed him away and sat up properly. The pain had receded, and when I tried to stand, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t fall on my face. I teetered a little, but I stood.

“Holy crap, he really did fix you,” Naruto marveled.

“The muscles are still shit,” I muttered, sitting back down.

“But you didn’t even use chakra to stand!” he said, happily smothering me in a hug.

I pushed him away again. “Aren’t your five minutes up?”

He gave me an annoyed look before securing a hand in my hair and pulling me in for a quick kiss. “I love you, I’m so happy that you can stand, you are gorgeous, and I’m going to finish getting us to Water now.”

I watched him go up the stairs and I got up slowly to follow him. It took longer than I would have liked, and I’m sure I looked like an idiot, but no stupider than I’d looked riding on Naruto’s back the last few months.

The Land of Water was doing well. They’d had minimum damage from the God Tree, and they were probably overfishing their waters, but for now food was abundant.

Also the Mizukage had retired.

“Did she find herself a decent man?” Kakashi asked, turning the smile way up on his eye.

“That’s what I’ve heard,” the fisherman told him cheerfully.

“That’s so great,” Kakashi said, giving the man a friendly wave before returning to the helm.

“I wonder how she met anyone bein’ trapped in the God Tree,” Naruto mused.

“Do you really think the Mizukage just retired?” I asked incredulously.

He shrugged. “We all changed in our dream worlds, and the Fifth is always talking about finding a man… like _always_.”

“Baby, seriously?” I growled.

Everyone looked at me.

I could feel myself going red.

“I’m your baby?!” Naruto asked delightedly.

“Yes, my diaper-wearing, non-stop-crying infant,” I said, staring intently at the deck. “There’s no fucking way that Terumi Mei just quit being the mizukage.”

“Loverboy has a point,” Kakashi agreed.

Naruto reached over, thumbing along the back of my hand.

I smacked him away.

“I don’t think it’s safe here,” Kakashi said. “We should head north.”

“Where is safe?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “Not that it matters, because we can take care of ourselves.”

“Don’t get too cocky,” Kakashi said, patting me on the head.

I scowled and tried to swat him away, but he was already on the move, clamping Naruto on the shoulder.

“Just keep being your charming self and luring in as many powerful allies as we can get,” he said.

“It’d be easier to do if we got off this boat and were actually… among the people,” Naruto said.

“When we get to Lightning,” Kakashi said, taking the wheel and steering us away from the shore.

“That’s going to take forever,” I muttered, already tired of living on a boat.

But of course Kakashi was right.

The attack came at night, during Naruto’s watch. I’d lent him my fingers to make some clones when we changed shifts, so he wasn’t completely useless like that last time we were attacked while he was on watch.

It almost felt like overkill when the other three of us joined the fight.

“Why do people even bother attacking us?” Sai asked, doodling boredly on a scroll before unleashing a half-hearted lion.

“I’ll show you to take us seriously!” one of the fodder roared, charging at him.

“We need to attract a higher caliber of enemy,” Kakashi murmured, perched on the railing of the boat with his book out.

I took down one of the attackers with a katon from where I was sitting next to Kakashi. “I thought you didn’t want us to get cocky?”

“Yeah, but we still gotta be realistic,” he said. “This is like stomping on ants.”

There weren’t any conscious enemies left to protest.

Naruto bounded over to me, tail wagging. “See, I wasn’t useless.”

“You weren’t useless,” I agreed, pinching his cheeks together.

He grinned.

I let my hand slide into a caress.

We’d really become the kind of couple that carried on in public. I hated myself for it as I continued to bask in Naruto’s smile and lack of injuries.

“They’re wearing the mark of the Water Daimyo,” Kakashi commented, eyes still glued to his book.

“What’d we ever do to that guy?” Naruto complained.

“A power vacuum means a power grab,” Kakashi hummed.

“Why don’t you say something else vague that seems like it’s insightful but isn’t?” I muttered, sliding off of the railing onto my feet.

“Lookit you,” Naruto marveled.

“Shut up.”

“But standing is so sexy!”

“Sai’s standing; do you think he’s sexy?” I asked irritably.

“You know what I mean!” he protested.

“So you do think that Sai is sexy?”

“Oh, my,” Sai said. “Am I _sexy_?”

“No, god!” Naruto said, flailing his arms around.

“Does anyone want to figure out why these daimyo lackeys attacked us?” Kakashi asked. “Or did Naruto want to rank all his travelling companions by who can stand the sexiest? Because if so…” he trailed off, popping a hip.

“What the hell is wrong with all of you?!” Naruto cried. He grabbed my arm and started tugging me towards the stairs. “Sasuke is the only person I sex up!”

“What?” I said. “Don’t drag me into this,” I protested, even as I let him physically drag me down the stairs.

“Sasukeeeeee,” he whined, helping me sit when we reached the bottom. My legs ached.

“Naruto,” I said, perfectly calmly.

“Hm, yeah, love?” he asked.

“When did we decide that you can just talk about our very private sex life whenever you want in front of whoever you want?”

“Well, we didn’t exactly decide that,” Naruto hedged. “But everyone knows we’re a couple, so…”

“I’m sorry, we’re a _what_?”

He immediately turned into Middle-Aged-I’m-Disappointed-in-You Naruto. “We’re a couple,” he said with a frown.

“Where was I when this was decided?”

He opened his mouth and immediately closed it.

“Spit it out.”

“I think you’re rubbing off on me,” he muttered.

“Oh, were you going to hit me with an obvious but cutting truth?”

“Yeah, actually,” he said, putting his hand on my knee and rubbing absently.

“Oh, please do enlighten me.”

“No, love, I don’t think that’s the kind of person I want to be,” he said, his touch turning into a massage.

“An honest one?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

His eyes met mine slowly, probing into me. “The kind of person who lashes out at the person he loves the most in the world just to make himself feel better.”

I did not like the way he was looking at me and I dropped my gaze.

“You looked like you were in pain before,” he said quietly. “I just wanted to come down here and make sure you’re okay. But then… my brain stopped thinking good.” He paused in his massage.

I let myself look at him again and he was blushing.

“Shit, is this what puberty is? It’s gross. I’m gross. I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly.

I let my eyes drift down to his loose orange track pants. If I looked right at it, it was obvious.

“Was it Kakashi’s sexy standing?” I asked.

“Sasukeeee!”

I could actually see his erection wilt slightly and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Is this the answer to all my problems?” he asked hopefully. “Think of Kakashi, think of Kakashi…”

“You don’t think Kakashi is attractive at all?” I asked.

“Kakashi is the only person grosser than me,” Naruto said confidently. He beamed at his penis, which was now only at half-mast. “I mean he’s… wait… wait… do _you_ think he’s attractive?”

I shrugged noncommittally.

“You’re not serious.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You think _Kakashi_ is _attractive_!” he cried.

“Really?!” Kakashi asked, peeking down the stairs.

“No,” we both answered.

He pouted, and now that I’d seen his face I could imagine it. “Well, anyway, we took care of the guys that attacked us, in case you cared about that.”

“Took care of how?” Naruto asked.

Sai peered around Kakashi’s shoulder. “Tied them up and put them adrift on one of the lifeboats. Naruto, did you already finish your intercourse? That was quick, as usual.”

“We weren’t having sex!” Naruto said, flailing around anxiously.

“Yes, of course,” Sai said with a nod. “So it seems like the daimyo is trying to exterminate all ninjas.”

“But he sent ninjas to fight us,” I said.

“Yeah, things are about the get interesting,” Kakashi hummed.

The smart thing to do would have been to head out to sea and go straight to Lightning.


	22. Chapter 22

We kept our boat near the shoreline, moving leisurely through the many islands of the Land of Water. The citizens we met along the way went from being friendly to increasingly hostile, not even willing to speak to us when we docked.

“Meaaaat,” Naruto whined, staring longingly at the shop that had just pulled its shutter down as soon as we’d set foot in the town.

“Not ramen?” Sai teased cheerfully.

“Ohmigod, rameeeeeeen,” he groaned.

“We could try our luck at hunting,” Kakashi suggested, gesturing towards the forest.

“Or, as highly trained ninjas, we could just take what we wanted,” I alternatively suggested.

“Sasuke!” Naruto cried, shocked and appalled.

I shrugged.

He sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Maybe you’re right,” he muttered.

I punched him in the arm and moved towards the woods. Kakashi and I were a good hunting team, and we brought back a rabbit for each of us.

Sai and Naruto were parked on the beach, keeping an eye on the boat and an eye out for hostiles, but they seemed to be having a fairly serious conversation. Naruto still spared me a glance as we approached, his smile reaching his eyes before he turned back to Sai.

“I wonder if goodness can survive in this new world order,” Kakashi hummed.

I ignored him and sat down by the fire, using a kunai to skin the rabbits.

Naruto sidled over next to me, his arm curling around my waist.

“Do you not see this pointy object in my hand?” I asked, elbowing him away.

“I’m a highly-trained ninja,” Naruto protested, staying stubbornly close, and then proceeding to up the ridiculousness by resting his chin on my shoulder.

“I’m trying to work,” I grumbled.

“You’re such a good provider,” he hummed, lips brushing my neck.

Goosebumps ran up my arms and I almost dropped the kunai. “Fuck off,” I muttered.

Naruto was staring up at me in keen interest. “Don’t be mean,” he hummed, lips moving against my skin.

I elbowed him away sharply. “There is a time and place for things.”

“Okay, but they’re _always_ around,” he said with a quick glance towards Sai and Kakashi, “and I just need to… _something_ ,” he complained.

“Don’t mind us,” Sai commented as he spitted one of Kakashi’s skinned rabbits and placed it over the fire.

I felt my blood pressure rising, and Naruto was sticking out his bottom lip like a kicked puppy.

He made me stupider.

I leaned in and gave him the most chaste kiss possible.

He took over, and then there we were, sucking face while I had a dead rabbit in my hand.

For a moment, I didn’t care. I felt at peace when we were like this. I just wanted the world to be me and Naruto-

I pulled away, embarrassed. “Go away,” I muttered, returning to my skinning and doing a shitty job of it.

He kept looking at me like I was supposed to look back at him.

I got some sticks and put the rabbits over the fire.

Sai and Kakashi really weren’t paying attention to us. Sai was drawing something in his notebook, and Kakashi might have actually been reading the book in his hands.

The world didn’t revolve around us. It shouldn’t revolve around us.

I needed to stop embarrassing myself in public.

I needed to stop embarrassing myself everywhere. What did being close to Naruto do to my brain cells?

“Where are you going?” Naruto asked, already following me.

“To the lake,” I said, holding up my bloody hand.

As soon as my hand was washed, we were lip locking again on a boulder next to the lake.

“Sorry, love,” he sighed against my mouth.

“Why?” I growled.

“I can’t really control myself anymore,” he said. His grip was digging into the rock we were sitting on in a way that was threatening to actually split it apart.

“I’m not doing much better,” I muttered.

“At least you don’t walk around with a permanent erection,” Naruto bemoaned.

“I kissed you in front of Kakashi,” I said with a shudder. “What are you doing to me?”

“I’m not doing anything,” he protested. “Just being your adorable, sexy boyfriend.”

“I don’t agree to any of that.”

“Sasuke.”

I looked at him.

We were kissing again. And again and again and…

Naruto pulled away, panting. “Sasukeeee,” he whined.

He looked young and cute, but also ridiculously horny.

There was no chakra anywhere near us. We’d probably be late for dinner, but oh well.

I pulled his pants down to his thighs before he really knew what I was doing.

“Sasuke!” he gasped, looking around frantically.

“Shut up,” I said, sliding to the ground and kneeling between his dangling legs.

He swallowed. “Sas’, you don’t have to-”

“I want to.”

That shut him up momentarily, his eyes blown with lust.

I reached for him.

He stopped me again. “Have you ever…?”

“Yes,” I snapped, taking him in my hand and leaning in.

He gasped.

My gag reflex wasn’t as finely tuned as the dream world had led me to believe, but whatever. I was a quick learner.

Naruto didn’t have any complaints.

It was bitter on my tongue, and I ended up spitting it into the lake.

“What if some girl is swimming in there and she gets pregnant?” Naruto murmured, trying to sound worried but mostly sounding blissed-out and content.

“Sperm can’t live in water,” I said, pinching his thigh.

“Mm.”

I could feel myself smiling and tried to stop, but Naruto just looked so stupid and happy.

“C’mere,” he said. The tilt of his head suggested it was an order disguised as a request.

“I’m washing my hand” I said, rinsing it in the lake for the second time in so many minutes.

He waited, and I came back. He wrapped me in a hug, pressing his face into my chest. “I’m kinda embarrassed,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay, Naruto, lots of men prematurely ejaculate.”

“You are such an asshole sometimes, you know.”

“Mm.”

He sighed. “I was talking about… I dunno. I feel like a sex-depraved maniac and like you’re just humoring me.”

“Do I seem like someone who humors you?”

“No, you really don’t,” he agreed. “But… Sas’…”

“But what?”

“I just… worry,” he said.

“About?”

He took a deep breath. Then he didn’t say anything.

“We need to get back,” I said, shaking out of his hold. I felt my legs starting to give out.

Naruto caught me and shifted me to his back. “Don’t push yourself so hard.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered, hooking my arm around him.

“Someone’s following us,” he murmured as we moved back towards the beach.

“About one kilometer northeast,” I said.

Naruto picked up speed, and the chakra signature picked up speed.

We emerged from the forest back onto the beach.

Kakashi and Sai were eating their rabbits, looking perfectly relaxed.

“Let’s go,” I said, nodding my head towards the boat.

“Have you picked up a friend?” Kakashi asked, taking a leisurely bite of his food while he doused the fire.

“Not sure,” Naruto said, grabbing our dinner to go and moving towards the boat.

“Should I check it out?” Sai asked, glancing in the direction that we all sensed the chakra signature approaching from.

“Let it play out,” Naruto said, and just like that we were all on the boat and moving out.

“They stopped,” I said, leaning against the railing and watching the island retreat into the distance.

“Hmmmm,” Kakashi said unhelpfully.

“Crisis averted,” Naruto declared, turning to his food and devouring it.

“When did you become the leader?” I asked, squinting at him.

“Huh?” he said with a mouth full of food.

I looked away in disgust.

“Can there really be a leader of such a band of charming misfit rogues?” Kakashi asked.

“Tell me when it’s my watch,” I said, limping down into the bottom of the ship.

I had privacy for about five minutes before Sai came down.

“Your legs are hurting,” he observed.

“It’s not a big deal,” I said.

“It is if this boat is about to be attacked,” he said with a shrug and a smile.

“They turned back.”

“Something is going on.”

“We’ll deal with it when something actually happens.”

“You are very self-sabotaging.”

I sighed, loud and annoyed.

“Does that mean I can help you with your legs?” he asked, kneeling in front of me.

“No.”

He studied my face. “Are you ever going to trust me?”

I looked back at him. “I don’t trust Kakashi and I’ve known him for years. Why would I trust you?”

“That’s not true,” Sai said. “You trust him very much.”

I rolled my eyes and pretended he wasn’t there.

“Your pride is what’s going to get you killed,” he said. It wasn’t a threat, it was just a statement of fact, and that irritated me more than anything.

“It’s what’s kept me alive until now,” I ground out.

“Oh, I thought it was your magic eyes and your metaphysical bond with the most powerful ninja alive.”

“Myself?”

Sai burst out laughing. It was a real, genuine sound that I’d never heard come out of his mouth before.

I looked at him.

He smiled at me, and there was something so natural about it that it felt unnatural on his face. “Let me work on your legs.”

“I’d rather not,” I said, rolling up the loose pants I was wearing. “But since you’re so thirsty for it…”

“I’ve had sufficient liquid intake today,” he said, shaking his head.

“You are dumber than Naruto sometimes,” I muttered.

“And you’re a jackass who can’t just say ‘thank you’ like a normal person.”

Maybe Sai was earning my begrudging respect.

It felt similar to what the medic Shigeo had done, and also as horribly painful as what Kakashi had done.

“We learn a lot of medical jutsu in the ANBU,” Sai explained. “If your medic nin is the one who’s injured, the other members of the cell have to be able to step up and take care of injuries.”

“How interesting,” I muttered, trying to keep the pain off of my face.

“You need to be doing this every day,” he said. “The damage to your chakra pathways was severe, and you’ve been making it worse by forcing the chakra through them to call up Susanoo and other frivolous things.”

I held in all of the childish things I wanted to lash out at him. Because he was right. They were all right. I was sabotaging myself.

Sai’s eyes were fixed on my legs as he seared fire through them. “It wasn’t someone from Konoha. Following us.”

“Someone from Kiri,” I said.

“You think so, too?”

“The Konoha ANBU wouldn’t be stupid enough to follow us into this unknown situation,” I reasoned. “It’s obvious that the mizukage hasn’t retired of her own free will and that the daimyo has started some kind of anti-ninja revolt.”

“But if it’s one of the daimyo’s men, then how did he get ninja to work for him?” Sai mused.

“Offers of money? Power? The usual ways that one hires a ninja.”

Sai hummed his agreement.

I endured the pain, and when he finished he patted my leg, standing up and stretching.

“No one can know about Naruto,” he said out of the blue.

“I thought he was the most powerful ninja alive.”

“With two arms, yes,” he said. “With you by his side to complete his seals, yes. But if he gets caught out somewhere by himself…”

I didn’t want to dwell on my worst nightmare. “So you can concede that based on Naruto’s current state, I am the strongest ninja alive.”

Sai shook his head, smiling exasperatedly. “Uchiha.”

I went to call him by his last name and realized I didn’t know it.

“Sai is just a codename, you know,” he said quietly. “I don’t have a real name.”

“Everyone has a real name.”

“Not when you’re in Root.”

Fucking Danzo. I was glad I killed him. “We can find your name.”

Sai looked puzzled for a moment. “Uchiha, are we… becoming friends?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I said, standing up slowly. It hurt and my legs were tired from walking around all day and then being ripped apart by Sai’s chakra.

“I should try emulating you and your ‘I don’t give a shit about you’ attitude,” Sai said. “The way you lie makes you very popular.”

I breathed out heavily and resumed pretending that he wasn’t there.

“Sasukeeee!” Naruto called, bounding down the short staircase.

I looked at him.

“I missed you,” he said, making a kissy face at me.

I thought about saying ‘the feeling wasn’t mutual’, but decided not to give Sai the satisfaction of watching me lie.

Instead, I let him pull me into a kiss.

This was exactly what I’d done in the first dream world, let Naruto turn me into an idiot. So why was I doing it again?

Because I’d been happy there?

It was stupid.

Fuck, this moron made me happy with a look, and I was going to fuck it all up.

“Ahem,” Sai said.

Naruto ignored him and continued to love on me.

“A-hem-hem-hem,” Sai repeated.

Our eyes met over Naruto’s head.

“I think our visitor is back on track, and he’s brought some friends,” he said, pulling out a scroll.

I could feel it as soon as he said it. They weren’t anywhere near us, but they were coming.

“So we trounce them and continue on our course?” Naruto said, mouth still moving against my neck.

“Hope so,” Sai said cheerfully.

We moved back up to the deck.


	23. Chapter 23

“It would be quicker if I just went after them,” I said with a sigh, staring out over the water. They’d been following us for a week now, and it was really starting to piss me off.

“Patience is a virtue,” Kakashi hummed.

“What part of ‘using chakra is hurting your body’ do you not understand?” Naruto growled from where he was steering the boat.

“What part of ‘it’s not of your business’ do you not understand?” I grumbled back.

“Your body is very much my business,” he declared.

I guffawed.

“The point of finally getting together to relieve the sexual tension is to actually relieve the sexual tension,” Kakashi commented.

We continued to ignore him. Kakashi had become the background noise of our lives, always giving voice to the obvious things that no one needed to hear.

“Are we just going to let them follow us all the way into Lightning, where who knows what is waiting for us?” I asked.

“You think it’s better to just plunge into a battle against unknown ninjas with an unknown agenda with your barely functional legs?”

“Who are you?” I complained, refusing to look back at Naruto with all his smug maturity.

“What, just because I stop and think before I act now doesn’t mean I’m a completely different person.”

“That’s exactly what it means.”

“Limpy has a point,” Kakashi agreed.

“What, you want to fight them, too?” Naruto asked.

“No, I want to draw them out into the open and then fight them, as I’ve been saying since they started following us,” Kakashi said.

“Okay, but your plan to draw them out hasn’t worked at all,” I pointed out.

“Well, back to the drawing board, then,” he said cheerfully.

“Let’s just wait and see until we get to Lightning,” Naruto said.

“I am about to jump off of this fucking boat,” I informed him.

“You are so overdramatic,” he said, shaking his head.

I jumped over the railing. Call me fucking overdramatic, I’ll give you drama.

The new mature Naruto would have just ignored me.

“Sasuke!” he shrieked, jumping over after me.

I watched him splash into the water from where I was standing on it. “Who is steering the boat?” I asked him when he resurfaced.

“Uhhh,” he said.

“Come on,” I said, nodding my head in the direction of our stalkers.

“Sasuke!” he said, his hand latching onto my ankle.

I looked at him.

“Please don’t,” he pleaded, all wet and treading water and pathetic.

“Why. Not.”

“If anything happens to you…”

“Do you think I’m so fucking weak and helpless?” I growled.

“No,” he said, frustrated as he touched his hand to the water, making it solid and climbing up to stand next to me.

He made ridiculous feats of chakra look effortless.

In that moment, I knew exactly how to solve his inability to do seals. “You better make an army of clones to stop me, then,” I said, suddenly moving in a blur away from him.

Without thinking about it, he did exactly what I said, and I was suddenly surrounded.

I laughed.

“What’s so funny?” the army of Narutos growled at me, crossing their single arms over their scrawny chests.

“Idiot,” I said, jumping up and over them on my way back to the boat.

“What?!” he cried, his army following behind.

“Hey, nice of you to come back,” Kakashi said, lounging on the deck. “No worries here. I mean, no one is steering the boat, but we’re in the middle of nowhere being openly followed by hostiles, so what could possibly go wrong?”

“You could have taken the wheel,” Naruto muttered, adjusting our course as his clones popped out of existence.

“Gee, Naruto, you sure made a lot of clones without Sasuke to help,” Kakashi mused.

“Huh?” he said.

I sat on the rail, rubbing at my thigh.

“Wait…” Naruto mumbled, confused. “Wait, I… how did I…?”

Kakashi winked at me.

I rolled my eyes. We were _not_ co-conspirators.

Naruto was quiet now, his eyes focused ahead of him.

“Did you figure it out?” I prodded.

“I figured it out,” he replied, his jaw tense.

“What’re you mad about?” I asked, frowning. I knew his desire to stop me from putting myself in danger would be enough to get him out of his head and just do jutsu without thinking about it. “Shouldn’t you be happy?”

“I’m not mad.”

Kakashi gave me a look.

We were _not_ co-conspirators. “Baby, what are you carrying on about? Are you mad that I was going to go settle things against your _orders_?”

“Not everything is about you,” he muttered.

“Oh, snap,” Kakashi said.

“Do you need to be up here?” I asked, finally acknowledging the man who couldn’t shut up. “Go make your sarcastic comments to Sai,” I said, gesturing towards the steps to the lower deck.

“What would be the fun in that?”

“What am I?” Naruto asked quietly.

Kakashi and both stared at him.

He wasn’t looking at us, concentrating his stare on the wheel. “If I don’t need seals to concentrate my chakra…”

We waited.

“What kind of monster am I?”

I sighed. “A fucking powerful one.”

“You’re not helping,” Kakashi informed me with a shake of his head.

“Neither are you!” I snapped. We needed to get off of this boat and out of close quarters.

Meanwhile, Naruto was having an existential crisis.

“Maybe you should go down below and have Sai do your therapy,” Kakashi suggested, but all the mocking and the humor was gone from his voice.

I looked at him.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

I looked at Naruto, white-knuckling the wheel. I opened my mouth to say something, and quickly closed it, moving towards the stairs. Telling Naruto that he should be grateful for his monstrous levels of chakra really wasn’t going to help the situation.

Sai was lounging on a chair, reading a book. He seemed to always be reading lately, trying to find himself a personality.

“Do you want to do therapy?” I asked, slouching against the wall.

He nodded, holding up his finger in a waiting gesture. He found a spot to stop reading and stuck his bookmark in the page.

I took off my pants, folding them neatly before unrolling a futon and sitting down.

“I can see why Naruto wants to fornicate with you all the time, you’re very attractive,” Sai said, because he always had to say something inappropriate to start off our therapy sessions.

“I know,” I said, holding my right leg up to him.

He took it, working his chakra into my leg. “Naruto’s attractive, too, though, so I don’t understand why you don’t want to fornicate with him all the time. Are there other factors to wanting to fornicate…?” he trailed off, watching me sputter. “You seem to be signaling that you disagree with my assessment.”

“Why don’t you worry about your own sex life instead of mine?” I growled.

“Who would I be having sex with?” Sai asked. “You and Naruto seem to be in a monogamous relationship, so that only leaves Kakashi…”

I stared at him.

“Well, I know that you find Kakashi attractive-”

“Don’t go there,” I said, closing my eyes as the pain increased. “Fine, I see your point. No prospective partners.”

“Mm,” Sai hummed, switching to the other leg.

I was still bothered by what he’d said before, so I tried to focus on the horrible pain instead. “Are you even gay, Sai?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

I cracked an eye open to him.

“I don’t even know how to have friends, much less a romantic partner,” he said with a shrug.

“There’s no one you find attractive?” I asked, because to be honest I was actually interested in what a weirdo like Sai would be into. Ever since the end of the war, I’d started to realize that I… enjoyed… gossip… I called it ‘information gathering’, but that euphemism was starting to wear thin.

“Ninjas tend to be attractive,” Sai mused. “They have very fit bodies and are powerful. You’re very attractive,” he said, his hands kneading into my thigh.

I should have felt uncomfortable, but he was just stating a fact. There was nothing sexual about what he was saying, it was just an objective observation. “Have you ever found a woman attractive?”

“Yes, of course,” he said, still bland as ever. “Ino’s face is very symmetrical, and her long hair compliments her feminine looks.”

“There’s more to attraction than just looks,” I pointed out, relaxing as I felt that final push of chakra that meant the torture was over.

“Is there?”

I looked at him.

“If we’re just talking about sex, then physical attraction is all that’s needed, isn’t it?” he asked, starting to move my leg in a circle.

Naruto usually did the physical part of my therapy, but since he was off thinking that being the most powerful ninja alive was somehow the worst thing to ever happen to him, I just let Sai do it. “Are we just talking about sex?” I asked.

“Well, this conversation commenced with you suggesting I find a sex partner.”

“I just want to know if you’re gay or not,” I said with a sigh.

“Oh, were you interested in a threesome?” he hummed.

I pushed against the pressure he was applying to my leg and didn’t dignify his nonsense with a response.

“Does it make you feel better?” he asked, working the other leg. “When other people are like you?”

“What are you going on about?” I grunted, starting to sweat from the effort.

“There aren’t many openly gay ninjas,” Sai mused, upping the resistance. “You. Orochimaru.”

“Orochimaru isn’t… he doesn’t count,” I said through clenched teeth. My suspicions that Naruto had been taking it easy on me had easily been confirmed. Sai certainly wasn’t.

“And there was Zabuza.”

“Zabuza wasn’t…. what?”

“I heard it through the ANBU grapevine.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why, because he’s not a queen like you?”

“Who the hell is a _queen_?!” I shrieked. Oh, god. I was.

“What are you two talking about?” Naruto asked, coming down the stairs.

“About how gay your boyfriend is,” Sai said cheerfully.

Naruto looked between us slowly, Sai’s grinning face and my sweaty, angry one. “I can do that,” he said, gesturing for Sai to move away.

“We’re almost done,” Sai said.

“Are we?” I complained, adding a little extra push and nudging Sai back.

“Oh…” Naruto said, looking a little lost.

Sai finished the exercise and put my leg back on the floor, patting my knee. “Good as new.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I grumbled, sitting up and rolling my neck.

Naruto sat next to me, his knees pulled up to his chest.

I turned my head to look at him and he gave me a chaste kiss.

“I’m sweaty,” I informed him.

“It’s sexy,” he replied, nudging my neck with his nose.

“Id-…” I started and just stopped. I slipped my arm around him and rubbed his back.

Sai stood over us, watching with interest.

“Go away, Sai,” I said, gesturing with my head towards the stairs.

“Oh, am I being weird?” he asked, smiling all the way up the stairs until he disappeared.

“God, he’s fucking weird,” I muttered.

Naruto sniffed loudly.

“Don’t snot on me,” I warned him.

“I’m not snotting,” he whined.

“You are so all over the place,” I complained, continuing to pat his back.

“Were you really going to go after those guys who are following us?” he asked.

“Obviously.”

“Why’d you come back, then?”

I didn’t want to answer that question on grounds that it might incriminate me. “We’ll do it tomorrow.”

He finally peeked up at me and sniffed again.

“How much did you cry with Kakashi?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“I didn’t cry,” he protested, sniffing again.

“Then what happened to your sinuses?”

“We’re not attacking them.”

I leveled him with a look.

“It’s stupid to go into the situation blind.”

“They’re leading us into a trap,” I ground out.

“So?”

“So?”

“If we fight them head on or if we fight our way out of a trap, either way we know we’re the most powerful.”

“Oh, so you have embraced your new-found superpowers?” I asked, rolling my eyes again.

“You can do jutsu without seals, too,” he mumbled. “I’m not the only freak.”

“I can do chidori and a few others,” I said. “It takes concentration, though. I don’t just think a jutsu into existence.”

He stuck his lower lip out at me.

“Stop acting like you’re ashamed of being so fucking powerful, dumbass.”

He looked down.

“It’s a good thing,” I said, punching him in the arm for good measure.

Naruto sighed. “Kakashi told me about all the ninjas who can do it. But there’s no one in history who can just… you know, just think a jutsu into reality, besides…”

“…Kaguya?” I suggested.

“And Hagoromo,” he added. Clearly Kakashi had been drilling into him that evil moon monsters were not the only people with as much power as him. Evil moon monster’s children also had power.

I felt a weird phantom pain in my nonexistent left arm. “Naruto?”

“Hm?”

“The power we got from Hagoromo.”

“Mm?”

“Do you… feel different?”

“I uh… whaddya mean?”

I flexed my hand, feeling the way the chakra coursed through my body. “Since I’ve woken up, my chakra pathways have been damaged, but I think I’m starting to feel it.”

Hope flared in Naruto’s eyes. “You, too?”

I didn’t like that look. This was about more than just his power. “What do you feel?” I asked.

His look went uncertain. “I uh… I dunno, it’s just like… more? And uh…”

I felt it. I felt his thoughts whispering in my ears. I couldn’t quite hear the words, but I felt my hand reaching out.

Naruto’s eyes widened, but he didn’t try to stop me.

I brushed his bangs back away from his forehead. My breath caught in my throat.

The skin at his temples bulged ever so slightly, the rounded mounds resembling horns.


	24. Chapter 24

“What. The. Fuck.” I said.

Naruto looked like he could break.

I removed my hand slowly, letting his bangs fall back into place.

Back into place over his _fucking horns_.

“Sasuke.”

I took a breath. “It’s going to be okay,” I said confidently.

His lip was trembling.

“It’s going to be okay,” I repeated.

“What’s happening to me?” he whispered.

I caught him by the back of the head and pressed our foreheads together. I couldn’t feel them like this. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?” he asked, looking to me for the answers.

“No, love, it doesn’t.”

He took a deep breath.

“When?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just thought they were zits or something. But then they didn’t go away…”

This was some real shit. I just kept patting Naruto’s back until Kakashi came clambering down the stairs, asking if we were going to fight some ninjas or stop for dinner.

“Both?” I suggested.

He looked at us and smiled his fake smile. “All right.”

We just carried on like usual for the next few days.

I was really at my breaking point.

“We’ll be out of the Land of Water in two days,” Sai said, nose buried in a map.

“So what exactly are we going to do when we get there?” I asked. “Waltz in and ask to meet with the raikage, and oh yeah, we’re being followed by unknown ninjas who most likely mean us harm.”

“You’ve gotten very sarcastic,” Kakashi said, shaking his head.

I glared at him.

“It’s adorable,” he concluded happily.

“It’s really not,” Naruto mumbled.

“Do you have something to say?” I asked irritably.

“Yes,” he replied, just as irritably.

“Trouble in paradise?” Sai piped in. “Wowzer.”

That gave everyone pause, but much like most of the weird things that Sai said, we just shrugged it off.

“This probably isn’t a good time,” Kakashi started.

We all turned to him, watching as he steered the boat with one hand, holding up some pornography in his other hand.

“I thought maybe I would mention the island up ahead that seems devoid of chakra but has clearly had a genjutsu cast over it,” he said, nodding his head in a vague direction while his eyes stayed glued on his book.

I hadn’t noticed, but I activated my sharingan and I could see it immediately.

Kakashi winked at me.

“It has to be a trap,” Naruto mused. “I mean… it’s obviously some kind of trap, right?”

“Pretty sure this is where our mysterious friends have been leading us,” Kakashi hummed.

We were all staring at Naruto.

“Let’s keep our course and head to Lightning,” he said, then abruptly went below deck.

“He cannot be fucking serious,” I muttered.

“I’m kind of in agreement with my buddy Uchiha,” Sai chimed in.

“Well, that makes three of us,” Kakashi agreed cheerfully.

“Then what are we doing?” I asked.

“Whatever Naruto says,” Kakashi said with a shrug.

“I don’t trust Adult Naruto’s judgement,” I said flatly. “He’s lost his edge from being a pussy in his dream world for so long.”

“Wowie kazowie,” Sai said.

I had been winding myself up to rant some more, but I had to turn to Sai and tell him, “No. Just no.”

“But I read in a book-”

“Sai, look at me,” I said. “No.”

“Back to the drawing board,” he said with a sigh.

“Stop trying to make a catchphrase happen.”

“You two have become such cute friends,” Kakashi marveled.

“Everything you say is pointless,” I said, glaring at him.

“Well, that’s kind of harsh,” he said with a shrug.

“No, I’m tired of this nonsense.”

“Which nonsense would that be?” Kakashi hummed. “Naruto being indecisive? Sai being a robot? Me being dead sexy?”

“I never said you were sexy!” I snapped.

“He gets mad because he knows you’re speaking the truth,” Sai commented.

I smacked him.

Sai’s whole face lit up. “Are we best friends now?”

“Why are you so fucking weird?! And why aren’t all of you getting ready to fight the fucking ninjas that have been following us for days?! What are we even doing here? What are we trying to achieve? Because I don’t fucking get it.”

Kakashi gave me a long look. “You really shouldn’t curse so much, Sasuke. It’s unbecoming.”

I wanted to scream. I could feel my sharingan activate as my vision went red. I was going to do _something_.

Then I was drowning in red before everything went black.

I looked around me, but there was nothing.

“I’m sorry.”

I looked up and Kakashi was suddenly there, not wearing his mask.

“I just don’t know how to deal with the three of you, but especially you,” he said. “It’s easier to wear a mask.”

I was angry, but something was very _wrong_ and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Also, I had two arms.

Also, I was much shorter than Kakashi.

Also, I was wearing terrible shorts and a high-necked blue shirt.

“Why am I twelve?” I asked him as calmly as possible.

“I told you,” he said. “I don’t know how to deal with you.”

I stared at him.

His very handsome face broke into a grin. “See, your death glare doesn’t work as well when you’re still a pure, innocent boy.”

I closed my eyes and counted to ten. When I opened them again, we were eye-to-eye.

“I know I have to face the man you’ve become,” he said. He looked tired without his trademark grin. “I just don’t know how to.”

“And what’s wrong with the man I’ve become?” I spat at him venomously. Like I wasn’t good enough.

“Nothing,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders. “I just… thought that things would be different.”

“Different how?” I asked, trying to stay angry.

He looked at me for a long while, a cloud of emotions storming through his eyes. “You leaving broke something inside of me.”

I didn’t believe him. That was ridiculous. Kakashi was always the same old Kakashi, unaffected by everything I said and did.

“Sasuke,” he said, and it was authoritative enough to keep me quiet.

I waited.

“You three were like… well, I’m too young to be your father, but… like… the nephews and niece born from my much older sibling.”

He was starting to lose me.

“I love you,” he stated firmly, which I thought was an incredibly stupid thing to say, and that kind of pathetic sentiment certainly wasn’t going to get me to listen to him. “Sasuke…?”

My whole body was shaking.

Kakashi reached up, ruffling my hair before pulling me into his chest.

“Don’t!” I snapped, shoving him away.

Kakashi shook his head, his smile tired. “You’re going to have to accept it eventually.”

“Accept what?” I snarled, wishing there was somewhere to go in this eternal darkness.

“The love and affection of Team Seven.”

“Fuck off.”

“You really hate it when people care about you.”

“Where are we?”

Kakashi rolled his eyes at the sudden topic change. “You know where we are.”

“You’re not good enough to catch me in a genjutsu.”

“Is that what you think?”

I remembered that strange feeling from our fight with the ANBU, that pure _wrongness_. I’d felt it again right before I was sucked into this darkness.

“It’s how I knew about that island,” he said. “It’s how I know about Naruto’s… transformation.”

“When Obito died, you…” I tried to put it together.

“The sharingan disappeared,” Kakashi agreed.

“So you couldn’t possibly…”

Both of his eyes turned mangekyou red.

“…how…?” I finally asked.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” he said with a shrug. “If what I remember is what actually happened, my sharingan was gone for good before I was absorbed into the God Tree. When I woke up, it was back.”

“I feel Obito’s chakra in your body,” I said.

“The same way I feel Hagoromo’s chakra in Naruto,” he said. “And how I’m starting to feel it in you.”

My hand subconsciously touched my temple, and I immediately let it drop back to my side. “Since you and Sai started giving me chakra therapy.”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s not important right now.”

“Time to focus on the mission rather than your impending transformation into an alien being?”

“The enemy is right in front of us and Naruto is running away like a coward,” I said, ignoring his nonsense.

“I wanted him to get over his insecurities and figure it out for himself,” Kakashi said.

“Well, clearly that’s not happening.”

“Clearly not.”

“So we need to do what needs to be done.”

“It’s too late for that,” he said, shaking his head.

We were suddenly back on the boat.

“How did you get your sharingan back?!” Naruto demanded.

Kakashi just smiled mysteriously under his mask.

“And why the hell are you putting Sasuke in a genjutsu?!” he continued, clearly revved up.

“I think we should worry about that incoming attack,” Kakashi said as the deck of the boat was suddenly covered in a dense fog.

I held my hand out to Naruto and he sensed it even if he couldn’t see it, linking our fingers and creating clones. Not that he needed me anymore, but there was something about forming seals together that felt _right_.

“The mist is drugged!” Sai shouted, shooting up into the air on one of his bird creations.

I grabbed Naruto and Kakashi with Susanoo, trying to pull them up above the cloud cover.

I never got there.

Consciousness was fleeting.

I was being dragged along the sand of a beach. The air felt heavy with something. I tried to grab at the ground, tried to slow down our forward momentum. Then I was sliding across cool concrete. Everything was black, and then everything was red, a swirling, infinite sharingan drawing me in.

The tree was getting closer and closer and…

I woke up.

“Good morning, little prince,” Orochimaru hummed.

I was chained to a metal operating table. My eyes flew around the room, trying to take in every detail. I was still partially wrapped up in a God Tree cocoon. The room was dark and filled with lab equipment. Orochimaru was very happy to see me.

“Can you move?” he asked. “Most people can’t move.”

 _No, no, no, no no no nononononono_ …

“How long?” I croaked out, my voice trashed from disuse.

“Five years, seven months, and ten days,” he said cheerfully.

I felt defeated.

“Were you having a nice dream?” he asked. “Sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep, but we have work to do.”

“Why…” I started, but I couldn’t get any more sound to come out.

“Just rest for now,” Orochimaru said. “We can talk more when you get your strength back.” He smiled at me, his swirling purple eyes softening as he looked at me.

A needle pinched into my arm and some kind of fluid started pumping through my veins. I sank back into darkness.

I woke up again, and I knew that it was all over. The last few months of my life had just been another fever dream created by the God Tree.

“He’s awake.”

I tried to pull at the restraints but my body wouldn’t move. Was it a sedative or was it muscle atrophy? I didn’t even want to think about going through physical therapy again. I didn’t want to think…

“My dear Sasuke, are feeling well-rested?” Orochimaru asked, leaning over me.

I thought I was talking, but no sound was coming out.

“I apologize for the chains, they’re just a formality before we make sure everything is in working order,” he said, poking another needle into my arm. “Kabuto, please go ahead to the next room.”

I kept fading in and out of consciousness for what was probably days, maybe even weeks. Whatever Orochimaru was feeding me, though, had my body getting stronger.

“I’ve weened you off of the sedative,” Kabuto stated clinically as I found myself more awake than usual.

“Why am I here?” I asked, my voice getting stronger with every word.

“Because Orochimaru-sama rescued you from the God Tree.”

“And how the hell did he do that?”

“I think you know.”

“I saw the rinnegan. I just don’t understand how he would be able to find one to transplant.”

“Not one but two,” Kabuto commented, and I felt like he was taking a dig at me.

“Where did he find two rinnegan eyes?” I ground out.

“Edo Tensei.”

Of course it involved zombies. Everything about this conversation made me feel exhausted. I just wanted to find Naruto and-

…and what?

I couldn’t do this again. I was tired of starting over. I wanted to be back on that cramped fucking boat with awkward Sai and stupid Kakashi, and I wanted Naruto, horns and all, at my side. I didn’t care that he was an angry, pathetic shell of a man trapped in a hormonal teenager’s body, because I…

Well, it was better not to put in words. Because it was over, and I was never getting that Naruto back.

I just had to forget. There was no point in caring about things that weren’t real. I tried to focus on what Kabuto was babbling about.

“-so we’ll wake them up one-by-one, and the strong will survive, and the weak, well… you know how it goes.”


	25. Chapter 25

I was finally unchained and off to a proper room with a bed. I wasn’t particularly interested in Orochimaru’s ultimate human test subject plan, but I couldn’t be bothered to care. Let him do whatever he wanted. Maybe this world wasn’t even real anyway. I’d probably just be off to another world in a few months, so there was no point in investing myself in anything here.

“You’ve somehow become even more petulant,” Orochimaru mused, standing in my doorway.

The door had been locked.

“Who is _petulant_?” I spat out.

“It almost seems like you’d rather continue to have the life drained out of you in your blissfully fake world instead of being here in the moment, making all of your actual dreams come true.”

“And what dreams would those be?” I asked tiredly.

“Dismantling the power structure of Konoha and all of the corrupt ninja villages,” he said. “Assuming your rightful place at the top of the mountain.”

It seemed pathetic to say, ‘I don’t care about revolution anymore, I just want my fake boyfriend back.’ What had I become? Was I just going to lie here and be depressed forever? The fate of the entire world was literally in my hands, and I just couldn’t be bothered to care.

I was the worst Uchiha, and that was really saying something. I was weak, and I was useless, and I was pathetic, and…

Orochimaru grinned at me, holding out his hand.

I couldn’t trust him as far as I could stab him, but I took his hand and I followed his lead. He was all I had in this world. Well, him and Kabuto, but really, who wanted Kabuto?

“It’s time to create the new world order,” Orochimaru said, leading me outside.

Tree branches twisted and twined through everything, cocoons hanging off of them like endless adornments.

“We’re the only ones immune to it,” he said. “We decide who will join us.”

“Let it all burn,” I said tiredly.

Orochimaru laughed delightedly, his two rinnegans flaring to life.

I thought about stabbing him again, but it seemed like too much effort. Later.

He cut down a cocoon and tore it open.

Naruto lay there, breathing shallowly as the tree continued to suck his life away.

Now that was just highly improbable.

“Sasuke!” he cried, suddenly leaping out of the cocoon and grabbing me.

I felt like the air was knocked out of me, my eyes flying open.

“Come on, Sas’,” he said, pulling me out of the cocoon.

“Huh?” I said, trying to catch up. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one… and why was I… and it had been sunny before, but now it was cloudy, and we were on some kind of island?

Kakashi had Sai over his shoulder, and there was a man I’d never seen before hacking and slashing at the decidedly small God Tree. He glowed with power in a way that was reminiscent of Kaguya. In fact, the more I became aware of my surroundings, the more I felt the monstrous power emanating from this strange, tiny, unknown man.

“Sasuke, we have to go,” Naruto said, holding my face and trying to get me present.

“I thought I lost you,” I whispered.

“I know,” he said, suddenly wrapping his arm around me tightly and pressing his face into my neck. “I know. But we don’t have time for this.”

I opened my mouth and blew out a katon at an approaching attacker. “Of course we have time.”

I could feel him smile.

“Did you finally come out of the closet?” Karin asked, racing past me. “Does that mean we can be best girlfriends?!”

“That’s homophobic!” Sakura declared, coming up behind her.

“Okay, but have you met Sasuke?” Karin protested.

“What the fuck is going on?” I asked.

“I woke up about one minute before you, so…” Naruto trailed off, before straightening up and teleporting away.

“The guys in the sketchy black uniforms kidnapped you and fed you to the tree,” Karin explained, pushing her glasses up her nose before kicking the shit out of one of said uniformed kidnappers.

“We pulled you out,” Sakura added, punching a man through a tree.

“You won’t stop us, filthy ninja,” one of the men hissed, catching Sakura in a chokehold.

She flipped him over her shoulder and stepped on his throat.

Naruto teleported back, a smear of blood on his cheek.

I wiped it off with my thumb.

“You won’t stop us,” one of the uniformed women repeated, surveying the scene from the top of one of the forest’s trees. “We will capture all of you mutant freaks in our trees and remove-”

The glowing unnamed man blew her up.

One second she was there, the next she was gone.

Everyone stopped fighting and just stared at the man’s smoking finger.

“There will be no more God Trees,” he said. “There will be no more chakra fruit.”

Then he disappeared.

“Well, then,” Sai said, finally coming to enough to stand on his own. “That shit was ca-ray-zay.”

“No,” I said flatly.

Sai sighed.

We rounded up the remaining enemies and let Sakura have a talk with them.

Naruto ended up throwing up, and Sai was still dizzy and having trouble walking. Kakashi was silent.

I had a headache.

Naruto curled into my side and I found myself restlessly petting him like a dog.

“I feel like crap,” he mumbled.

I couldn’t help but kiss the top of his head.

He locked his arm around my waist.

I moved my feet restlessly in the sand of the beach, glancing towards the forest. The joke of a God Tree had already wilted into nothing. “What is going on?” I finally asked.

“Hopefully Sakura will find out,” Sai said, lying in the sand and staring up at the sky.

“That guy…” Naruto muttered, then suddenly pulled away from me and puked again.

I rubbed his back, watching him dry heave until he finally sat back up, pale and sweating.

Karin was looking at me funny.

I glared at her.

“Long time no see,” she finally said.

“Yeah,” I agreed.

Naruto groaned and wrapped himself around me again.

I closed my eyes and just held him. The pain in my head was getting worse. Then I was puking.

“You’ve probably been poisoned,” Karin commented.

“Oh, really?” I muttered, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Don’t get snitty with me,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “If anyone gets to be snitty, it’s me.”

I didn’t answer her.

Naruto elbowed me in the side, making my stomach feel weird.

I glared at him.

He glared back at me.

I vaguely remembered telling him that Karin was an Uzumaki and him getting very emotional about it. “Uzumaki, meet Uzumaki.”

Karin’s expression softened.

“Hey,” Naruto said, giving her a dopey smile.

“Hey,” she said.

Kakashi stood up suddenly.

We all watched as he moved towards some bushes and proceeded to puke.

“Should we be worried?” Naruto murmured.

“I can heal one of you,” Karin offered. “Not Sasuke, of course.”

“What is your problem?” I ground out.

She looked at me carefully. “I grew up.”

I let out a long sigh, which made my stomach lurch.

Sakura emerged from the forest, rolling her neck. “I’ve got an antidote,” she said, waving a glass bottle at us.

The bottle was passed around so that we could all take a swig.

“When you’re feeling better, I think we should go,” Sakura said. “The daimyo’s started some kind of war on ninjas, blaming us for the God Tree and all that.”

“Well, you can’t really argue with that point,” Sai commented.

“His solution is to eradicate all ninjas off of the face of the planet,” she said.

“I see his logic.”

“You stay here and get eradicated, then,” Sakura said.

“Oh, no non-ninja could eradicate me before I eradicate them,” Sai said cheerfully.

“Who was he?” Kakashi asked.

We all turned to him.

“Who was who?” Sakura asked.

“I’m guessing he’s talking about the all-powerful ninja who blows up people with a flick of his finger?” Sai suggested.

“Oh,” Sakura said, her face going dark.

“I’ve been tracking him from the mainland,” Karin explained. “That’s how I came across Sakura when she was looking for you all. Seems like we were all heading to the same place. His name is Kamenosuke, and that’s about all I’ve got on him. It seems like he was a farmer from the Land of Rivers, and now he’s some kind of superpowered ninja god.”

“He’s stronger than us,” Naruto said quietly. “I’ve never felt…”

“Well, you can see why I started following him,” Karin said.

“Where are Juugo and Suigetsu?” I interjected.

“Don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve been looking for them, looking for somewhere to go, but there’s nothing.”

I looked at her.

She looked at him. Then some of her tough-girl act started to crack, and suddenly I was being attacked in a hug. “Fine! I forgive you! God!”

“I don’t want your forgiveness,” I snarled, trying to fend her off. At least I didn’t feel like puking anymore every time I moved.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said in his tired adult tone.

I felt my lower lip start to stick out and quickly sucked it back in.

Naruto stared at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m incapable of being angry with you,” Karin sighed.

“The Uzumaki Clan sure does love Uchiha,” Sai commented. “Do his pheromones somehow render their self-preservation instincts useless?”

“Yes,” Sakura said. “Yes, that explains everything.”

“Someone should research that,” Kakashi said. “Oh, by the way, how did the daimyo grow a God Tree? That seems kind of important.”

There was silence besides the sound of Karin smothering me.

“Well, I’m feeling better,” Kakashi declared. “Let’s hit the high seas, gang!”

“So we’re just going to leave the Land of Water’s ninjas to fend for themselves against errant God Trees?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Kakashi said, moving towards the boat that was tied to a log on the shore.

“Are we going to track Kamenosuke?” Karin asked, still attached to me.

“Eh,” Kakashi said, taking the wheel.

We all followed him on board. It didn’t take long to realize that Kakashi was acting apathetically because he was actually worried, that Naruto was still pissed with Sakura, and that Karin would not leave me the fuck alone.

This boat had become even more hellish than before, but it really didn’t matter.

I shrugged Karin off and glued myself to Naruto where he was sitting on the railing, staring out into the sea.

“Hey,” he said, rubbing my knee.

“Hi,” I said, kissing him.

“Hi,” he agreed, kissing me back. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Where else would I be?”

“Off married to Sakura or something,” he said, trying to smile and not really succeeding.

“What did the tree show you?” I asked, lacing my fingers over his as his hand continued rubbing my knee.

Naruto shook his head. “It took me back to my original dream world.”

“Are you just incredibly unoriginal?” I asked.

“Maybe,” he said. “But it was different. I didn’t want to be there. I _really_ didn’t want to be there. I couldn’t even feel happy about reuniting with my kids. I couldn’t believe it was real, like I wanted it to be fake.”

I kissed his temple, feeling the bulge of bone stretching his flesh there. “It was fake.”

“Oh? You finally believe this is the real world?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I said, kissing his temple again. “I just don’t care anymore.”

“What’s that mean?”

I nudged his nose with mine until he figured it out and turned to properly kiss me. “I want this,” I mumbled into his lips. They were burning me up from the inside out. “I choose this world.”

“Okay,” Naruto agreed, catching his breath in between lingering kisses. “Okay, okay, okay.”

We were making out in front of everyone like idiots, but I really didn’t care.

I was in…

Anyway, I didn’t care.

This was how things were supposed to be.


	26. Chapter 26

We finally landed in Lightning two tense days later and left that stolen boat behind for good.

“Well, the villagers aren’t running in fear from us,” Naruto observed cheerfully as we walked through the town. “Ohmigod, rameeeeeen!”

I found myself being dragged into a noodle shop, which of course meant I had to pay since Naruto had no money.

“We only have shoyu broth,” the waitress said apologetically. “And only vegetables, no meat.”

“As long as you have sweet, tender ramen noodles, I’ll eat them uncooked and unadorned!” Naruto declared.

The girl looked confused.

“He’ll have the shoyu ramen, only vegetables and no meat,” I explained. “One for me, as well.”

Naruto was smiling, off in his own happy little world. He finally came to after a while. “Hey, where’s everyone else?”

“They didn’t want ramen.”

He looked at me aghast.

“I didn’t want ramen either.”

He looked even more aghast.

“We’ll find them at the inn later.”

He nodded. Then he got a sly grin on his face. “Hey, does that mean we’re alone? On like… a date?!”

“No, definitely not.”

He pouted. “I wanna go on a date.”

“Then ask me like a normal person.”

“You make it sound so easy. Like you wouldn’t shoot me down and break my fragile heart.”

“You won’t know until you ask.”

“But I do know,” he said, and some of the teasing left his expression.

I looked away from his unhappy eyes. “I’m trying,” I mumbled. I thought we were in a better place, what with me shamelessly admitting that I didn’t care if this world was real or not anymore. I didn’t know how much more loudly and obviously I could express my feelings.

 _Maybe by actually saying the words_.

“Yeah,” he said, his hand reaching across the table to cover mine. “I’m just… it doesn’t matter. I love you. Let’s go on a date.”

I wanted to wrinkle my nose and say no. I settled for wrinkling my nose and irritably grumbling, “Fine.”

He looked so happy that I temporarily forgot about being cool and I smiled dopily back at him.

“Two shoyu ramen,” the waitress said, eyeing our hands before carefully setting the bowls down in front of us.

“ _Itadakimasu_!” Naruto declared, breaking his chopsticks one-handed and burying himself in ramen.

I watched him for a moment before starting to eat my own bowl.

“That hit the spot,” Naruto said after he finished, leaning back in his chair and patting his stomach contentedly. “I’ve lost like ten pounds since we started living on that ridiculous boat.”

I finished up my own bowl. “We should get our own room. At the inn.”

“Mm,” Naruto hummed his agreement. Then he almost fell out of his chair. “Are you asking me on some kind of sordid sex date?!”

“Yes,” I said.

He turned bright red, and I really liked it.

“When is the last time we could sleep somewhere without Sai or Kakashi next to us?”

“Far too long,” Naruto said, nodding his head even though I hadn’t asked a yes or no question. “Far too long.”

“We should go,” I said. It was the middle of the afternoon.

“Yes,” Naruto agreed, jumping to his feet and knocking his chair backwards.

I rolled my eyes and paid the bill.

We checked into the inn, the clerk raising her eyebrow when I requested a single room with a double bed. I raised my eyebrow back and she blushed, handing me the key with a stutter.

We went up to the second floor and I unlocked the door, stepping in first.

Naruto followed behind me, uncharacteristically quiet.

I walked over to the window and closed the blinds.

I could hear him swallow. His nervousness just gave me more confidence. I needed to jump right in.

“Take off your clothes,” I decided.

“What?!” he yelped.

I turned to look over my shoulder.

His face was ridiculous.

I laughed.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he whined.

“Are we doing this or not?” I asked brusquely.

“Um, I’m gonna need a little romancin’ and whatever before I take my clothes off,” he protested.

“Take your clothes off,” I repeated.

He looked at me uncertainly.

I waited.

He undid the zipper of his track suit, shouldering off the jacket.

I looked at him.

“…do you really just expect me to strip naked?” he asked, flushed.

I yanked him forward by the collar of his t-shirt and kissed him.

Naruto immediately seemed more comfortable, burying his fingers in my hair and keeping me close.

I was starting to drown, my grip on his t-shirt a little too tight. He was really here, and I wasn’t letting go.

He broke the kiss with a small gasp. “I love you,” he murmured, moving to my neck. “I love you so much.”

I finally eased my grip, pushing him back towards the bed. “Undress.”

“Why am I the only one undressing?” he complained, but he was pulling his shirt over his head. He tossed it on the floor quickly before pulling me back in by the back of my neck.

“Because I want to see you naked,” I informed him.

He breathed out a little laugh, but he was squirming a little, looking shy. “And what brought on this sudden urge?”

“This isn’t the time for talking,” I said, mostly because I didn’t want to think about it, much less talk about it.

“Okay,” he agreed, though he was hesitant. “Okay,” he repeated, kissing my face all over.

“Focus,” I told him, tugging at the waistband of his pants.

“Can’t,” he said. He gave me the dopiest smile in existence.

“Try,” I said, not letting myself melt into a puddle of stupid.

“Mm,” he agreed, attempting to remove his pants with his one hand while kissing me thoroughly.

“You are very uncoordinated for a ninja,” I informed him as we fell on the bed, him with his pants around his ankles.

Naruto kicked his legs frantically.

I waited.

He finally sent his pants flying across the room.

I laughed.

“It’s not funny, it’s sexy!” he protested.

I tried to take a breath to stop laughing, but it just came out as a snort.

“Sasuke, tell me I’m sexy!” he whined.

“No,” I said, still smiling.

“I’m damn sexy.”

“Where has all this newfound confidence come from?” I asked, resting my hand on his cheek and thumbing along the scars etched there.

“From your unwavering desire to see me naked,” he said, resting his hand on my hip.

We lay facing each other, Naruto in his underwear and me fully clothed, and I just felt good. We were here. We were together. It was all I needed for the moment. “You’re still not naked,” I informed him.

“Um, well technically no, but…”

I snapped the elastic of his boxers.

He yelped and proceeded to… tickle me?

“Hey!” I said, squirming and trying to keep my cool. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of me laughing.

“I know you’re ticklish!” he insisted, on top of me now in his quest to get a reaction from me.

“You’re the one who’s ticklish,” I responded, jabbing at his exposed armpit.

Naruto shrieked and flew off of me, almost falling off of the bed.

I cracked up.

He just stayed on his side, looking at me at first in annoyance, then softly. “Jerk,” he murmured, smiling as he pulled me closer.

“You started it,” I said, disavowing responsibility.

“If that’s how you see it,” he said, tugging down the collar of my t-shirt and kissing the exposed skin. He seemed to get absorbed in the task, kissing and licking his way along my collarbone.

Maybe I moaned a little.

Naruto paused, his eyes shooting up to me.

I stared at him.

“Did you… like that…?” he ventured slowly.

I stared harder.

“I wish you’d tell me,” he sighed. He poked me in the nose.

I wrinkled it under his touch. “I already told you what to do.”

He sat up abruptly and pulled down his underwear, lifting his hips and kicking them off.

I looked. I liked looking.

“So…” he said, his cheeks tinged red.

“So?” I asked.

“Your turn?” he suggested.

“No,” I said, pulling him back down to me and letting my hand slide along his bare hip.

Naruto had goosebumps.

I kissed his neck. I kissed his chest. I kissed his hip. I kissed back up his arm.

More goosebumps.

I studied his face, his eyes closed and his lips parted as rapid breaths exhaled past them. There was tension in his brow, so I smoothed it out, brushing along the protruding skin at his temple. “Relax.”

He took a deep breath and blew it out. “Can’t.”

“Why not?”

Blue eyes slid open, drowning me briefly before looking down.

I looked down, too. “Oh, that,” I said, looking at what was very painfully hard between us.

“Couldn’t you give it a cuter nickname than ‘that’?” Naruto complained.

“Like Lil’Stumpy?” I suggested.

“You don’t have to be mean about it,” he said, flicking my nose.

“Have you never met me?”

“One of these days being mean to me is not going to get you laid.”

“But not today?”

“…but not today,” he agreed, looking at me pleadingly.

I didn’t always have to be mean, so I touched him.

Those eyes stuttered shut and he started chewing on his bottom lip.

I moved my wrist, watching him react.

“Sasuke,” he breathed.

I liked the way he said my name. I pressed my face into his neck, murmuring his name back.

His hand shot out towards me, hesitating before settling on my thigh. His fingers started digging in roughly, but he quickly relaxed them. “You’re driving me crazy, love,” he said softly.

I smiled into his skin.

His hand flexed. “Please…?”

I was simultaneously pleased and disappointed with his self-restraint. I gave him a last squeeze and sat up, pulling my shirt over my head.

Naruto’s eyes shot open and stayed glued to my every movement.

Unlike him, I didn’t have issues undressing myself. I had my pants off in one fluid movement, kicking them onto his head.

He pushed one of the legs out of his eyes and just continued to stare at me with pants on his head.

I shook my head at him.

He didn’t get it at all, just biting his lip and staring at me.

I lifted up my hips and pulled off my boxers in one easy motion, adding those to the pile on his head. “You look fucking ridiculous,” I informed him.

“You look naked,” he replied, slightly dazed.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“I haven’t seen you sex naked before!” he declared.

I looked at him.

“Sasuke…” he whined.

“What do you need, baby?” I asked, knocking the clothes off of his head. He looked ridiculous. This was okay.

“You,” he whispered, pulling me into a kiss that I wasn’t quite ready for. Our bodies pressed together fully, his hardness against my flacidness.

This wasn’t okay.

Blue eyes probed mine. He took a breath and waited, watching.

Why was I breathing so heavily? “I…” I started and stumbled, not sure what to say or what to do.

Naruto pulled back a little and stretched his neck up to kiss my forehead. “Let’s stop,” he hummed.

“Don’t do that,” I muttered, looking down. Looking down was not a good idea. That was a very erect penis.

“Sorry for respecting you,” he said, not sounding sorry at all.

I gave him a _look_. Looking into his eyes wasn’t much better than looking into his penis. They were equally confusing. “You think I’m some kind of inexperienced cocktease idiot.”

“Love, I don’t…” he trailed off, frustrated. “I’m not attacking you. It’s okay to not want to do… stuff.”

“Well I guess I haven’t achieved your level of spiritual enlightenment and experience yet,” I spat out, trying not to be horrified and embarrassed.

Naruto closed his eyes for a moment. “Why is this going so off course?”

“Because we don’t work,” I muttered. I rubbed at my half-arm, feeling self-conscious.

He sighed, eyes sliding open. “You don’t want us to work,” he muttered back, leaning against the headboard.

I glared at him.

He frowned.

I glared harder.

“Come here,” he said, annoyed.

“Why?” I snarled, even as I was coming closer.

“Because I want to be next to you,” he said, pulling me close and keeping me there. “This isn’t supposed to be a fight, love,” he continued, kissing my temple.

“This is not a fight,” I said. “It’s terrible foreplay.”

He laughed at that, squeezing his arm around me and resting his cheek against my shoulder.

I hesitated, then rested my head against his.

“You’re not weird,” he said quietly.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked irritably.

He sighed, turning and kissing my shoulder. It was soft and apologetic. “We don’t have to deal with this today, but we have to deal with it eventually.”

“Deal with what?” I asked, straightening up.

He cast his eyes up at me. “Do I have to say it?”

I almost said ‘yes’, and immediately stopped myself. I did not want to hear what he had to say. I did not want to hear truths about myself that I refused to acknowledge dropped on me like a bomb by the number one knuckleheaded ninja. My pride wouldn’t take it, especially not when I was completely naked and in bed with said knucklehead. “Let’s start over,” I said, nudging his head off of my shoulder.

He grinned at me. “Hi, I’m Uzumaki Naruto,” he said.

I shook my head and kissed him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said, holding me back with a hand to my chest. “I don’t even know your name, buddy.”

“Idiot,” I growled, shoving his hand away and kissing him until he stopped trying to protest.

Naruto relaxed, eyes closed and fingers working the elastic out of my hair while his tongue did a cartographical study of my mouth.

Our necks were strained and only our shoulders touched, but it felt more comfortable than before.

Naruto finally undid my bun and ran his fingers through my hair, smoothing it out and brushing along my scalp in a way that made me shiver. “Hey,” he said between kisses. “Let’s get dressed.”

“You are terrible at seduction,” I informed him.

“You say that now.”

“Um… yes, I do.”

He gave my hair a last, lingering stroke and bounced up to gather our clothes from the floor.

The embarrassment was starting to creep back in.

Naruto pulled on his boxers and bounded back to the bed, holding up my clothes

I didn’t look at him.

He dangled them in front of my face.

“Uzumaki, if you-” I started, only to find my t-shirt being pulled over my head. I stuck my head out with a scowl.

Naruto laughed, waiting until I had stuck my arm through the sleeve before tackling me and wrestling my underwear on.

“Ha, how do you like that?!” he declared, sitting on my legs and grinning down at me.

Dammit, the idiot was fantastic at seduction.

I flipped him onto his back and proceeded to kiss his breath away.

Naruto grinned as he nudged me onto my side. “I like this,” he said, running his hand along my hip.

I liked it, too, but I kept his mouth otherwise occupied so we didn’t have to talk about it.

The heat picked back up slowly until it was finally burning through my entire body.

“Talk to me?” he begged, taking his mouth away from mine and leaving me chasing it.

“What do we need to talk about?” I growled.

“Tell me what to do.”

“Come closer.”

Naruto pressed his body to mine and was finally back in kissing range.

I never got tired of his mouth.

“I need to come,” he mumbled into my mouth.

“Then come,” I said, tracing my tongue along his lips.

Naruto whined, hips pressing into me and then pulling back. He lay there indecisively.

I gripped his ass and pulled our hips decisively together. “It’s okay like this,” I admitted, not wanting to say more, knowing I’d already said more than I wanted to. “It’s okay,” I repeated, and then both our hips were moving because Naruto needed to be told twice, but he certainly didn’t need to be told a third time.

“Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…” he repeated my name like a mantra between very noisy moans.

I wanted to tell him to shut up, but instead I was moaning his name back, albeit much more quietly.

We touched and stroked each other, mouths meeting sloppily until we were both sticky and exhausted.

“Mm,” Naruto murmured, cuddling into me.

“Gross,” I mumbled, kissing the top of his head. It was relaxing just to hold him close and forget about all of the petty ninja shit that was going on in the world.

Then Kakashi appeared in the room, sharingans swirling, and the peace was over just like that.


	27. Chapter 27

“Have you two been having intercourse?” Kakashi asked, shaking his head.

“Get out,” I replied, swirling my sharingan back at him.

“It’s kind of important,” Kakashi said, unfazed.

“Is it worth your life?” I asked.

Naruto kissed my neck sleepily. “Sassy Baby, just let him talk.”

I glared at him and he didn’t even notice.

“Yes, Sassy Baby, let me tell you about how we are getting the fuck out of here,” Kakashi said cheerfully.

Naruto and I didn’t move; me because I didn’t care and Naruto because he was sleeping.

“ANBU!” Kakashi yelled, throwing his arms up in the air and waving them around.

Naruto started awake.

I stared.

Kakashi sighed. “It seems that Lightning’s depleted manpower and resources has led them to make an alliance with Hyuuga.”

“Huh?” Naruto said, rubbing his eyes.

“Konoha ANBU are policing the Land of Lightning and we’re all in their Bingo Books,” Kakashi concluded, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

“What is a Konoha ANBU compared to us?” I snorted.

“Don’t get cocky, love,” Naruto said, kissing my neck again. He seemed to get distracted, kissing it some more.

“Just because you’re an indecisive castrato…”

“I’m going to find out what that word means,” he growled at me, burying his teeth into my flesh.

I moaned. Much more loudly than I intended. Which was to say, that I hadn’t intended to moan at all.

“Well, that makes sense,” Naruto muttered, smooching the abused flesh before sitting up properly and stretching his arms over his head. “Masochistic sadist…”

I didn’t look at him.

“And I’m not indecisive,” he said, retracing the conversation. “I just understand that there are consequences to my decisions.”

“So you don’t make decisions at all.”

“Just because I don’t make the decisions that you want me to make doesn’t mean that I’m not making decisions.”

“Okay.”

Naruto started to frown, then shook his head. “Let’s go, Hot Stuff.”

“You’re going to let some pathetic ANBU chase us out of town?”

“Yeah,” he said with a shrug. “Let’s go back to Suna. They have food and supplies, and Sakura-ch… Sakura got Baa-chan there. Gaara’s there. It’s the best place to set up.”

“You don’t want to charge into Water and take out the daimyo’s anti-ninja forces?”

“Of course I do, but we need a plan first.”

“You are an alien,” I declared, finally getting up and picking the rest of my clothes up off of the floor.

Naruto was clearly annoyed with me, but didn’t say anything else.

I didn’t particularly feel like being chased out of town by some pissant ANBU, but I followed Naruto down to the lobby anyway.

Karin and Sai were sitting there, talking quietly.

I simultaneously wanted to know every word that they were saying to each other and did not want to know at all what those two could possibly have to talk about.

“Naruto,” Karin said warmly. “Sasuke,” she added coolly.

I rolled my eyes. Karin was apparently permanently stuck in her Jekyll and Hyde personality.

“I thought you banged,” Sai commented. “But you look tense and unrefreshed.”

“Don’t say banged,” I said.

“But you told me not to say fornicated,” he protested.

“Don’t say that either,” I said. “Stop talking about other people’s sex lives.”

“But that’s what adult males talk about…”

“He has a point,” Karin agreed.

Naruto stayed out of it, which was irritating.

“Anyway, what are we doing here?” I asked. “It’s our first chance to sleep not on a shitty boat or a shitty forest in weeks, and we’re fleeing from pathetic ANBU?”

“The bounty on your head is the biggest,” Sai said cheerfully.

I tried not to preen. “Oh?”

“Kill on sight.”

Naruto flinched.

“I’d love to see them try,” I hummed.

“Your main charge is killing that Hyuuga,” Sai explained. “Kakashi and I are wanted dead or alive for desertion, Sakura is wanted dead for,” he paused and proceeded to make the most exaggerated air quotes I had ever seen, “ _kidnapping_ the hokage, Karin here is wanted dead or alive for crimes related to her exploits with your Team Taka and Orochimaru, and Naruto, well he’s just wanted alive for questioning.”

“…what?” Naruto said.

“They think they can still get you back,” I said, rolling my eyes.

He frowned.

“Maybe we should make a statement.”

“A murdery one?” he asked, not looking amused.

“I was thinking more Naruto-style childish prank, but I see what you think of me.”

“Why do you have to make everything into a fight?”

“It’s what I do.”

“Well, get another thing to do.”

“Okay. So did you want to embarrass the hell out of the ANBU or not?”

Naruto paused. “What kind of embarrassment?” he asked, looking slightly interested.

“Uchiha, I know you’ve shielded us with a genjutsu and all, but is it possible that those gentlemen over there are seeing through it?” Sai interrupted.

I glanced out the window where he was pointing. “Seems like,” I observed as the two men pretended not to be spying on us when they obviously were.

“I’m pretty sure they look familiar under their own henge,” Sai hummed. “So you were saying something about embarrassment…?”

I felt a grin slide across my lips.

“Oooh, Sasuke is scheming,” Karin said, getting interested.

It wasn’t so much a scheme as me being all-powerful and petty.

Sakura and Kakashi hadn’t made an appearance, so they were left out of the plan.

Sai and I strolled out of the inn together, leaving Naruto and Karin behind.

“Well, it seems they’ve taken the bait,” Sai hummed, sticking his hands in his pockets as we walked.

“Are all ANBU this stupid?” I asked him.

“They’re lower down in the hierarchy,” Sai explained. “This is clearly not where Hyuuga was expecting us to resurface.”

“So he’s an idiot,” I said, nodding. “Of course the men following him would also be idiots. How can he possibly not know that we’ve been heading north through the Land of Water?”

“Because the spy network was disrupted in Water due to the daimyo’s war on ninjas and all that.”

I looked at him.

“Hm?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I’m not used to dealing with logical, intelligent people.”

“Am I keeping you on your toes?” he asked, grinning his awkward grin.

“Kind of.”

His grin widened.

I suddenly realized that Sai and I actually were friends.

“What are you frowning about?” he asked, still looking happy.

“We need to get clear of the town,” I said, jumping up to the rooftops.

“Okay, boss,” he agreed, following me.

We hit the edge of town soon enough.

“Have they figured it out yet?” I asked, not bothering to look over my shoulder.

“No, I do not believe they have,” Sai said.

We stopped at the tree line, and finally turned to face the two men who were following us.

They were quite far behind us, and they casually ducked out of sight. ANBU must have had a minimum recruiting standard.

“Should we try and look more vulnerable?” Sai suggested. “Maybe we should undress.”

I let out a very undignified laugh. “You are so fucking weird.”

“I’m creative,” he challenged me.

“I think you just want to see me naked,” I said with a shrug.

“Eh.”

“I’m sorry, did you just ‘eh’ the amazing body that is Uchiha Sasuke?” I asked incredulously.

“You’re so cute when you’re full of yourself,” Sai cooed, pinching my cheek.

“Are you thinking of joining your little ANBU brothers in their humiliation?” I asked, smiling at him.

“You are terrifying,” Sai said agreeably as he let go of my cheek.

That was good to hear since I felt like a neutered dog most of the time. “Do they really think that we don’t know they’ve been following us?” I asked.

“Oh, we knew,” a man said, rising up from the ground in between us.

“What’s the point of the element of surprise if you waste it on one-liners?” Sai asked, kicking the man in the head and sending him flying across the landscape.

Usually only Naruto could make me laugh, but I cracked up.

Sai looked very pleased with himself. “You liked that?”

“I did.”

He beamed.

The other ANBU was sneaking up on us, so I decided to take a page from superpowered Kamenosuke and did a quick seal, shooting fire from my finger.

He leapt out of the way, but Sai already had his brush out, furiously painting a lion that dove from the scroll straight at the ANBU.

I spun around to parry the next attack from the ANBU who had been kicked, only to find Naruto blasting him away.

“Hi,” he said, grinning and leaning in for a kiss.

It was so completely inappropriate to be kissing in the middle of a battle. I sighed loudly before pressing my lips to his.

Naruto grinned into the kiss, and when he pulled away he waggled his eyebrows at me before charging back into battle.

That left me with… nothing to do.

Karin slid up beside me, resting her arm on my shoulder.

I looked at the offending arm.

Karin continued to play it nonchalant. “Well, it seems to be going well.”

I looked at her.

“I really love you, you know,” she informed me.

I raised an eyebrow.

“But you’re a total asshole,” she concluded, moving away.

“Good to know,” I said.

Karin rolled her eyes at me. “You can pretend you don’t care all you want, but eventually everyone’s going to get sick of it.”

“Can’t wait.”

She smacked me in the arm.

I stared at her.

“You’re going to lose everything if you can’t let down your walls for more than five seconds.”

I continued to stare at her, feeling the truth of her words creep along my skin and doing my best to ignore them.

We watched the fights.

“Your boyfriend’s cute,” Karin finally said. “I’m glad you could at least let go of your pride enough and finally be with him.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, let go of my pride?”

“Okay, do you know how much you used to talk about Naruto?”

“First of all, no, I didn’t. And second of all, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh my god, don’t even try that,” Karin said, shaking her head. “If it wasn’t Itachi this and Danzo that, then it was Naruto, Naruto, Naruto.”

“That is not true.”

“See, at first you would try to be subtle. ‘This idiot I used to know’ or some other euphemism. So I didn’t realize that you were always talking about the same person. But then it became very clear that before you came to Sound, there were like three people in your life, and the one you were always talking about-”

“Karin.”

“I was talking.”

“I know, and I wish you would stop.”

“Don’t want to hear the truth?”

“Not really, no.”

“Well, at least you’re honest about that,” she said.

Naruto waved to us from across the field, pointing to the unconscious ANBU on the ground.

I waved back.

“Shall we move on to the next step?” Sai asked, dragging an unconscious body behind him as he approached us.

“Yeah,” I said, no longer as enthused about what was clearly a childish and stupid idea. I certainly wasn’t sulking about yet another person reminding me that my entire life revolved around Uzumaki Naruto.

I did cheer up slightly as the plan went into action.

“I want them to say ‘I’m with stupid!’” Naruto declared to Sai.

“‘I’m with stupid’?” Sai asked, letting his brush fly across the bare chest of one of our chained-up assailants. “Is that like being ‘with child’?”

I took a breath.

“No, no, see, then you draw an arrow that points to the other ANBU!” Naruto explained happily. “Do you get it?!”

Sai painted the arrow and studied the tableaux of ANBU he had created. He tilted his head to the side, then smiled slowly. “Ohhhh, I see. It’s implying that the other ANBU is stupid. Hurk hurk.”

Naruto nodded enthusiastically.

At the very least I’d accomplished my mission of getting Naruto to act his age.

Karin pulled our pictures out of their Bingo Books and replaced them in their pouches with a friendly note informing them that we were not to be followed.

We left the two ANBU tied to trees and stripped to their skivvies with matching ‘I’m with stupid’ inked across their chests. We needed to move on before they were found, which would be very soon.

“Did I miss all the fun?” Kakashi asked, suddenly appearing in front of us.

Then he sucked us into his Kamui.


	28. Chapter 28

We were in Suna in almost a blink of an eye.

“Hey,” Temari greeted us coolly.

“Uh, hi,” Naruto said, scratching the back of his neck and looking around.

“Glad you could finally join us,” Sakura said, standing next to Temari.

We appeared to be in a hospital waiting room.

“Come,” Temari said to Naruto, already moving past a guard into the secured ward.

“Just me?” he asked, looking around at the rest of us as he moved forward.

“You and the disgraced acting hokage,” she said without looking back.

“That’s me!” Kakashi said delightedly.

The two of them followed Temari, and the door was swiftly shut behind them.

“Cool, so what are we here for?” I asked.

“Kankurou has rooms for us,” Sakura said, leading us out of the hospital.

“I had a perfectly good room in Lightning,” I pointed out.

“I’m sure you did,” she said, and there was an edge to it.

“No one minds that I’m here, right?” Karin said, looking around nervously as we moved down the stairs. “I mean, I’ve never personally had any problems with the kazekage and his dramatically taller yet still apparently biologically related siblings, but…”

“You’re fine,” Sakura said. “Sasuke’s the one who tried to fight Gaara to the death over Naruto’s hand-”

“That is not what we were fighting about!” I snapped.

Sakura cracked up, and Karin and Sai joined in.

“What the hell is so funny?” I growled.

“You,” Sai informed me in between chortles, “are the color of a tomato.”

“I got too much sun,” I snipped, trying to keep my face away from the hyena horde.

“You’ve been losing your cool a lot lately,” Sakura hummed.

“Didn’t I save your ass from Naruto?” I muttered.

She flinched at that.

“Don’t mind him,” Sai said, slinging an awkward arm around Sakura’s shoulder. “He and I are in human training.”

“ _Human_ training?” Sakura repeated.

“Yes, since we’re both emotionless monsters,” he said cheerfully.

I wished I was an emotionless monster. Everyone was starting to see through my facade, starting to realize that I wasn’t so cool and I wasn’t so mature and I wasn’t so together… Starting to realize that my only good point was my relationship with Naruto, which I seemed hell-bent on destroying.

Karin poked me in the stomach.

I glared at her.

She grinned and threw the exit door open, flooding everyone’s eyes with sunlight.

Sakura lead us through a maze of streets until we finally arrived at what looked like a very nice apartment building. “We’re still figuring things out, but for now they said we can stay here free-of-charge.”

“Not bad,” Karin hummed.

“Will we all be bunking together like best friends?” Sai asked hopefully.

“Uh, no,” Sakura said. “We all have our own apartments.” She proceeded to pass out keys.

“Are we really staying here?” I asked, looking the building up and down. We’d been roughing it for so long that it just seemed strange to have a proper roof over our heads.

“Until circumstances change,” Sakura said vaguely.

I found myself alone for the first time in weeks… no, months, even. I just lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling. At some point I fell asleep, only to be awoken by the sound of someone pounding on my door.

I had a door. With a lock.

“You’re fucking loud, Naruto,” I snarled, throwing the door open.

He stared up at me with his puppy dog eyes. I thought it was an affectation at first, but the whites of his eyes were red from crying.

“Get in here,” I said with a sigh.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, sliding past me.

I closed the door and locked it.

Naruto stood in the middle of the small living room, seeming confused.

I sat on the couch.

He looked at me, hesitating.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to look open and welcoming.

“You look like you’re gonna murder me with your eyes,” he sighed, slumping into the couch next to me.

I pursed my lips.

He grinned at that. “It’s cute,” he said. “When you try to be nice but you look like a psychopath.”

My purse turned into a scowl.

He leaned in and kissed the scowl off of my face. “I really like you,” he said, grinning dopily.

Why did he have to be like this? I couldn’t even look him in the eye. “No.”

He laughed. “‘No’ what?”

“Just no!” I said irritably.

“You are completely red, Sasuke.”

“Your eyes are mistaken.”

“At least your body is honest.”

I tensed up.

Naruto caught me in a one-armed hug, resting his cheek against my shoulder.

“Why were you crying?” I asked abruptly. “Did the old lady finally bite it?”

“See, that’s where you cross the line,” he muttered, digging his teeth into my shoulder.

I let out a startled yelp. His teeth were _fucking sharp_.

Naruto looked up at me, his teeth long and his eyes red.

I swirled my sharingan at him and Kyuubi immediately retreated, Naruto’s eyes fading back to blue.

He looked very unhappy.

“I’m… sorry,” I decided.

His eyes widened a little, but his expression softened. “I appreciate that.”

I waited.

“They’re… they’re saying she’s not going to make it,” he finally said. He swallowed. “But she’s still alive, you know? So why wouldn’t we do everything possible to keep her alive? Obviously she’s still fighting.”

He still hadn’t told me what was going on, but I was good at reading between the lines. The hokage was in a coma. If Sai’s intel was right, she had probably been partially turned into a white zetsu. That would make her a shell of her former self, even if she came out of the coma.

She was like a mother to Naruto.

“Sometimes we have to let go of the people we love,” I said.

That was clearly the wrong thing to say.

“You’re just like them,” he snarled, getting to his feet and stomping off.

Well, at least he could still act like a childish brat sometimes.

Just like me.

I got up and started looking for him. I wasn’t sure which room was his, but it didn’t matter. I could _feel_ him.

He was on the floor below me, and actually answered the door before I knocked. “Sorry,” he muttered, standing aside so I could come in. “I wasn’t ready to hear that.”

“The running away thing is getting old,” I told him.

“Yeah,” he agreed, pushing his hand through his already messy hair. “I don’t… know how to face things anymore.”

I looked at him, and he crumbled. “Naruto?” I said, confused and worried.

He just sat on the floor, his knees pulled to his chest. He shook his head, rocking himself back and forth.

“Naruto,” I repeated more sharply.

“I’m falling apart,” he whispered.

I didn’t know what to do.

Then those eyes looked up at me, and I found myself crouching beside him. I hesitated before curving my hand behind his neck and pulling him into my chest.

His arm dropped from his knees and wrapped around me.

It was a very awkward position to be in in the middle of his entryway. I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t just comfort him, and it made me even more tense.

Naruto sat up, and shoved me in the chest.

I hadn’t expected it and fell flat on my back.

“I need you,” he said, staring down at me.

I felt almost helpless.

“Sasuke,” he said, hurt, tired, and disappointed.

“What… do I do…?” I asked.

“Sasuke.”

“What do you want from me?!” I snapped, feeling the frustration transform into anger.

“I want you to be here,” he said, his own voice rising. “I want you to care.”

“I _do_ care!”

“Then try acting like it.”

“I don’t know how!”

“Then fucking figure it out!”

I sat up. I was seething.

Naruto glared at me with red eyes. He was also seething.

“Fuck this,” I spat out, moving to leave.

Something hit the back of my head.

I whirled around, staring in disbelief at the shoe lying on the floor behind me.

“Why do we always have to go from zero to a hundred?!” Naruto yelled. “I’m sad, so take care of me! God!”

“You… just threw a shoe… at me…” I said slowly.

“Yes.”

“A shoe.”

“Mm-hm.”

“At me.”

“That is correct.”

“Naruto?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to kill you slowly.”

“Like I haven’t heard that one before,” he said, waving it off like I wasn’t serious.

I was very serious.

“Love, your eye’s twitching.”

“Who the fuck are you calling ‘love’?” I snapped.

He frowned. “You, the person I love.”

Even in the middle of a crisis, he loved me more than anything, and _I hated him for it_. I opened my mouth to tear him apart.

And then I stopped.

I took in a breath and let it out shakily. I crawled over to him and pulled him into my arm, holding him close and whispering into his ear, “I’m here. I’m right here.”

Naruto burst into tears.

It was unpleasant. I didn’t want to be there. Naruto’s pain was visceral, and I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to touch it, but I had to. I held him even though it did nothing. I muttered meaningless nonsense to him even though it didn’t soothe him. I stayed there and suffered with him until it was over.

“Sorry,” he finally said, face still buried in my chest.

I felt impotent, rubbing his back and not knowing how to pull him back together.

When he finally looked up at me again, he was all red-eyed and pathetic, but he gave me the smallest smile. “I needed that,” he said quietly. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Sometimes that’s what I need,” he said, untangling from me and sitting up properly.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“It’s better when you don’t say anything,” he said, smiling.

“Isn’t that my line?” I asked with a frown.

“See?” Naruto said, and he even laughed.

I wanted him to be okay, so I stayed quiet and waited.

He scrubbed at his eyes with the hem of his t-shirt, then rolled his neck around. “Sas’?” he finally said.

“What?”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“…about…?”

“Everything.”

“Well, that’s not vague.”

“Yeah.”

I wanted to not be a sarcastic asshole and actually help him. I really wanted to. My complete failings at human niceties had never bothered me before, yet here I was, floundering to be normal for once.

He reached over, smoothing the wrinkle in my brow. “What are you thinking?”

I looked at him.

He waited.


	29. Chapter 29

He waited for a long time.

“If I try to put it into words, it just sounds jumbled and stupid,” I finally said.

“I don’t mind,” Naruto said, bumping our foreheads together and making his gaze inescapable.

“I do.”

“I know,” he said. “But it’s just me, you know? You don’t have to try and be cool in front of me; I already think you’re the coolest guy in the world.”

“That’s a ringing endorsement.”

“You make me feel so small and unimportant when you say things like that,” he said quietly.

I flinched.

“It’s just you being you, but… I wish you could talk to me instead of deflecting everything,” he said, lowering his gaze. “Why do you have to put up your walls with _me_ of all people? Do I… do I… have I done something wrong?”

I could tell he was getting upset again. “I’m not saying you’re perfect,” I stumbled out. “But it’s… it’s not you, okay?”

Naruto swallowed.

“I know you don’t want to hear this and I don’t want to say it…” I trailed off.

He rested his hand on my knee, squeezing gently.

“The other me… the me in your world…”

He tensed up.

“He’d already dealt with all his issues,” I tried to explain. “He knew that he had issues and he dealt with them, and he was a mature adult, and then there’s me, and I haven’t… dealt with them.”

When I didn’t continue, he squeezed my knee again. “Dealt with what?” he prodded.

I shook my head.

“You’re not ready?” he asked softly.

I shook my head again, feeling pathetic.

“I get what you’re saying,” he said, rubbing my knee in what seemed like an anxious movement. “I…” he trailed off and swallowed. “Maybe I’m not completely… over him…”

I took in a shaky breath and let it out. This was really just beyond idiotic.

“I can see your walls going up,” he said.

“Well I need them,” I said, pushing his hand away.

“I know,” he said, looking stupidly devastated.

I didn’t know where this conversation was headed anymore, but I just wanted it to be over. “You’re fine now, right?” I asked, standing up. My legs were sore from sitting on the floor for so long, but they held me up.

“No,” he said.

I glared at him.

He stood up, too. “I thought we were okay.”

“Clearly we’re not,” I said, trying to push down the embarrassment from the ridiculous way I’d thrown myself at him earlier only to run away, which kept running over and over in my head on endless, mortifying loop. Then there was this whole conversation about how he was more in love with some fake version of me than he was with the actual me, which made a lot of sense and explained why someone like him could ever be with someone like me. He thought that I was going to grow and mature into a good person. It was funny and sad, and we were never going to work. “So what are we doing about all of the impending world crises?”

“…did you just change the subject…?”

“Fucking right I did.”

“Sasuke.”

“So all the kage are turning into white zetsu.”

“How… did you…?”

“I’m Uchiha Sasuke.”

“I’m not supposed to…”

“I already know, so who cares?”

“Okay, well you didn’t hear it from me.”

“No, I didn’t,” I said, looking at him pointedly.

“Don’t act like that,” he said with a frown. “I trust you. I was just sworn to secrecy by people who… don’t.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said. “Anyway, why was the tsuchikage acting like everything was normal?”

“I guess he was the only one who didn’t get turned into a white zetsu?” Naruto offered.

“Does that really seem likely?”

“Well, I don’t really know how God Trees work, so…”

“Don’t white zetsu have transformation abilities?” I suggested. “Can’t they mimic someone’s body and chakra signature?”

“Uh…”

“The answer is ‘yes’, in case you were wondering.”

“Just so we’re clear, you’re saying that the tsuchikage is a fake?”

“That body probably used to be the tsuchikage,” I said with a shrug.

Naruto studied my face.

“What?” I asked irritably.

“You’re really smart,” he said.

“…okay?”

He shrugged. “I mean like savvy. You know what’s going on and you can read the political climate and all that stuff.”

“As any good ninja should be able to.”

“You and your digs. Anyway, I want you to be my partner at the Summit.”

“So there’s a summit now?” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Well, I’m trying to put one together, but everyone is about as helpful as you are,” Naruto said.

“And yet you want me to be your adjutant? How flattering.”

“Like I even know what that word means, but no, I said partner you jackass.”

He was clearly getting mad, but I was in the kind of horrible mood where I just wanted to make him madder. I opened my mouth to rip into him, paused to think about earlier, and closed it. I gave my words more thought. “You don’t show up to a peace summit with the enemy next to you.”

“Well, I’ve already showed up everywhere with him in my bed,” he said. “Not that you’re the enemy,” he added quickly. “And, uh…” he stuttered, suddenly going red.

I liked when Naruto embarrassed himself. It put me in a kinder, gentler mood. “In your bed, huh?”

His lips pursed defiantly. “Yes.”

I wanted to throw myself at him again, and that was just so beyond embarrassing that I looked away. “And who are you inviting to this _summit_?”

“The Ninja Alliance.”

“So… basically any ninja?”

“Well, sure,” he said. “I’m not excluding anyone.”

“Do you even have a functioning brain in your head?”

The purse of his lips got deeper.

“Your enemies are everywhere!” I snapped. “Konoha is fucking poison, Iwa’s propping up a fake tsuchikage, Kiri’s being wiped out by non-ninjas and fake God Trees, and we couldn’t even set foot in fucking Kumo because they’re already under fucking Konoha’s thumb.”

“You’re the one Konoha’s after,” Naruto said with a shrug.

“Oh, well in that case, please give them your location and invite them into your home for fucking tea and crumpets.”

“You’re really mad,” he commented.

“I’m not mad!”

“You swear a lot when you’re mad.”

“I fu-… do not.”

He stared at me knowingly.

“Fuck you,” I said.

“Not yet.”

I was going to crush his windpipe and that was going to be that.

“You haven’t even left the entryway,” he added, taking my hand and tugging me inside of his apartment.

His ability to just change gears was astounding. He was almost as adept at avoidance as I was.

“Does the fucking happen after I tour your shitty apartment?” I muttered.

“Only if you want it to,” he said cheerfully.

I tensed up.

He tugged my hand harder and we moved into his living room. It looked exactly like my living room, except his was already messy. “Sit,” he said, his eyes screaming, ‘you need to rest your legs!’

I sat down and looked long-suffering.

“I’ll make you some tea,” he offered.

“You don’t have any tea.”

“Oh…” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “I could… borrow some…”

“Who is going to _lend_ you tea?”

“Sas’, it’s been a long fucking day and we’re both stressed and exhausted,” he said.

“Yes,” I agreed.

“So I’m gonna go ask Karin or someone if they have any stupid tea, and then I’m going to boil some water and serve it to you and you’re gonna shut up and drink it,” he decided, crossing his arm over his chest.

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

“Yes, please,” I said, leaning my head back against the back of the couch and closing my eyes.

His footsteps creaked closer to me, then I felt him lean in and kiss my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

He was not right back, but I barely noticed as I drifted in and out of sleep. I kept startling awake from uneasiness, running from the shadows in my head, before exhausting myself back into sleep.

The door flew open. Naruto kicked off his shoes with a loud thump and bounded back into the living room before setting eyes on my half-asleep form. He tiptoed by me and put the kettle on. Then he tiptoed back over.

I cracked an eye open at him.

“I’m back,” he whispered. “I got tea,” he added. “And a whole chicken,” he added again. “Because we didn’t eat dinner.”

I didn’t bother asking where he got a whole chicken from or what he was currently doing with it. “Naruto.”

“Hm?” he said, coming closer.

I needed to talk to him. I needed to express myself. I needed so many things, and all I could do was stare at him.

He looked worried.

“I don’t know how to talk to you,” I finally said.

Naruto gave me a sad smile. “I know.”

“I’m… embarrassed.”

Now his brows drew up a little. “Why would you be embarrassed?”

I shrugged.

He came over to sit next to me.

“Maybe I’m not what everyone thinks. Or maybe… I was but now I’m not.”

“And what do we all think?” he asked, genuinely curious.

I shrugged.

Naruto sighed loudly.

I glared at him.

“I can feel frustrated by your inability to express yourself,” he grumbled. “You don’t have to shut down the second that I do.”

“I’m not shutting down.”

“You are shut down and closed for business.”

The kettle started to whistle.

Naruto sighed again and got up, disappearing into the kitchen. He came back with a cup of tea and put it on the coffee table in front of me before going back for his chicken.

It was just a giant plate filled with chicken.

He picked some up with his fingers and held it up towards my mouth.

I gave him the repulsed look he deserved.

“You’re just a priss,” he said, sucking the grease off of his fingers. “Eat something.”

“I’m good,” I said, sipping my tea. It was still a little hot.

Naruto continued to eat chicken with his hand. “You know I love you, right?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t think we’re…” he trailed off.

I kept my facial expression frozen as I sipped more overly hot tea.

“See?” he said. “I just sent you into full panic mode.”

“Who is panicking?” I asked, calmly setting the cup and saucer back on the table.

“You’re locked down more than a daimyo’s mansion.”

I shrugged. “I’m perfectly calm.”

“We can’t have a relationship like this.”

Everything inside of me shattered into a million pieces. “Okay then,” I said.

Naruto put down his disgusting chicken, wiping his hand on his pants. “No, it’s not okay. You’re the air I breathe.”

“You’re very desperately codependent,” I informed him.

“Yeah,” he said. “I know. And that’s a very large part of the problem. I’m like… aggressively in love with you, and you’re… not…”

“So really the problem is me,” I said. I picked up my tea and took another sip. It was still too damn hot.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” he said frustratedly.

“Does it matter what you’re saying?” I asked, putting the cup down again. “You want to end it, let’s end it.”

Of course Naruto was crying. “I don’t want to end it, you stupid jerk.”

“Then what do you want, crybaby?” I started rubbing at my temple, feeling a headache coming on. The skin was hard under my fingers.

“I want you to grow up!” he snapped.

“Yeah,” I said, standing up. “Well, give me twenty or so years to catch up to you.” I was almost to the door when I felt him tugging at the back of my shirt.

“Don’t go,” he requested barely above a whisper.

“I thought that’s what mature people do during arguments,” I said. “You know, they run away in the middle of it.”

“Sasuke.”

I didn’t look at him.

I didn’t even know how we ended up kissing on the floor, shoes crushed under Naruto’s back.

His eyes were still wet and glistening so I closed mine.

Everything felt wrong.

I was embarrassed when we pulled apart, both sitting up and looking anywhere but at each other.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“For what?” I asked, trying not to snap.

“I don’t know how to make things right, so I just make them worse.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“If you can’t do anything but snip at me, then…”

“Then what.”

“…I don’t know,” he said quietly, playing with the hem of his jacket. “I think I’ll lose you.”

I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to keep pushing him away. I didn’t want to, but… “I’m gonna go.”

Naruto was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, okay,” he finally said.

I got up and stepped into my shoes.

Naruto stayed on the floor.

I opened the door and didn’t look back.


	30. Chapter 30

Karin and Sakura seemed to think that having vaginas somehow uniquely qualified them to prepare the men’s breakfast.

“Why isn’t Naruto here?” Sai asked, looking around Sakura’s apartment.

“He had a meeting,” Sakura said through clenched teeth. She proceeded to fold her omelet very aggressively in the pan.

“Oh, so he still hates you,” Sai said with a knowing nod.

“Sai,” I said.

He looked at me.

I shook my head.

“Ah, girls are sensitive about that kind of thing,” he said.

I nodded.

Karin burst out laughing.

I gave her a look.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. “But _you_ of all people telling Sai how to behave appropriately… oh my god…” she trailed off before cackling madly.

“I know how to behave appropriately, I just choose not to because I’m a sociopath,” I said with a shrug.

“At least you acknowledge it,” Sakura said, smiling a little.

“I’m self-aware,” I said, which got me another round of laughter from the peanut gallery. I chose to ignore them and continued sharpening my kunai while I waited for this farce of womanly nurturing to come to an end.

Kakashi popped into the room, stealing a piece of sausage from the pan where Karin was cooking.

“Isn’t that hot?” she asked him incredulously, but he just shrugged.

The rice cooker dinged.

Sakura turned off the stove and flipped her omelet onto a plate before hurrying over to the rice cooker to start scooping the rice.

Sai watched with interest. “Is this some kind of mating ritual?”

Sakura just sighed loudly. She was probably the person the most used to Sai’s ridiculousness.

Karin looked affronted. “Who would want to mate with any of you?”

“I believe you tried to mate with my best friend Uchiha several times,” Sai explained. “And he and I look similar, so many women who are attracted to him are also attracted to me.”

“We don’t look that similar,” I muttered.

Karin looked like she was revving up to yell something, then paused and actually looked at Sai. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Hey, I thought the belly shirt meant you were gay, too, but are you…?”

“Undecided,” Sai said, his actual smile spreading across his lips.

Karin’s eyes gleamed. “And how do you plan on deciding?”

“Karin, down,” I commanded.

She turned a withering look on me. “What, are you jealous?”

“He’s figuring things out and he doesn’t need your obsessive stalking,” I said.

“I only obsessively stalk you!” she snapped, slamming a bowl of salad on the table.

It actually warmed my heart to hear that.

“Why don’t we eat?” Sakura suggested, putting down the last of the dishes on the table.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Kakashi said, already digging in.

“ _Sensei_ ,” Sakura said irritably. “At least give proper thanks before stuffing your face like a pig.”

“Rubba dub dub, thanks for the grub,” Kakashi said, his mouth clearly full behind his mask.

“How does he eat without showing his face?” Karin murmured.

“I’m a ninja,” Kakashi informed her proudly.

“Was there a reason for this circus of a breakfast, or did you just want to show off your mediocre culinary skills?” I asked, carefully bringing rice to mouth with my one hand.

“Maybe if you all could stop being jackasses for five seconds, we could talk,” Sakura grumped.

“That might be asking a bit much from this group,” Sai said cheerfully. “This really is rather mediocre. Look how burnt the bottom of this omelet is.”

“Sai, so help me, you will be the first one that I throttle,” Sakura growled.

He grinned at her. “I look forward to it.”

“Throttling is bad,” I informed him. “Especially if the person doing the throttling is strong enough to destroy this entire building with a punch.”

“Yes, but Sakura-chan only throttles the people she loves,” Sai said happily.

The expression on Sakura’s face was priceless.

“Well, thanks for the food,” Kakashi said, starting to stand up.

Sakura put her hands on his shoulders, shoving him back into the chair. “Enough. You all are children. We need to talk.”

“Then talk,” I said.

“Okay, well…” she said, fidgeting back into her seat. “Kakashi brought us to Suna to get off the ANBU’s radar, but what are we doing here?”

“There’s food,” I said.

“Shelter,” Sai added.

“Naruto,” Kakashi chimed in, which I would have thought was directed at me, but everyone besides Karin seemed to look away at that one. “Tsunade,” he added.

“I brought her here, but I can’t do anything else for her in Suna,” Sakura said with a sad shake of her head. “I want to do more research on the zetsu. I was thinking maybe you two could help,” she said, nodding at Karin and me. “Orochimaru’s research…”

“Sakura, you don’t want to get involved in that,” Karin said, shaking her head. “The things he did in the name of science, you… you don’t want to touch it.”

“What choice do I have?” she asked, looking lost and desperate.

“We go to Water and we look into the God Trees,” I said.

“Water’s awfully dangerous for a ninja,” Kakashi hummed.

I rolled my eyes at him.

He winked at me.

It was not sexy and it did not make me feel uncomfortable.

“I wouldn’t mind cleaning the clocks of a few anti-ninja brigades,” Sai said, looking very cheerful about the prospect of bloodshed.

“We could ascertain what’s happened to the mizukage,” I put in.

“Sounds like a plan,” Kakashi said, pushing himself off of the table and onto his feet. “See ya.” He disappeared.

“Why is he like that?” Sakura complained, stabbing her food with more force than necessary.

“What other way would he be?” I asked.

She sighed and took the first bite of her food since we’d sat at the table. She seemed a little more at ease now that we weren’t just twiddling our thumbs.

It felt strangely comfortable now, like we were some kind of unit working towards a goal.

“What about Naruto?” Sai finally asked in the middle of our planning.

Sakura tensed up.

I avoided eye contact.

“Seems to me like the kid can’t make a decision,” Karin commented.

“He can choose to be mad at me,” Sakura muttered.

“He can choose to du-” I started to say and immediately shut my mouth. Why had I been about to tell these people my personal business? And it wasn’t like we’d officially broken up. Naruto had just said that he loved the fake me more and that he wanted me to grow up and that we couldn’t have a relationship.

All three of them were looking at me with too much interest.

“Best friend, do you require my comfort?” Sai finally asked.

“No,” I said flatly.

“I could procure some alcohol for us, and we could have a rip-roaring time,” he continued.

“‘Rip-roaring’?” Karin repeated, her nose scrunching up.

“You keep calling Sasuke your best friend, and I really don’t understand when this dynamic came about,” Sakura said, looking between us.

“It’s got nothing to do with me,” I said.

“A lot happens when men travel together,” Sai explained. “Sacred bonds are forged.”

“Have you been hanging out with Lee?” Sakura asked, squinting at him.

“Oh, no, I haven’t,” he said. “But I’ve been reading his book. He’s one of my role models for how to be a normal human being.”

“You chose… Lee…?” Sakura said slowly.

“He wrote a book…?” I asked.

“I don’t even know what’s going on anymore,” Karin said, shaking her head.

“Sasuke’s sad about being dumped,” Sai explained.

“I wasn’t dumped!” I snapped.

“But you just said-”

“I didn’t say anything!” I yelled, standing up abruptly and stomping my dishes over to the sink. I started washing them vigorously. Fuck, I was so uncool. I needed to go back to not caring about things.

They whispered about me for a while like somehow I couldn’t hear them, then went back to planning our departure to the Land of Water.

I washed all their damn dishes until there was nothing left to do but go back and sit at the table.

“Can you be in charge of getting Kakashi-sensei to transport us?” Sakura requested of me, not even bringing up what a fool I’d just made of myself.

“I don’t think I have any particular sway over his whims,” I said.

She raised an eyebrow at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I know,” she said flatly.

“Know what?” I asked, legitimately confused.

“I know,” she repeated. “You saw.”

“I saw what?” I started to ask, before it clicked into place. “His face?”

Sakura stared back at me evenly.

I shrugged.

She simmered.

“I’ll ask him,” I said casually.

Sakura shook her head. “Try and kill us all and you’re still the favorite.”

“Oh, is that why you joined the ANBU that were trying to kill _us_ all?” I asked. “Currying favor?”

“The mission given to me was to bring you back alive, which you are perfectly aware of,” she said, reaching over the table and poking me in the chest.

Her poke was harder than a normal poke. I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them again, looking into hers directly. “I do know.”

Her angry expression faltered. “I swear, if I had known what Hyuuga was up to-”

“Sakura, I know,” I said. “I never doubted you. But no many how many times I try and tell the idiot to just shut up and listen to you, he doesn’t.”

She sighed, running a hand through her mess of a ponytail. “I don’t know how to fix it.”

Strangely, I wanted to help her fix it. The thing was, I couldn’t even fix my own relationship with Naruto.

He came pounding on my door that evening, in a tizzy about not being included in our plan to leave.

“You’re the one who ran away from the Land of Water,” I said with a shrug, stepping inside the apartment and letting him in against my better judgement.

“I said we needed time to make a plan!”

“So you have a plan now?”

Naruto followed me to the living room, huffing away.

I sat on the couch.

He sat next to me.

We stared at each other.

“You’re really planning to just go without me,” he finally said.

I shrugged. “I have my mission, you have yours.”

“Really, it’s that simple to you?”

“Yes, Naruto, because I’m not a codependent crazy person like you.”

“I feel like that’s not completely true…”

I glowered at him.

He looked down at his lap.

“Are you going to make up with Sakura?” I asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from us.

“No,” he said sullenly.

I rolled my eyes.

He sighed. “Okay, yeah, I’m being childish about it, but she…”

“But she what?”

“She didn’t trust us!”

“You didn’t trust me,” I said with a shrug.

“Why do you keep trying to compare the two situations like they’re the same?”

“Because they are the same?”

“They’re not!”

“You tried to bring me back to Konoha by force because you thought I was making a mistake by leaving.”

“Well, you were making a mistake.”

I exhaled loudly and stood up. “Clearly the only perfect one among us is Saint Naruto, he who never makes mistakes.”

“That’s not what I was saying.”

“I was right to leave,” I said, looking down on him coldly. “I regret leaving the way I did, and I regret hurting you, but I made the right choice. I will never be complicit with Konoha and its-”

Naruto stood up now, too. “You’re not going to be complicit with Konoha, but you’ll be complicit with _Orochimaru_?” he asked incredulously.

“I took what I needed from him,” I said with a shrug. “You think that I look down on you all the time, but I can feel your disdain right now. You think you’re so morally superior to me, and yet here you are, doing exactly what I did years ago. Don’t even try to get on your high horse with me, Naruto, I see right through you.”

He took a step back like I’d struck him.

“You can go,” I said, turning away from him. I clung to the edges of my steely calm, trying to stay afloat.

My couch creaked.

I turned around to see Naruto sitting again, his hand covering his mouth and his eyes wide. “That wasn’t an invitation to stay-” I started and stopped.

He was trying so hard not to cry.

“You are pathetic,” I said, sitting next to him.

“I know,” he mumbled into his hand.

I waited.

He seemed to pull himself together, dropping his hand from his mouth. “I wish I knew who I was.”

“You’re Uzumaki Naruto,” I offered. “The number one knuckleheaded ninja of Konoha.”

He breathed out a laugh, but he wasn’t smiling. “I can’t even claim that anymore. I’m in the BINGO book and everything.”

“You’ll defeat all the bad guys, and Konoha will be clamoring to have you back as the hokage in no time,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Is that the happy ending?” he asked. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

“It’s your happy ending,” I assured him.

“I think I might want something different,” he said quietly.

We looked at each other.

“Sas’…” he said pleadingly.

I sighed and bumped our foreheads together, reaching up to cup his cheek.

He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. Then his eyes shot open. “Do you… have… horns…?”

“No,” I said with a frown. I’d checked this morning.

“Feels hard,” he said, pulling away and touching my temple with his fingers. “Uh, yeah, definitely hard.”

“Well they haven’t come in like yours,” I said. The press of his horns had been obvious against my skin.

“Oh, yeah, that reminds me,” he said, suddenly yanking his shirt off.


	31. Chapter 31

“I’m sorry, what is this?” I asked, trying not to stare at the very attractive half-naked man in front of me.

Naruto flopped his shortened arm at me.

I looked at it.

He flopped it again.

I looked some more. Then I felt my brow furrowing. His arm was almost to his… elbow… “That used to be shorter,” I observed.

“See, that’s what I thought,” he said, moving it around. “Then I thought I was just being paranoid, but… it’s definitely longer, yeah?”

“…yeah.”

“What does it mean?” he asked, looking nervous.

“I have no fucking idea,” I informed him. “But it’s… good… right? That’s… amazing…”

“You’re not reassuring me.”

“Why would anyone ever come to me for reassurance?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“’Cause you’re the only one who understands,” he said, his hand resting on my knee.

I looked at the hand. I looked into his eyes. I looked at the hand again.

He quickly removed it.

What was I doing? I reached out and took his hand, holding it in mine.

The look he gave me simultaneously lifted me up and made me feel like complete shit. How could me doing something so simple light him up like that? Why couldn’t I always make him look like that?

I really did need to grow up. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Okay,” he agreed, squeezing my hand.

“It’s a good thing,” I said, even though it felt like a lie. How could a lost limb rejuvenating be anything but good? And yet…

“Okay,” he agreed again, tugging me closer.

“We’re going to be on separate missions from now on, though,” I said, even as I was finding myself in his lap. How did this always happen? At least I was taller than him, and this vantage point made my height advantage even more obvious as I looked down at him. “And you basically dumped me yesterday,” I added, trying to keep things from devolving into the usual emotionally stunted hormonal nonsense.

“I did not!” he protested indignantly.

“You know what you said,” I frowned at him.

“You only listen to the bad parts,” he complained.

“So you admit there were bad parts.”

Naruto sighed. “Yeah, okay, there were bad parts.”

When had our faces gotten so close together? I tried to move back, but my body didn’t seem to want to respond to my brain’s commands. “The sooner I leave, the better.”

“You mean to go back to your room?” he asked, his eyes already going hazy like he was about to get some. “Or you mean like… to Water?”

“Both,” I asserted quickly.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said, his hand sliding down my arm and curving at the elbow. “But maybe we’ll both… figure stuff out… before we see each other again.”

“You’re really not going to try and stop me?”

“No,” he said, and swallowed. Our faces had gotten really close again. “We’re on different paths right now, but our paths always meet up eventually.”

That sounded so stupid, but he made it seem cute. “Okay, stalker.”

“It’s not stalking if you want me to do it.”

“I definitely do not want or need another stalker,” I informed him.

He turned his face away, our mouths no longer sharing air. “Do I bother you?”

“Yes,” I said. “Could be more specific?”

“I mean like do you really feel like I’m stalking you?” he asked, and he seemed genuinely concerned.

I leaned in close to his ear. “I like your attention.”

He bit his lip. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Promise?”

I rolled my eyes, sitting up straight again.

“Promise me,” he repeated, eyes finally meeting mine again.

“That I like you stalking me?”

“Sasuke.”

“I honestly don’t get you.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “Sometimes I think you just tolerate me. Sometimes I think you might even… I think I do things you don’t like, but you don’t tell me.”

“When do I ever not tell you when I don’t like something about you?” I asked incredulously.

“When you feel insecure,” he said, blue eyes boring into mine. “When you feel like you’re not good enough. When you’re trying to keep me from leaving you.”

I looked away, trying to seem exasperated. “Like you would ever leave me,” I muttered.

“I don’t ever want to,” he agreed. “But you don’t have to… _do things_ … to make sure I stay…”

Why did we ever have to bring up that stupid inn incident ever again? Why couldn’t Naruto pretend that it had never happened like a proper Uchiha? “I don’t do things I don’t want to do,” I said sharply.

“Yes, you do.”

“I do not.”

“Sasuke.”

“Naruto.”

“…did I rape you…?” he asked in the quietest voice possible.

I stared at him. Then I stared some more. “For fuck’s sake, Naruto.”

“You don’t like sex, but I constantly ask you for it and then you do _stuff_ for me and I feel like I’m forcing you because I know you don’t like it but sometimes you act like you like it but I don’t know-”

“Naruto,” I said, catching his cheek in a pinch and pulling it tightly.

He stopped talking.

“Listen to me very carefully.”

He nodded slowly.

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

He frowned.

“I am just going to tell you one thing.”

He tilted his head to the side, waiting.

“I like sucking your dick.”

That was certainly not what he was expecting, and his whole face went red and confused.

“Okay?” I asked.

“You promise?” he whispered hoarsely.

I stared at him. “You want me to promise that I like sucking your dick?”

He nodded slowly.

I rolled my eyes. “I promise I like sucking your dick.”

He looked so relieved, and it was absolutely ridiculous.

“In fact,” I said, starting to feel relaxed and in control as I leaned in to whisper in his ear again, “I love sucking your dick.”

Naruto _squirmed_. “I don’t understand you!” he cried, shifting and trying to find somewhere in the room to look that wasn’t me.

I slid off his lap, settling back on the couch and feeling a lot better.

“Do you get off on doing this to me?!” he cried, grabbing a throw pillow and putting it over his lap.

“Kind of.”

“Sasukeeeee.”

I laced our fingers together and stared at the wall of his apartment. It was an unattractive beige color, and whoever had designed these apartments had very mundane taste. “It makes me feel good to be in control,” I said very quietly.

Naruto leaned in and kissed my cheek.

We looked at the wall together.

“You look ridiculous right now,” I finally had to tell him.

“What?! Why?!”

“You’re sitting here shirtless, trying to hide your dick with a pillow.”

“Maybe I’m just being a trendsetter,” he countered.

“You’re trying to set a trend of people walking around shirtless with obvious erections?”

“…yes…?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Fine,” he said, taking his hand back and pulling his shirt on.

“I have to go, anyway,” I said, standing up.

“Nuh uh,” Naruto said, standing up with me.

“I definitely do,” I said, trying not to stare at the _bulge_.

“You could stay the night,” he said, and it came out surprisingly innocent.

I opened my mouth to say no, and the next thing I knew Naruto had an extra toothbrush and we were brushing our teeth together.

I hated sharing sleeping space with Naruto. He was a cover-hog, a space-hog, a heavy breather, and a just all-around obnoxious person to sleep next to. He was also ridiculously warm as he curled into my chest, so I guess I didn’t need the blanket he was hogging anyway. It was hard to sleep. I stroked Naruto’s hair and looked around the sparse bedroom illuminated by moonlight filtering around the curtains.

I wondered if we could really be a couple. As annoying as everything he did was, it felt inescapably right to be here right now, holding him. Could he ever look at me and not find me lacking?

…could I ever be worthy of him?

My thoughts were starting to spiral into the shadows. I was a closeted, fratricidal, one-armed, impotent, pathetic piece of shit, and I was just as insecure as Naruto had assessed me to be.

Naruto mumbled something into my chest.

“Huh?” I said.

“I can feel you thinking,” he repeated.

“How does one feel someone thinking?” I asked incredulously.

“I dunno, you just have like this _energy_ ,” he said, smacking his lips and rubbing his cheek against me. “Come sleep.”

I felt his warmth seeping into me and my eyelids growing heavy. It was easy to fall asleep with him. In fact, it was easy to sleep half the day away.

“Why is it so bright?” he groaned.

“Because it’s… almost noon?” I said, rubbing my eyes.

“Ughhh,” he groaned.

“Good thing we don’t have jobs or responsibilities,” I said.

“Mm, good thing,” he agreed, nuzzling into my neck and doing very distracting things with his mouth.

“Stop that,” I said mildly.

“Mm,” he hummed, laying his cheek on my shoulder and gazing up at me. “I like waking up with you.”

I knew I was going to say something nasty, so I kept my mouth shut and kissed his forehead instead.

He beamed at me.

It made me soften.

“I could go with you,” he said quietly.

I didn’t let myself even consider it. “No. You’re needed here. Be your ridiculous self and win everyone over. Get the world back in order.”

“I thought you wanted to destroy the world order.”

“Of course I do, but not at the expense of everyone starving to death.”

“You do have a heart,” he said, grinning at me.

“Don’t go spreading rumors.”

“Heh,” he hummed, kissing my cheek. His lips moved down from the hollow of my cheek to the corner of my mouth. He paused.

I opened my mouth.

He had terrible morning breath.

We were both relaxed and warm and comfortable, so of course the world finally had to remember that it couldn’t keep on turning without us.

“Naruto! I can’t find Sasuke!” Sai cried as he pounded on the door.

Naruto frowned into our kisses.

“Ignore him,” I said. “He usually goes away when I do.”

“But he’s loud,” Naruto complained, even as he was getting distracted by my mouth.

“I know you’re both in there, I can track your chakra!” Karin yelled as the knocking got louder.

I growled.

Naruto laughed and gave me one last kiss before jumping out of bed.

“Were you still in bed?” Sai asked cheerfully. “Your hair is poorly maintained and your clothes are slovenly.”

“What have you been doing to my Sasuke, you naughty boy?” Karin asked, sounding far too cheerful.

“We were just sleeping,” Naruto said.

“Then why do your lips look all red and luscious?” Karin scoffed.

“I’m a red-lipped, luscious guy?” Naruto offered.

“Best friends Sasuke!” Sai cried, appearing in the bedroom doorway.

I glowered at him.

“The Sand Siblings have shared some disturbing intel about the peril of the Water ninjas,” he said, coming over and sitting on the bed.

My glower intensified.

“We need to prepare to leave for our mission as soon as possible.”

“Okay,” I said.

He continued to sit on the bed, smiling at me.

“Is that all?” I prodded.

“Oh, yes,” he said.

“Okay.”

He smiled.

“You can go now.”

Sai blinked. He tilted his head to the side. “Did you need to say goodbye to Naruto?”

I stared at him.

“I don’t mind waiting while you finish your intercourse.”

“Get out.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re being a creepy weirdo.”

“Oh, am I?” he asked, smiling pleasantly. “Okay, see you later, then.”

I pulled the blanket over my head as he left.

Footsteps padded up to the bed. “Karin said you guys are leaving tomorrow,” Naruto said glumly.

I pulled down the blanket enough to look at him.

“I’m coming with you,” he decided.

“What happened to your summit and taking care of the fifth?”

“I mean, what can I even do?” he said with a shrug.

“Naruto.”

He stuck his lower lip out at me.

“You can change the fucking world,” I said, sitting up and throwing the blanket off of me.

“I really don’t think I can,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t do anything, really-”

“You changed me,” I said, standing in front of him and looking him evenly in the eye.

“I didn-”

“You changed me, but this whimpering pathetic shadow of a man that you’ve become would never have changed me,” I agreed.

“Ouch,” he said.

“Please find yourself again,” I said, squishing his cheeks together.

He looked at me with his ridiculous fish-face and nodded his head solemnly.

It was a promise.


	32. Chapter 32

“So you knew you were gay from having wet dreams about Naruto,” Sai concluded, smiling happy.

Three months into our mission in Water, and he was still the most obtuse person I’d ever met. “I didn’t say they were _wet_ dreams,” I snarled, crossing my arms over my chest. I could do that now that my left arm had grown to slightly past the elbow.

“What else could you possibly mean by ‘sexually confusing dreams’?” he scoffed, readjusting his binoculars.

“I meant as in confusing about my sexuality.”

“Okay, but what was confusing about them?”

“That Naruto was attractive.”

“Okay, but how was he attractive?”

“What do you mean, ‘how was he attractive’? I looked at him; he was attractive.”

“And then…?”

“Why does there have to be a ‘and then…’?”

“Because these dreams convinced you that not only were you homosexual, but you were attracted to the person you thought to be the stupidest ninja alive,” Sai hummed reasonably.

“Is there really nothing going on in the mansion?” I grumbled.

“Yes, there’s really nothing going on at the daimyo’s playboy mansion,” he said, handing me the binoculars. “And then…?”

I peered at the mansion where all remained dark, the guards standing boringly at their posts. “I thought there would be some action.”

“Oh, I see, you thought there would be action with Dream Naruto, but he rejected you.”

I very slowly lowered the binoculars. “Are you focused on this mission at all?”

“…no…?” he said, like that should be obvious. “We’ve been staking out this place for a week and we haven’t gotten any leads on where the mizukage is being held. So now I want to have interesting best friend conversations.”

“All we do all day every day is have conversations,” I said, rolling my eyes. We’d split off from the girls almost a week ago and weren’t scheduled to meet up with them again for another couple of days, so it was all Sai, all the time.

“Would you rather talk about me?” he suggested.

“God, no.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said cheerfully. “You’re very self-absorbed, and you love talking about your honey.”

“Naruto is not bee excrement,” I muttered.

“Honey is actually regurgitated, not excreted,” Sai pointed out. I appreciated his intelligence, but not when it undermined my cleverness.

“So, Sai, how is your life?” I asked irritably.

“I know you don’t really want to know,” he said. “But I’m going to tell you anyway. I have big news.”

“We’re together every minute of every day,” I said. “What big news could you possibly have.”

“We are not together on bathroom breaks, and you also refuse to bathe with me most of the time.”

“Because you stare at my dick the entire time and comment on how ‘slender’ it is!”

“It is very slender, though.”

“It is not! It is very normal thickness!”

“You’re getting very angry about this.”

“A man takes pride in his penis, Sai.”

Sai cracked up.

I ignored him.

“Come on, now, Sasuke, best friend,” he said. “You know your penis is magnificent.”

“I don’t want to hear that, either.”

“Why not? Men love to have their penises complimented rather than hear the truth about them.”

“Stop talking about penises!”

“I’m just saying that you seem a bit sens-”

“What was your big news, Sai?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Oh!” he said, looked absolutely delighted. “I’ve decided I have a crush on Karin!”

“…okay…” I said.

“You sound like you don’t believe me.”

“Well, gee, Sai, you just told me last week that you thought you had a crush on me.”

He grinned. “Are you jealous?”

“Rather than jealous, I think you’re just very confused and trying to put labels on feelings that you don’t quite understand yet.”

“You’re so clever, Sasuke Best Friend,” he said, grinning at me. “See, I was confusing our deep, manly friendship with romantic feelings. But now I see the difference. And the difference is that true romantic love is reserved for those you find truly annoying.”

“Oh, boy,” I said. This might end up being even more ridiculous than Sai’s suggestion that we experiment sexually with one another, which I had promptly shot down. Was he going to make the same proposition to Karin? I wanted to watch it live. I needed popcorn.

“Do you think I’m wrong?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Sai, I have no idea what goes on in your head, and I certainly have no idea of what turns you on, so you carry on with your experiments however you like,” I said, handing him the binoculars. “What’s going on in that guest room?” I asked, nodding my head towards the only room with a light on in the mansion.

Sai studied the scene. “I think someone’s preparing to make an early exit.”

“Or someone’s arriving,” I said, turning my head around. I could feel the chakra approaching, sliding along my skin.

Sai pointed above us and we both slipped soundlessly higher up into the tree we’d been hiding in.

The chakra passed by us, heading straight for the mansion.

“Now why would a ninja be visiting the daimyo?” Sai whispered.

“Doesn’t seem like a suicide mission,” I said as we observed the guards opening the gate and letting said ninja in like he was expected.

Nothing happened for a while, then there were shadows moving around the lighted room. The clandestine meeting lasted thirty-two minutes before the light went out and the guards started bustling around again before finally letting the mystery ninja leave the grounds.

Sai made a signal before leaping from the tree in silent pursuit of the ninja. I followed behind, continuing to mask our chakra.

The chase continued for almost an hour before the ninja slipped into the forest and his destination became obvious.

Sai and I dropped back.

“An entire camp of ninjas,” Sai mused.

“Working for the daimyo,” I said with a frown.

“What do we do?” Sai asked, arching an eyebrow.

Of course, Sai knew that we were supposed to lie low and report anything we found to Kakashi.

The thing was, villages weren’t so much a thing now, and we certainly weren’t anyone’s subordinates.

“We pick off the low-lying fruit,” I said.

He nodded his agreement.

We hunkered back down for more long-term spying.

Dawn was approaching, and we were losing our window. Then the low-lying fruit appeared, wandering into the woods for a bathroom break.

The simplicity with which I caught him in my sharingan told me all I needed to know about this band of pathetic ninjas.

When we’d gotten far enough away, I released him.

The boy blinked slowly, confused about why he was no longer experiencing the longest pee of his life in the woods.

“What are you doing for the daimyo?” I asked, twirling a kunai around my finger.

“I… uh… we’re… wait… who are you?”

“I’m sorry, was the question not clear?” I asked. “What are you doing for the daimyo?”

The boy squirmed, realizing his arms and legs were bound.

“Now, now, Best Friend, can’t you see he’s a little confused?” Sai hummed. “Hey, there. I’m Big Easy, and this is my buddy Slender. We were fleeing the daimyo’s reign of terror, and couldn’t help but notice that you and your lot of ninjas seem to have some kind of peace treaty with the ninja-killer. How do we get in on that sweet, sweet, not-being-murdered-by-killer-trees action?”

“Why am I tied up?” the boy whispered, looking scared.

I sighed loudly. “Why are you wasting our time and not answering the question?”

“Don’t mind Slender, he’s just a bit ornery,” Sai said, still oozing charm and friendliness. “We just weren’t sure if we could trust you, is all. Can’t be too careful being a ninja in the Land of Water these days.”

“Can I go back to my camp?” the boy whimpered.

“Yeah, of course,” Sai said.

“Just as soon as you answer the damn question,” I said. “What are you doing for the daimyo?”

The boy swallowed. “We just… we just do what he says.”

“And what does he say?” I prodded, pointing my kunai at him.

“Now, Slender,” Sai scolded me, swatting the kunai away. “Just tell us what you know, okay?” he said to the boy.

“We stay in the camp,” the boy said, his lip trembling. He had to be at least fifteen, yet here he was about to cry. “We don’t leave without permission.”

“But we saw that man leave,” I said. “We saw him go to the daimyo’s mansion.”

“Ippei’s our representative,” he explained. “He meets with the daimyo to tell him what we’re doing. Sometimes the daimyo… sometimes he gives Ippei something to do. Ippei takes other ninjas. Strong ones. If they do the mission, then we can keep living in the camp.”

“So you’re basically in a prison camp, and your strongest members are forced to do the daimyo’s dirty work so you all can continue to live peacefully in your prison camp,” I summarized, rolling my eyes.

“Slender.”

“It’s fucking pathetic,” I said.

“Let the boy go,” Sai said, shaking his head.

“Whatever,” I said, raising my kunai.

The boy flinched.

I cut him free. “Run free. Well, run back to your cage.”

He looked between us nervously, then took off back towards the woods.

“Fucking idiot,” I muttered.

“Not everyone’s powerful enough to take care of themselves, you know,” Sai commented.

“They’re ninjas,” I said flatly. “What can non-ninja possibly do to a ninja?”

He shook his head at me.

“What?” I asked with a frown.

“For an orphan hated by your village, you’ve lived a very privileged life, Uchiha.”

“Okay…”

Sai actually looked sad.

I rolled my eyes and headed back towards our base. The sun was about to pop out over the horizon, and it was time for us to get some sleep.

Sai was quiet as he got ready for bed.

“You’re creeping me out,” I told him.

“Good,” he said with a fake smile.

“Stop that.”

The expression immediately dropped from his face. “I’m just thinking.”

“Please don’t.”

“Uchiha, we talked about your sarcasm.”

“We also talked about you not calling my dick ‘slender’ anymore…”

“I wasn’t calling your dick ‘slender’, I was calling _you_ ‘Slender’.”

“Same fucking thing.”

“How so?” he asked, scratching his head.

“Never mind,” I said, knowing that this would just go around in circles. “What are you thinking so deeply and creepily about?”

He got into his sleeping bag in our makeshift shelter, pulling it up to his chin. “What was your dream world like?”

I got into my sleeping bag and didn’t even acknowledge his question.

“You were with Naruto, right?” he said.

I turned my back to him.

“Well, I was alone,” he said. “It’s supposed to be our brains creating our dream paradise, right? But my brain couldn’t think of anything but for me to continue being a nameless soldier in the Konoha army.”

Oh, god, we were going to have a serious conversation. I turned around to face him.

“My dream world was just missions,” he said, his voice flat. “Missions, and rising in the ranks. I finally became the hokage’s bodyguard. And I just had this one moment of looking at the hokage and his wife and his kids, and the new Konoha that they were building, and I just… I just _wondered_ what the point was of what I was doing.”

“What woman did you marry Naruto off to?” I grumbled.

“Sakura,” he said, flashing me a grin.

“Sadistic,” I said.

“Truest love is born from truest hate.”

“Unhealthier words were never spoken.”

“You’re just jealous because you know they would be a cute couple.”

I didn’t say anything.

Sai snorted. “Are you actually worried?”

“No,” I said, and Sai let me leave it at that. Of course I worried about my on-a-break boyfriend leaving me for a baby factory. We didn’t need to verbalize such things, especially in the ridiculous case of even considering that Naruto might want to date his might-as-well-be-biological sister Sakura. “Aren’t we talking about you and your meaningless existence?”

“Oh, quite right,” he agreed. “Being a spy is the only thing I’m good at, and it’s completely pointless.”

“There’s no reason to be so down on such a time-honored profession,” I said. “You promote the agenda of greedy, power-hungry monsters, sure, but you look good doing it.”

“You’re such an optimistic person, Uchiha,” he said, and smiled at me softly. Sai never knew how to use facial expressions appropriately. “Don’t you ever feel trapped in a life that someone else decided for you?”

We looked at each other in the low light of the dawn.

“Sasuke?” Sai finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yes?”

“I wish I liked you.”

I snorted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I wish I liked you romantically,” he explained. “I look into your eyes and I see my reflection.”

I sighed loudly. “First of all, you are ridiculous.”

He nodded his agreement.

“And second of all, you don’t have to like someone romantically to have a deep bond with them.”

His eyes lit up at that. “Do we have a deep bond, Best Friend Sasuke?”

“No,” I growled, turning my back to him. “Go to sleep.”

“Heh, we all know your ‘no’ means ‘yes’,” he said, nestling into his sleeping bag.

I didn’t bother to correct him.


	33. Chapter 33

“Fucking hell, Uchiha!” Sai yelled, genuinely angry as he followed me into the burning building.

I didn’t really like to do things by the book. It had been yet another month with no progress into finding the mizukage, so the moment I had a solid lead on where the dissenting ninjas were being held captive, I set the place on fire.

Literally.

“Where are we even going?” Sai asked, his voice going quieter. There could be hostiles listening.

“Right there, I think,” I said, pointing to the giant tree sprouting up in the middle of the hallway.

“Oh, right,” he said. He pulled out a scroll and started painting.

Apparently not everyone had fled the fire, and two musket-wielding guards suddenly appeared, pointing their weapons at us.

“I’ve got you,” I said, throwing up flames around us.

Sai just continued painting. He already knew I had his back.

The guards fired uselessly at us.

“Let’s go,” Sai said, jumping on the broad back of a long-necked bird that looked like something straight out of science-fiction.

I got on its back and we flew towards the first pod, slicing it down from the tree. It landed on the ground with a thump.

“Try not to send them into the wall of flames,” Sai said cheerfully, balancing himself in a standing position and slicing down the next pod.

We worked quickly, cutting down more than ten of the pods, when something stopped me. “That pod-” I started to say, even as the sound of an explosion ripped through my ears and pain blossomed through my right shoulder. It was a different color from all the other pods. It was all I could think about as I fell to the ground.

“Sasuke!” Sai shouted, already disposing of the would-be assassin with a flick of his kunai.

I could see him flying towards me, but the edges of my vision were starting to black out. I tried to focus on him, but it was like looking at something small at the end of a dark tunnel, barely visible. My head was pounding. Had I landed on it? And my shoulder. I hadn’t felt pain like this since…

_Naruto_ _,_ _flying towards me, crackling with power. His hand reached out, and mine to meet his. Everything exploded in light._

_The pain in my arm_ _had been_ _unbearable. It was like I was being pulled apart. Everything was white, then black, then white again, and when I woke up my arm was gone. It was the price I had to pay, but Naruto’s arm was gone, too, and I just couldn’t understand why he would make that sacrifice._

_“Because we’re friends,” he repeated, and this time it wasn’t good enough._

_I needed more._

_“When you hurt, I hurt,” he said, and I was faced with the inescapable realization that we were bonded together, brothers, a family, more than family, yet it was swallowed up by my weakness, my jealousy, my inability to love and be loved._

_“It’s my loss,” I said, and I felt free._

_Of course Naruto couldn’t leave it at that._

_“Shut up, usuratonkachi,” I groaned, keeping my face turned away from him as a tear slipped down my cheek._

_He was quiet then._

_I thought we’d said all there was to say. I could feel the last of my chakra fading away. My rinnegan was starting to power down, and I could feel the rustle of something against my legs._

_I was at peace as I drifted off into what I thought was death._

_I woke up again on Naruto’s back._

_He struggled to take each step, stumbling and almost dropping me._

_“What are you doing,_ idiot _?” I breathed out incredulously._

_“If we just stay out there bakin’ in the sun, we’re gonna die,” he explained reasonably._

_“How the hell are you even standing?” I asked._

_“Kurama’s healing factor kicked in.”_

_“Then go ahead yourself and get help,” I said, trying to climb off of his back._

_He held onto me stubbornly with his only arm awkwardly wrapped around my back. “We go together,” he said. “Besides, there’s no one to help. Everyone’s been sucked up into the God Tree.”_

_“Sakura and Kakashi?” I suggested._

_“I can’t feel them,” he said, shaking his head._

_“Then why don’t we just release the seal?” I asked._

_“Can’t until you’re powered up,” he said._

_He wasn’t wrong. My rinnegan was dead._

_“What’s to stop the tree from pulling us in, then?” I asked, trying to take in our surroundings more carefully now that I was more awake and aware of the dangers lurking around us._

_“Me,” Naruto said, stumbling forward._

_He wasn’t kidding. Any hint of the God Tree_ _attacking_ _and Naruto had me settled on the ground_ _,_ _chakra firing from his only hand in a matter of seconds._

_I felt like deadweight. “Leave me behind.”_

_“You’re the only one who can stop this whole thing!”_

_“If I die, the seal will be released anyway.”_

_“How do you know that?”_

_“I just do.”_

_“And what if it_ doesn’t work _?!”_

_“You can Edo Tensei me back to life.”_

_“And who am I going to sacrifice to bring you back?! Just stay alive in the first place!”_

_I pressed my face into his neck._

_Naruto let out a sharp breath._

_Neither of us said anything._

_Naruto took another stumbling step forward._

_Eventually, he got us to the water. We both drank and drank, completely dehydrated._

_I sat with my feet in the water, staring up at the destruction we’d wrought on the Valley of the End._

_“How do you feel?” Naruto asked, coming to sit next to me._

_“Still drained,” I said, tapping under my eye._

_“If you could activate your rinnegan, you could take some of my chakra,” he said._

_“I’m not taking your chakra.”_

_“You didn’t have a problem with it yesterday.”_

_“Yesterday we were fighting to the death.”_

_“Well now we’re fighting to the life.”_

_“That’s not a thing, idiot.”_

_“You’re the idiot who just wants to give up and die.”_

_“Hn.”_

_Naruto bumped me with his elbow._

_I turned to give him a look._

_He reached out suddenly, touching my cheek._

_My look turned incredulous, even as my heart was racing. Probably from all the blood loss._

_“I can’t lose you again,” was all he said before standing up and stretching. He then proceeded to stumble and fall in the water._

_I don’t remember the last time I’d laughed so hard._

_Naruto came out of the water sputtering, but then he went quiet._

_I wiped at the tears that had squeezed out of my eyes from the intensity of my laughter. “You are so dumb,” I said, unable to stop smiling._

_He was in that freezing water in the middle of fall, gazing up at me like I was something_ precious _._

_“Maybe if we find some food my body will heal enough to start making chakra again,” I said, purposely not looking at him._

_“Maybe,” he agreed, then splashed me with water._

_I tried to blow him away with a katon without even thinking about it. It didn’t work, of course, but I felt like I was flicking a lighter, and even though I couldn’t get the flame to catch, it was still sparking, almost there but not quite._

_Naruto struggled to swim back to me with one arm, pulling himself out of the water and flopping on his back. A trail of red followed him through the water._

_“You’re not okay,” I informed him._

_“I’m fine,” he said. “Just have to release the jutsu. Then we can go to the hospital and relax.”_

_I believed in Naruto’s ability to defy the odds, but I was pretty sure that we were going to die._

_I should have realized that when Naruto improbably found us food and I was miraculously able to activate my rinnegan so that we could release the Tsukuyomi, all within a matter of a few short hours, that this really couldn’t possibly be real._

_I remained blissfully ignorant for the next_ _two years._

_Of course, it was easy to be ignorant when I had everything I had never wanted to acknowledge that I needed._

_Sakura, my sister,_ _kept her distance as she_ _was grappling with everything that I’d done to her. When she finally said, “I forgive you,” it was more of a relief than I could have imagined._

_Kakashi, the father figure, protected me from the Council and got me safe passage out of Konoha._

_And then there was Naruto. Naruto… kept touching me._

_Even when we were still in the hospital, he was always sitting on my bed with his knee pressed to mine. He was always leaning in too close to talk. He was always brushing his fingers against the back of my hand._

_As my trial approached, he seemed to get even more desperate, to the point that he was straight-up holding my hand._

_“Naruto?”_

_“Mm?” he hummed, eyes closed as he lounged_ _beside me._

_“This is really gay,” I said, staring at the way his fingers curled around mine._

_“So?” he asked defensively, eyes flicking open._

_“So it’s gay,” I said._

_“Do you have a problem with that?” he asked, holding my hand more forcefully._

_“I’m gay, so no,” I said, the words just slipping off my tongue like it wasn’t my deepest, darkest secret._

_“Well, I’m gay, too, so okay then,” he said, and I could feel the heat coming off of his palm._

_My heart was hammering in my chest. “You’re not gay,” I snipped._

_“Um, I like you, and you’re a guy, right?”_

_The hammering seemed to increase. “You’re not gay,” I repeated. “Maybe you’re bi.”_

_“Why does it matter?” he asked, sounding annoyed. His hand was full-on sweating now. “I like you and only you, and that’s gay enough, isn’t it?”_

_It was the perfect amount of gay. “You don’t like me like that,” I muttered, because of course I was never going to accept this logical fallacy. Despite the fact that he was always making it blatantly obvious that he_ did _like me like that._

_“Sasuke.”_

_He was trying to get me to look at him, and he wasn’t going to win that game. I continued to stare out the window, wondering what shade of red my face was._

_We were still holding hands._

_“Sasuke,” he repeated, the nerves apparent in his voice. “Sasuke, please say something so I don’t feel like a total ass.”_

_“I’m not a miracle worker.”_

_“Sasuke!”_

_I squeezed his hand. “…_ _it’s gay enough_ _.”_

_“Really…?” he asked hopefully._

_“_ _I like you,” I said quietly, shamed by the admission._

_“I feel the same way,” he said like it was the most natural thing in the world, and then he leaned in and kissed me, and that was the beginning of the end._

_Naruto left the village with me on that hot August afternoon, on a goodwill mission from the sixth hokage. The accused criminal who traveled at his side seemed to undercut the mission, but I was too stupidly in love to notice._

_I was in love._

_With Naruto of all people._

_I mean, deep down, I’d always known._

_Still._

_It was_ Naruto _._

_“Look, Sasuke, I made a fort out of ramen!”_

Naruto _._

_I loved him._

_I loved every minute of every day with this stupid idiot._

_Then we met Kabuto._

_Then we met Kabuto and…_

“He’s waking up,” Sai murmured.

“I need to sedate him,” Sakura said. “Give me a minute.”

I blinked blearily at Sai. All I felt was fiery pain burning in my shoulder.

“Hey, best friend,” he said. “Don’t worry, you’ll be unconscious soon.”

I swallowed.

“Count back from twenty, Sasuke,” Sakura said, prepping a needle.

I wasn’t going to do that.

She stuck the needle in my arm. “It helps.”

The pain made it hard to think.

Everything blurred together.

_There were three of us after that. We traveled together, dismantling the oppressive power structure as went._

_The three of us, always together._

_I never felt so complete._

_It_ _didn’t make sense._

_It was_ wrong _._

_I ignored the nagging voice in the back of my head and clung to my happiness. A feeling I hadn’t felt since I was a child. Since my parents._

_The relationship between Naruto and I was so comfortable that I didn’t even notice all of my weird sexual hang-ups. He never seemed worried that I only did things to him. It was normal. He never pushed me to let him touch me. Why would he need to do that? Wasn’t he just the luckiest guy in the world that his boyfriend liked blowing him and didn’t ask for anything in return? Naruto, who always gave and gave and gave, deserved to just receive and receive and receive, and of course he would have no problem with that._

_Everything was perfect, but there were cracks, and they kept getting harder to ignore._

_“I love you,” Naruto told me like always as we stood in the middle of a battlefield, covered in blood and sweat. More of that blood was Naruto’s than should have been, and he was leaning on me heavily, barely able to stand._

_The words came tumbling out. “I love you,” I whispered back. Just saying the words out loud left me exposed._

_He kissed my cheek, then collapsed into me completely._

_Our partner came up behind the two of us._

_“Naruto, he’s…” I started to say, open and raw and ready to fall apart._

_“I’ve got it taken care of,” he said, taking Naruto from me._

_Everything would be all right._

_Just that thought, and I knew. The inconsistencies of this world were laid out in front of me when I let myself be at my most vulnerable._

_I didn’t look at the sky for one year, because I knew what I would see._

_One year to indulge in my impossible fantasy._

_One more year with Naruto._

_One more year with_ him _._

_And when the one year was over, I woke up._

“Hey, shhhh,” Sakura soothed me, pushing my sticky bangs from my forehead. “You’re okay.”

My whole body was shaking.

“I got the bullet out,” she said, her fingers moving into my hair. The gentle stroking motion relaxed me more than I cared to admit. “You lost a lot of blood, and there was some damage to your blood vessels, but I think between Karin and I, you’ll be nursed back to health in no time.”

I looked at her. “…thanks,” I finally said.

“You’re welcome, butthead,” she said affectionately. She ruffled my hair, then removed her hand. “Are you hungry?”

I shook my head.

“Okay, I’ll let you rest.”

“What about all the ninjas?” I asked. “In the tree?”

“Well, your crazy fire kept them safe until Karin and Sai could pull them out.”

“The mizukage…?”

“Wasn’t there.”

I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Get some rest, okay?” Sakura said. “Your body needs to recover.”

“Yeah,” I said, wanting her to just go and yet also desperately wanting her to stay.

I didn’t want to think about what I’d just relived.

I didn’t want to remember his soft smile the last time I saw him.

_“I’ll meet up with you two in a couple of days,” he’d said, waving to Naruto and I as he disappeared into the sunset._

I ached.


	34. Chapter 34

“Fuck humans and their fucking weapons,” I grumbled as Sai fed me soup.

“You’re a human,” he pointed out kindly.

“I am a proper human,” I said. “I use my own human-born abilities to fight and harm others, not some cheap parlor trick.”

“That sounds pretty specist,” Sai hummed.

“Good,” I said, opening my mouth and letting him feed me. Every time I tried to raise my right arm, unbearable pain shot through my shoulder. It basically left me a helpless infant (again).

“It’s not good to think that one group of people is superior to another group of people just because of the circumstances of their birth,” Sai reasoned, scooping the spoon back through the soup.

“Why not?” I asked. “We obviously are superior, and yet we’ve been subjugated by this feudal system for years, using our superior abilities to serve the whims of inferior beings.”

Sai pushed the spoon into my open mouth.

I frowned at him and swallowed. “And now they’ve just taken it too far. Replicating God Trees to capture all the strongest ninjas and keep the weaker ones under their thumb. Developing _stupid fucking weapons_ that serve no _practical purpose_.”

“Well, the weapons seem pretty effective to me,” Sai commented. “I mean, they took _you_ out, so…”

“Do I look out to you?” I growled.

“A little bit, yeah,” he said, shoving the spoon in my mouth again.

I sulked.

“It’s great to see you passionate about something,” Sai said. “It’s just, sometimes your passion gets a little… _genocidal_.”

I glowered at him.

“Like right now, I’ve dared to disagree with you about something and your obvious go-to is that you want to kill me,” he said.

“I don’t want to _kill_ you.”

“Just maim a little?”

“Just maim a little,” I agreed, then sighed. He was right. ‘Kill first, ask questions later’ had been the strategy of my late teen years, and it had nearly been my ruin.

“Here, this is the last of it,” he said, holding the spoon out to me.

I opened my mouth and finished the soup.

Sai patted me on the head like a child and took the dishes out of the tent.

I stared at the door flap, waiting for him to come back. I… wanted his company…?

“I have returned, Best Friend Sasuke!” he declared cheerfully, throwing the flap aside as he entered.

“Great,” I mumbled.

“See, you’re not even being sarcastic,” he said, sitting on the sleeping bag next to mine.

“Yes, I am,” I protested.

“I finished my new comic,” he said, pushing his notebook into my lap.

I took it, letting my eyes drift over the pages.

Sai, in his never-ending pursuit of a personality, had decided to draw a comic based loosely on his life. It currently chronicled the adventures of “Kai” and “Kasuke” as they traveled through the “Land of Moisture”, looking for the “lakekage” with their two good pals “Sarin” and “Kakura”. I made it sound derivative, but it was actually clever and well-drawn. Sai had a good eye for chronicling what was happening around him, even if he had diarrhea of the mouth every time he tried to have an actual conversation with someone.

This issue wasn’t as funny as usual. Kasuke got shot by a stupid musket and Kai was having a lot of sad inner monologues worrying about his best friend.

I looked at him.

He smiled.

“Don’t do that,” I said.

He let his face fall.

“I’m okay,” I said.

“Yes,” he agreed. “Now you are. But getting you to Sakura…”

“Thanks for saving my life,” I said.

He smiled a little at that, a more genuine expression. “Every time.”

“Every time?” I repeated.

“Every time you’re in trouble, you know I will have your back,” he said, nodding solemnly.

“Yeah, I know,” I agreed.

“Can we share a bro hug now?” he asked.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t even move my shoulder?”

“I’ll gently do all the hugging!”

“No.”

“You really don’t like to be touched.”

“Rarely.”

“How do you and Naruto fornicate?”

“We don’t,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Um, Uchiha, I traveled with you two for months,” Sai said.

“So?”

“I shared rooms with you, I shared walls with you…”

“And…?”

“I walked in on you…”

I took in his genuine confusion. I thought about trying to be honest. Sai was always talking his confused sexuality out with me, so why couldn’t I do the same?

Because I was fucking Uchiha, that’s why.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, bringing the discussion to a close.

“Is it that only Naruto can touch you?” he asked. “Because he’s your lover?”

I glared at him.

“You just seem anomalous, and since I use you as my guidepost for proper human behavior, I want to know if I’m learning something strange from you,” he said.

I breathed out long and loud. “Yes, Sai, I’m weird.”

“How so?” he asked, genuinely wanting to know.

“I don’t like people in my personal space.”

“You let Sakura stroke your hair when you first woke up.”

“Do you keep a notebook of everything I do?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“Of course,” he said, pulling out another notebook and putting it on top of his sketchbook. “How else can I learn from you?”

“Stalking is creepy,” I informed him.

“And yet everyone you love stalks you, and you allow it,” he pointed out.

“Anyway, I was weak and barely conscious when that happened with Sakura.”

“I think you crave touch but are afraid of it due to past trauma,” Sai decided.

“What kind of nonsense psychobabble is that?”

“Just throwing out some ideas. It seems the same with your lover, Naruto, as well. Sometimes you want him near you, and other times you seem repulsed by his closeness.”

“Can you just drop it already?”

“But I want to understand…”

“Well, I don’t understand, so how are you supposed to understand?!” I snapped.

He looked at me curiously. “But you always know everything.”

I looked away from his gaze. “You know that’s not true.”

“Well you act like it,” he said. “I admire that bravado. If you believe in something, then it becomes truth.”

“That sounds unhealthy.”

“Oh… it does, doesn’t it?” he hummed, pondering it over. “I never thought you were healthy, though. Just cool and confident. I mean, no one around us is sane, so it seems to me like being insane is what is normal.”

“Now you’re calling me insane…?”

“I do know about Revolution.”

I sighed. Why did I have to be held accountable for all the ridiculous things I’d said and done in the past?

Sai studied my face. “You actually regret it?”

I looked away from his knowing eyes.

“You usually stand by your convictions,” he commented. “You’re always telling Naruto you were right to leave the village.”

“I _was_ right to leave the village.”

“But you don’t think your plan to kill all the kages and rebuild the ninja world from their ashes was right?”

“Who’s to say?” I said with a shrug.

His look got sharper. “There’s something else you regret.”

“You have plenty of regrets,” I deflected.

“Yes,” he agreed.

“Would you like to describe them to me in explicit detail?” I asked.

“I can try.”

“Really? You don’t mind cutting yourself open and bleeding for me?”

“Well, if it will make your convalescence go more quickly…” he said.

“Okay, well, cut away,” I said, trying to gesture imperiously with my hand and immediately letting it fall back to the ground as pain shot through my shoulder.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” he said. “Oh, wait, you already did.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I guess lately I’ve been thinking about how many people I killed for what I thought was a just mission, but were really just the megalomaniacal dreams of a madman.”

Sai always knew how to jump right into things. “You did what you did,” I said with a shrug.

“I took people’s _lives_ ,” he said, shaking his head. “Now I wonder what it all meant? Who did I kill and why? I never thought to ask the questions, I just thought that if I accomplished the objective then the mission was a success. Now I can’t help but wonder… were they really criminals? Were they really Konoha’s enemies, or were they Danzo’s enemies? I… I’m starting to have _feelings_ , and they’re not good ones.”

“That’s why it’s better to be dead inside,” I said.

“That’s true, because even if you can’t feel the good, you can’t feel all this _bad_ ,” Sai agreed. “But then what’s the point of existing?”

“Also a very valid question,” I said.

Sai frowned. “Best Friend Sasuke, that sounded vaguely self-harmy.”

“I’ve never self-harmed, Sai,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Sometimes I worry that you might.”

“Um, why?”

“Because we’re so similar,” he said, black eyes staring into mine.

“Sai…” I trailed off, not liking what I was seeing.

He forced a smile.

“Stop that.”

It drooped.

“I’m… here,” I offered quietly. “Always. I’m always here for you.”

“I’m here for you, too,” he said, holding his hand out to me.

I took it, giving him a very limp and limited-movement shake. “What matters now is moving forward, not looking back,” I decided.

Sai was still holding awkwardly onto my hand. “Maybe, but sometimes we can’t move forward without facing what we left behind.”

I pulled my hand away from his sweaty awkwardness. “Does saying it out loud make it any better?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Nothing makes it better. But maybe it gets a little farther away.”

We were both quiet for a long time.

“I think-” Sai started to say at the same time that I said, “Itachi-”

Sai stopped talking, his mouth slightly open.

I slammed mine closed.

“Oh, Sasuke,” he said softly.

“It’s nothing,” I muttered, looking away. “He was just in my dream world. It’s stupid. It’s nothing.”

“Oh, Sasuke,” he repeated.

“What?!” I snapped. “Do you think I’m so stupid for being trapped in an illusion for years where my obviously dead brother was brought miraculously back to life by a forbidden jutsu and decided to travel with me and my pathetic crush while we went around the world trying to dismantle the ninja hierarchy?”

“Not stupid, just willfully ignorant,” he said.

My head bowed and I closed my eyes. It felt too heavy to hold it up.

“At least your world actually had _dreams_ and _possibilities_ ,” Sai said. “Why did the rest of us all imagine such hopeless futures for ourselves?”

I swallowed. Then I swallowed again. I could feel it all boiling over, about the spill out.

Sai was suddenly clambering over my lap, pulling my head into his chest.

“Don’t hug me,” I ground out, trying to even out my breathing.

“I want to respect your wishes, but you need this,” he said.

“What do you know about what I need?” I growled, my voice cracking on the last word. I swallowed again.

He just squeezed me tightly.

I made a very frustrated noise that immediately turned into a cry. I stopped it, pressing my face into his shirt. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Sai said, starting to sway us side-to-side. “None of us are okay. And that’s okay. But we have to express our emotions.”

I laugh-cried into his chest. “Yes, you and I should express our emotions.”

“We should,” he said, resting his chin on top of my head as he continued to sway us. “This feels really good.”

“Are you going to get confused about our relationship again?” I mumbled, sniffling a little but still not quite giving in to crying.

“No, this is definitely a Best Friends Hug,” he said, holding me close but in no way making inappropriate sexual innuendos.

I almost wished he would so I could yell at him instead of clinging to him, my arm curling weakly around his back and holding onto the hem of his shirt.

Sai stayed quiet as he rocked my shaking frame.

“He murdered my entire family and made me relive it over and over,” I whispered.

Sai bent his face in closer to mine so he could hear.

“I spent my whole life hating him,” I continued. “I was going to kill him, no matter what. And then he died and… I was wrong. I was wrong about my entire life. But I couldn’t admit it, so I took that hatred of my brother and I put it on Danzo, and then he was dead, and I just took my hatred and put it on the entire ninja world, and it just never ends.”

“It doesn’t,” he agreed softly.

“If I could take back all that hatred… if I could have… I just wish I still had my brother. But that’s fucking crazy. What he did… But Naruto and I just traveled with him like it was nothing. We just traveled together as a family and I’d never been happier in my entire life. It felt like everything had fallen into place, and yet it was so _improbable_ , and I didn’t want to see it but I had to see it, because there was no way that life could ever be like that. Because life is pain and suffering, and we never get what we want.”

Sai tilted my chin up.

I blinked rapidly, trying to keep my eyes dry.

“I’ve never been happy,” he said. “But for a while, as part of Team Seven… I started to think that I could be. And now. As part of Team Sasuke.”

I rolled my eyes at the name and caught myself sniffing again.

“We’re going to make a world where people can be happy.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

“I don’t know,” Sai said with a shrug. “But let’s give the world back its hopes and dreams.”

“You sound like Naruto,” I muttered.

“Wow, thank you,” he said, giving me a last, tight squeeze that felt so good before pulling away and sitting beside me again.

I decided not to think too deeply about all the stupid things I’d just said and let the comfortable silence wash over both of us.


	35. Chapter 35

Kakashi appeared at the rendezvous point, looking the same as always despite the months that had passed since he’d first brought us here.

“Ready to go?” he asked cheerfully.

“Yes,” I said flatly, happy to be sucked into his sharingan before finally being taken back to Suna.

Naruto and Temari were waiting for us on the other side.

“It’s so good to see you,” Sakura said.

“You, too,” Naruto said, and his smile wasn’t completely forced. Maybe time did heal all wounds.

“Hey, cuz,” Karin said, and the two exchanged a complicated handshake.

Naruto turned to me expectantly.

I started to move closer and stopped.

He leaned in closer, then also stopped, pulling back.

We stared at each other.

“Hey,” I finally said.

“Hey,” he echoed back, looking sad.

“Um, sorry to intrude,” Choujuurou said, rubbing the back of his neck. We’d cut him out of one of God Trees and he’d come back with us as a representative of the Water ninjas.

“It’s no intrusion,” Naruto said, as if he were the ruler of Suna. He shook Choujuurou’s hand, giving him a welcoming smile. “We’ll go to the kazekage’s office and do the report, then we’ll get you set up in some rooms.”

We all followed Temari and Naruto to the kazekage’s office. It was no surprise when Temari sat down behind the desk as we’d received a steady stream of updates from Naruto about the state of Suna. Gaara was still out of commission. Temari was the acting kazekage. Suna seemed to be turning into a refugee camp for starving and defecting ninja, but the gates were always firmly closed.

“Let’s make this brief,” she said crisply. “You haven’t found the mizukage.”

“No,” I said.

“The Water ninjas are living in concentration camps and any dissenters are being sucked into what seem to be mini God Trees, an operation sanctioned by the Water Daimyo.”

I looked at Choujuurou.

He blinked. “Oh, uh, me? Yes, ma’am, that’s correct.”

“You have been able to harvest what appears to be chakra fruit from said trees, and think consumption of such a fruit might be a cure for the mysterious ailment of those who have started to turn into white zetsu.”

“Yes, that’s what we hope,” Sakura said, patting her bag where scrolls containing the two chakra fruit we’d managed to steal were.

“Anything else to report?” Temari asked.

“The daimyo’s men have weapons that are formidable against ninjas,” Sai chimed in.

“Formidable in what way?” Temari asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Well, they took Uchiha out of action for a week,” he said.

Naruto tensed where he was standing behind Temari, his arms crossing over his chest. His right arm had grown all the way to his wrist.

“I have one here for your engineering team’s analysis,” Sai said, holding up a scroll.

“Thank you, that will be most helpful,” Temari said, taking it. “If that’s all…?”

We nodded.

“I’ll take them to their rooms,” Naruto said, leading the way to the old apartment building.

Of course he left me for last. After unlocking the door and pushing it open, he just stood there like a dumb statue.

“Are we going to go inside?” I asked, even though I really didn’t want to. Just looking at him was making me nervous and it was absolutely pathetic. He was probably angry about the me-being-shot-thing, which I had refused to let anyone tell him. Also, there was just the eternal question of where we stood with each other after such a long time apart. We’d exchanged brief messages which were always about our missions and nothing of actual importance.

Naruto took a hesitant step inside the apartment.

I closed and locked the door behind us, then dropped the key on the small table by the door.

“Your arm,” he said quietly. It had reached about halfway down my forearm.

“Your arm,” I said with a shrug.

“I just… I haven’t seen it,” he said, then his eyes flicked from my arm to nervously meet my eyes. “Why is this so awkward?”

“Because you’re an awkward person?” I suggested.

“More likely because _you’re_ an awkward person,” he said.

Ouch. That was cuttingly accurate. “Then make it less awkward.”

His eyes softened. “I missed you.”

“How does that make it less awkward?” I asked irritably.

“Because hopefully you missed me, too, and we can just… move forward?” he asked hopefully.

I wanted to be very mean and cutting to him. I took a breath instead. “Yeah,” I finally said.

“Yeah?” he repeated.

“I missed you, too,” I admitted. Being near him was like finding a missing piece of my soul.

“Really?” he asked, his whole face lighting up.

“Unfortunately,” I grumbled, because I didn’t want to change my character completely.

“Good,” he said. “Very, very good,” he concluded, looking like he wanted to lean in.

He didn’t.

I didn’t want him to, anyway. I avoided staring at his mouth and stared at the horns that were obviously starting to protrude out of his bangs instead. “You’re not doing a henge?” I asked, almost reaching my hand out to brush his hair aside and quickly stopping myself.

Naruto shrugged, looking self-conscious. “I uh… I mean, are they that noticeable?”

I realized they were probably only noticeable because I was looking for them. “No one’s asking any questions?”

He shrugged again. “What can I say when I don’t know what’s happening?”

“But you’re clearly in a leadership role here,” I said. “No one’s using it to undercut you?”

“Nope,” he said, not seeming concerned.

I had been away from this idiot for far too long. I cast a henge on him.

He blinked. “Thanks? It’s really not necessary, though. I mean, everyone can see my arm.”

“Tell them you’re trying a progressive new cell therapy or something,” I said. “A regrown arm is one thing. Alien horns are quite another. People already think you have too much power.”

“They do?”

“I thought you were a savvy politician now,” I said, giving him a disgusted once-over. “Do you live in a bubble? You have a giant target on your back.”

He gave me those damn puppy eyes.

“You’re hopeless without me,” I informed. Wait, why did I say that out loud?!

“Kinda,” he agreed. His eyes were still huge and puppy-like.

“You should go,” I decided.

“Huh?” he said.

“You have work to do, don’t you?” I said, waving him off dismissively. “I need to debrief my team, anyway.”

“Do you feel uncomfortable being alone with me?” Naruto asked, sticking out his lower lip.

“Why would you say that?” I asked, which was an obvious ‘yes’.

“We gotta talk, Sas’,” he said softly. “Later, yeah?”

“Later,” I agreed. I was already walking him back to the door. I opened it and waited expectantly.

“It’s so good to see you,” he said suddenly, looking like he was remembering how to breathe for the first time in months.

Or maybe that was just me projecting my own feelings on him. “You, too,” I said, pushing him out the door and locking it behind us.

“I’m probably working through dinner, but can I knock on your door when I’m done?”

I looked at him. My eyes narrowed. “Did you get taller?”

His mouth split into a wide grin. “Catching up.”

“You will never be taller than me,” I informed him, but dammit, we were basically eye-level. “Find me when you’re done for the night.”

“Okay,” he said, his eyes lingering. “See you tonight.”

I went upstairs and knocked on Sai’s door. There was no answer. I frowned and moved on to Karin’s door. I could feel her inside, her chakra flowing like water. It didn’t feel like Karin at all. I knocked loudly.

She answered the door, her eyes flitting around nervously. “Hey, Boss,” she said.

“Is Sai here?” I asked her.

“Nope,” she said, looking even more suspicious, though her chakra felt normal now.

“Sure,” I said. “When are you and Sakura going to start experimenting with the chakra fruit?”

“Tomorrow if things go as planned,” she said, but she didn’t seem so keen about it. Karin hadn’t wanted to come back to Suna yet, saying we still had more to learn about the daimyo’s strange baby God Trees.

I’d made the final decision to come back. It was a strategic decision. We weren’t making any headway in finding the mizukage, and no matter how many times we cut down a God Tree, another one always sprang up. It was time to regroup and come back with a new strategy.

“So, uh, I’m busy unpacking,” she said.

I waved her off, moving on to Sakura’s room.

Sakura was coming out the door with Kankurou, looking frazzled.

“I got permission to see Tsunade,” she explained, waving as she left.

I tried knocking on Chuujuurou’s door.

“He’s in a meeting with Naruto,” Kankurou called over his shoulder as he followed after Sakura.

I went back to my room and stared at the bland walls. That got boring quickly, though it was relaxing to be in a quiet space by myself. So I exercised. My body was almost back to normal, minus my still slightly-missing arm, and I intended to keep it that way. Even my shoulder was perfectly recovered, minus the scar. Just one more to add to the collection.

Sai finally came knocking on my door, asking about where we could get dinner.

Suna was nothing like the Land of Water. Food was plentiful, the damage from the God Tree had been repaired, and no one had to hide their chakra. There were so many restaurants to choose from, and we finally settled on a Chinese one.

“Why were we in Water for so long again?” Karin complained as she continued stuffing dumplings into her mouth.

“You were the one who didn’t want to come back,” I pointed out.

“I guess that’s why you’re the leader,” she said, showing me all of the half-eaten dumplings she was chewing as she talked.

I couldn’t really complain, though, as I was eating in a less beatific manner than I usually would. Ration bars and fish just didn’t satisfy the body the way a proper meal could, and I felt like I hadn’t eaten a proper meal in months.

“I have never enjoyed food this much in my life,” Sai sighed, slumping back in his chair. “We should stay here for a while.”

“Seems like it’s getting a little crowded,” I commented.

“Because your boy Naruto keeps gathering all the defectors here,” Karin said. “Look at all these forehead protectors. I don’t see a single Suna one.”

She was exaggerating, because there were several Suna ninjas in the restaurant, but it was true that most were from Konoha, Kiri, and Iwa. There were also a couple from Kumo. The food shortages were the major reason, but political unrest was the other. Those who sided with Naruto and Kakashi were defecting from Konoha in droves. The anti-ninja campaign by the water daimyo had resulted in the entire population of Kirigakure being forcefully relocated or fleeing the country. Something was going on in Iwa as well, though we still weren’t sure what.

Basically, the world was a mess and Suna was one of the last safe havens.

“He’s not my boy,” I mumbled, because that was clearly the most important part of the conversation.

Karin snorted. “Here we go.”

I ignored her and continued to eat my food until the belt on my pants started to feel a little too tight.

“Hey, you know what else the Land of Wind has that Water does not?” Sai asked, still slouched in his chair with a protruding belly.

Karin and I both stared at him, waiting.

He smiled at us expectantly.

We stared harder.

“You have to ask me, ‘what is it that the Land of Wind has that Water does not, Sai?’” he explained.

I sighed loudly and Karin rolled her eyes.

“What does Wind have that Water doesn’t?” Karin humored him.

“Alcohol!” he declared.

Karin’s eyes lit up. Mine probably looked about the same. What better way to deal with all of your problems than to run away from them in the bottom of a bottle?


	36. Chapter 36

We found ourselves completely drunk within the course of an hour, pouring each other sake in my apartment and laughing about nothing.

There was a knock at the door.

“It’s your boy,” Karin attempted to stage whisper to me but ended up yelling it.

“Do you think he can tell I’m drunk?” I fussed. I didn’t want to come off as _inebriated_.

“Yes,” Sai said, cracking up. “You’re so drunk, Best Friend Sasuke, it’s embarrassing.”

“I am not!” I protested, pointing a finger at him and knocking my glass over in the process, spilling alcohol everywhere. “And you can’t call me that!”

“Um, but I do all the time?” he said, getting some tissues and mopping up my mess.

The knock on the door came more loudly.

“Pretend we’re not here!” Karin tried to whisper again, yelling in my ear.

“I can hear you,” Naruto said tiredly.

“The soundproofing in these apartments is terrible,” I commented.

“You left the door open,” Naruto added. “I’m coming in.”

“Oh, no!” I said, trying to hide the sake bottle by drinking the rest of its contents.

“Best Friend Sasuke, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Sai scolded me, taking the bottle away.

“Sai, ix-nay on the est-bay riend-fay,” I whispered.

Naruto appeared in the living room, looking stressed. He had a houseplant tucked under his arm.

“Hey there, Naruto,” I said, being completely normal and cool.

Karin cracked up.

“Should I come back another time?” Naruto asked, trying to smile but it wasn’t reaching his eyes.

“No,” I said. “Karin and Sai were just leaving.”

“We were?” Sai asked, frowning.

“You were,” I said, giving him a _look_.

“We were,” Karin agreed, grabbing the bottle from Sai and heading towards the door.

Sai got up and followed. “Not cool, Best Friend. Bros before hos,” he said, shaking his head as he left.

The door in the entryway closed and suddenly there was silence.

“Am I… the ho?” Naruto asked, scratching his chin.

I shrugged, trying to be mysterious.

Naruto laughed softly. “Sasuke, you’re a mess.”

“What?!” I cried, feeling offended.

“Here, I brought you a housewarming present,” he said, untucking the houseplant from under his arm and setting it in the middle of the coffee table I was sitting at.

“I’m not staying,” I told him.

“I thought you might say that, so I thought a little incentive might help change your mind,” he said, staring at the plant as he sat down across from me.

“You think I’m going to stay for a fucking plant?” I scoffed.

He had a very self-deprecating smile, his eyes still not meeting mine.

“I’m sorry about Sai,” I blurted out.

“…what about him?” Naruto asking, looking confused.

“He keeps saying he’s my best friend… and well, he is my best friend, but I don’t tell him that and I don’t encourage him in his behaviors,” I explained.

“It’s fine,” he said.

That gave me pause. “It’s _fine_?!” I demanded.

Naruto looked from side-to-side, his brows pushing up in confusion. “Yes?”

“So you don’t even care?” I growled, picking up my glass and trying to down the remaining contents, but there was nothing left.

“Do you want us to fight over the title?” he asked.

“Yes!” I snapped, slamming the glass back on the table. It wobbled and tipped over again.

“I’m happy that you have strong bonds with other people,” he said with a shrug.

“So it’s fine if Sai tells everyone he’s my best friend?” I asked incredulously. “You stalked me halfway around the world screaming about how we were best friends, and now it’s just cool if someone else takes your place?!”

“Is he taking my place?”

I looked up from my failed attempts to upright my glass again. “Maybe he should.”

“That’s hurtful,” he said quietly.

“Is it?” I asked. “This from the guy who couldn’t admit he wanted to fuck me and just kept yelling about how we were friends so he could stay in the closet.”

“You are very drunk,” he said, shaking his head.

“I’m not!” I yelled.

Naruto was almost smiling now. “Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”

“I want to talk now,” I said, glaring him into submission.

“Lov- Sasuke, you are… very drunk.”

“I heard you the first ten times,” I said irritably. “I’m not that drunk, I just haven’t had alcohol in a long time, so my body is taking longer than usual to… you know, so I seem drunk, but I’m not really, okay?”

“You are really cute while simultaneously being so obnoxious right now,” he marveled.

“You think I’m cute?” I asked, feeling a little happy.

He bit his lip, full-on smiling now. “Yes, definitely.”

“So… you like me…?”

“Of course,” he said.

“Oh, good,” I said. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore and that you found some Suna bimbo to have your babies.”

He covered his mouth with his hand. “Nope, have not found a Suna bimbo to have my babies.”

“Are you looking for one?” I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

“No, you are the only bimbo I need,” he said firmly.

“Good,” I said.

“Good,” he agreed.

I got distracted by how soft the carpet was, running my fingers through it and petting it like a dog. Then my head shot up. “Did you call me a _bimbo_?!”

“No, definitely not,” he assured me.

“Oh, okay.”

“Can I get you some water?” he asked.

I realized I was thirsty and nodded.

He walked over to the kitchen and poured two glasses, tucking one under his arm and carrying the other in his hand. He placed one in front of me and then sat back across from me.

I picked up the glass and started drinking, not putting it down until I’d finished it all.

“You need more?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“You want to get ready for bed?”

I turned on the old Uchiha charm. “Are you coming with me?”

“No, but I’ll help you get ready,” he said, seeming amused and fond at the same time.

I frowned. “You don’t like me.”

“I like you a lot.”

“But you don’t want to flirt with me.”

“I think we’ve been flirting a lot for two people who need to have a conversation about their relationship status,” he said.

That was a lot of words. “I want you to come to bed with me.”

“Honey, you’re drunk,” he said, shaking his head. He was smiling, but he seemed sad, too.

“So?” I said. I guess I had to finally admit that maybe, just _maybe_ I was a little drunk.

“So we need to talk when you’re sober.”

“Or you could just get drunk, too.”

“No, that’s not a good idea,” he said, shaking his head.

“I think it’s a very good idea,” I informed him, putting a little sexiness in my voice. There’s no way he could resist all this Uchiha.

Naruto slid his glass over to me.

I looked at it, then picked it up and drank. Why was I so thirsty?

“Let’s get ready for bed,” he said, standing up.

Was I winning? Were my master seduction techniques working?

Naruto went into the bathroom, so I stumbled after him. He put toothpaste and water on my toothbrush and handed it to me.

I took it and started brushing. I could feel my body wobbling.

Naruto slid his arm around me.

It felt very nice. I leaned into it, lazily moving the toothbrush around in my mouth.

He waited patiently, then suggested that I spit out the toothpaste.

I missed the sink and it landed on the floor.

Naruto threw a towel on it and took my toothbrush, rinsing it and replacing it in its cup before moving me out of the bathroom. He led me down the hall to my bedroom, flipping on the light.

I blinked.

“Where are your clothes?” he asked.

“I didn’t unpack yet,” I told him. “They’re somewhere,” I added, gesturing my hand around vaguely.

“Sit,” he said, pushing my butt onto the bed.

“Sit?” I asked, falling onto my back and staring up at him with a come-hither stare.

He ignored my seductiveness, looking for my clothes. He found something and tossed it to me.

I was pouting as I undid my belt and slipped my robe off of my shoulders.

Naruto had his back to me.

I had to look pretty fucking good and he wasn’t even looking at me. I threw my belt at his head.

“You’re a confusing drunk,” he commented, letting the belt stay hanging over his shoulder

“I’m not being confusing at all!” I snipped.

Naruto shrugged.

I pulled the t-shirt he’d given me over my head and tried to kick off my pants. It took longer than expected, and finally Naruto came over and helped get them over my feet. “It’s cold,” I informed him.

“Well, you’re not wearing any pants,” he pointed out.

I frowned, pulling on the sleep pants he’d given me. “Still cold.”

“Then get under the covers,” he suggested, going to dig through my things again until he produced a sweatshirt and brought it over to me.

I was huddled in my blanket, glaring at him.

He held the sweatshirt out to me.

I begrudgingly climbed out of the warmth and pulled it over my head before quickly burrowing back in.

Naruto sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping towards him.

I stared at him.

“You okay?” he asked quietly.

“Fine,” I said sharply.

He waited. “Did you drink too much?”

“…yes.”

His look softened. “Do you think you’re gonna be sick?”

“No,” I said, then reassessed. “Probably not.”

“I can stay,” he offered hesitantly. “Until you fall asleep.”

I nodded my head pathetically, feeling like crying. Alcohol was evil and I was never drinking again. What was this torrent of ridiculous emotions? I hoped I passed out immediately to avoid further embarrassment, closing my eyes tightly in preparation of doing so.

Naruto’s fingers brushed through my hair.

It gave me a nice shiver.

He stroked my hair in a gentle, even rhythm. “Good night, Sasuke.”

“Good night,” I mumbled, eyes still closed.

His touch was so soothing, and I drifted right off to sleep.

When I woke up, there was light streaming through my window. Light was a terrible thing. I squinted into it, groaning. My head hurt.

It was weird having the freedom to wake up with a hangover and not be worried that an enemy combatant might find you and take advantage of your weakened state. Then again, who needed enemy combatants with friends like mine?

“Uchiha! Are you alive?!”

I threw the door open, glowering at Sai. “You’re loud.”

“Yes, well I wanted to make sure that you could hear me through the throbbing in your head.”

I growled in response, going into the living room and lying on the couch, my arm tossed over my eyes.

Sai started banging around in my kitchen.

I growled more loudly.

“Hey, your lover left you a note,” Sai announced cheerfully. “And a pot of coffee.”

“Coffee?” I said, because that sounded really good to my hungover ass. “Don’t read that-” I started to say, but of course it was already too late.

“‘Sas’, here’s something to help your hangover,’” Sai read. “‘I have meetings all day, but I’ll come by tonight if that’s okay. Heart, Naruto.’”

“He signed it with a heart?” I asked, scrunching up my nose.

“He did,” he assured me. “He is definitely gay for you.”

I kind of wanted to see the note and just stare at the heart. “Bring me the coffee,” I said instead.

“Am I your manservant?” he asked.

“You’re making me breakfast, aren’t you?” I asked. I could smell the eggs sizzling on the stove.

“Yes, but that is part of my job as your second-in-command,” he said.

“You ranked yourself?”

“It’s not like Karin and Sakura contribute anything meaningful to our group.”

I laughed at that, which hurt my head. The thing was, Sakura could beat the shit out of both of us, and Karin was the only one who could heal us if Sakura was mad. But it was always fun to discount them as human beings because they were _female_. “I thought Karin was contributing,” I said, making a lewd gesture.

Sai sensed what I was doing and peered out of the kitchen. “You seem very interested in heterosexual intercourse for a gay man.”

“So it is intercourse?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.

“Not yet,” Sai said cheerfully. “I’m still experimenting.”

“Never mind, I don’t want to know,” I said. The word ‘experimenting’ renewed the turmoil in my stomach.

“I feel like girl lips and boy lips are physically the same, and yet for some reason that I cannot put my finger on, they feel different,” Sai hummed as he continued to cook.

“Gross,” I said. “So still no decision on which you prefer?”

“Mm, maybe I like both,” he said. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I was worried that I don’t like sex but the second I was drunk I was throwing myself at Naruto again,” I said tiredly.

Sai laughed at that.

I growled.

“You just want him to spoil you,” he said.

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, but I knew perfectly well what it meant and he was one hundred percent correct.

Sai came into the room with two mugs of coffee. “The only time you let yourself be even a little vulnerable is when you’re drunk,” he said, handing one mug to me. “Or when you’re terribly maimed and injured,” he added.

I took the mug with a scowl.

“I think if you just told Naruto what you wanted you would save yourself a lot of stress,” he continued, retreating back to the kitchen.

“What if I don’t know what I want?” I complained as I sipped at the coffee.

“You don’t have to know everything that you want,” he said. “But you know some of what you want. You can start at the most basic ‘I want us to still be boyfriends’, and go from there.”

I sighed loudly. Why was Sai my therapist? “When would those words ever come out of my mouth?”

“Exactly!” he said. I heard plates clattering, and then he appeared with the eggs and toast he’d made. “Eat,” he said.

I did as I was told, surprisingly hungry for someone who had thought about throwing up everything in their body several times over the last few hours.

Sai watched me eat while carefully pushing food past his lips, his eyes never leaving me.

I was used to him being a creep and ignored him until I was finished eating. “Thanks,” I said, nodding towards my empty plate.

“We’ll need to figure out what we’re doing next,” he said, eyes gazing into mine.

I didn’t want to think about what was next. “What do you want to do?”

He looked thoughtful. “I’m… not sure. I’d like to do something good, though. Help some of the people who are suffering.”

“Okay, boy scout,” I muttered. Why was I surrounded by such good people? At least Sai was a former assassin with a higher body count than mine. “Back to Water? Or maybe to the Land of Earth and you can deal with the hunger crisis while I deal with the potentially fake Tsuchikage?”

“Maybe,” Sai agreed. “We’ll see which way the wind blows.”

“We’ll see which way the wind blows,” I echoed.


	37. Chapter 37

I was sober when Naruto came over that night, and I regretted it.

“Hey,” he said, all soft and hopeful and exhausted.

“Hey,” I said, letting him in.

“Sorry it’s so late,” he said, following me to the living room.

It wasn’t like I’d been anxiously waiting for him all night. I’d been reading some scrolls we’d found in Water about summoning jutsu with my full attention, certainly not reading the same pages over and over because I kept spacing out wondering where the fuck he was. “It’s fine,” I said.

“We’re trying to decide what to do with Sakura and Karin’s research,” he explained. “No one can agree on anything.”

“Typical ninja hierarchy bullshit,” I said.

“Yep.”

We looked at each other.

“So…” Naruto said. He didn’t say anything else.

“So?” I asked when the silence stretched on for too long.

Naruto gave me a rueful smile. “Why can’t this just be easy? I missed you like crazy and I love you. You said you missed me, too. So let’s… not miss each other anymore?”

I didn’t really know how to respond. He was proposing we no longer miss each other, but what did that even mean? That I should stay in Suna? That we destroy all ties between us and never see one another again so we wouldn’t miss each other?

“Sasuke,” he said, looking anxious. “Do you not feel the same way?”

“I don’t know how you feel,” I said, feeling exasperated. “And maybe I don’t know exactly how I feel, either.”

“Oh,” he said, eyes dropping. He had his hand in his pocket and seemed to be clutching something, running his fingers over it anxiously.

Why couldn’t we ever communicate clearly with each other? I decided to take a note from Sai, and quietly asserted, “I want us to still be boyfriends.”

His eyes flicked up to mine hopefully. “I want that, too.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he agreed. “But… I want more.”

My stomach clenched. I didn’t know what kind of clench it was. I wanted nothing more than for him to explain exactly what he meant, while simultaneously not wanting to hear anything that he was about to say next.

“I’ve just had a lot of time to think about this, and I feel like you’re definitely going to say no, but I’m going to say it anyway,” he said, standing up and walking around the table.

I looked up at him towering over me. “Why do you need to be standing there to say it?”

He finally took his hand out of his pocket, holding it out to me.

I stared at it.

“Sas’, just let me do this,” he said.

I didn’t take his hand, but I stood up on my own.

He continued to hold his hand out to me.

I glared at him as I finally placed my hand in his.

He was sweating. “Sasuke, I love you.”

I didn’t say anything. I never said anything. I never said it back. I really hoped he wasn’t waiting for me to say it back.

“I love you, and I want to spend my life with you.”

“Oh,” I said, which was a stupid response, but the sincerity in his voice and the nervousness ratcheting through his body were starting to set me on edge.

“And I hope you want to spend the rest of your life with me, too,” he said, reaching into his pocket. Then he paused, looking confused, and suddenly seemed to realize that he didn’t have a hand to pull out whatever was in his pocket.

I felt myself smiling as I let go of his hand.

He flashed me an embarrassed look, then dug into his pocket with his good hand.

Oh, god, what was in his pocket? The tension was suddenly back.

He pulled out the first hokage’s necklace that he always wore.

I looked at it.

“This can control a tailed beast or even it’s jinchuuriki,” he said quietly. “Baa-chan gave it to me, and it’s the most precious thing I own. I want you to have it.”

I looked at him.

“I want you to marry me,” he said, looking determined.

I couldn’t control the crazy expression that must have crossed my face. “Marry?!”

“Marry,” he said solemnly.

“We’re nineteen fucking years old, Naruto,” I said incredulously.

“It doesn’t have to be right away,” he said quietly. “I just… I know what I want in life. It’s not going to change whether I be nineteen or ninety. I want to marry you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“That’s… crazy…” I decided, desperately wanting a way out of this conversation.

“Is it?” he asked. “I mean, I guess if you don’t love me the way that I love you, then…” he trailed off, starting to look wrecked.

I did that to him. I destroyed his self-confidence and I made him feel worthless. And that was exactly why this was so fucking crazy. “I don’t deserve your love,” I said flatly.

“Well, you have it anyway,” he said with a shrug. “Do you not want it?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, not sure what to say or what to do. Did I actually want this? Maybe…

“If you…” he started, then stopped, running his fingers anxiously through his hair. “Did I ruin everything?”

I opened my eyes, shaking my head. “No.”

He clutched the necklace in his hand. “I need you. I need you in my life. Everything’s wrong when you’re not here. So I want to make a commitment to you. Do you really think that you don’t… _deserve_ it?”

We had to talk about our feelings. If I didn’t do it now, I was going to push him away permanently. “I think you’re too good for me,” I said quietly, taking the necklace out of his hand. I sat on the couch and looked at it, running my fingers over the green stone.

“That’s-” he started to say.

I looked at him.

He sat down next to me.

“I don’t have anything to offer you,” I said. “I’m mean. I’ll always be mean. I’ll say hurtful things to you when I should be telling you how perfect you are. I can’t help it. I can’t open myself up like you do. I just can’t. And you’re always going to be hurt because of that.”

“It does hurt,” he agreed. “But most of the time I can see through it. I can hear what you’re really saying. And then it doesn’t hurt at all.”

“I hate how I treat you,” I said, struggling to make my voice come out above a whisper. “And I don’t want to talk about this, I want us to just keep ignoring it, because I hear it now, I hear myself saying it out loud, and it’s so fucking crazy that you want to be with me and you want to marry me when I treat you the way I do.”

“Hey,” he said, his hand going to my cheek. He bumped his forehead to mine, holding it there. “You are mean sometimes. I told you, it does hurt. But I’m not a complete masochist for you, you know. The good always outweighs the bad. You are kinder and more loving than you’ll ever let yourself admit. I’m not holding onto you, waiting for you to change. I do wish you could be more straightforward and less on the defensive all the time. And I do think you can learn to be a little more… I dunno, open. Honest. But I don’t want you to change who you are. My love isn’t contingent on you becoming a different person. Do you get what I’m saying? I love you for you. I’ll take it all, even the sharp edges.”

“You shouldn’t have to settle,” I whispered.

“I’m not settling,” he said fiercely.

“I might not ever have sex with you,” I blurted out.

He scrunched up his nose at that. “We have sex all the time.”

“You know what I mean!” I snapped, giving in to being a little angry so I didn’t have to be so weak and vulnerable anymore. I pulled my face away from his.

“Look, we have to talk about our sex life, sure,” he said. “But the only thing I’m worried about is that you push yourself to do things that you don’t like just because you think you have to do them for me. I’m fine with whatever you’re comfortable with. I don’t need more, okay?”

“Yes, you do,” I said. “You’re settling again. You’re giving up a normal, healthy sex life to be with m-”

“Sasuke, you’re being dumb,” he complained.

“Excuse me?”

“What is normal? What is healthy? Is it healthy to be married to woman and having sex with her while you’re in love with another man? Maybe my hormonal teenaged body has given you the wrong impression, but I’ve never been more sexually satisfied than when I’m with you. You don’t need a vagina, okay, or whatever crazy shit you’re thinking. I don’t need to penetrate you to have sex with you, and you don’t have to penetrate me if that’s not what you’re into. You don’t have to get undressed. I won’t touch you anywhere you don’t want me to. That’s not me making a sacrifice or giving something up. That’s what adults with normal, healthy sex lives do. They do what’s comfortable for both of them. They do what’s enjoyable for both of them. Just tell me your boundaries, and I’ll tell you mine.”

“…you make it sound so simple.”

“Well, I know it’s not going to be because you can’t ever be honest and open about anything that puts you in a vulnerable position. But I think that you want this relationship to work, so I think you’re going to try. And I’m going to try and be patient, and be clear to you about what I want, which is why I am telling you that I intend to marry you.”

I looked at the necklace again. “This doesn’t suit me at all.”

“Sasuke.”

“I want it to work,” I said, forcing myself to speak in a normal, steady voice. “I want it to work because I…” I swallowed. “…you know,” I concluded when I couldn’t get the words out. “I do. But I want to make your life better the way you make my life better. And you’re saying all the right things, but in the end, I know you’re giving up things to be with me.”

“Sasuke.”

“I don’t want kids.”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know.”

“You won’t ever have children if you’re with me.”

He closed his eyes at that.

“I’m not taking that away from you,” I said firmly.

A tear slid down one of his cheeks.

“It was taken away from me the second I woke up from the Infinite Tsukuyomi,” he said, opening his eyes and looking at me determinedly.

“I’m not worth it,” I said in a last-ditch effort.

“You’re worth everything to me.”

“It’s not even legal for two men to get married.”

“The world is in ruins,” he said with a hopeful shrug.

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Stop trying to push me away.”

“It’s all I know how to do.”

“Stop.”

“You said you weren’t waiting for me to change.”

“You don’t want to push me away.”

“How do you know?”

“I told you, I can hear what you’re really saying.”

We looked at each other.

“Wear the necklace?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not marrying you.”

“Wear it anyway?”

I ran the stone between my fingers over and over. Then I raised it slowly to my neck.

Naruto waited, actually holding his breath.

I put it on. “This doesn’t mean anything.”

He swallowed.

What was I doing? “It’s a mistake,” I said, reaching for the clasp again to undo it.

“Sasuke!” he yelped, looking at me desperately.

“I just want you to be happy,” I said helplessly. My fingers dropped away.

“I am, baby, I’m so happy,” he whispered, staring at the necklace.

“Not an infant,” I corrected him.

“I know, love, I know, I just… I love you. I love you so much.”

I swallowed, fingering the necklace. “I…” I said.

He leaned in to kiss me.

I stopped him, covering his mouth with my hand. “…love…”

His eyes widened.

I swallowed again. “…you.”

I felt the way he inhaled sharply, then he was pushing my hand away and covering my mouth with his.

It was chaste, just lips pressing together over and over, but anytime either of us retreated the other was following, pressing them together again.

This was idiotic. We were teenagers. We wanted different things out of life. We were not getting married. And yet here we were, newly ‘engaged’, and I was pulling away and whispering into his ear, “Let’s go to my room.”

Naruto looked at me uncertainly.

I stood up and led the way.

He followed.

We sat on the bed next to each other, neither of us looking at the other.

“Tell me what you want,” he said quietly.

“I just… want to be close…” I said just as quietly.

“You have to tell me when to stop,” he said.

“I know.”

“And when you want more.”

I breathed out more harshly than I intended. “I know,” I said.

“I’ll tell you, too.”

“Then tell me what you want.”

“I want to kiss you.”

I kissed him.

He smiled into my mouth.

It was easy to get him to open up for me.

He gasped, arms wrapping around me.

I made him breathless, then tugged his shirt towards me.

He looked at me.

I had to use my words. “You on top,” I told him.

He blinked, but nodded, easing me down on my back and covering my body with his.

I hated to admit how much I liked the weight of him on top me. But it felt good, and we were kissing again, and maybe everything was right in the world now. I could do this. I could use my words and tell him what I wanted, and it was fine.

Naruto’s dick was poking ridiculously into my thigh.

I looked at him.

He blushed.

“Tell me what to do,” I said, staring at him.

He looked nervous. “You don’t have to do anything…”

I glared at him.

“Shit, yeah, fine, I get it,” he said. “I just… you can say no.”

“I will keep that in mind,” I said, waiting.

“Fuck, I don’t know,” he breathed. “I want to rub against you, I want you to touch me, I…”

I waited.

“Can I take off my pants?” he asked nervously.

“You can take off your pants,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said, sitting up and doing so. He had on very ridiculous-looking boxers covered in different kinds of ramen.

I smiled.

He came back in to kiss me. “Can I jerk off?” he panted into my mouth.

“Yeah,” I whispered back. “Can I help?”

He groaned. “Yes, please.”

I ended up backed against the headboard half-sitting, Naruto straddling me while he touched himself. I wrapped my hand around his, squeezing.

His kisses got sloppy.

I took control, forcing his slobbery tongue back into his mouth and rubbing it with mine, watching him pant and moan helplessly. He had an incredibly dumb look on his face, and I enjoyed every second of it.

He ended up making a mess over both of us, which I didn’t enjoy quite as much, but taking in his sheepish, satisfied expression, I decided I would put up with it.

“We need to buy condoms,” I said, kissing the top of his head as he nuzzled into my neck.

“I will go and buy them immediately,” he murmured drowsily.

“Tomorrow would be fine.”

“Mm, but what if I want to come again tonight?”

“You are a desperately horny teenager,” I informed him.

“Mm,” he agreed.

“Then you better come in my mouth,” I said.

His eyes opened wide at that. “Holy shit, Sasuke, you are the dirtiest person I have ever met.”

“Am I?” I asked. “You have literally trained with the most famous perverts in the world.”

“Yeah, but they weren’t telling me to come in their mouths, holy shit,” he said.

“So you don’t want to come in my mouth?”

Naruto groaned and hid his face in my shoulder. “What kind of idiot wouldn’t want to come in your mouth?”

“It’s settled then.”

He laughed softly. “I love you. Everything about you. Nothing to do with coming in your mouth. I really, really love you. Let’s grow old together.”

“Can you stop talking like a forty-year-old man?” I requested.

“Probably not.”

I sighed. “Fine. Are you going to stay over tonight?”

“That’s an option?” he asked, perking up.

“Yeah.”

So I went to sleep that night with Naruto curled against my side and his necklace around my neck.


	38. Chapter 38

“The fuck are you wearing?” Karin asked with a snort.

“Clothes,” I said flatly.

“Oh, Sasuke, sweetie, don’t even try and play it off like you’re not wearing your boyfriend’s family heirloom,” she said, shaking her head.

“It’s not really your style,” Sai commented.

“Could you two focus on something besides my fashion choices?” I asked incredulously. “And where the hell is Sakura?”

“Probably still visiting the old lady,” Karin said with a shrug.

“Well, maybe she could be on time for a meeting that is mostly about the research you and her are doing,” I said irritably, shifting my weight from one foot to the other as we waited outside of the acting kazekage’s door.

“I’m sure she’ll regret being late for the day that Sasuke showed up in Naruto’s clothes,” Karin said with a snort.

“It’s an accessory, not clothes,” I growled. I thought about taking it off. But I didn’t.

“Hey.”

We all turned around to see Shikamaru approaching us from down the hall.

“Hello, friend Shikamaru,” Sai said, giving him a friendly wave.

“We just got word from some Lightning ninjas that Juugo was seen there right after the Infinite Tsukuyomi was released,” Shikamaru explained. “There were two others with him, a male and a female with no description. Kankurou said that you had put high priority on any sightings of your team, so…” he trailed off.

“They’re sure it was Juugo?” Karin asked, chewing on one of her nails. “And that was almost a year ago…”

“Just passing along the information,” Shikamaru said with a shrug.

“Can you get me in touch with the source of the information?” I asked.

“Yeah, they’re passing through here and should be around for a couple more days,” he said.

“I guess the wind is blowing us to Kumo,” Sai commented.

Sakura finally got her ass to the meeting and we went in to talk to Temari about their research and about leaving.

Naruto wasn’t there. I didn’t see him until almost midnight, when he came knocking quietly at my door.

“Hey, you’re awake,” he said, his eyes lighting up when I opened the door.

“Barely,” I said.

He looked at me. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” I said with a shrug.

He was still looking at me.

“Do I have something on my face?” I asked.

“No, you have something on your neck,” he said, his grin widening.

“Shut up and get in here,” I said, dragging him in.

He looked at me, grinning happily with flushed cheeks, two cup noodles tucked under his arm.

This was the man I was probably spending the rest of my life with. “What are those for?” I asked, gesturing at the noodles.

“I didn’t eat yet,” he said sheepishly. “Can I borrow some hot water?”

“Are you going to return it?”

“Can I have some hot water?”

“There’s a kettle in the drawer under the stove.”

“Thanks, love,” he hummed, moving to the kitchen. He shuffled around, getting the water in the kettle and turning the stove on. Then he let out an exasperated-sounding sigh. “Hey, you’ve had this plant for like a day and you’re already killing it.”

I came into the kitchen, watching as he filled up a cup of water and brought it over to the plant that was now sitting in the windowsill.

“You have to water it every day,” he said.

“Who waters plants every day?”

“I do,” he said.

“And what do you do when you’re out on missions?”

“I get someone to do it for me.”

“Then water my plant for me,” I said.

“You’re standing right there! You’re not on a mission!”

“Well, having it here is dumb anyway.”

Naruto looked absolutely miffed.

“What’s the point of me staying in this apartment if I’m leaving soon anyway?” I said with a shrug.

“The point is to have somewhere to come back to!” Naruto said fiercely. He stood over the plant now, carefully watering it.

“Yes, but why don’t I just move my things to your place?” I said. I was completely nonchalant.

Naruto turned around very slowly to face me. “My… place…?”

I shrugged. “The plant gets watered and everyone is happy.”

“A-a-are you casually moving in with me?!” Naruto sputtered.

“I’m just saying that there’s no point of me having my own place and my own plant to water when I’ll be coming and going,” I said.

“We should move right now,” Naruto said, nodding his head vigorously like I’d asked him some yes or no question.

“Your ramen,” I said, nodding my head towards the kettle.

“We can make it downstairs,” he said, moving to pick up the kettle.

“I’ll move my things tomorrow,” I said. “Stay here tonight.”

He started nodding his head like a crazy person again. “Yeah, yes, very good idea, yes, uh-huh.”

“Did I break you?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Um, you’re wearing my wedding proposal and suggesting we move in together, so yes, you broke me,” Naruto agreed.

“This looks ridiculous on me,” I said, touching the necklace.

“It looks hot on you,” Naruto countered.

I raised an eyebrow at that.

He blushed. “Fine, everything looks hot on you. But, um… I’d kind of like… something of yours… to wear…?”

I looked at him. “I have some old arm warmers.”

Naruto pouted.

The kettle started whistling.

He turned off the stove and poured the water into the cups before covering them up again.

“You could wear my old forehead protector that you keep under your pillow like a creep,” I suggested.

His blush got even redder. “I… but that’s… so you see…”

I had a flash of inspiration, coming up to him and pushing his shirt up.

“Hey there, uh, oh, are we gonna… um…”

I ran my fingers over the seal on his stomach.

His muscles trembled under my touch.

I looked down at him, amused. “You should get a tattoo.”

“Oh,” he said swallowing. My hand was still on his abs, and it was clearly making him nervous.

It felt good.

“What kind of tattoo…?” he finally asked.

“An Uchiha seal,” I said, letting his shirt fall back down.

Naruto looked at me, biting his lip. “Like a fan?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Where would I get it?”

“Where do you want it?”

“Mm, I dunno,” he said. “I never thought about getting a tattoo before. Maybe here?” he said, touching his heart.

“Lame,” I said. “You should get it somewhere where everyone can see it, like this monstrosity,” I concluded, gesturing to the necklace.

“Well if I dressed like you then everyone could see it,” he said, reaching out and pulling the open v of my shirt closed.

I rolled my eyes. “You like how I dress,” I said, pulling his hand away and letting my shirt fall open again.

“Mmm, well, yes,” he agreed, staring at my pectorals. “Looks good on you.”

Our hands were still touching.

Naruto blinked slowly, then shook his head. “Stop flirting with me, I gotta eat.”

“Who’s flirting?” I asked, taking my hand back. “I’m going to bed.”

“Already?” he asked, picking up one of his ramens and slurping it down. “I didn’t take a bath. Can I use your tub?”

“Sure,” I said, emptying the water out of the kettle and turning it upside down to dry.

Naruto slurped down his second ramen, then washed his chopsticks and set them in the drying rack.

I absently wondered when he’d gotten so well-trained. I caught him by the belt loop and pulled him in, giving him a kiss of appreciation.

His whole face lit up. “I’ll be quick, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, heading to bed with every intention of falling right asleep. I heard Naruto start up the shower and I let myself drift into an almost-sleep. I was faintly aware of him leaving the bathroom and coming into the bedroom. He shuffled around for a few moments before climbing into bed and spooning up behind me.

It’s how we’d slept the night before, and I felt my entire body relax into sleep.

Naruto was still passed out when I woke up, his arm a weight over my waist.

I wasn’t really sure how we’d gotten to this point. I’d been sure he was going to end things, and now we were exchanging dowries and moving in together.

“Naruto,” I said.

He didn’t budge.

“Naruto,” I repeated more loudly.

“Hm?” he hummed into my neck.

“Do something about your penis.”

He grumbled a little, pulling his hips back. “Is it bothering you?”

“Oh, no, I love being woken up by being stabbed in the back.”

“How can you be so sassy so early in the morning?”

“Move.”

Naruto grumbled some more, rolling on his other side with his back to me.

I rolled over as well, spooning him.

“Oh!” he said, sounding surprised and delighted. “Okay. I like this.”

“Be quiet,” I said, nuzzling my face into his neck and trying to rest a little more before we had to get up.

Naruto actually listened to me, covering the arm I’d draped over his chest with his own and snuggling back into me.

We stayed like that for a while.

“I heard you might go to Lightning to look for Juugo,” he finally said, absently stroking my arm.

“Sai and I are thinking of going in about a week,” I said.

“That’s soon,” Naruto breathed out.

“Yeah,” I said.

“What about Karin and Sakura?”

“They’re going to stay here and continue experimenting with the chakra fruit.”

“So you need more people for your team?” Naruto asked.

“I think just Sai and I will be sufficient.”

“Are you sure?”

“…yes…?”

Naruto sighed.

“Are you trying to offer to come with us?” I asked, ignoring the little hopeful flutter in my chest.

“Obviously.”

“I thought you wanted to stay in Suna.”

“I’m getting kinda antsy doing all this political crap,” he said. “It’s starting to remind me of my dream world.”

I nudged the back of his neck with my nose. “We could use someone to carry our bags and do our laundry.”

“You’re an asshole,” he informed me, but I could feel his smile.

“Come with us,” I said, feeling safe enough to step out on the ledge and ask.

“I want to.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”


	39. Chapter 39

“So you’re just adding random people to our team?” Sai asked as he dodged my kick.

I landed behind him and gave him an incredulous look. “We all traveled together for months… You were on a team with him before that…”

“Sure, but I feel like our group has developed a certain dynamic and we need to be careful in its preservation,” he said, disappearing and reappearing above me.

I leapt up to meet him in a flurry of taijutsu. “So basically you’re jealous.”

“Jealous, ha!” Sai said, getting in an unexpected kick to my leg.

I flinched, but it wasn’t a vital spot and I renewed my attacks with a fury.

Sai parried easily, unperturbed by the conversation we were having. “Well, okay, maybe I have some feelings of insecurity.”

“And what would those be?” I asked, pulling back enough so I could take out my kunai and launch them at him.

He smoothly avoided each one while simultaneously launching his own weapons. “It’s one thing for you to talk about Naruto all the time. At least we’re together and bonding. But when he’s physically around, he’s always first and only.”

“First and only?” I repeated, not liking that turn of phrase at all. “I have a life outside of Naruto.”

Sai gave me the sassiest look possible and I attempted to punch the look off of his face, but he dodged too quickly.

I considered speeding up, but I didn’t want to make our training session too serious.

He took advantage of my consideration, ink flying over his scroll and sending a flock of birds at me with exploding tags.

The easiest way to get out of this would be to use Susanoo. I wasn’t looking for an easy way out, though. I summoned as many kunai as I could, using precision and speed to knock down every bird before they could reach me.

Sai crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you even human?”

“No,” I said, pushing my bangs off of my forehead and showing off my small horns.

“Tch.”

As entertaining as Sai’s sulking was, we were in the middle of a fight, so I pulled my sword from my back and charged at him, disappearing when I was right in front of him and flying at him from behind.

Sai whirled around, countering with his short sword. “So as I was saying…”

I rolled my eyes, putting more force behind my attack. “Oh, please do tell me what you were saying.”

“When we were in Water...” he said, grunting and using force to push away from my parry. He suddenly disappeared.

I jumped up into the air as Sai suddenly appeared from the ground, barely avoiding the slash of his sword.

“…you were going on and on about how you and Naruto weren’t compatible and that he couldn’t deal with who you really were and that he was definitely going to dump you when we got back here-”

“I do not go _on_ about things,” I interrupted, kicking him away from me and immediately going in for the kill.

Sai kept the momentum from my kick going and propelled himself backwards.

My sword still grazed lightly across his bare stomach. “And that’s why you should wear a whole shirt,” I said, feeling satisfied.

“Says ‘Titties Out Uchiha’,” he snorted, drawing himself a bird and taking to the air.

“Do you see any attacks landing on these titties?!” I yelled back at him.

Sai laughed and cheerfully sent a tiger after me. “So you were going on and on about the end of your relationship, and the second you two see each other you’re engaged and moving in together.”

It took me a few minutes to slit the ink tiger’s throat. I sheathed my sword irritably. “It was impractical for me to have my own place. And we’re not engaged; we can’t get married.” Then I melted Sai’s stupid bird with a katon.

“I think you really want to get married!” Sai laughed, scribbling another bird in mid-air and catching himself.

“I’m nineteen!” I snapped. “And gay.”

“Gay people can’t want to get married?”

I glowered up at him.

“You and Naruto are the strongest power couple this world has ever seen,” Sai said, casually throwing some kunai at me.

I back flipped out of the way.

“I think you two pretty much get to decide how the world works from here on out.”

“That’s not how life works,” I said

“Speaking of your honey…”

We both cast wary glances toward Naruto as he appeared with Sakura on the training ground. Then, both thinking the other was distracted, we simultaneously launched attacks. Our swords locked, Sai grinning all the while.

“Do you think this display of testosterone will increase his desire to mate?” he asked cheerfully.

“Do you think my foot in your face will make you shut the fuck up?” I asked, kicking at him irritably.

“You’d have to actually connect your foot with my face to find out!” Sai cackled as he dodged.

I upped my speed and caught him from behind, giving him a nice kick in the rear and sending him flying.

The dickhead was still laughing as I landed on top of him and pointed my sword at his throat. “Is losing that funny?”

“No, but you losing your cool is,” Sai laughed, wiping at a tear welling up in his eye. “Oh, Uchiha, you are very riled up for no reason.”

I scowled at him.

“You should think about why you’re like this,” he said, pushing the sword away from his neck and sitting up.

“Better than you at fighting?” I asked. “Because I’m a god.”

“Ho boy,” Sakura said as she approached. “I’d like to see you fight that freaky all-powerful farmer.”

“Anytime,” I said, which was really just bravado, because that ridiculously powerful ninja we’d run into in Water was probably stronger than both Naruto and I.

“Hey,” Naruto said with a dopey smile.

I looked at him awkwardly. I still hadn’t figured out how we were supposed to behave in public.

“You should just kiss,” Sai whispered in my ear.

I elbowed him away. Then I really looked at Naruto and Sakura, standing next to each other and looking normal. “What is this?” I asked, gesturing to them.

Naruto shrugged, looking abashed. “We thought we could all grab dinner together.”

“You and Sakura thought that?” I asked. “Together, while having a conversation?”

Sai let out an exaggerated gasp.

I loved his new personality when it wasn’t aimed at me.

“Yes, we did,” Naruto said, trying to look defiant.

Sakura rolled her eyes at him. She had endured his cold shoulder for months, and at some point during the mission in Water she’d stopped feeling guilty. Since we’d come back, she’d been clinical and aloof with him, and it was definitely wearing Naruto down more effectively than constantly asking for his forgiveness.

“Is Karin coming?” Sai asked, glancing around.

“She said she wanted to talk to Temari and catch up with us later,” Sakura said.

I started gathering my hair that had fallen loose up into a new bun. “I need to wash up.”

“Okay, so why don’t we meet up in about an hour?” Sakura suggested.

“Sounds good,” I said, moving with Sai back towards our apartment building. I expected Naruto to follow.

“We’re gonna um… go for a walk,” Naruto said.

I glanced over my shoulder at Naruto and Sakura, him looking nervous and her looking cool. “Okay,” I said, nodding at them both. If they were working things out, I was going to keep my snarky mouth shut and let them do what they needed to do.

Naruto was back at our place after about thirty minutes, his mouth pulled tight and his eyes downcast before fixating on the fact that I was just wearing a towel while I blow-dried my hair.

“You look like a creep,” I informed him as I turned off the hairdryer and put it back under the sink.

“You look… wet…” Naruto decided.

“That is inaccurate,” I said, moving into his room to change. When I came back out, he was belly-flopped on the couch, looking despondent. “What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting on his back.

“Oof,” he grunted. “You know… Sakura and stuff…”

“You’ve stopped being angry with her for trying to keep us from leaving the village?” I asked.

“For joining a corrupt ANBU team sent by the man trying to kill us?” he tried to correct me.

“Kill me, Kakashi, and Sai,” I corrected him.

He sighed into the couch cushion. “Whatever. Yes. I just want her to forgive me for not forgiving her.”

“Looks like you’re reaping what you sowed.”

“Yeah, I get the irony,” he groaned. “I mean, she forgave you for trying to kill her multiple times. You guys seem better than ever.”

“We are,” I agreed. It was true that travelling with Sakura for half a year where she saw me as an actual human being and I saw her as one as well had done wonders for our relationship.

“Sakura’s important to me,” he sighed, trying to roll over to face me.

I stayed sitting on him. “Then you need to give her time like she gave you time.”

“Well, we’re all going out to dinner tonight.”

“And Sakura can sit on the other side of the room from you and talk to everyone else but you like you did to her.”

Naruto grumbled and bucked his hips to get me to move. “You know, even if you’re right, you’re supposed to lie to me in times like these and tell me that Sakura and I are going to make up and that everything is going to be okay.”

“You and Sakura are going to make up,” I said, standing and ruffling his hair. “And everything is going to be okay.”

He blinked, not sure how to take that.

“Where are we going to dinner anyway?” I asked, moving towards the door.

Naruto scampered after me, catching me by the waist and nuzzling my neck. “Mm, some family-style place with private rooms.” He started kissing down my neck to my shoulder, sliding cloth away to give his mouth access.

“Are you getting it out of your system before we go out in public?” I asked, trying to sound in charge even as my lips were parting and my eyelashes were fluttering.

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s working,” he said, kissing his way back up my cheek and carefully readjusting my clothes. “Now I just want to stay here and not go out in public at all.”

I reached back and caught his nose, tugging it.

“Hey,” he said, but he was smiling at me.

“We don’t want to be late,” I said.

Naruto nodded obediently, and we went into the hall to go get Sai and go. Sakura, Karin, Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji were supposed to meet us at the restaurant.

“Nice night…” Naruto commented into the silence of our walk.

“It’s still a little cold,” Sai countered.

“Then stop dressing like a prostitute,” I put in.

“I’m not taking that from knot-in-the-front, pull-for-your-pleasure Uchiha,” Sai scoffed.

“I bet you’d love to take it,” I scoffed right back.

Naruto blinked, his mind slowly trying to unravel the rapid-fire banter between us.

“Your lover doesn’t approve of this conversation,” Sai said, shaking his head.

“Are you two… flirting?” Naruto asked, confused.

“No,” I scoffed.

“A little,” Sai said, grinning.

Naruto looked more confused and a little upset.

I rolled my eyes and reached out to squeeze his hand briefly before quickly retracting mine away.

He was not pacified.

We were quiet as we followed the waiter to our table.

“Hey, you’re here!” Ino said cheerfully as we came in.

I hadn’t seen Ino since we’d woken up, but she apparently wasn’t holding any grudges. Then again, we were all defectors now. If they weren’t going to be mad at me about my past indiscretions, I certainly wasn’t going to care that every person in this room besides Naruto had at one point wanted me dead.

Naruto let me take the seat at the end of the table so I could be comfortably antisocial with him as my buffer. He slid an arm around the back of my chair as he sat next to me, to which I raised an eyebrow but let it slide.

Karin was across from me, sunken into one of her silences that had been becoming more and more frequent lately.

“Did you discover the cure for white zetsu disease?” I asked her.

“Huh?’ she said, coming out of a daze. “Oh, not yet.”

“Do you really think staying here is going to make any difference?”

“Well, there’s two test subjects,” she said with a shrug.

“Test subjects,” I repeated, trying not to smile too much because Naruto loved both of those test subjects. “Well, I’d rather you come with me. We could use your tracking ability to find Juugo and Suigetsu.”

“Only if they’re nearby,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, I don’t want to hose in on your little sausage party.”

“Oh, Karin,” I sighed. “The sausages are not so little.”

She cracked up.

Naruto turned from the conversation he was having with Chouji to give me a funny look before going back to it.

“Are we talking about dick size?” Sai interceded delightedly. “That is a topic that brings about great male bonding!”

“Sai, we’ve talked about this…” I said.

“Yes, complimenting the size is positive male bonding and denigrating the size is how we haze one another for bonding.”

“And…?”

“And women do not have penises,” he said, nodding assuredly.

“Why are you three always talking about penises?” Sakura hissed under her breath.

“It’s a funny topic of conversation?” Karin suggested.

“Great for male bonding!” Sai reiterated.

“I’m gay,” I said with a shrug.

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Well maybe it’s not appropriate dinner conversation.”

“Boo,” Karin said.

“Come on, Sakura, we all know you have the biggest dick of all of us,” Sai said cheerfully.

“Sai,” I said, shaking my head. “Women do not have penises.”

“But Sakura-”

“Is a biological woman.”

“But-”

I didn’t have to say anything, because Sakura was giving Sai the noogie to end all noogies. It looked painful.

Naruto was looking at us funny again.

I could feel my mouth pulling into a frown.

Blue eyes met mine, crinkling in confusion.

I turned back to the nonsense. “Sakura, enough, you know he isn’t a real person.”

Sakura sighed and sat back in her chair. “That’s true.”

“I was just trying to flatter you,” Sai said. “Everyone knows that I have the biggest dick in the group.”

I tried not to laugh. “No one knows that.”

“We have all been to the baths together,” Sai pointed out.

“I’d need to see it fully erect to make a proper judgement,” I said.

Naruto started choking on his food.

I looked at him.

He picked up a glass and started chugging water, continuing to cough.

I gave his back a sharp pat and something dislodged.

“Thanks, Sas’,” he said, giving me a tired smile.

I wanted to call him out on his jealous nonsense, but I realized I could do it in private when we got home since we were inexplicably living together. I turned back to my… friends… and I had a nice evening.


	40. Chapter 40

“I’m not jealous,” Naruto lied, peeling his shirt over his head and tossing it into the hamper.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, moving towards the bathroom.

“I’m not!” he called after me. “You don’t even let me touch you; you’re sure as hell not going to let Sai.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not a sexual thing. You’re jealous emotionally.”

Naruto appeared behind me, picking up his toothbrush. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you think you’re the only person who can make me laugh,” I said.

He started sputtering around his toothbrush.

“You think you’re the only person I can trust, the only person I can really talk to,” I continued. “Because you used to be. And now you’re not. So get over it.”

“What the hell, bastard!” he complained, waving his toothbrush around. “I don’t… I mean…”

I spit into the sink and rinsed my toothbrush. I grabbed some hairpins from the side of the sink and started pulling my bangs away from my face.

“I’m… happy that you have friends,” he said quietly. “I’m happy that you have people that make you smile and laugh and all that.”

“But…?” I said, leaning over the sink to wash my face.

“It makes me feel… I don’t know…” he trailed off. “Really far away? Like there’s this part of you that I don’t even know.”

“Then get to know me,” I said with a shrug, grabbing my towel and patting my face dry as I moved away from the sink.

Naruto sighed. “But we’re supposed to be soulmates. We know everything about each other!”

“That’s just creepy,” I said. “I don’t want you to know everything about me.”

“But…”

“Naruto, I feel like I’m always losing myself in you,” I said, hanging the towel up again and moving to leave. “I want to have some piece of me left.”

“Sasuke…”

This was getting far too deep. “I’m going to bed.”

“Scaredy-cat,” he muttered, finally remembering to finish brushing his teeth.

I got into Naruto’s narrow twin bed, and not for the first time regretted moving in here. There was no escape.

Naruto came clunking back into the room, the noisiest ninja I’d ever met, then got into bed, immediately close and warm and overbearing.

I turned around to look at him.

He was looking at me, eyes soft but lips pouty.

I gave him a begrudging kiss, because fuck it, I loved living with him and being able to just roll over and kiss him anytime.

“Sasuke?” he said quietly, curling his fingers into my shirt.

“Yes?”

“I guess I’m jealous of you and Sai.”

“Finally.”

“And of you and Karin.”

“…of Karin…?”

“And you and Sakura.”

I thumbed along his jaw. There was a little scruff under his chin that he’d missed shaving.

He sighed. “I felt like you all were acting like kids today.”

My hand paused.

“But then I realized I just wanted to join in… to be a part of the group…”

“Naruto,” I said, staring him in the eye. “You are always the center of any group.”

“But I’m not anymore,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t… I don’t belong anywhere.”

“That… is crazy,” I decided.

“No, it’s not,” he replied, flicking me in the chest.

I raised an eyebrow.

“You’re just so blinded by your endless love for me that you can’t see reality,” he explained.

“Ha,” I said.

“It’s true.”

I thumbed up along his cheek. “You need to stop acting like a jaded forty-year-old man.”

“It’s kind of ingrained in me.”

“Stop,” I repeated.

He pouted and nudged his nose into mine. “The only place I know I belong… is with you.”

“You do say the most ridiculous things,” I told him.

He tugged on his necklace. My necklace. “Am I… too much? I mean, I proposed to you…”

“Yes, you’re too much,” I said. “But it’s fine. I need… it’s fine.”

“What do you need?” he asked, curling his fingers around the necklace.

 _Your constant love and assurance no matter what I do or say so I can breathe_ , I thought.

“You can tell me,” he said very softly.

 _I can’t give you that much power over me_ , I decided. “I love you,” I gave him instead, closing my eyes.

I could feel his smile as he kissed my eyelids. “I love you, too.”

I’d said it twice now, but it still made me anxious. I hugged him, letting my face slide into his neck. Not that I was hiding.

“I never thought you’d be shy.”

I bit him for that one.

Instead of making an angry noise, he made a very sexy noise, so I kissed it better.

“I guess you’re right,” he sighed into my hair. “I like learning new things about you.”

“You haven’t learned anything,” I mumbled into his skin.

He leaned his cheek into me, kissing my temple. “I wish you trusted me more.”

“I always trust you,” I muttered.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but you don’t,” he said. “That’s why you’re never honest about your feelings. It’s like you think I’m going to take them and hurt you with them.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I said, because it was completely true.

“Yeah, okay,” he said, not actually sounding like he agreed with me at all. “I’m just saying… you could… lower the wall a few centimeters… for an hour or two…”

I felt a stirring of annoyance. “I just told you something I’ve only ever said once before, and your greedy ass can’t be satisfied with that?”

He actually seemed chagrined. “Sorry, you’re right. You say those three little words and my brain goes to mush. I just want more and more.”

“Gay.”

“You need to stop self-slurring.”

“Self… slurring…?”

“Yes.”

“Naruto?”

“Mm?”

“Just be quiet and handsome.”

“I’m handsome?!”

“No,” I said, then amended it with, “a little bit.”

“You are so frustrating,” he said, lifting my chin.

I looked at him, my eyes starting to droop.

He kissed my lips very softly. “Go to sleep, my love.”

I moved my lips sleepily against his. It felt warm and comfortable.

He smiled into my mouth.

We exchange slow, lazy kisses, sometimes our mouths barely moving as we both started to drift off. I just didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to lose the contact, and at some point we were kissing and the next we were waking up to sunlight filtering into the room.

“Too close,” I mumbled, turning my face away. We apparently hadn’t moved all night, which seemed impossible since Naruto was such a restless sleeper.

“Morning, love,” he hummed, cuddling in closer like we weren’t already close enough.

“Good morning,” I grumbled. I hated mornings.

“What are you doing today?” he asked.

“Training with Sakura and Sai,” I said, closing my eyes. “Gathering supplies. Getting ready to leave.”

“Mmkay.”

“Where’s Kakashi, anyway?” I asked. “I thought he would be all over us after we got back, trying to teach us his lessons and impart his wisdom.”

“Oh,” Naruto said. “You don’t know.”

I cracked an eye open and looked at him. “Know what?”

“He gets completely wiped out when he uses Kamui to move people over long distances,” he explained.

“Oh…” I said. “Then why did he offer to get us?”

“He didn’t want to risk anything happening to you between Water and here.”

“What could possibly happen?” I scoffed, but now I was vaguely worried about Kakashi.

“Konoha ANBU, that super ninja guy, the anti-ninja God Trees…” Naruto trailed off. “You should stay here.”

I rolled my eyes, finally starting to wake up. “You want me to be a restless caged animal like you?”

He frowned at that.

“That’s why we’re both going to Lightning,” I said, pulling on his nose.

Naruto pounced on me.

I blinked up at him.

He stared me down.

“What is this sudden assertion of dominance?” I asked, amused.

He looked flustered at that. “I, uh…”

“Stop doubting your instincts.”

“I don’t know how to trust them,” he whispered.

“You really don’t,” I complained, rolling him on his back and sitting on his stomach. “What are you doing today, Naruto?”

“Uhh, I dunno, I have to talk to Temari and Shika,” he said. He looked very confused. “There are some new refugees to meet with, and I probably have to talk to the Council…”

“Are they worried about the fact that you’re running this village instead of their acting kazekage?” I asked.

“No…?” he said, frowning.

“Or are they worried that you plan to take a leave of absence from your kazekage duties to run around with your faggot boyfriend?”

“Sasuke,” he said, sounding like an irritated dad. “Why do you have to talk about yourself like that?”

“Why do you have to get distracted by such trivial details?”

“Because you like to act like you’re so comfortable being gay, but you’re always… attacking yourself.”

“I’m reclaiming the word.”

“You’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know how much you hate yourself.”

“Shut up,” I said, giving him a shove in the chest and getting out of bed. My body thrummed with invisible energy.

 _Anxiety_.

I wished he hadn’t actually shut up as I disappeared into the bathroom. I stared at the toilet a moment before moving to do my business.

The door flew open.

My eyes snapped to Naruto’s incredulously.

“Look, I-” he started to say, but then his eyes zeroed in on my dick.

My look got even more incredulous.

“I didn’t-” he started to say.

“Get the fuck out!” I snapped.

He did, closing the door behind him.

I couldn’t even pee after that. I readjusted myself and thoroughly washed my hands before stomping into the kitchen.

Naruto was at the stove, cooking in a manner that could only be described as _sheepish_.

“We are not at the using-the-bathroom-together stage of this relationship,” I growled.

“Sorry…”

“This is not working out,” I informed him, moving towards the coffee maker, but Naruto had already started it. I set the table instead.

“If I said that to you, you would probably internalize it and be crying on the inside,” he muttered.

“Excuse me?”

Naruto shrugged, stirring the food.

“Is your goal to pick a fight with me?” I asked irritably.

“Is your goal to pick a fight with _me_?” he shot back.

“…maybe.”

He laughed at that, deep from his belly.

I glared at him.

“C’mere,” he said.

“What? Why?”

“C’mere,” he repeated.

I only went over because I’d finished setting the table and had nothing better to do.

His hand was occupied with the stove, but he leaned back and gave me a smooch. “I love you, even if you’re an asshole.”

“So you get mad at me for being an asshole, but then you call me names…?”

“Touché.”

I looked at him. “Do you want me to change?”

He blinked. “…no…?”

“Then…?”

“I’d just like you to be more… considerate.”

“That sounds like changing.”

“It does not,” he said, focusing his attention back on the stove. “You’re straightforward, but you don’t have to be mean to get your point across.”

“I don’t think I’m being mean.”

“Babe.”

I frowned at his back.

“I’m not as secure in our relationship as you think I am,” he said quietly.

That took me aback a little. “I’m sorry, are you not the person who just proposed marriage to me the other day, despite the fact that men cannot even legally get married in our society?”

“I’m all in,” he said with a shrug. “I never know about you, though.”

Uzumaki Naruto was the most infuriating person I had ever met. “How can you not know?” I ground out, feeling insulted.

He turned off the stove, but stood there for a moment like he was deep in thought. “Your Uchiha way of expressing how you feel… I don’t get it. I just don’t. You give me scraps and expect me to understand that they’re big and meaningful. And I’m starving, so I just lap them up, but when I’m finished, I’m still starving.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

Naruto took the pan off of the stove and brought it over to the table, scooping the food onto the plates. “Come eat before it gets cold.”

I’d told this idiot _twice_ that I loved him and it still wasn’t enough for him.

“Stop pouting,” he said, nudging my foot under the table.

“I do not pout, Uzumaki,” I said, stabbing my food with more force than really necessary.

He shrugged and kept his foot where it was.

This jackass was playing footsie with me.

“I adore you,” he said with a mouth full of food.

“I tolerate you,” I said, then thought about it. “I… appreciate you.”

He grinned at that. “I’ll take it,” he said, getting up and pulling down some mugs for the coffee. He poured us each a cup and brought them back to the table.

Our hands brushed as he handed me my cup.

Naruto grinned at me bashfully, and it was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen in my life.

Maybe I could actually not be an asshole to him and our relationship would work itself out.


	41. Chapter 41

“This is how you dress for an undercover mission?” Naruto asked incredulously, looking up from the weapons he was packing.

“This is how I always dress,” I said, adjusting my belt. I had even closed my shirt up more than usual since it was still winter.

“I liked when you were wearing my clothes,” he muttered.

“I’m sure you did,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Imagine if everyone dressed in shitty orange t-shirts and track pants like you.”

“Um, it would be awesome?”

“We’re using a henge anyway.”

“Okay, but you’re still distracting,” he complained. “Don’t you think it’s time to change your fashion?”

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” I scoffed, pulling on the collar of his hideous jacket. “You look better in blue. It brings out your eyes.”

Naruto’s face turned bright red.

I grinned, kissing his cheek and watching him flame even brighter. “If you let me dress you for a day, then you can dress me for a day.”

“Th-th-that’s a good idea, yes, definitely,” he said, nodding his head vigorously.

“When we get back, then,” I said.

“When we get back,” he agreed.

We looked at each other.

“We’re not gonna be back for a while…” Naruto said.

“Probably not,” I agreed. Apparently always using Kakashi as a personal taxi service was out, so we were walking to Lightning.

“Can we share a tent?” he requested, looping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

“You’re so codependent,” I complained.

“Can we share a sleeping bag?” he requested, grinning up at me.

I was going to ask him what was wrong with him, but instead decided to level him with a very tired look.

“I’ve gotten used to waking up next to you in the morning,” he said, sticking out his bottom lip. “I don’t want to get unused to it.”

“And what are Sai and Ino going to think?” I asked him.

“Um, that we’re boyfriends and engaged and kinda banging?”

The ‘kinda banging’ got me, and I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of me.

Naruto looked smitten.

Our knock-down, drag-out training session the day before had certainly gotten us back on even footing, and an evening of kinda banging afterwards had probably given me enough endorphins to make me receptive to Naruto’s contagious lovey-doveyness. I pulled him closer and pressed our lips together.

“I adore you,” he mumbled, giving me cute little puppy-like kisses.

For fuck’s sake, we were the grossest couple. “You can’t act like this on our mission,” I informed him while still completely indulging him.

“Why not?” he complained.

“Because it undermines my authority,” I growled, trying not to drown in his attention.

He nipped my nose, then licked it.

I made a face.

“How does it undermine your authority when I act stupidly in love with you?” he asked.

I looked at him.

“Hm?” he hummed, pausing in his mission to kiss every inch of my face to tilt his head to the side and study me. “What, do I embarrass you?”

“Obviously.”

“No, that’s not it,” he mused. “Do you worry that my unfailing devotion to you will distract me in battle?”

“All the time.”

He laughed at that. “Well, if you’re gonna dress like that…”

“Why can’t you move on from my clothes?”

“Because it’s ridiculous that you look that sexy in a fight,” he complained, taking his arms away and crossing them over his chest. “Why can’t you dress practically like everyone else?”

“I am dressed practically,” I said. I pointed to my arm guards.

“I’m practically invincible, and even I wear a damn mesh,” he complained, pulling up the hem of his t-shirt to reveal the mesh covering his very nice stomach.

“Do you see any scratches?” I asked, gesturing towards my bare chest.

“I’ve seen your scars, love,” he said, eyes serious.

“I don’t think a flimsy little mesh shirt would have stopped this,” I said, touching my slightly-less-missing-but-missing-none-the-less arm. “And I think I still see the bruise on your solar plexus from yesterday,” I added, pulling up his mesh shirt and looking at the faint yellow bruise on his skin.

“That was a cheap shot,” he complained, touching the healing injury. “Who kicks a guy when he’s asking you if you’re okay?”

“The guy who’s going to win the fight?” I suggested.

“Ha,” he scoffed. “You didn’t win.”

“That’s an interesting take on things.”

“It’s a factual take on things.”

“I’m pretty sure the fight ended with you on your back and my sword at your throat.”

“Um, yeah, after I had you against a tree with a kunai to your heart.”

“I think the end result speaks for itself.”

“You are so obnoxious,” Naruto said incredulously. “You bashed your head into a tree, freaked me out, then kicked me halfway into Sunday.”

“Your weaknesses are very easy to exploit,” I informed him.

“I’ve never been distracted in a real fight,” Naruto complained.

I laughed really long and hard at that one.

“Well I don’t get distracted when it counts!” he protested.

“Remember when we first saw each other at Orochimaru’s hideout and you were going to let me stab you?”

“I wasn’t!”

“And you were going to let Kurama take over your body until I stopped him.”

“I wasn’t… hey, remember that time you could have killed me but didn’t?”

“Which one?”

“All of them!” he snipped, pulling me forward by my belt. “Did Sai stop you that time at Orochimaru’s? Or was it just that you couldn’t go through with it?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

He rested his forehead against mine.

I could feel his horns poking into me.

“We have had a seriously messed up relationship,” he mused.

I closed my eyes, letting our noses rub together. “I’m trying to be less… messed up,” I said quietly.

“Me, too, love, but I don’t think we’re doing very well.”

I scoffed at that.

“It’s true, though, night of great sex aside,” he said, cradling my cheek and thumbing across my lips. “We suck at personal growth.”

“I feel like the night of great sex contradicts that,” I said, mind drifting. Naruto had been very assertive the night before, but still attentive and careful to make sure that everything he did or asked for was okay. It had felt like a natural give and take, like two people working together towards something rather than our usually very one-sided sexual encounters.

And then there was the whole him infusing-me-with-his-power thing.

“I did feel like we were very in sync,” he agreed, starting to smile. “We’re always having the same dumb arguments over and over, but yesterday… was a welcome break.”

“A break?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, a break,” he said. “Hopefully a breakthrough? You seemed to… like it…”

I was probably blushing, but if he even attempted to point this out I would deny, deny, deny. I could drop to my knees and suck his dick without batting an eye, but the reminder of him and what he did with his _chakra_ was enough to turn me into a stuttering idiot.

Naruto shook his head with a little secret smile, but was smart enough to stop there, letting his hand drop away from my cheek. “I love you,” he said, giving me a brief kiss before turning back to his weapons. “Are you almost ready?”

“I’ve been ready,” I commented. “You’re the one trying to have one last bang before we leave.”

Naruto cracked up. “You cannot say that word.”

“And yet I just did.”

“Also, I am not,” he added. “Unless…?”

I put my hand over his, making him drop the kunai in his hand. Then I pulled him in by the back of his neck and made his mouth mine.

Naruto swooned.

I pulled away smiling. “And that’s all you’re getting for the next six months.”

“Like you could resist me for six months,” Naruto scoffed, but then his expression got worried. “Maybe you could…”

“I could,” I agreed, booping him on the nose. “But only if I wanted to.”

“So ‘yes’ to sharing a tent?” he asked cheerfully.

“A hard ‘maybe’,” I said.

“I’ll take that,” he said agreeably.

I looked around the little apartment that we’d shared briefly, and I thought that maybe things could work out between us. Maybe my lack of emotional and sexual availability weren’t going to tear us apart. Maybe we were somehow going to actually figure things out.

“Hey, there, friends, are you ready to go?” Sai asked cheerfully as he appeared in the room. “Nice titties, Uchiha.” He glanced towards Naruto. “Nice small penis, Uzumaki.”

Maybe it was Sai who was actually going to destroy us.

“You want to compare?!” Naruto demanded, hand going for his fly.

I shook my head at him and mouthed ‘no,’ from over Sai’s shoulder.

Naruto blinked.

“Sure,” Sai said cheerfully, unzipping.

“No one wants to see your penis, Sai,” I said sharply.

“No one?” he asked, looking crestfallen.

It almost seemed genuine, which took me aback for a moment. “Well, I’m sure Karin or some other desperate person would want to see it, but no one in this room wants to.”

“Hey, we’re all homosexuals here,” he said, hand still toying with his zipper.

“Are we?” Naruto asked, genuinely confused. “I thought you were with Karin?”

“That’s kind of an experiment,” Sai explained. “We’ve already discussed how we’re just using one another for sexual pleasure.”

Naruto made a horrified face.

“Too much information,” I pointed out.

“Why?” Sai asked. “You already knew that, and also I know everything about your sex life.”

“Whaaaat?” Naruto gasped.

“You don’t know everything,” I said placidly. “Let’s go get Ino.”

Naruto had an uncertain look on his face, and Sai seemed like he was ready to say more inappropriate things.

“Now,” I said, walking to the door without bothering to look back at them.

They were both behind me as I made my way down the stairs towards Ino’s apartment.

“Sasuke!”

I paused in my progress to be assaulted by Karin.

“Are you leaving now?!” she cried, hanging off of my arm.

“Yes.”

She pushed out her bottom lip in a pout.

“You could have come with us,” I pointed out.

“Listen, I’m saving the world here,” she said, raising her chin up haughtily.

“By trying to save some crusty old kages?”

“By figuring out the God Trees and the chakra fruit, and helping protect us from them in the future,” she said like she was talking to a child, concluding it by patting me on the head.

I gave her a look.

She grinned. “I’ll miss you.”

“Shouldn’t you be saying that to your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“I’m not,” Sai chimed in.

“You’ll miss me, too, won’t you?” Karin cooed, squeezing my cheeks.

I glared at her.

She laughed and let go, going over to Sai.

Naruto had that look on his face again, like he didn’t quite know who I was and where he fit in.

I took his hand irritably and pulled him towards Ino’s while Sai and Karin had a conversation that I was sure neither of us wanted to hear. I knocked on her door and waited.

“Gimme a minute!” she called through the door.

“Women,” I muttered.

“I thought you had your misogynistic tendencies under control,” Sai said cheerfully as he approached us. “Or is it because you’re not used to Ino yet?”

I didn’t need to answer that.

Ino finally bustled out of the door, and we set off.

We went as far as the border and rented a couple of rooms. This would be our last day in neutral territory. We were going around Fire, but we didn’t know how far Konoha’s influence had reached. We would have to be constantly on guard.

So of course we all got shitfaced at dinner and proceeded to continue drinking late into the night.


	42. Chapter 42

Ino wasn’t so bad, I decided. She didn’t make fun of me for how bad I was at holding my alcohol, unlike every other asshole member of our new team.

While Sai and Naruto bonded over making fun of me, Ino and I sat on the other side of the room, talking about important things. I think. What were we talking about again?

“So then Chouji said he saw Temari coming out of Shikamaru’s room after that, and you know what that means?”

Right. We were gossiping.

“The acting kazekage is a skank?” I suggested.

Ino cracked up.

Naruto and Sai were giving me disappointed looks from across the room.

I turned my back on them and had a little more to drink. I would have declared the night a success for team bonding, except that Naruto and Sai were pissing me off.

They hadn’t really been getting along well since we’d come back from Water. I liked to think it was because they were both terribly jealous of the other’s relationship with me. Well, I liked to think that when I was drunk and ready to admit to myself that I reveled in both of their singular devotion to me.

And now here they were, drunk and happy to make fun of and disapprove of me.

“I wish I could have seen you like this when we were younger,” Ino commented.

“Whassat supposed to mean?” I slurred.

“You’re not what I thought,” she said, smiling.

I decided to take it as a compliment.

“I think the booze has run dry and I’m going to go back to my room,” she said, holding up the empty bottle of vodka.

“Night, Ino,” Naruto said.

“I’ll walk you to your room,” Sai offered, getting to his feet.

“It’s not necessary,” she said, but he was already walking with her.

I crawled across the room to Naruto.

His expression softened and he reached for me, pulling me close. “Hi, honey. Are you feeling okay?”

“I feel great,” I informed him.

“Okay, but drink some water,” he said, fumbling around for a glass with his good hand while holding me securely to him with the other. “Here,” he said, bringing the glass to my lips.

I drank it because he was cute, but I was honestly fine.

“Hello, friends, did you miss me?” Sai asked as he came back into the room.

“Not at all,” I said. I drank a little more water as Naruto offered it to me.

“Ouch,” Sai said, smiling.

“You ready for bed?” Naruto asked me.

I shook my head and the world spun around a little as my stomach lurched.

Naruto frowned, petting my hair. “Why don’t you lie down, okay?”

I looked at him.

He patted his lap, and I laid my head there, closing my eyes.

Naruto stroked my hair, voice low as he and Sai talked about the situation in Lightning.

I found myself drifting.

“…both have,” Sai was saying as I felt my stomach twist again.

“Have I really changed, though?” Naruto asked. His hand was warm against my cheek.

“You don’t think so?”

“I…” he trailed off uncertainly. “I mean, right now I’m going through stuff, you know? It’s hard for me to make decisions because I know how badly I messed everything up in what was supposed to be my perfect world. So… maybe I’m different right now, but it’s only temporary, isn’t it? I’ll figure it out, and then I’ll go back to normal.”

“That’s an optimistic outlook,” Sai hummed.

“I mean, you’ve changed, too,” Naruto said defensively.

“Yes, I have,” Sai agreed. “I feel like I’m almost a human being for the first time in my life.”

“So you feel like change is good?”

“When change is growth, I think it’s good.”

“Then how about Sasuke acting like a kid all the time?”

I tensed at that, feeling myself come more awake.

Naruto didn’t seem to notice, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

“I think Sasuke stopped being a kid when he was six-years-old, and he’s finally come to a point in his life where he feels safe enough to start to reclaim who he used to be.”

Naruto exhaled slowly. “Damn, Sai. You… you really see through things.”

“I watch and I listen, Naruto,” he said. “I used to have to observe someone down to the minutest details, the most subtle gestures and habits. Then I killed them.”

Naruto started coughing at that.

“Now I use it to understand my friends more deeply,” Sai concluded cheerfully.

Naruto’s hand disappeared from my face for a moment before returning, cradling my cheek. “You’re a good friend.”

“Thank you, that’s good feedback,” he replied.

I felt myself drifting again, their voices a soothing background noise.

“…helped me figure out…”

“…kinda weird, but okay…”

“…involved with the duck incident…”

“Can I ever love or be loved?”

Sai’s words startled me awake. I blinked my eyes open. “I love you,” I said sleepily.

Naruto tensed up.

Sai gave me a soft smile. “You sure are drunk, Uchiha.”

“No’m’not.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “Maybe I love you, too.”

“Good,” I said, snuggling back into Naruto’s lap and closing my eyes.

“What the hell?” Naruto complained.

I felt my breathing evening out.

“He just told me he loved me for the first time like a couple of weeks ago, you know,” he grumbled.

“Well, I guess he loves you about two weeks more than me,” Sai said, sounding amused.

Naruto was definitely sulking.

“You know it’s hard for him to say how he really feels,” Sai said. “He’s drunk now so he doesn’t care.”

“I know,” Naruto said. “But it was… hard for me, too. It always felt like a rejection when he wouldn’t say it back. Now he says it to anyone.”

“I’m not just anyone,” Sai said mildly.

He sighed. “Yeah, I know. Just… I’m a jealous jerk, okay?”

“Okay,” Sai agreed. “You certainly are.”

Naruto breathed out a laugh. “But how can I not be, I mean look at him.”

“Not my type,” Sai replied cheerfully.

“Is Karin your type?”

“Nope!”

“Well, I’m glad we settled that,” Naruto said. He sighed again. “I wish Sas’ didn’t put up so many walls with me.”

“Is this about his rejection of you sexually?”

“No!” he cried. Then he paused. “Not entirely, I mean.”

“Then what do you…”

I was started to fall asleep and I didn’t want to.

“…doesn’t tell me…”

“…but that’s not your…”

“What if he just wakes up one day and realizes he doesn’t need me as much as I need him?”

“That’s dumb,” Sai said.

“How is it dumb?”

“You two and your ridiculous bond changed my life,” he said irritably. “The devotion you had to Sasuke brought me out of my emotionless stupor and started me on the path to becoming a real boy. Then being immersed in Sasuke’s constant emotional constipation, and watching people’s simultaneous hatred and admiration of it brought me to a whole new level of humanity. Do you really not know the secret, that Sasuke is every bit as uncoolly obsessed with you as you are with him? Sasuke is a complete loser who just wants your love and affection, but he pretends that he isn’t a complete loser by being an asshole. Do you see?”

Sai had read me to my face like this before, so I stayed in my half-asleep state, surprisingly unbothered.

“But…” Naruto started and stopped. “What?” he concluded.

Sai sighed loudly. “Have another drink, Naruto.”

I could feel Naruto pouting. “Sasuke’s the coolest person I know.”

“Myth.”

My character was really being attacked here, but Naruto’s lap was very cozy.

“Do I… idealize him?” he murmured.

“You’re starting to get it.”

“Sai, you should be like a psychologist or something.”

There was a pause and then Sai let out a bark of laughter.

I liked Sai’s real laugh. It sounded terrible, but it made me feel warm and happy, or was that just the alcohol talking?

“What?” Naruto complained.

“I’m not the kind of person that people want to confide their problems in.”

“Um, whaddya think I’m doing right now?” Naruto asked. “And Sasuke, the king of all walls, opens up to you more than he apparently opens up to me. So…”

“You two aren’t a representation of normal people.”

“Yeah, well, most of the people we know aren’t normal.”

“I can’t really argue with that.”

“I know, right?” Naruto said with a sigh. “Sai, you really know how to look inside of a person and find the part they most want to keep hidden.”

“Like your small penis?”

“That joke is wearing thin.”

“Is it, though?” Sai asked cheerfully.

Their banter was lulling me back to sleep. I woke up to the realization that I was drooling on Naruto’s thigh. I sat up quickly, wiping my mouth. The blood rushed to my head and I squinted in the dim light of the room.

“Hi, sleeping beauty,” Naruto greeted me.

I scowled at him. “Why are you still awake?”

“Me and Sai have just been talking,” he said with a shrug.

“It’s late,” I said.

“It’s barely past ten,” he said, amused. “You passed out at like nine.”

Well, wasn’t I an embarrassing lightweight? “It’s late,” I said, doubling down.

He grinned. “Okay. Do you want to go to bed?”

I nodded.

“Mmkay,” he said, giving me a smooch. His breath was heavy with alcohol, which made me feel slightly better. He was at least mildly drunk.

“Don’t forget that I’m here,” Sai said cheerfully.

“I already did,” I replied, focusing on giving Naruto an even better smooch.

Naruto smiled dopily at me.

“Maybe I should room with Ino,” Sai suggested.

I nodded my agreement.

“You’re the cheapskate who didn’t want to pay for three rooms,” Naruto said, catching my nose and tugging on it playfully.

“I’m the cheapskate who’s paying for everything,” I said, rolling my eyes. It was hard for Naruto to earn any money when he was always doing everything for free.

“Oh, right, thank you,” he said, letting go of my nose and kissing it.

I leaned into him, feeling warm and relaxed, and then I realized my bladder was about to explode and abruptly stood up.

Naruto tilted forward from my sudden absence.

When had my body started to store so much liquid? I power walked over to the bathroom, barely stumbling at all.

Sai was tittering at me, and I ignored him.

I proceeded to unleash the most unholy of torrent of urine that has ever been beholden. Or something. I was still fairly drunk and it was taking an incredibly long time to get it all out.

“Did you fall in?” Naruto complained from outside the door.

“I’m peeing,” I growled at him. I was _still_ peeing.

“We want to brush our teeth,” Sai chimed in.

“Fuck off.”

“Are you really still peeing?” Naruto marveled. “I can hear it!”

“Fuck off,” I repeated, lest he hadn’t heard me the first time. When the ordeal was finally over, I flushed and washed my hands. I opened the door to find Naruto and Sai both gaping at me.

“I bet you could win an award for the longest piss ever,” Naruto marveled.

I stared at him.

“Let’s brush our teeth!” he said cheerfully, smushing into the bathroom with me, followed by Sai.

“This bathroom was made for one person,” I grumbled.

“It’s like we’re one person,” Sai said with a shrug, reaching across Naruto so he could put some water on his toothbrush.

“No, it’s not like that at all,” I said. Apparently Sai was also buzzed.

We all brushed our teeth in the tiny bathroom in front of the tiny mirror, Naruto wedged against the toilet.

I felt… relaxed.

Until Naruto tried to spit in the sink and ended up hitting my foot instead.

“You are vile,” I informed him.

He gave me very sad puppy eyes.

Fuck, I loved him. “Clean it up,” I snipped.

He looked very confused.

Sai spit into the sink gracefully and rinsed off his toothbrush. “Maybe you should get him some clean socks,” he suggested kindly.

“But I’m trapped in here,” Naruto said mournfully, still wedged against the toilet.

“I’ll help you,” Sai said.

They nodded at each other.

I was starting to feel like the soberest person in this cramped bathroom. “So you two are friends again after spending the whole night talking about me?”

“We were never not friends,” Naruto complained.

“We discussed a variety of topics, not all of them you, Uchiha,” Sai scoffed.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, trying to get Sai moving through the door that he was blocking. My sock was _moist_.

Sai backed through the bathroom door. “I think Naruto and I have rediscovered our bond.”

“Sounds gay,” I commented, sliding past him and happily kicking my sock off on the floor.

“Do you always have to use that word?” Naruto complained, producing a dry pair of socks from his bag.

“Yes,” I said. “Especially if you two are _bonding_.”

Naruto sighed, curling his arms around my waist. “I’m only gay for you,” he said, kissing the back of my neck.

My skin felt sensitive and it sent a pleasant little tingle down my spine. “Homo,” I informed him.

He let out an exasperated growl, but then he was leaning over my shoulder and giving me kisses.

“My feet are cold,” I mumbled against his lips.

He growled again, but he was smiling as he sat me down on the futon, still wrapped around me from behind.

I held my foot out to him.

“You’re very flexible,” he marveled, pulling the sock onto my foot.

“Ninjas are supposed to be flexible…”

“I guess,” he said, getting distracted kissing my neck.

“If you’re going to fornicate while I’m next to you, I get to take notes,” Sai commented from his futon.

“No one’s fornicating,” Naruto said, mouth attached to my shoulder. “And I drank too much, so I couldn’t get it up if I tried.”

“Good to know,” Sai said cheerfully. “Good night, friends.”

“Night, Sai,” I said, head lolling around as Naruto continued to give me his full attention.

“Good night,” Naruto agreed before going back to my neck.

Sai rolled his eyes and turned off the light.

“We’re sharing a bed, right?” Naruto murmured hopefully in my ear.

“Just get over here,” I muttered, pulling him under the blankets of my futon.

He happily snuggled into me, attaching his mouth to my collarbone.

I closed my eyes, letting my fingers run through his hair.

“You smell nice,” he hummed into my skin.

“I smell like alcohol,” I murmured, fingers lingering. “I love you, you know.”

He grinned up at me in the dark, his teeth a flash of white. “I love you, too.”

“Well, as long as that’s settled,” I said, directing his head to lie on my chest.

“I am very fond of both of you,” Sai interjected, his voice already heavy with sleep.

I was okay with that. I was okay with all of this. These bonds that we had formed. The way these two assholes could talk about me like I wasn’t even in the room, just because I was slightly tipsy and half-asleep. It didn’t bother me. It should bother me, but it didn’t. I wondered if I had reached a new plateau of consciousness, or if I was just so drunk that I didn’t care. Would I wake up tomorrow, pissed about how they were shit-talking me and how Naruto was invading my privacy?

I kissed the top of his head, and thought maybe I wouldn’t.

I knew all of their secrets, too. I knew how insecure Naruto was. I knew how guilty Sai felt about his past. Knowledge was power, and I had the same power over them that they had over me.

Also, I was taller than both of them. That seemed important.

Naruto was half-asleep now, hand clutching at the fabric of my shirt. “Good night, honey,” he murmured.

I ran my fingers up and down his skin until he fell asleep.


	43. Chapter 43

Our team was not quite what I had hoped.

“How the fuck do you keep getting noticed?” I growled at Naruto as we rushed by towering rock formations. “You’re the most powerful fucking ninja in the fucking world, and you can’t even do a basic henge!”

“It’s not my fault!” he protested.

“He kind of glows with chakra,” Ino mused.

“Well maybe you coulda pointed that out before we left on this top secret infiltration mission!” Naruto cried indignantly.

“I didn’t really notice until you kept getting noticed,” she said with a shrug.

“They’ve called in reinforcements,” Sai hummed. “Are we going to stand our ground?”

As much as I would have loved to level some Kumo ANBU, it didn’t seem like a good idea while we were sneaking through their country. I actually wanted to find Juugo, and turning the full-force of Kumo against us didn’t seem productive if our intel that he was here panned out. “No,” I said flatly.

“So we’re going to just keep running?” Ino asked, rolling her eyes.

We weren’t close enough for her to be giving me all that sass. “No, you’re going to be the distraction,” I informed her.

“How am I going to distract all of those ANBU?” she asked incredulously.

“Your feminine wiles?” I suggested.

“Harem no Jutsu!” Naruto called cheerfully as his fingers formed the seals.

An army of scantily-clad harlots appeared between us and the advancing ANBU.

I grabbed his hand, dragging him forward, then nodded at Sai.

Naruto seemed confused.

Sai was not confused, and grabbed Naruto’s hand, followed by Ino’s.

We slipped between dimensions.

“Where are we…?” Ino murmured uncertainly.

I shifted us back to Kumo, just far enough away from the ANBU that we could easily make our escape.

“Damn, Uchiha,” Sai said, still holding my hand.

“What?” I growled, shaking off Naruto’s hand.

“You couldn’t do it that easily before.”

“I’m his battery,” Naruto put in cheerfully.

While I didn’t care for his word choice, he wasn’t wrong. Naruto and I had started enhancing each other’s jutsu with our chakra, and it was taking us to a whole-new, god-tier level of power.

Naruto was very humble about it, though. “Isn’t Sasuke amazing?” he asked cheerfully as we raced along.

“I like it better when you two hate each other,” Ino said, wrinkling her nose.

Naruto looked affronted. “That’s rude.”

“Is it, though?” she asked. “All this lovey-dovey energy you put out towards him is suffocating.”

“It’s cute!” Naruto protested.

“Eh,” Sai said.

“Eh?!” he cried.

“Eh,” Sai repeated.

“Eh,” Ino agreed.

“Eh,” I also agreed.

“Et tu, Sasuke?!” he cried, skidding to a stop and grabbing me by my collar.

“Naruto, there are ANBU chasing us,” I pointed out.

“Okay, but you’re my boyfriend and you don’t support me.”

I stared at him.

“We… will resume this later,” he said, fingers sliding down to my upper arm in a tight grip.

“There’s nothing to resume,” I informed him, resting my hand over his briefly as I pushed chakra into him before pulling us back into a run.

“Yeah, see, even when you’re fighting, you’re still being all lovey-dovey,” Ino complained. “Both of you.”

That was an affront to my character. “I have never in my life loved nor doved,” I ground out.

“‘Naruto’s so perfect and wonderful and amazing and good and oh-em-gee, how can he love a monster such as I, whoa is me,’” Sai said, doing the least plausible impersonation of me ever performed.

“Go to hell, Sai,” I told him.

“Such a kidder, Best Friend.”

I think I hated this team.

We finally got far enough away from civilization to establish our base for the night. Ino took the first watch while I set up a plan for us to venture into the next town with Naruto hanging back.

“We probably need to stop sharing chakra,” Naruto hummed into my shoulder as we settled into bed for the night.

“No shit, glow boy,” I growled.

“That’s a cute nickname,” Naruto said delightedly.

“This is serious,” I muttered, even as I was shifting and exposing my neck to the sudden onslaught of very nice kisses I was receiving. “You’re turning into a liability.”

“Really? You’re gonna call your battery a _liability_?”

“You’re going to call yourself my _battery_?”

“Sas’, you were so amazing today.”

I sighed, letting him distract me. “Thanks to my trusty battery?”

“No,” he said. “Well, yes, but no, like the way you just shift through dimensions like breathing now, it’s incredible to watch.”

“And you enjoy watching me?”

“Yes.”

“You’re a creep,” I sighed. “Go to sleep.”

“Sasukeeee,” he whined.

I sighed again, turning over to pull him into my arms.

He snuggled into me happily.

“I’m serious,” I told him. “We have to do something about you exuding power everywhere you go.”

“You’ll figure it out,” he mumbled sleepily. “You’re brilliant.”

“Or you could figure something out,” I suggested.

“Nah, you’re the brains…” he trailed off.

I knew he was already gone, so I set my mind to thinking of ways to hide all of Naruto’s ridiculous amounts of chakra.

Of course the most obvious solution was that I stopping giving chakra to him and he pour all his excess chakra into me, but I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. Naruto could handle his chakra. I, on the other hand…

I remembered the night before we’d left on this mission. We’d just kicked the shit out of each other on the training ground, which was of course foreplay to us. We stumbled into the apartment, already enrapt in one another. Naruto was thrumming with energy as he kicked the door closed behind us.

_“Bedroom,” he said, walking me backwards._

_“We’re disgusting,” I protested, not wanting to roll around in dirty sheets._

_“Bedroom,” he repeated, pressing me against the door and waiting._

_“You’re doing the laundry,” I muttered, reaching behind me to turn the knob._

_“I am doing the laundry,” he agreed, pushing us back into the room until the back of my legs hit the bed._

_I looked at him._

_His eyes met mine evenly._

_I sat back on the bed and pulled him on top of me._

_He was like a puppy, pouncing and nuzzling my neck happily. “You’re super sexy when you’re trying to kick my ass,” he informed me._

_“Trying?” I scoffed._

_“Trying,” he said with a smirk that looked ridiculously out of place on his goofy face. Fuck he was good-looking when he was confident._

_“Is that what you call this?” I asked, pushing his shirt up and examining the bruise I’d left there._

_“No, I call them washboard abs,” he said, grinning._

_“You’re ridiculous today,” I informed him. I tugged his shirt and mesh over his head, tossing them to the floor._

_“Am I?” he hummed, giving me a kiss._

_Our eyes met, and I could feel his smile against my mouth. I wanted to give him the world. “You’re perfect,” I mumbled, too embarrassed to let the words come out clearly._

_His breath caught._

_I attempted to refocus him on our mouths becoming one._

_“Sasuke,” he said quietly._

_I ignored him, carefully mapping my way through his mouth._

_He tried to speak again, then realized the futility and made out with me instead._

_I felt relaxed, running my fingers along the bare skin of his back._

_“Love you,” Naruto informed me between kisses. He said it so much that one would think that the words had lost all meaning._

_I hugged him closer. I needed to hear it constantly, or I’d stop believing._

_Naruto knew that. His fingers trailed along my cheek before cupping it gently, his chakra tingling along my skin. “I love you,” he repeated, and then the chakra was pushing inside of me._

_It flowed through my chakra paths, easy and familiar._

_I cried out._

_The chakra stopped._

_Naruto pressed his horned forehead to mine, questioning and waiting._

_I scratched down his back._

_“Hey!” he yelped, goosebumps rising up along his flesh._

_I glared up at him._

_“Tell me?” he requested._ I can’t read your mind _, he was always telling me._

_“Don’t stop,” I ground out._

_His expression softened into a smile. The warmth of his chakra crushed into me again._

_I gasped._

_The flow became slower, gently washing over me._

_“Why is power the only thing that turns you on?” he complained._

_I tried to glower at him, but it was probably barely more than a grimace. “I’m not turned on,” I growled, but I kind of was. It was hard to describe exactly how I was feeling. I felt powerful. I felt_ right _._

_Our kisses were slower now, almost lazy. Naruto was hard against my leg, pressing in close but restraining himself from moving._

_“Move,” I mumbled._

_He hesitated._

_“What do you want?” I asked._

_“I don’t know,” he said softly. He really didn’t._

_I knew. I looked at him with my sharingan, and I knew how to do it. I curled my fingers around his neck and_ pushed _._

_Naruto’s mouth opened in a silent cry._

_The chakra had initially burst out uncontrolled, but now I focused on making it into a steady drip._

_He relaxed, rolling onto his side and keeping me close. “It feels weird,” he whispered. “But it… but it…”_

_Everything had been dark when I woke up inside the God Tree. All I had was the warmth of the chakra that Naruto was feeding into me, keeping us both alive._

_It was a good feeling._

_And without the God Tree to sap anything away, it was a powerful feeling._

_I’d seen Naruto do it a hundred times. The natural energy gathered inside of me, and then I was glowing._

_“Whoa,” he breathed, eyes wide._

_“Can you use mine?” I asked._

_“I dunno,” he said, closing his eyes. He was feeling out my chakra, trying to understand it. Electricity tingled up my spine from his hand like a static shock, but he quickly let it die out. “Maybe our bed isn’t the best place to experiment.”_

_“I thought you liked experimenting in bed,” I hummed, reveling in how fucking amazing I felt._

_“Depends on the experiment,” he said, eyes studying me now._

_I could probably destroy him with his own chakra. It wasn’t that I ever would, it was just that I liked to know that I could. “So did you just want to make innuendos, or…?”_

_“You’re looking a little too megalomaniacal to be anywhere near my private parts right now,” he said, hand tracing chakra up my back and around neck, grazing over my chin and continuing until he reached to thumb over my bottom lip._

_I smiled at him lazily. I felt like I could destroy the world and rebuild it single-handedly. “Too scared to get off, honey?”_

_“Too smart,” he replied with an easy smile, giving me a very soft kiss._

_“Naruto.”_

_“Mm?” he said, still tracing my lips methodically._

_“I want to make you feel good,” I told him solemnly._

_“I feel very good right now,” he assured me._

_“I could make you feel even better.”_

_“Sasuke, love, you have the same look in your eyes right now as when you were coming at me with your chidori…”_

_“I do not,” I growled at him, breaking contact to pinch his arm._

_Naruto shrieked. He hated when I pinched him there, and he always had to completely overreact to it. He rubbed his arm with his stump, glaring at me. “First of all, that did not in any way, shape, or form make me feel better, and second of all, oh my god, Sasuke, was the Valley of the End foreplay for you?”_

_“No…” I said, trying to sound like I didn’t agree with what he was saying at all. And I really didn’t. Fighting Naruto was something that filled me with regret, made me doubt all of the choices I had made up until that point, and made me question who I even was._

_But nothing felt better than going against Naruto at full strength and having him hit back just as hard._

_“I am in love with this psychopath,” he muttered._

_I pinched him again._

_“OW!”_

_“Has your dick gotten any less hard during this entire conversation?” I pointed out, because Naruto the masochist could complain about how much his arm hurt all he wanted, there was still a giant tent in his pants._

_“I want us to have a healthy relationship…” he complained._

_“That ship has sailed, Uzumaki.”_

_“I know,” he sighed. “What’s wrong with me?”_

_“Nothing,” I said quietly, kissing his nose. My megalomania had started to taper off now that I was no longer getting a steady injection of chakra._

_He smiled at me, smoothing my bangs out of my eyes._

_We melted back together, another infusion of chakra trickling through my pathways. Somehow we both ended up losing our pants, and then our bodies were just skin-to-skin contact, our chakra mingling together through every pore._

_“You’re getting that look again,” Naruto murmured._

_“Fuck off,” I grumbled against his lips. I could enjoy my all-powerful feelings and the high it gave me all I wanted._

_“I’d like to,” he said quietly._

_Somehow I’d forgotten about Naruto’s plebeian need to ejaculate. “Between my legs,” I said._

_“Huh?” he replied, elegant as always._

_“Put your dick between my legs,” I instructed irritably._

_“It won’t… chafe?”_

_“Get some lube then,” I said, rolling my eyes. “And get a condom while you’re at it,” I added, shuddering at the thought of the mess he would make without one._

_Naruto broke the chain between us slowly, then bounced over to his nightstand and located all of his supplies._

_“Hurry up,” I complained, despite the fact that my body was overflowing with his chakra, and really, what could I possibly do with more?_

_Naruto shook his head, but he was smiling as he rolled the condom on. “I almost feel wanted.”_

_I kicked my leg out at him, knocking him back on the mattress. “You’re wanted.”_

_“Apparently,” he said, happily shimmying in close again._

_We re-positioned, shifting until Naruto slid easily between my thighs._

_His eyelids lowered, and he got that stupid sexed-up expression on his face._

_I buried my fingers in his hair, sending out little tingles of chakra._

_“How did you think of this?” he marveled between grunts._

_“Ancient pederastic tradition,” I hummed._

_“Huh?” he said, but his movements didn’t slow._

_“Don’t worry about it, honey,” I said, pushing more chakra into him. I was almost full to bursting._

_“It feels so good.”_

_I pet his head like a dog, watching him rut into my legs until he couldn’t take it anymore._

_I was glad he was wearing a condom._

_“You’re okay?” he asked after a long silence._

_“I am amazing,” I replied. He’d emptied his chakra into me as he came, and I was glowing with his power._

_“Good,” he said. “I am also amazing.”_

_It felt like we were finally figuring things out._

_The thing was, Naruto could be trusted with all of his power._

I wasn’t so sure that I could be.


	44. Chapter 44

Weeks had passed and we were still no closer to finding Juugo.

“Sasuke’s like a black hole swallowing the sun,” Sai chortled as he joined us around the fire for breakfast.

“Um, no, Sasuke is the moon. He takes the light from the sun and uh, howsit go again…” Naruto started off strong and petered out. His grasp on astronomy was tenuous at best, no matter how many times I explained to him that no, the moon did not emit its own light, and yes, the reason it shone was because of the sun.

“Maybe if the moon swallowed the sun whole and spit out its used-up, black core,” Sai hummed, serving himself some rice.

“Are you two really best friends?” Naruto asked suspiciously.

“Talking ill about someone is a sign of deep friendship,” Sai said cheerfully. “Besides, the one I’m really speaking ill of is you!”

“Thanks…?”

I ignored them and continued to eat my breakfast while Naruto fed his chakra into me from behind. It was our morning ritual.

It didn’t matter how much chakra he gave me, though. The fact that Naruto was no longer completely human was getting more and more difficult to ignore. His arm had fully regrown down to his fingertips, his horns protruded from his hair, and I was pretty fucking sure that what Naruto was claiming to be a premature wrinkle in the middle of his forehead was actually a third eye.

“’Sup?” Ino greeted us blandly, sitting next to me.

I handed her a coffee.

She took it, eyes barely open as she sipped it.

Ino was ready to go home.

Not that any of us had a home, but we were all pretty tired of Lightning and the wild goose chase we were on. If we weren’t being hounded by Kumo and Konoha ANBU, we were avoiding anti-ninja villages and their fake God Trees which had also started springing up even in Lightning.

“Can you take a little more?” Naruto asked me, his chakra tapering off into a drip.

“That’s what he said,” Ino mumbled into her coffee.

“Obviously,” I said.

“More tuna?” Sai offered, holding up a can, and we all cringed.

“Real food…” Ino whispered dreamily.

“It doesn’t exist anymore,” Naruto groaned.

I knew he was fantasizing about ramen, because I could see it in his mind. Naruto was completely open to me when we were sharing chakra. As long as his hand stayed on my back, I had access to anything I wanted to probe into.

Sai shrugged and finished off the tuna by himself. He loved eating the same shitty thing every day. “So, are we ready to go?” he asked cheerfully.

Naruto was still eating breakfast with one hand, his other resting on my bare back as he fed me his chakra. Ino hadn’t quite finished her cup of coffee and was still looking like hell warmed over. I was sitting here with my top open and hanging onto the ground, contemplating taking up smoking to somehow fill the gaping holes inside of my soul.

“Oh, yeah, we’re all so ready to go,” I told him tiredly.

“Great,” Sai said, going over to pack up his tent.

Ino, Naruto, and I thrived in a fight. Sai thrived in the sneaking and subterfuge. He was enjoying himself in the mindless doldrums of our everyday life.

“You okay, honey?” Naruto hummed, kissing the back of my neck.

“Peachy fucking keen, Naruto,” I grumbled, then shook my head. “Sorry. I don’t know, I’m in a terrible mood.”

“Do you kinda… sense something?” he asked. “Like, you know, a foreboding?”

Ino and I both turned to him.

“What?” he asked.

We didn’t really talk about the transformation that he had gone through, but the unknown of it all kept it on our minds.

“Please tell me you’re not a psychic now,” Ino groaned.

“Huh? What? Why?” he asked.

“I just don’t like the idea of a psychic Naruto,” she said.

I nodded my agreement.

“Whaaaaaaat?” Naruto complained.

“There’s just something not right about it,” Ino explained vaguely.

“I would be an awesome psychic!”

“Baby, let’s switch,” I said, stifling a yawn.

“Hm?” he said, immediately going back to being a normal person. He took his hand from my back and shifted so he was next to me.

I pulled my top back up over my arms and took his hand, funneling some of my chakra into him.

Ino watched for a moment before quickly turning away.

“Are we all set for today’s adventure?” Sai asked cheerfully.

“Sai, you need to learn how to read a room,” I said.

“We’re not in a room,” he said, his smile widening.

The three of us glared at him.

“I’ll put out the fire, then,” he said, happily going about the task.

“I think the team is fracturing,” Ino commented.

“We never were a team,” I replied.

“Hey, come on,” Naruto tried to protest, but it was true. He and Sai always had weird tension, he and I went back and forth between being the grossest couple ever to disagreeing on any and everything, and Ino had just never quite clicked in with us.

“I’ve got a good feeling about today!” Sai declared as we finally moved out.

We traveled through an open valley between two villages, nothing in sight for miles. I was focused now. We would make it to the next village before nightfall, where there’d been a rumored sighting of Team Taka after the collapse of the Infinite Tsukuyomi. I wasn’t putting much stock in it, since the person had claimed to see Juugo, Suigetsu, _and_ Karin, who hadn’t been anywhere near Lightning at the time and hadn’t seen Juugo and Suigetsu since she’d woken up.

It made me think it was a trap.

“Uchiha, there’s something not right,” Sai commented as we raced along.

I was feeling it, too.

Ino looked between us nervously.

There was nothing in front of us and nothing behind us.

“It’s under us,” Naruto said quietly.

“Sai,” I said, nodding my chin at him.

He pulled out a scroll and sketched a platoon of birds. “Get on,” he said, hopping onto the back of one of them.

We all took to the sky, but the feeling that something powerful was lurking below us persisted.

“You look like you want to investigate,” Naruto commented.

“ _You_ look like you want to investigate,” I countered.

“I don’t want to investigate,” Ino stated flatly.

“You and Sai can go ahead,” I said.

“No,” she said quickly. “You two are not just going to rush into something blind. This thing, it’s… I mean, doesn’t it feel familiar?”

And then the sky exploded with arrows.

“Naruto!” I snapped, nodding my head towards where the attack was coming from.

“Already on it,” he said, exploding in golden light. He tore the trap door they were hiding under from the ground, revealing the fighters huddled together on a staircase leading into the earth.

One of the arrows that I easily dodged exploded as it passed, causing my ink bird to falter. “Fucking normals,” I muttered. Why did non-ninjas have to carry on with their farce of attacks when they were nothing more than ants in front of us? “Ino, Sai, watch the sky,” I said, following into the fray behind Naruto.

He had things pretty well wrapped up already, to be honest, and punching people without chakra was kind of a joke, but it made me feel better doing it anyway.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said, tying up those he had knocked unconscious.

I sighed, letting the unconscious man slip from my hold to the floor.

“They’re people.”

“Are they though?” I asked.

“Sasuke.”

I ignored him and moved down the stairs. There were more of them, clearly guarding something, and I flicked them away.

It was pulsing through the air, and I knew what was hidden before I saw it.

The God Tree spread itself like a weeping willow, filling the underground room with its drooping bodies.

“Get everyone down here!” I called to Naruto.

“Huh?” he said, coming down the last steps having just finished tidying up the prisoners. His eyes widened at the sight of the tree. “Okay…”

I pulled out my sword and started cutting bodies down. After a while, the other three joined me.

“Where do these trees get their power from?” Ino murmured, pulling out another sleeping person from a pod.

Proximity to my rinnegan was doing nothing to stop the effects of the tree.

“Uchiha!” Sai called from the other side of the room.

I was beside him in a moment, staring at the body he was pulling out of a pod. “Suigetsu…”

He was paler than ever, and he looked almost skeletal, but there he was.

I rested a hand on his shoulder for a moment. He was breathing, and that was all there was for now. I started hacking down the other nearby pods.

“I’ve got Juugo,” Sai said, but it was too late.

“This can’t…” I stuttered over the words, staring at the red-haired girl asleep in the pod I’d just cut open.

“What is it?” Sai asked, sauntering over. “I thought you’d be more excited to see your former best…” The words died from his lips.

Something passed through the room like a shock wave.

“She knows,” I whispered.

“Why are you two being so weird?” Naruto asked, then joined us in freezing and staring at Karin’s body.

“She knows!” I said more urgently.

“Sakura…” Naruto said slowly, panic starting to well in his eyes. “She’s always with Sakura…”

“Go!” I snapped.

Naruto gave me a blank look.

“She knows that we know. Go!” I repeated.

Understanding flooded his face, and then he was disappearing in a flash.

“Shit,” I whispered. “Shit, shit, shit…”

“Maybe she’s not really…” Ino tried to say, but just stopped. She touched her hand to Karin’s cheek. “This isn’t possible. She had Karin’s chakra. She was with you for months. There’s no way that you wouldn’t have noticed…”

‘ _Come_ ,’ Naruto’s voice whispered in my head.

I didn’t have technique formulas spread out from here to Suna like Naruto. I couldn’t just transport myself halfway around the world.

‘ _Come_!’ came his voice again, more urgently.

The Flying Thunder God transport technique wasn’t really as hard as it looked. Sure, if I made a mistake, I would be dead, but when did I ever make a mistake?

“Take care of them!” I snapped at Ino and Sai, nodding to my team before disappearing in a flash. I slipped through dimensional voids, following Naruto’s technique formulas like a map until I was back in Suna, bursting out of Naruto’s forehead protector.

There was a giant hole in the wall surrounding the village.

“She’s getting away!” Naruto called, trying to hold his opponent back.

I slipped through the hole in the wall, ignoring the fact that Naruto was fighting the woman he considered his grandmother.

Sakura was ahead, chasing down the impostor Karin along with Temari.

She wasn’t Karin anymore, though. The facade had melted away, leaving only a white zetsu racing ahead of us joyfully.

I slipped through dimensions, catching up to the girls easily.

Sakura was hurt, her arm hanging at a strange angle as she ran. “It’s not Karin,” she said, tears pricking her eyelids while her face stayed in an immovable grim line.

“Where is Gaara?” I asked, because if Tsunade had risen from her white zetsu sleep, then it only stood to reason that so had he.

“Kankurou’s leading a group to detain him,” Temari said clinically.

“All right then,” I said, slipping through dimensions again and coming out in front of the white zetsu.

She grinned at me, her face becoming Karin’s again.

Good thing I was really good at compartmentalizing. I sent her flying across the desert with a punch.

She just laughed as she landed, light and happy. “Are you upset with me, Sasuke-kun?”

I wasn’t rising to her bait. I approached her cautiously, on the lookout for any tricks or traps.

Sakura and Temari were here now, too, and the three of us slowly moved closer in a triangle formation, coming at her from all sides.

She threw her head back and laughed loudly. Her face shifted, becoming the mizukage. “Be seeing you, girls,” she said, waving her fingers as she sank into the sand.

We all dove for her, but she was gone.

“Fuck!” I snarled into the air, hitting my fist uselessly into the sand.

“There’s nothing we can do now,” Temari said flatly. She helped Sakura to her feet. “Let’s go.”

I was on the edge, about to snap, so I took a deep breath, buried it all, and followed Temari and Sakura back to Suna.


	45. Chapter 45

Naruto was in bed, staring at the wall.

I’d just finished blow drying my hair, and when I came back to our bedroom, there he was.

I didn’t know what to do for him.

I put my clothes in the hamper, and got into bed next to him.

He didn’t move.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t know what to say. So I thought about what Naruto would do instead. I inched closer to him, settling my arm around his waist.

He startled at the touch but then sank back into me.

I kissed his cheek, then rested my forehead against the back of his head.

“Sorry, love,” he said quietly, resting his hand over mine.

“Why?” I asked.

“I know you’re hurting, too.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m fine.”

His grip tightened on my hand. “You can’t do that anymore.”

“Do what…?”

“Lie to me.”

I got irritated at that, pulling my hand away. “So now I’m a liar.”

He sighed. “Well, isn’t that what you call someone who doesn’t tell you the truth?”

“Fuck you,” I muttered, moving to get out of bed.

Naruto finally left the comfort of the wall, his fingers wrapping around my arm, keeping me there. “Sorry, maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words.”

I glared at him, not pulling away, but ready to.

“Sasuke,” he said, sad and tired.

“So what’s a better choice of words?” I asked irritably.

He started chewing on his bottom lip. “I dunno. You’re just so… you always act like everything is okay when it’s not. You try and bury all your emotions and never acknowledge them and-”

“That’s how normal people are, Naruto,” I interrupted him. “They don’t talk about every thought and feeling that they’ve ever had. They don’t carry on-”

“It’s not carrying on, Jesus, Sasuke,” he said, dropping his hand from my arm and running his fingers through his hair. “It’s hard for me, too, you know. To say how I’m feeling. To not just cover it up with a smile and stupid joke. I’m… destroyed right now. Do you get that? Do you understand that Baachan is… and Gaara… they’re both gone. They’re gone. They’re...” he trailed off, closing his eyes tightly.

Naruto had actually lost something. Something irreplaceable. I didn’t have time to feel stupid and hurt and betrayed about being tricked by a fake mizukage Karin for months.

“I wish I could bring them back for you,” I said quietly, which was a stupid thing to say. But I did. Anything to take away the pain that was radiating off of him.

He didn’t open his eyes, just leaned his head in until it hit my shoulder.

I patted his back, trying not to be awkward.

“Well, you got your revolution,” he said, then laughed quietly. It sounded a little hysterical.

I swallowed. A little warning bell was ringing in the back of my head. _All of the kages are dead, Naruto is yours, and you’re basically a god. Isn’t this the world you always wanted?_ “This isn’t what I wanted,” I whispered into his hair, kissing his temple.

He shifted, wrapping his arms around me.

I hesitated, then hugged him, rubbing his back with my good hand.

He sighed, nudging his head under my chin.

It felt easy all of the sudden.

We fell asleep spooned up together.

Naruto woke up before me, and he had a cup of coffee waiting when I dragged myself to the kitchen.

“Thank you,” I said, kissing his cheek as I took the handle from his hand.

He gave me this smile that was grim around the edges. He didn’t say much of anything, but after having his whole world turned upside down, it didn’t seem so strange.

He didn’t say much of anything for the rest of the week.

We found ourselves gathered for a debriefing in the kazekage’s office. The Council was there, ready to install new leadership.

“We’re ready to choose the next kazekage.”

Naruto finally spoke.

I had to have Sai help me take him out of the room after his, “Gaara isn’t dead!” outburst, and we were followed by Temari and Kankurou.

“There has to be a way to save them!” Naruto cried, flailing around like a crazy person.

I’d thought he’d given up on the kages, and it felt strange to suddenly see Naruto… acting like Naruto again. The solemn resignation was gone, and now he was pure adrenaline and passion.

“We’re getting them back!” he snapped, stomping out of the building.

Temari and Kankurou looked at one another. They nodded, then turned and followed him.

Sakura was in the temporary lab that Suna had been putting her up in. She had on a lab coat and goggles, but was just sitting on the floor staring into space.

“Fire up your beakers or whatever, we’re finding a cure,” Naruto informed her.

“I’ve been trying for months…” Sakura mumbled despondently.

“Yeah, with one of them in here sabotaging every move that you made,” he said, turning on one of said beakers.

“It’s over,” Sakura said, shaking her head.

“The fake Karin wouldn’t have been here if they weren’t worried that you’d figure something out!”

“Uzumaki is making sense,” Sai commented.

“There’s nothing!” Sakura cried. “I’ve tried everything! There’s… what the hell are you doing, idiot?!” she yelled, leaping to her feet and quickly turning off the beaker that Naruto had lit. “This is a very volatile solution!”

“Well then why did you just leave it over a flame?!” Naruto protested.

“Because I didn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to just come in here and turn on the burner at full blast!” she snapped.

Naruto grinned at her, not even the slightest bit abashed.

Sakura blinked slowly, something changing in her expression. I could see her eyes coming back to life. “Dummy.”

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, his smile widening.

“So what’s the plan?” she asked him.

“I have no idea,” he said, laughing.

“Then what are you coming in here and getting everyone all fired up for?”

“We’ll go to Orochimaru,” I said.

All eyes flicked to me.

“Karin… the mizukage told us not to go to him,” I pointed out. “And yet he’s one of the foremost researchers in the world.”

“Uh, yeah, but like immoral research,” Ino put in.

“Okay, you’re in charge of Orochimaru,” Naruto said.

I looked at him, masking my surprise.

“I trust you,” he said. “I think we need to find that crazy powerful farmer guy, too.”

“Kamenosuke,” Temari said. “We’ve been tracking him. He’s in the Land of Water.”

“Can I leave him to you?”

“I think I should stay here and keep an eye on the Council,” Temari said, shaking her head. “Kankurou will go.”

Kankurou nodded. “I’ll put together a team.”

“Okay,” Naruto said, climbing onto one of the tables and standing up.

I suddenly realized that the room had completely filled up.

“What’s next?” Naruto asked, addressing the crowd.

I looked around the room. The thing that struck me was that these were all ninjas from our generation, and they were all looking to Naruto to lead us.

Kakashi popped in, making himself the oldest ninja in the room. “I need someone to make a magazine run. All the best dirty magazines are published in Konoha, and they’ve stopped exporting due to the war and the famine,” he said with a dramatic sigh.

“Okay, so you’re in charge of checking up on Hyuuga,” Naruto said, waving him off. “I think we need teams going into Water and Lightning to figure out the source of the fake God Trees.”

People were stepping forward, volunteering for missions. They were offering ideas.

It suddenly seemed so obvious to me.

I would never be able to right all the wrongs that the hidden villages had committed, but it didn’t matter. The way of thinking that had perpetuated those atrocities and genocides for so long were about to be replaced.

Our apartment became the new meeting hub. Ninjas were constantly coming in and out, working with Naruto to determine the parameters of their missions.

The Council and the ANBU loyal to them lurked in the shadows, but they didn’t dare make a move against us. For the moment, we all co-existed in Suna, the old guard and the new.

We all knew it wouldn’t last.

“We need to find somewhere neutral to establish a base,” Sai pointed out.

“Somewhere outside of the Five Great Countries,” I agreed.

Naruto consulted the map, shaking his head.

“How about the Land of Iron?” I suggested.

“Are you trying to start a war with the samurai?” Sakura asked, rolling her eyes.

“Maybe,” I said with a shrug. I really fucking hated samurai.

“Love, we don’t need your bigoted vendettas right now,” Naruto said.

“Land of Sound,” Sai put in.

“Too tainted,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “We want to start somewhere fresh.”

“How about Frost?” Sakura suggested.

“Too cold,” Sai said, pointing to his belly shirt.

“Then buy a whole shirt!” she cried irritatedly.

“Land of Hot Water?” I said.

“Oh,” Sakura said. “That actually sounds pretty good.”

“Hm,” Sai murmured thoughtfully. “Hot springs everywhere…”

“We can check it out,” Naruto said. “We don’t wanna interfere with their hidden village, but… yeah…”

“They probably wouldn’t appreciate our military presence,” I pointed out. The Yu ninjas were a bunch of pussies.

“But they also couldn’t stop us from coming,” Sai said cheerfully.

The two of us cracked up.

“I don’t even want to know what you two sociopaths are laughing about,” Sakura said with a sigh.

“But it’s funny because we’re promoting peace by using force to achieve it,” Sai explained between chortles.

“Hilarious,” Sakura said with a sigh. “Well, I want to move my lab as soon as possible. There are ANBU following me constantly, and I’m afraid they want to get their hands on the chakra fruit.”

“Pack everything you need tonight,” Sai said.

“Are we going somewhere?” Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Let’s go to Sound,” he said. “There’s rumors that Orochimaru’s there.”

“Bring the very valuable chakra fruit right to that sicko’s front door?” Sakura grumbled.

“It’s Orochimaru,” I said. “I’m sure he has his own to experiment on. But my team is still recovering…”

“Best Friend, _we_ are your team,” Sai informed me.

“Taka knows Orochimaru,” I said, shaking my head. “The four of us have the best shot of getting anything out of him.”

“I don’t think we have the time to wait for them to recover,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “They’ve been in that tree for months. The amount of physical and chakra therapy that they need…”

I thought about it. “Am I taking you three, then?”

“Team Seven, together again!” Naruto declared happily.

“Does that mean I’m invited?” Kakashi asked, appearing behind us.

“No,” we all said flatly.

“But I can get you all to Sound in the blink of an eye,” he said cheerfully.

“Yeah, and then be exhausted and worthless,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Hey, you don’t need energy or chakra to be eye candy,” he said.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Konoha?” Naruto asked, squinting at him.

“Yeah, about that… they didn’t really like me being there. I got some great nudie mags as souvenirs for you all, though,” he declared, holding up a magazine splashed with busty women.

“I’m gay,” I said flatly.

“I might be gay,” Sai added.

“I am definitely not gay,” Sakura said.

“I’ll take them,” Naruto said, scooping them away from Kakashi.

“Excuse you,” I said.

“What’s wrong with looking?” he asked with a shrug.

“Oh, if you put it that way, it seems educational,” Sai said, taking one of the magazines from him. “You know, I think I might actually like looking at this. Am I straight?”

“No one cares, Sai,” I said, frustrated by the insane people I was surrounded with. “And you, why are you promoting delinquency in minors?”

“How old are you again?” Kakashi asked, squinting at us. “I could swear you were all thirty-seven.”

“You’re not even thirty-seven,” Sakura growled. “Why are you like this? Behave like an adult for once.”

“I’m definitely behaving like an adult,” he said, happily flipping through one of his magazines.

“This is sexual harassment!” Sakura yelled, grabbing it from him and throwing it out the window.

“A very lucky person is going to walk by this apartment,” Kakashi commented. “See you tonight!”

“Did we agree to any sort of plan?” Sai asked as we all watched Kakashi disappear.

“Is he okay?” Sakura muttered. “He’s gotten ridiculously pervy lately.”

“I need to debrief him about his mission,” Naruto said, getting up and moving towards the door. “We’ll all meet back here tonight.”

“Okey dokey, boss!” Sai said.

The door closed behind Naruto.

“Are we really going to Sound?” Sakura asked, a wrinkle forming between her brows.

“Yeah, I think we are,” I said. “And I don’t think we can come back here.”

Sakura sighed. “I’m going to miss real food.”

“Sure, but can you even wait to be eating rations and living on the land again?!” Sai asked excitedly.

“I can’t even with you,” Sakura said, shaking her head. She stood up and headed towards the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Later, skater,” Sai said as the door closed behind her.

“No,” I said.

“Come on, it’s what the cool kids are saying,” Sai protested.

“What cool kids do you even know?” I asked.

“I’m a master spy, Uchiha,” he scoffed at me. “It’s literally my job to observe.”

“And you’ve been observing the cool kids?”

“That I have,” he said. “The Academy has a treasure trove of brats with an over-inflated sense of self worth that makes them the right balance of sociopath and cool.”

“And the best you got from them was ‘later, skater’?”

“Oh, just you wait and see what I’ve got in store for you.”

“Oh, god…” I muttered, and then the room exploded.


	46. Chapter 46

“Sai?” I called, pulling myself out of the rubble. Dust filled the air, making it impossible to see. I started coughing as the dust settled in my lungs. I ripped the sleeve from my shirt and tied it around my face.

“Up here!” Sai announced cheerfully.

I looked up at the ceiling, making out a vague shadow stuck to it. There was also a giant hole in Naruto’s living room, leading to the outside. “I don’t sense anyone.”

“They attacked and fled,” Sai said, dropping down beside me. “I think it was just a warning.”

“Who was it?” I growled, brushing the dust out of my hair.

“Not Suna,” Sai said shaking his head. “Didn’t feel like Konoha, either. Maybe Kiri or Kumo.”

“Go find Sakura,” I said.

“On it.”

I grabbed everything we would need from the room, and then I was off to find Naruto.

Apparently our apartment wasn’t the only place that was attacked. Smoke was rising up into the skyline all throughout Suna.

Naruto found me before I found him, flying around like an unhinged ball of golden light. “You’re okay!”

“Of course I’m okay,” I said, rolling my eyes and refusing to show the same excitement at the sight of him unharmed. “Where’s the pervert?”

“Right behind you,” Kakashi announced.

“Sai’s getting Sakura, and then we go,” I said flatly.

I expected Naruto to protest, but he nodded.

“So you don’t care at all that we’ve just been attacked?” Kakashi hummed.

“It has nothing to do with us,” I ground out, though it probably had a lot to do with us, and actually I was starting to get quite pissed.

“If you say so,” Kakashi said.

We moved towards Sakura’s lab. The closer we got, the more obvious it was that it had also been attacked.

“Naruto!” a Suna ninja called, coming up behind us. “What’s happening?”

We were suddenly surrounded by group of concerned jounin.

It was so ridiculous that high-ranking ninja would ask _Naruto_ what was going on in this situation, but somehow he’d become the leader of Suna.

He started directing them, which was also ridiculous, because he didn’t know anything about what was going on.

As soon as the first group of ninjas was off, another group came.

“Leave him,” I grumbled, heading towards the lab without Naruto as Kakashi followed.

Of course Sakura was inside the burning lab, trying to salvage some of her research while Sai put out fires.

“It’s not important,” I said, trying to get her to leave.

“Of course it is!” she snapped.

“It’s all inside your giant brain,” I said, rolling my eyes. “If you’ve got the chakra fruit, then let’s go while we still can. Naruto’s already getting sucked into all this ridiculousness.”

“We were attacked,” Sakura said angrily. “My research, my… Who would do this?!”

“It’s the same old ninja politics bullshit!” I snapped. “It doesn’t matter. Whoever hates us today will be teaming up with us against whoever we both hate tomorrow.”

“I can’t just…” Sakura trailed off.

“I’m going then,” I said irritably.

“Sasuke,” Sai said, giving me a worried look.

“Orochimaru won’t talk to you anyway,” I said. “It’s better if I go alone.”

“Just wait a minute,” Sakura growled. “Drama queen much? I need to get a few more things, and then we’ll go.”

“I think Sasuke’s practicing his denial,” Kakashi stage-whispered to her.

“And what am I in denial about?”

“The fact that you want revenge when someone so much as folds your sheets wrong?” he suggested.

“He just wadded them up! They were completely wrinkled!” I cried, the memory immediately clear in my mind of Naruto opening the drawer to show me where he’d stored our sheets.

“So someone just blew a hole in your house, and you’re completely zen about it, but if Naruto makes your sheets wrinkly you put laxatives in his coffee?”

“No one ever proved that was me,” I muttered, but of course it was me, because I was a petty, petty bitch.

All of the fires were finally out, but the smoke in the air was heavy and we really didn’t need to be in there breathing it all in. I stomped back outside, trying to clear my lungs out.

“Mommy!” a little boy cried, running up the street.

I ignored him and thought about taking up smoking again. It would give me something to do instead of standing on the street like an idiot.

“Mommy! Where are you?!” the little boy cried, running by me again. He looked about four years old, so he must have been a baby when he got sucked into the God Tree.

I imagined myself pulling out a pack of cigarettes and shaking one out, placing it between my lips. That was definitely the image I wanted to cultivate for myself.

But then there was the smell and the yellow teeth.

“Did you see my mommy?” the boy asked, tugging on my pant leg.

I looked at him. “Kid, I don’t know your mother.”

He sniffed loudly. “Can you help me find her?”

What about me gave off an aura saying, ‘please ask me for help?’ I definitely needed to take up smoking. “Where did you see her last?”

“At the store,” he said, wibbling his lower lip at me. “She was buyin’ vegetables and stuff and it was boring and then there was a big noise, so I tried to find where it came from.”

I looked at the charred lab. “Have you thought about… going back to the store?” I suggested.

“I don’t know where it is!” he cried, suddenly going into hysterics.

“Come on then,” I said with a sigh. I knew there was a grocery store the next street over.

The boy nodded with his big teary eyes and grabbed my hand.

I looked at it distastefully, then walked him back to the store.

His mother was outside, talking in a panic to a jounin.

“Mommy!” the boy cried, letting go of my hand and racing towards her.

“Baby!” she cried, swooping him up in her arms.

“Aw, you did that,” Kakashi cooed from next to my ear. “Uniting families.”

I cringed. “Let’s go already.”

“What’s the hurry?”

“The hurry is I’m tired of this bullshit village,” I muttered.

“You keep saying that,” he hummed. “Seems like it’s something a little deeper. Maybe a little fear perhaps?”

“A fear of what,” I said flatly.

Kakashi shrugged noncommittally.

“Did Sakura and Sai die in the fire?” I grumbled.

“Sakura and Sai are right here!” Sai announced cheerfully from down the street.

I looked at Sakura, carrying towering boxes of files. “Did you bring the entire fucking lab?”

“Do you want me to just throw away all this research?” she snipped at me.

“Maybe he does,” Kakashi put in, smiling all the while.

“You need to cut out that passive aggressive bullshit,” I informed him.

All three of them laughed at me.

When the hell did I become the butt of everyone’s jokes?

“Oh, wow, Best Friend, you are so mad right now,” Sai said, slapping me on the back. “Just because we all know how passive aggressive you are.”

“How am I passive aggressive?” I ground out.

That made them laugh more.

I walked away.

It wasn’t hard to find Naruto. He was in the kazekage’s office, which for some reason had not been attacked, and was taking reports and giving out missions with Temari. The Council hadn’t been able to choose a new kazekage what with most of the ninjas in rebellion against them, and apparently that meant that Naruto was the de facto leader of Suna now.

“Naruto.”

He looked up from the meeting he was in the middle of. “Hey, love, what’s up?”, which showed how stressed out he was, because he knew that calling me pet names in public never went well for him.

“I’m leaving,” I explained flatly.

“You just got here…?”

“I’m going to Sound,” I elaborated. “Now.”

“Sas’, come on, you can’t go now,” he said, gesturing around him. “It’s chaos here.”

“It’s not my problem.”

“The marital squabble is real cute and all, but we have work to do,” Temari interrupted us.

Naruto looked conflicted, his eyes flicking between Temari and me.

“Someone from Suna let those ninjas through the gates,” I spoke slowly, enunciating each word. “Someone more than likely working for the Council, seeing as how the only sites I’ve seen that were attacked were all places tied to the resistance.”

“You don’t know that,” Naruto protested.

“I’m with Uchiha on this one,” Temari said.

Naruto gave her a scandalized look.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the Council hired them to come in and do this,” Temari continued. “They were probably non-ninjas from Water, acting on the orders of the daimyo to get us to stop poking around in their business, and the Council welcomed them with open arms because the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

“Why are you two like this?” Naruto asked, aghast. “Why can’t you think good thoughts?”

“You’re not that naive,” I said, shaking my head.

“Well maybe I’ve decided to be,” he said. “Maybe not everything is a giant conspiracy.”

“It’s usually a giant conspiracy,” Temari confirmed.

Naruto sighed loudly. “Fine. Okay. It usually is. But before jumping to conclusions, let’s look at all the facts, yeah? Let’s make sure. Let’s know who exactly was involved and who wasn’t involved, and let’s not condemn an entire group of people based on the actions of a few.”

Temari and I both stared at him.

He flashed us a tired, 40-year-old man smile.

“Damn, Uzumaki, did you just read your boyfriend?” Temari asked, looking impressed.

“What part of me was read?” I muttered. It wasn’t like condemning an entire clan for the rebellion of some had anything to do with me personally. I had survived that condemning.

“Look, whoever did this is going to be held responsible,” Naruto continued, like he hadn’t just obliterated me. “No one died, but people were hurt, and this kind of thing isn’t going to fly on my watch.”

“You’re staying here,” I said, frowning at him.

“Just until everything gets figured out.”

“Naruto.”

Our eyes finally met.

“I’m going to leave you two to your drama,” Temari said, stepping out.

“Are we having drama?” Naruto asked me, eyes going full puppy dog.

“No,” I said. “I just…”

He waited.

“I would rather you come with me to Sound.”

“I know, and I’ll meet you there.”

“You don’t know when that will be.”

“We don’t really know much of anything right now,” he said with a shrug. “We don’t even know if Orochimaru is still in Sound. We don’t know what you’ll find there.”

Which was why he should be with me to find out. “Fine,” I said. “See you when I see you.”

Naruto smiled at that. “You’re getting to be very codependent.”

“I think you’re confusing me with you.”

“I’ll come as soon as I can,” he said, pulling me in closer and suddenly pouring his chakra into me.

I gasped, startled, then closed my eyes, resting my forehead against his.

“Be careful, and don’t murder anyone unnecessarily,” he concluded, kissing my forehead.

I opened my eyes, knowing that they were glowing with a golden light. “And you don’t get killed by a disgruntled civil servant.”

“Like any of those geezers could take me,” he said.

“They could hire the superpowered farmer who blows people up with his finger as an assassin,” I pointed out, pushing away from him. “I’m leaving now. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’ll do my best,” he assured me.

I wasn’t in the mood for a further scene, so I attempted to walk out the door. A light tug at the back of my shirt stopped me.

“Really and truly be careful,” he said, leaning his forehead into the back of my neck. I felt the press of his horns.

“Of course,” I said, hoping it didn’t sound sarcastic. I didn’t mean for it to sound sarcastic. Probably.

“Love you, Sasuke.”

“Me, too,” I said, because that was sufficient.

There probably would have been more nonsense, but then Temari came back in, irritated about damaged incandescent lights.

“Later,” I said, breezing out the door and leaving them to it.

Sai and Kakashi were at Sakura’s, having tea.

“It’s nice that the attack didn’t damage any of the other apartments,” Sai commented, sipping his tea.

“So nice,” I said. “Who cares, we’re leaving anyway.”

“You never know when we’ll be back,” Sai said with a shrug. “One day we’re enemies, the next day we’re friends.”

“So Naruto isn’t coming?” Kakashi asked, hovering his teacup in front of his mouth with his mask still covering his face.

“He’ll meet us later,” I said. “Let’s go already.”

“Sit down for five minutes and have some tea,” Sakura said, putting down another cup of tea on the table.

I stared at her.

She stared back.

I sat down and had some tea.

When we finally left, it felt like things were clicking into place.


	47. Chapter 47

The Land of Sound had endless underground tunnels, and I knew them all like the back of my hand. It didn’t take long to find ninjas who were loyal to Orochimaru.

Finding the man himself proved a bit more difficult.

“Karin would be useful right about now,” Kakashi hummed as we concluded checking out yet another dead-end lead.

“Certainly more useful than you,” Sai said with a passive aggressive smile.

“I’m the taxi that got you here!” Kakashi protested, holding his hands up.

“Yes, and now you have barely any chakra left,” Sakura pointed out.

“Well they didn’t know that until you announced it loudly,” Kakashi said, gesturing towards the Sound ninjas that we had tied up after they attempted to interfere in our search.

The Sound ninjas sneered at us.

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped me.

That got me several funny looks.

“We can go now,” I said, moving towards the stairs to take us above ground again.

Sai came abreast of me as we ascended the stairs. “Should we find somewhere to stay the night?”

“Yeah, go ahead and scout,” I said.

He nodded. “Okay. But you seem a bit frustrated.”

“We’ve been here over a week,” I said. “I just want to hurry up and be done with it.”

“You want to get back to your honey?”

“I want to figure out how non-ninjas have learned how to grow God Trees and then destroy that technology forever,” I said. “And _then_ I want to get back to my honey.”

Sai smiled at that. “I love you, Sasuke.”

“Back at you,” I said, shooing him away.

“You tell _Sai_ that you love him?” Sakura asked incredulously as she came up behind me.

“Did the word ‘love’ come out of my mouth?”

“Close enough,” she said, shaking her head. “Where’s my love?”

“Girls are icky.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes at that. “Is Sai finding us a place to stay?”

“Yeah,” I said, looking up at the starry sky stretched out in front of us. “Sakura, I…”

Sakura looked up at the sky with me, not saying anything. Waiting.

“I do,” I finally said.

“Are we getting married?” she snorted.

I turned to glare at her.

She faced me as well, flashing me a grin. “Are you trying to tell me that you _loooove_ me?”

“Certainly not,” I said, making a face. “I tolerate you.”

“I tolerate you, too,” she said agreeably.

“Good,” I concluded.

“Good.”

We went back to looking at the sky.

“So no one was wondering where I was?” Kakashi complained, hefting himself out of the stairwell.

“No, not at all,” Sakura said, and I nodded my agreement.

“My darling little students, what would I do without your kindness and compassion?” he hummed, squishing both of our faces with one hand each. “One of those Sound assholes got loose.”

“And you couldn’t handle it?” I asked.

“It takes a little more effort when you use up all your chakra on a long-distance kamui.”

“And yet you still managed to take care of it?” Sakura fake-marveled.

“I remember when you at least used to pretend to respect me,” Kakashi complained.

“Try being respectable,” I suggested.

“Maybe I should just try taking off my shirt,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at me and lifting the hem of his shirt up to reveal his abs.

I didn’t mean to look, and I immediately looked away, face red.

Sakura cracked up.

Kakashi sighed contentedly as he lowered his shirt. “Aw, yeah, still got it.”

“Love handles is what you got,” I said, laughing nervously.

“Sasuke, your crush on Kakashi is starting to get pathetic,” Sakura informed me.

“I don’t have a crush on Kakashi!” I yelled in a manly way. Or shrieked. Whatever.

Sakura held up her hands and looked away in a way that clearly said ‘you do, but I’ll just stay out of it since you’re in denial.’

I did not have a crush on Kakashi. And if I ever had, I had long since grown out of it. I was simply embarrassed by how ridiculous he was. Nothing more to it.

“Do you think if I show Sakura my face, she’ll fall madly in love with me, too?” Kakashi asked, winking at me.

“No one could love a face like that,” I said flatly.

“I guess we’ll find out,” Kakashi said, moving his hand to his mask and tugging at it.

Sakura looked elated.

I frowned. Not that I cared that I was the only one who had seen Kakashi’s face, but I was the only one who had seen Kakashi’s face.

There was a cawing sound from above us, a bird from Sai to lead us to our camp.

“Foiled again,” Kakashi said, leaving his mask in place and going to follow the bird.

“What is that about?!” Sakura cried, chasing after him. “Show me your damn face, Sensei!”

Sai had found a cave for us to camp out in. We all settled in, with Kakashi taking the first watch. He woke me up for my watch, and then Sai was next.

Sai got up with a stretch, ready to take up his post.

“There’s something I have to do,” I whispered to him.

He looked me up and down, then nodded.

I went outside of the cave with him, then kept on going. When I was far enough away, I summoned Aoda.

“Sasuke-sama,” he said, bowing his head to me.

“Can you find Orochimaru?” I asked.

He flicked his tongue in the air, tasting it. “Yes.”

“Take me there.”

So he did.

It was an obvious place, decorated with giant statues of snakes. It looked like some kind of demonic temple.

Orochimaru was waiting for me, sitting on top of one of the snake’s heads. “I wondered when you would finally get here,” he said, smiling warmly at me.

I was relieved to look into his eyes and see the same old gold color, pushing away the lingering doubts from my brief trip inside the God Tree in Water. The rinnegan belonged to me and only me. “Tell me what you’ve done.”

“That’s a bit vague, Sasuke,” he said, his tongue rolling sibilantly over my name. “I’ve done so many things.”

“The God Trees,” I said. “These,” I added, pushing my bangs up to reveal my horns.

His grin widened. “They’re coming in nicely.”

I knew showing him my transformation would get him talking. I stared at him, waiting.

“What do you really want to know, my boy?” he asked. “I made you stronger. That’s all you ever wanted, isn’t it?”

“And Naruto? Kakashi?”

“You three were the perfect test subjects,” he said, his expression going dreamy. “Come inside to the lab. I can run some tests.”

“No,” I said. “Explain.”

“Come on now, Sasuke, you know it’s give and take,” he said. “I give something, I take something.”

“Or I could just take,” I said, stepping off of Aoda’s head onto thin air and walking until I was standing on the snake statue, right in front of Orochimaru.

“Sasuke,” he breathed, looking delighted. “That perfect body.”

“Try and take it,” I said. “See what happens.”

His tongue darted out to lick his lips. “Cocky boy. I won’t be so easily sealed again.”

“You won’t survive.”

“I always survive.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have made me this powerful.”

“Without the kyuubi vessel, you’re still not quite there.”

I gave him a bored look. “I don’t need Naruto’s chakra to kill you.”

“Your confidence is both your best and worst quality,” Orochimaru said cheerfully. “Now come on inside, let’s at least have a cup of tea.”

I followed him inside because I was done posturing. I wanted answers.

The hideout was empty except for the two of us. Orochimaru took me into one of the labs and started boiling water. He shuffled around, getting the teacups out and setting a tea bag in each one.

I could feel the God Tree lurking below us, deeper underground.

“No milk or sugar for you?” Orochimaru stated, because he already knew the answer.

“No.”

“So predictable,” he hummed, picking the whistling kettle off of the flame and pouring hot water into each cup. “And yet…”

I waited.

He removed the tea bags and handed me a cup.

I raised an eyebrow.

“Would you like me to drink some first?” he asked.

“You’re immune to most poisons,” I said, bringing the cup to my lips and sipping.

Orochimaru chuckled and sipped his own tea. “So I am.”

“You don’t want to hurt me,” I said, setting the cup down on the table.

“Of course not,” he agreed. “You’ve always been my favorite. And look at you now. The long hair is beautiful, by the way. You should wear it down.”

I stared at him.

“Oh, Sasuke,” he said dreamily. “You look like power.”

“What did you do to me?”

His eyes got even dreamier. “It wasn’t really me, I just… helped things along. It was Hagoromo’s chakra and the God Tree.”

Our eyes met.

He grinned. “Six months. Six months only, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“No.”

He sighed dramatically. “You have so much untapped potential. I could show you-”

“No.”

“How’s your tea?”

“Fine,” I ground out. Orochimaru did make a good cup of tea.

“The Tree can be directed,” he said. “To take more from some than from others.”

“The kages?”

“It took it all.”

“Naruto and I?”

“That was the fun part,” he said, getting an excited gleam in his eye. “It took it all from you, as well. It drained you both of your own chakra. But it couldn’t absorb the foreign chakra in your body. So when your bodies no longer had any of your own chakra left, Hagoromo’s chakra started moving through your pathways as if it was your own chakra.”

“And Kakashi?”

“The same thing, all of his chakra was drained and replaced with Obito’s,” he said, starting to look a bit manic. “It transformed your bodies.”

So I really was being turned into an alien.

“You know what that means, though, don’t you?” Orochimaru demanded.

He wanted to experiment.

“The sharingan could be rebirthed,” he said excitedly. “If you put your chakra into someone’s body, and then we drained them of their chakra, and then-”

“No.”

“But Sasuke, think of-”

“No.”

“You could revive your clan without having intercourse with a woman.”

“Oh, well in that case,” I said. “No.”

“We’ll discuss it later,” Orochimaru said with a shrug.

We weren’t going to discuss it later, but I didn’t tell him so because then he would spend all his time convincing me rather than telling me what the fuck was going on.

“Why are there so many God Trees?” I asked.

“Because I made them,” he replied easily.

“You can’t just make a God Tree,” I said irritably.

“I can,” he said grinning.

“And it takes a thousand years to produce a chakra fruit.”

“Or does it?”

“I’ve read the scrolls,” I said.

“Funny how what is written doesn’t always match up with the results of an experiment,” Orochimaru said.

“So you’ve learned how to create artificial God Trees that produce… artificial chakra fruit?”

“They’re quite real, I assure you.”

“And why do the daimyos have them?”

“I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“They’re our enemies,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him. “They’re trying to wipe out ninjakind.”

“Well, they have deep pockets and have given me endless test subjects.”

“So you’re going to let them continue draining the life out of ninjas until…?”

“Until I’ve concluded my research, obviously,” he said. “And don’t worry, my dear boy, I’m almost finished. Then those silly daimyos will realize our true power.”

“So the daimyos and the ninjas are all pawns in your plot to…?”

“Would you like one?”

I looked at him.

“If you think you’re powerful when you’re juiced up on the kyuubi’s chakra…” he said grinning.

He knew everything about us, so I was starting to wonder who he’d had following us and why we hadn’t noticed, but of course it was obvious. Karin. The mizukage. Whoever she was, she had been reporting back to Orochimaru the entire time.

“It’s what you’ve always wanted,” he continued. “Ultimate power.”

“It’s what you’ve always wanted, but you haven’t eaten one,” I said. His power wasn’t any different from before.

“I haven’t finished the experimental phase yet,” he explained.

“So I would be another test subject so you could make sure there aren’t any side effects.”

“No, Sasuke,” he said, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t experiment on you. You’re too valuable. The chakra fruit is yours if you want it, but only after I’ve finished the testing phase.”

“How kind of you.”

He smiled at me again, but it was softer now. “You’ve really grown up magnificently.”

“And you haven’t changed at all,” I said, ignoring the warmth I felt from his praise. I did not need his approval.

“It will be incredible when we consume the chakra fruit,” he said. “I want you by my side.”

This seemed like the part where I was supposed to show how much I’d changed by refusing the offer.

“More tea?” he asked.

I held out my cup to him.

“We’ll rule this world, Sasuke,” he told me as he poured. “We’ll subjugate the daimyos. Ninjas will finally have autonomy.”

“As long as they do what we tell them to?”

“Exactly.”

I thought about the Water ninjas in their concentration camp. What the non-ninjas were doing was wrong, and-

Orochimaru looked ecstatic.

I frowned at him.

“Well, you know that the offer is on the table,” he said, sipping from his refreshed cup.

“Naruto is going to come after you,” I said. “When he hears that you’re behind the God Trees. Half the ninja world is following him.”

“He is a problem, isn’t he?” Orochimaru hummed, not looking troubled at all.

“I’ll be right next to him,” I said.

“That’s fine,” he replied.

There was something more.

I looked at him.

“You’re starting to look nervous, my boy.”

“I don’t think you know me as well as you think you do,” I said.

“Didn’t you stop and wonder?” he asked, putting down his empty cup.

I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of asking, “wonder what?”, but the silence dragged on for so long that I finally spat it out.

“Why some of us weren’t trapped in the Infinite Tsukuyomi?”

“Most of the people who were free from the God Tree had very little chakra,” I said, looking him up and down.

“A good observation, but still missing something,” he said. “What did you think of Kakashi’s woman?”

“…his right hand?” I asked.

Orochimaru burst out laughing. “You’ve gotten crass. Now, come on, boy, think.”

I never corrected him when he called me stupid names. Why was that?

“You know her quite well, I think.”

“…Miharu…?”

“Clever boy.”

“She’s not…”

“She was.”

“She isn’t from Konoha.”

“No, she certainly isn’t.”

I didn’t get it. The pieces weren’t coming together.

Orochimaru smiled. “Maybe we can finish this chat another time.”

“What is she?” I demanded irritably.

“That’s a pretty good question,” he said. “Now we’re almost there.”

“Is it some kind of bloodline limit?” I asked.

“Something like that,” Orochimaru agreed.

“Then what?”

“I can’t give you all of the answers, my boy.”

“Miharu was immune to the God Tree because of… something in her lineage.”

“Oh, yes.”

“And she doesn’t… have chakra… but lives in a ninja village…”

“True.”

“She was involved with Kakashi.”

“Past tense, yes.”

“That’s why she came to Konoha.”

“Getting warmer.”

“Her family…”

There was a glint in Orochimaru’s eyes.

“They didn’t want her involved with him.”

“Of course not. Such a rogue, Kakashi was.”

“But they thought they were so in love that they ignored her family.”

Orochimaru pursed his lips. “Not quite.”

I didn’t get it. If they weren’t so madly in love, why would she abandon her family and her country to come live with Kakashi on the outskirts of Konoha? And why weren’t they still together? Well, thinking about Kakashi, I could see how Miharu might have felt like he wasn’t all she’d expected after he slid down his mask and swept her off her feet. He was closed off, obnoxious, and a pervert, not to mention incredibly not gorgeous in a silver fox kind of way. Not at all. What would make someone up and leave their-

“She was pregnant?”

“Oh, Sasuke, I was afraid you wouldn’t get there, but here we are.”

“But there’s no… Kakashi’s not...”

“Only a very special baby could survive that.”

“Survive what?” I asked warily.

“The union of Noble and Ninja blood,” he said, leaning forward excitedly.

“There are nobles with chakra…” I said.

“Not pure Nobles,” Orochimaru said, standing up and pacing along the floor. “Not the Nobles who truly run this world. They keep their bloodlines pure. They consider Ninjas below them. But of course it’s posturing nonsense. The women often die in childbirth, the babies stillborn. Only the strong can make it. Miharu, she lived, but she and Kakashi weren’t special enough.”

I felt a strange twinge. Kakashi had almost been a father. And Miharu, who was so kind to me for no reason, had lost everything, had lost her baby, _Kakashi’s_ baby, and that thought just filled me with an ache.

“Of course, my mother died in childbirth,” Orochimaru continued.

I looked at him.

“She wasn’t strong enough.”

I felt my brows drawing together.

“But I was.”


	48. Chapter 48

Aoda was waiting for me outside. He bent down his head for me, and then we were heading back.

I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Orochimaru had had a mother. I thought he spontaneously generated out of nothing. Not only a mother, but also a father.

 _“The relationship wasn’t consensual,”_ he’d said with a dark smile.

The secrets that Orochimaru had told me weighed me down. I knew everything now, but instead of feeling relieved I felt dirty.

 _“How do we restore the kages?”_ I’d asked.

 _“That’s easy,”_ he promised _“You just need to return their chakra to them.”_

_“From the chakra fruit.”_

_“Exactly, my brilliant boy.”_

He was smiling too much.

_“Where is it?”_

_“Well, you see… someone has already eaten it.”_

I knew he was goading me along.

 _“I needed to test the effects of it,”_ he explained. _“But if you track him down, maybe you can extract it…?”_

Who could possibly have eaten it? But then the answer was right in front of me. _“The farmer?”_

_“Oh, that’s right. You met him back in Water. My brother.”_

Sai was still on watch when I got back. It had felt like an eternity, and yet only a couple of hours had passed.

A couple of hours, and everything was different.

 _“You said your mother died in childbirth,”_ I pointed out. Kamenosuke was clearly younger than Orochimaru by at least a decade.

 _“My half-brother,”_ he amended with a smile. _“My father raped his noble mother, too. Quite the cad he was.”_

“Did you do what you needed to do?” Sai asked.

I looked at him.

A frown tugged at his lips, an oddly human expression on his usually robotic face. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” I said with a shrug.

 _“Don’t forget, my boy,”_ he’d called to me as I was leaving. _“The chakra fruit is yours when you want it.”_

I hadn’t said anything.

_“Tsunade’s necklace looks good on you.”_

His eyes crawled inside of me, even when I was out of his sight.

“Uchiha.”

I was moving into the cave, ready to sleep, but I turned back to look at Sai.

“What-?” he started to ask.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning,” I said abruptly.

“Okay…” he said, looking uncertain.

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I slept right through the morning.

Sai, Kakashi, and Sakura were standing right outside the cave, whispering about me.

I sat up and stretched. I glanced at Sakura’s bag. The scroll with the two chakra fruit…

The whispering moved up to a louder decibel.

“How do we know Orochimaru didn’t do something to him?” Sakura hissed.

“We don’t know whether or not he even found him,” Sai said.

“I did,” I offered, standing up and rolling my neck.

“Why would you go off and look for him on your own?!” Sakura cried.

“Because I knew he’d talk to me alone,” I said with a shrug, coming out into the sunlight.

“So he talked to you?” Kakashi asked, looking disinterested.

“He’s behind it all,” I said.

Sakura gasped.

Sai widened his eyes.

Kakashi shrugged. “That makes sense.”

“The God Trees?” Sakura asked.

“Yes.”

“The anti-ninja campaign of the damiyos?” Sai asked.

“Indirectly, yes.”

“The kages turning into zetsu?” Sakura asked.

“Yes.”

“Fake Karin?”

“Yes.”

“The food shortages?”

“In the sense that he could have woken up people to go to work producing food at anytime, I guess so.”

“The super-powered farmer?”

“Yes.”

“The ANBU turning on us?”

“I mean, I think Konoha and it’s sordid history of corruption have to claim responsibility for that.”

“So you know everything now?” Sai asked. “You have all the answers?”

“Pretty much,” I said.

The three of them stared at me expectantly.

“Can we eat breakfast first?” I asked.

That resulted in a lot of annoying yelling.

When we were finally situated around the fire with the food cooking, I started my story, relating the basic highlights of what Orochimaru had told me.

I may have left out a few things.

“We have to find Kamenosuke,” was what Sakura got out of the whole story.

“And do what?” I asked her.

“Extract the kage’s chakra,” she said, like it would be a simple task.

“Do you even know how to do that?”

She frowned at me. “I’m not just going to give up on Tsunade-sama.”

“I’m not asking you to,” I said. “But we’re not going to go rushing into things without a plan.”

“You don’t think you can beat him,” Sai hummed.

I wasn’t going to admit to that.

“We need to figure out how to extract a specific person’s chakra from the chakra fruit we already have,” Kakashi said. “Then we can figure out how to extract it from a person.”

“That could take years!” Sakura cried.

“You said you weren’t going to give up,” he said, looking her straight in the eye.

She swallowed.

“We need to get Naruto out of Suna,” I said, because that was the obvious takeaway from my story. “We need to establish a base, gather the ninjas who are loyal to us.”

“Where do we go?” Sai asked.

We all looked at each other.

“Let’s go get Naruto,” Kakashi finally said.

“I’ll get Naruto,” I said, shaking my head. “You wait here for us.”

“You’re not going by yourself,” Sai said with a frown. “You have the biggest target on your back of all of us.”

“I’ll use Flying Thunder God,” I said. “I can make it back within a day.”

“You can do that without Naruto’s chakra?” Kakashi asked, studying me.

I shrugged. They really had no idea what Naruto and I could do.

_“You and the kyuubi boy, you could rule this world. No more kages, no more daimyos…”_

_“And where would you fit in?”_

Orochimaru had just smiled when I asked him that.

He knew that Naruto would never agree to his ideals, so why would he encourage him into a position of leadership?

“I’m going with you, Sasuke,” Sai informed me flatly.

“I can’t transport someone with me,” I said, shaking my head.

“Then we’ll walk.”

“We don’t have time.”

“Do you know something you’re not telling us?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

So many things, yet nothing to do with why I suddenly felt like I needed to rush back to Naruto. “It’s just a gut feeling.”

“You can transport me,” Sai said, looking me in the eye.

I looked back.

“Don’t be stupid, you could get split in half or something,” Sakura scolded him.

“Sasuke wouldn’t mess up like that,” Sai said firmly.

It was weirding me out that he kept calling me ‘Sasuke’ instead of ‘Uchiha’ or ‘Best Friend’. “Are you an imposter zetsu?” I asked squinting at him.

“Yes, and my master plan is to risk you killing me by transporting us back to Suna using a dangerous jutsu,” Sai said.

“You just said I wouldn’t mess up like that,” I said incredulously.

“I was lying to make you feel more confident. I know how you like an ego boost.”

“That’s definitely Sai,” Kakashi said. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Now?” Sakura asked incredulously.

“He’s done with this conversation, as am I,” I said. “I’m going now.”

Sai caught my arm. “We’re going.”

I rolled my eyes. “Your funeral.”

“So that’s that?” Sakura asked, getting that exhausted look she got when she knew everyone was going to be stubborn and not listen to her voice of reason.

“Yes, see you later,” Sai said.

Traveling long distances following Naruto’s technique formulas exhausted my chakra. Doing it while dragging along another human being doubled that. I could only teleport so far before having to recharge.

Fortunately, my recharge rate had drastically increased since Naruto had started feeding me his chakra. My new alien body probably helped, too.

 _“The Kaguya Clan were our progenitors,”_ Orochimaru had purred. _“I think you’ll find you’re enhanced in every way with their chakra flowing through your pathways.”_

“See, Sasuke, you didn’t kill me,” Sai declared, patting me on the back after the first successful jump.

“Not yet,” I agreed.

He proceeded to turn away from me and puke.

“Shit, Sai!” I cried, crouching beside him and resting my hand on his back.

“Aw, Best Friend, you do care,” he said, turning to me happily with puke dripping out of his mouth.

I gagged a little.

He wiped it away. “Okay, I feel better now. Let’s go!”

“You’re not okay at all,” I protested.

“I can walk,” he said, standing up.

“Sai.”

“I’m fine, I just got a little dizzy.”

“I’m not taking you the rest of the way,” I informed him.

“Well, that’s too bad, because you don’t have a choice,” he said, clamping down on my arm.

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

We started walking.

When I had enough chakra to make the next jump, I told Sai again, “you’re not coming.”

“Afraid I am.”

“No.”

“But I am.”

“I don’t want to hurt you!” I snapped.

Sai’s face softened into this gentle expression that I’d never seen before. “You won’t,” he said simply.

Goddamit, Sai was my best friend and I loved him. “What if I do?”

“You won’t,” he repeated.

We did the next jump.

“See, it’s fi-” Sai started to say, and puked again.

“What the hell, Sai?” I ground out.

“Maybe it’s something I ate,” he said, already walking forward.

We were out of Sound, but we still had a long way to go to Suna.

Sai made a bird to fly us along while I built up chakra.

I studied him.

He seemed fine. “It just makes my stomach churn when we go into that dimensional void,” he said with a shrug. “It makes me really happy that you’re this worried, though.”

“Who’s worried?” I muttered, closing my eyes and meditating.

Sai started puking less the further along we went.

The closer we got to Suna, though, the more anxious I felt.

Then it finally clicked into place.

I felt anxious because Naruto felt anxious.

“One more jump and we’re in Suna,” I said, lying on my back and staring up at the sky as Sai’s bird flew us along. “Naruto put a technique formula at his favorite ramen place, the kazekage’s desk, and his forehead protector.”

“Wouldn’t we just go to Naruto?” Sai asked. “Or did you want to stop for ramen first?”

I didn’t answer.

“Have you figured out why we’re in such a rush?” he asked.

I didn’t answer again.

“Let’s go to Naruto,” he decided for us.

“…okay,” I agreed, sitting up. “I’m ready.”

Our eyes met.

“I’ve got your back, Sasuke,” he said.

“I’ve got yours, too,” I said.

We flashed through the dimensional void, straight to Naruto.


	49. Chapter 49

“Okay, well that’s a God Tree,” Sai observed, looking up at the huge tree looming over us that had grown up through the kazekage’s office.

I picked up Naruto’s forehead protector from the ground. Rather, my old forehead protector. My sharingan flashed, looking around everywhere.

He wasn’t here.

“I’ve seen you before.”

Orochimaru’s brother was.

Sai took a defensive position.

Kamenosuke floated down to the ground in front of us. “I think we’re here for the same purpose.”

This man was still an anomaly. I knew that he was half-noble and half-ninja, and that Orochimaru had forced him to eat the chakra fruit against his will as part of an experiment. He seemed to want to destroy the God Trees and those who allowed them to flourish, and that was probably what we were here to do as well. “That depends.”

“Then maybe I should take care of you,” he said, raising his finger.

“We’re here to destroy that,” Sai interjected, pointing to the God Tree.

Kamenosuke looked us both over slowly, like he was a man who had nothing to fear from two known assassins staring him down. “Very well.”

There were several pods dangling from the tree. “I’m cutting them down,” I said, nodding my head towards them. I felt like I was asking permission, which pissed me off to no end.

“I’ll take out the seed,” he said.

“Okay then,” I said.

We looked at each other, then we both moved off to our tasks.

“Uchiha, what is a seed?” Sai whispered.

“I have no fucking idea,” I whispered back, cutting down the first pod.

“I thought Orochimaru told you everything.”

“Orochimaru told me everything that was convenient for him to tell me.”

“You’re not whispering as quietly as you think you are,” Kamenosuke said, suddenly right behind us.

“We don’t have any secrets to keep,” I said, continuing on to the next branch and cutting down another pod.

“You’re talking about the man I’m going to kill like you’re awfully intimate,” he said, not moving any closer but following me with his eyes.

“I’m the only person who has ever almost killed Orochimaru, so…” I trailed off, cutting down the last of the pods.

“So you’re Uchiha Sasuke.”

I dropped down to the ground and sheathed my sword. “Correct.”

“You know what he’s doing, then?” he asked. “Creating these God Trees? Sowing chaos for the sake of his experiments?”

“I do.”

“And you are… opposed to it?”

“I am.”

Kamenosuke dropped to the ground and approached the trunk of the tree. Then he smashed his fist through the wood and pulled out a… person…? “I’m not sure that I believe you.”

Sai shifted beside me. His face was blank, but I could feel the slight increase in his pulse.

“Did he send you here to find me?” Kamenosuke asked.

“Not explicitly, but seeing as how we’re meeting here right after I spoke with him, it’s probably not a coincidence,” I said evenly.

“And what did you talk about with my sicko brother?”

“He told me his plans for world domination and tried to steal my body for his vessel as per usual,” I said with a shrug. I hoped my sociopathic honesty was winning him over.

“And what did he say about me?”

“That you were an experiment in how consuming a chakra fruit would affect a person of noble and ninja blood.”

“And…?”

I looked him in the eye. “That’s all.”

Kamenosuke pushed his fist into the shriveled white body’s chest cavity and pulled out… a chakra fruit? “Maybe you should think a little more carefully about who you spend your time with.”

I continued to meet his gaze.

“This is how he makes the God Trees,” he said, throwing the body at me.

I dodged it, landing on one of the branches of the withering tree.

“I won’t be next,” he informed me, swallowing the chakra fruit whole and then disappearing.

Sai breathed out heavily.

“Were you scared?” I teased him.

“Fucking yes I was scared,” he growled. “Did you feel his power? I spend all day around you and Naruto’s monstrous chakra, and you two are nothing compared to him.”

“No need to exaggerate,” I said, dropping down beside him.

Sai looked at me.

He wasn’t exaggerating.

I inspected the ‘seed’ that Kamenosuke had thrown at me. There was no life left in what had once been a man’s body. “Let’s finish this and find Naruto,” I said, cutting open the first pod. Not that I was worried about what I would find inside.

It was the Council.

“Looks like you really can’t trust the enemy of your enemy,” Sai commented as he opened the last one. “We can just leave them here, right?”

“Obviously,” I said.

“So we don’t need to…?” he said, drawing a finger across his neck.

“They’ll die of old age soon enough,” I said.

Sai smiled at that, wide and genuine.

I wasn’t sure if he liked the joke or he liked the fact that we’d both agreed not to assassinate our enemies. “This way,” I said, nodding my head in the direction where I could feel Naruto’s chakra.

Suna, one of the last bastions of civilization, was a mess. The God Tree had wreaked havoc on the buildings nearby, and there had clearly been another bombing attack since the one before we left.

And then there was the battle raging outside of the walls.

Non-ninjas, armed with muskets, bow and fire arrows, and explosives were trying to fight an army of ninjas. They were holding their own more than I would like to admit.

“Fucking normals,” I muttered, throwing up Susanoo.

Sai flew along beside me. “It’s very convenient when looking for your boyfriend that he glows like a Christmas tree,” he commented.

“It is very convenient,” I agreed, watching my glowing boyfriend leading the charge.

“Are you going to turn away from genocidal rage and not raze those hapless mortals?” Sai asked. “We’re following the path of non-violence?”

“Oh, no, we’re very violent,” I said. “We don’t need to kill the morons, though. Just rough them up a bit.”

“And what exactly brought about this beneficent change of attitude?”

I ignored him and plowed into battle.

It wasn’t what I expected.

“It’s a coalition,” Temari said, riding up beside me on her weird weasel-looking summon. “The daimyo’s of the Five Countries roused up anti-ninja sentiment and built an army.”

“So they’re blaming us for the destruction from the God Tree?”

“Yes.”

“The famine?”

“Definitely.”

“Anything else?”

“They seem to think that we’re the ones subjugating them into their peasant lifestyles.”

“Certainly not the lavishly-living daimyos.”

“Certainly not.”

“Okay then,” I said, diving back into the fray.

They were better equipped and holding up better against our jutsu than I expected, but as soon as Naruto was next to me, our fingers linked and it was all over.

We put every single one of them to sleep.

Hopefully.

“It worked, right?” Naruto said, tilting his head to the side nervously.

“They’re still breathing,” Ino called up to us.

“It worked!” Naruto said, turning to me happily.

“Of course it worked,” I said, like an untested mass jutsu would surely never fail.

“Hi,” he said, bumping my forehead with his.

“Hi,” I said, almost smiling. “You dropped this,” I added, pulling out his forehead protector and smacking him with it.

“I was fleeing a God Tree,” he protested, taking it and sheepishly tying it back on.

“So what are we supposed to do with them?” Shikamaru called, gesturing to the hundreds of passed out people.

“Uhh, we didn’t get that far,” Naruto offered with a shrug. “And they’re probably going to be awake in less than five minutes.”

There was a scramble to collect their weapons, then we went back behind the wall and locked the gate.

“Just let me talk to them and I’ll make them understand,” Naruto said.

“No,” I said flatly. “We need to get out of here.”

“But I mean, if we can end this nonsense with one of Naruto’s stupid speeches…” Temari interjected.

“They’re not stupid!” Naruto cried, aghast.

Everyone looked away.

“Dammit, I have speechified all of you to a better life, and this is what I get in return?!”

“We need to go,” I repeated.

“But everything here is… and they’re out there all confused and…” Naruto said, looking around frantically.

“You did what you could,” I said. “This isn’t your mess anymore.”

It took more persuading than I thought was necessary, but it was finally decided that Temari would go meet with the Council and officially break ties with Suna, and we would all set out for…

We didn’t really know where we were going. All we knew was that we weren’t going to be a part of the hidden villages anymore.

“You know that army is still out there,” Ino pointed out as we moved towards the gate.

“Okay, but they don’t have any weapons so what can they even do?” I scoffed.

“I’ll make them understand that we’re not enemies, that we’re on the same side!” Naruto said determinedly.

About thirty seconds into his attempt to win over the non-ninjas, they started throwing sand in our eyes.

Various animals were summoned, transport jutsus were performed, and we all left Suna behind in a cloud of dust.

“My speech failed…” Naruto muttered, lost in a fog of depression as we set up our tent for a night of camping in the desert.

“They weren’t ready to hear it,” I offered.

He gave me a pathetic look.

I chucked him in the arm. “Man up. You’re the leader now.”

“It’s very manly to make speeches and express your emotions openly.”

I looked at him. “Fine,” I said, which was as close as I was getting to agreeing to that kind of statement.

“Naruto-san, can you help us with this?” some ninja I’d never seen before called out.

“Sure,” he said, smiling easily and going over to him.

I looked around the camp that we had set up. There was well over a hundred ninjas here, from all the major villages.

 _Revolution_.

I put the word out of my head and climbed into the tent, rolling out our sleeping bags.

Naruto came back after a while, yawning and rubbing the back of his neck.

I was running on empty, already curled up in my sleeping bag and half-asleep.

Naruto settled in beside me, then held his arm out, looking hopeful.

I grumbled and rolled into him.

He sighed contentedly as he snuggled me close.

“So what happened?” I asked, eyes closed as I listened to the steady thumping of his heart.

“Exactly what you think happened,” he said ruefully.

“The Council let the normals in to make those attacks against us, then the normals turned on them and planted a God Tree in the middle of the fucking kazekage’s office?”

“Yep.”

“But you stayed and helped them calm the chaos of the mess they made for themselves?”

“You could put it that way.”

I was quiet, splaying my hand over his chest. Everywhere we touched felt like an anchor.

He brushed my bangs away from my forehead and pressed a lingering kiss there. “This is the right thing to do.”

“Wow, you’ve just decided it’s the right thing without second-guessing it every five seconds?” I teased.

“Yep, I’m a confident man sure in his convictions,” he informed me, tucking my head under his chin.

“So even though we have an army of ninjas with no food and nowhere to go…?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“And the daimyos have convinced all the normals that ninjas are a danger to society?”

“We can change their minds.”

“And all the establishment ninjas want us dead…?”

“We’re stronger than them.”

I shifted to look up at him, unable to hide my smile. “You seem different.”

“Good different?” he asked, smiling back.

“Good different,” I agreed. “You’re in control,” I said, letting my hand slide up to cup his cheek.

He smiled back at me, covering my hand with his own. “I know what’s right and I know what’s wrong, so I’m just going to keep doing the right thing no matter what it costs.”

Fuck, I loved this man and it was destroying me.

“What’s this?” he asked, poking at the wrinkle in my brow.

I looked at him. “And what if…?”

He waited.

“What if I’m what’s wrong?”

He didn’t even hesitate. “Then I’ll make you right.”

I let my head drop back to his chest. “You seem confident that you could actually do that.”

“Of course I could,” he said.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Tell me.”

I wished he wouldn’t answer me so readily. I needed time to think, to gather my thoughts.

Or maybe I just didn’t need to think at all.

I told him what happened at Orochimaru’s. Every last detail of it.

“I think I might want that,” I said quietly. “I might want to take a chakra fruit from him, no matter what I have to pay him in return. I want that power. I hate knowing that there is someone out there who’s stronger than me, I hate it. I…”

Naruto sat up suddenly, taking me with him. He wrapped himself around me and it felt like he was sheltering me from the world. “We’ll figure it out,” he promised gently.

“I’m toxic, Naruto,” I whispered to him. “I’m your Achilles heel. I’ll destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to build just for more power.”

“We’ll figure it out,” he repeated more firmly. He didn’t deny anything I’d said, but it seemed like he really thought that we could overcome it, that we could overcome anything.

“You can’t trust me,” I whispered, feeling small and fragile.

“Of course I can,” he said, holding me tighter. “You don’t keep things from me anymore.”

I swallowed. Didn’t I keep things from him? Didn’t I lie to him?

But if I really thought about it, he was right. I didn’t do that anymore. If he asked me anything right now, I’d answer him as truthfully as I could. I’d always have my pride and I might not express myself clearly, but I wouldn’t lie. Not to Naruto.

I realized that I trusted him. Completely.

I’d _chosen_ to trust him.

I’d chosen him, I’d chosen this life, and for better or for worse I was going to see it through.

“Okay,” I said.

He rubbed his hand up and down my back, firm but soothing. “Okay, what, love?”

“Just okay,” I said.

He sighed and agreed, “Okay.”

And then I cried.

Naruto got us settled back into our sleeping bags, keeping me close and murmuring soothing nonsense at me.

I wanted to stop. I didn’t want to reveal my last card to him. That I was a broken a little boy who was nothing but weak and useless. That every last part of me was calculated to hide what I really was. That I was scared. That I was fragile. That one word from someone I loved could destroy me.

But Naruto already knew.

Maybe in some ways, he was the same.

But he’d figured it out. He’d made it his strength.

I was exhausted.

“Hey, Sasuke?” he said quietly.

“Mm?” I asked, almost asleep.

“I know where we’re going to go.”

And somehow it seemed like as long as Naruto had a plan, everything would be all right.


	50. Chapter 50

“Why does it always have to be a fucking boat?” I muttered, watching as our merry band of misfits boarded the ship we’d found on the coast of Hot Water.

“How else would we get to an island?” Sai asked cheerfully.

“I’m with Uchiha, fuck boats,” Ino said, draping her arm over my shoulder.

I glared at the offending appendage. We were definitely not close enough for physical proximity.

She just grinned at me.

Sakura came up on my other side, slinging her arm around me as well. “Let’s get a move on.”

Why weren’t girls scared of me anymore? It was so irritating.

We boarded the crowded boat, and I took up my usual position beside Naruto.

He flashed me a grin before climbing onto the rails and turning to address the crowd. “Hey, everyone!”

Voices slowly quieted as everyone turned their attention to him.

“So I just wanted to thank you all for your patience and your commitment,” he said. “It hasn’t been easy the last few months, moving from village to village, being constantly hunted. It would be easy to give up. It would be easy to just give in to the status quo and go back to mindlessly following the orders of the kages and the daimyos.”

“Fuck Hyuuga!” someone yelled, and I couldn’t hold back my smirk. Hyuuga Hiashi had to be the shittiest hokage that Konoha had ever chosen, and they had chosen some pretty shitty hokages.

“So,” Naruto continued, shooting me a look, “I just want you to know that your sacrifices haven’t gone unnoticed. And I can’t promise you that it will be all good times from here. But we have a home now. Temari and her team have been working tirelessly to make sure we have food and shelter when we arrive there. This isn’t going to be easy, and anyone who wants to leave needs to know that they can, at any time, with no repercussions. What we’re building here is a village where everyone can live freely. It’s about choices. It’s about transparency. It’s about doing the right thing. If you think that’s what the future of the world should be, then let’s set sail!”

I rolled my eyes at his corniness and offered him my hand to jump back down to the deck.

He grinned at me.

“Uzukage!” someone called out, and it quickly became a chant that the entire crowd took up. “Uzukage! Uzukage!”

“Guys, cut it out!” Naruto protested, embarrassed. “No more kages, right?”

“No more shitty kages!” someone offered, which was met with a chorus of laughter.

Naruto turned his head away, looking out to the open sea.

I could see the tears pricking at his eyelids.

He swallowed them back, and turned to face the crowd again. “This is the start of something new, okay? To the Land of Whirlpools!”

“To the Land of Whirlpools!” the crowd echoed, and the boat started to move.

Naruto rested his arms on the railing, watched the horizon.

“So we’re finally doing this,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said softly, his eyes faraway.

I pressed my side to his subtly.

He pressed back, his expression softening. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “This wouldn’t be happening without you.”

“It wouldn’t be happening without _you_ ,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“I guess we come in a set.”

I shook my head and tried to not be embarrassed by his lameness.

“Hey, bromos, what are you doing?” Sai asked, inserting himself between us.

“Having a nice moment, ruined by you,” Naruto said, elbowing Sai in the side.

“What?” Sai said with fake shock. “But Best Friend Naruto, how could any moment be ruined by the inclusion of a trusted friend and confidant?”

“Really, Sai?” Naruto asked exasperatedly. “Because if I have to tell you again how incredibly _wrong_ your insistence on calling us your ‘bromos’ is…”

“Sasuke, you are needed below deck,” Juugo said as he approached.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Suigetsu and Karin have gotten into another… altercation.”

I frowned. “I thought you could handle them.”

He gave me a pained look. “I’ve done my best.”

“I know,” I said, taking pity on him. “Okay, let’s go.”

He nodded, leading the way to my obnoxious team.

Everything wasn’t perfect, but I’d never felt more sure that this was the life I was supposed to be living. It was the life I had chosen.

It was the dream that I had chosen.

I glanced over my shoulder before descending below deck. The moon had risen early, a jagged white rock in the sky with no traces of the Infinite Tsukuyomi.

I knew there wouldn’t be, because I didn’t want there to be.

This was my dream now.


End file.
